My Mommy Bliss

I peeked around the corner into where I heard the sounds of baby babble.  She had been on the look out for me, immediately rolling over onto her tummy and smiling tentatively.  Stepping into the room I greeted her softly and she laid her head down and smiled, a shy lopsided smile.  She was happy to see me and I her.  We had been apart for several hours.  Now, after a long nap, we were finally reconnecting.  I told her I missed her, she lifted her head and kicked excitedly, a grin filling her face showing off the 2 tiny white teeth that protruded from her bottom gums.  Both legs kicked the bed, arms flapping rapidly, broken only by the super baby pose and intense grins at me.  Overwhelmed with excitement she buried her face in the mattress, her body tense with an excited delight.  I leaned in, nuzzling her cheek and kissing her neck and she squealed glee, a squawking sound that dissolved into a giggle and ended with a sigh.  My whole being sighed too.  This was right.  This was mommy bliss.  She rolled toward me and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her intoxicating smell, treasuring the velvety softness of her peach fuzz.  Her diaper still dry, I climbed onto our bed to snuggle and feed her.  Expectation and excitement mingled as she realized she was hungry and her kicking intensified, she began to fuss lightly.  Her hungry sound.  Little hands opened and closed, grabbing at the bed.  Her eyes watched my every move, anticipation building, I was not moving fast enough now.  As I got comfortable, I encouraged her to make her way to me but desperation set in quickly, we had been parted too long and she needed to eat now, not a second later.  Drawing her to me and lifting my shirt, I watched her calm with knowing.  More skilled at this than anything else, she was like a artist at work, anxious and itching to get started, smooth and calm in the moment of delivery.  Her mouth enveloped my nipple, her hand rested on my breast.  Laying side by side our breathing synched and I watched as she got in the zone, filling her tummy with my milk.  My milk let down quickly to her masterful technique and soon she hummed contentedly between swallows.  Finally she lifted her eyes to my face and I smiled my own lopsided smile at being noticed again.  Still in the zone, she held my gaze, never interrupting her pace as she satiated her hunger.  Her soft hums felt like a lullaby and a content relaxed sleepiness came over us both and I closed my eyes.  A contented gurgle beckoned me to open my eyes and I looked down to see her gazing up at me, no longer latched to my breast.  When our eyes met her face relaxed into the lopsided smile and she raised a hand to my face.  Staring and smiling, we stroked each other’s face, savoring the contact.  She told me about her day and I murmured about how I missed her.  Contentment in this moment of perfection clouded the reality of dirty dishes, unanswered emails, and a thousand other tasks requiring my attention. There was just her and me.

 

This is right.  This is my mommy bliss.

 

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Comments

  1. Love, love, love. Had a similar moment with my mini man this morning, and thought “Is there anything better than this?” Thanks for sharing :)

  2. My daughter just turned 6 months yesterday. I’m at work now, but that described my return from work feeding perfectly.

  3. Today my little guy is 11.5 weeks and apparently going through a growth spurt..wanting to nurse for what.seems like alllllll day. I’m feeling stressed out and overly exhausted from either nursing or trying to soothe him. I feel defeated and I don’t want to breastfeed anymore. Until I read this…..I needed to hear the good moments in order to move through the bad…

  4. I had to skim this because I’m in publiv and it made me start to cry… So powerful and beautiful!!

  5. No one except a BFing mommy would understand this feeling :) <3

  6. Jessi: This is Beautiful! I mean, you made my day! This is Pure LOVE! Girl, you took me to those moments of love and enjoyment, those so precious moments when I fed my babbies, and there was milk, and joy and love, and the deepest connection,…. I cannot describe how happy you made me feel with this article that for me is poetry!

  7. My mommy bliss is when I get home from a long day at work, as soon as my 14 month old sees me, starts making the sign for milk – not because she’s hungry, but because she wants to cuddle and be close to me – we cuddle on the couch, staring into eachother’s eyes, I tell her how much I missed her, and for about 10 minutes we get our special quiet time :) Then she’s done, running off to another room in search of the next toy to play with. 10 minutes of our own little heaven. I will cherish these stolen moments forever.

  8. So beautiful…your words AND photo! Made me teary-eyed as well. You amazingly express all the feeIings I get when I nurse my little girl! Such a peaceful time when I get to lay with her and hear her gentle hums of contentment! The best is when she looks at me with that same lopsided, milk-dribble grin! My heart melts! <3 Thank you so much for sharing. You truly help me to be a more confident "leaky"!

  9. I feel mixed emotions reading this post. My daughter was born a year after my son died in labour at full term. I was determined to breastfeed – for many reasons, because I had had a reduction 8 years earlier & didnt know if I could, because when I lost Finley the thing that hurt the most was seeing mums nursing, because I knew that I needed that time to bond… She had few days in scbu, & we had no help. I persevered for 6 weeks & eventually we sussed it. But all that time I never experienced moments like you speak so beautifully of in this post. I spent a lot of our 4 month breastfeeding relationship in tears because when she fell asleep nursing she looked like her brother and I would think she had died. She stopped breastfeeding at 4 months (undiagnosed dairy allergy & reflux).

    But today I had a moment like this. She is just over two years old. And today I have a nasty cough and cold. We went to bed this afternoon – usually keeping this two year old still anywhere is tough but today we curled up under the covers and she lay facing me. She looked into my eyes with a crinkly little smile and stroked my forehead and hair. I thought (probably the first time I have allowed myself to think), this is mummy heaven.

    The ripples of loss hopefully are getting futher apart and I hope I have more mummy bliss