9 Tips to Having More and Better Sex After Baby

by Jeremy Martin-Weber
This post is a partner post to one Jessica wrote, 16 points about sex after baby, on beyondmoi.com as part of a giveaway celebrating Valentine’s Day and expressing love beyond one day.  Find the giveaway information and widget to enter at the end of this post.

Running the risk of sounding like Cosmo, or Marie Claire, in honor of Valentine’s Day and all the men out there making strategic plans, hoping that their romantic equations will guarantee that they’ll get lucky, I’d like to offer a list of my own.  I don’t claim to be an expert, but my list is the product of 17 years of trial and error with my wife, and I can personally attest that as long as I stick to it, she simply can’t get enough of me.  Seventeen years and six children, and sex just keeps getting better, and we both want it more than we ever did before.

#LoveBeyondMoi The Leaky Boob Beyond Moi Valentine's Day giveaway

You too can have a better sex life; it’s not over just because you’re parents.  If you’re looking for ways to make her (or him) want to drag you to the bedroom, rip your clothes off, and have hot, steamy, sex with you all night long (that’s how those magazine covers read, right?), then this list is for you.

1. Help around the house… but not for sex

Everyone loves a partner who is involved, who takes time to help out with household duties.  Way back when we were first married, I first heard the notion that if I took the trash out, my wife would find that act so sexy she wouldn’t be able to help herself and would have to have me right then and there.  I thought that sounded rather strange and hadn’t noticed that effect on her before, but I really started paying attention the next few times I took the trash out, and here is what I noticed: she appreciated my help, but didn’t think it was anything extraordinary.  And that made sense.  But I also noticed that when we were both paying attention to the ways the other was helping out, we both appreciated the other person for doing so, and we felt closer for noticing, and feeling closer can easily lead to sexual feelings.  See how it works?  But it won’t work if you help around the house just to have sex.  There is no magic there.  My advice: do the dishes, help out with your kids, fold and put away the laundry, by all means take the trash out, and for extra credit, thank your partner for those same things and all the other tasks they do.  They may argue that they don’t do it for you, and don’t need to be thanked, but they’ll still appreciate you noticing.  Noticing is sexy.

That first tip isn’t just for parents, I admit, but it may be more relevant to parents because prolonged lack of sleep so effectively scrambles your brains that even very simple relational things can get sucked into that black hole (or driving your children to all of their extracurricular activities – that can scramble your brain too over time).  It’s very much the same for this second tip.

2. Get physical… but not for sex

Touch your partner.  Often.  Every day.  We can get so determined to get it on that we forget the thrill of simple touches.  You know how physical relationships are compared to a baseball diamond, each base representing more intimate acts of physical expression, ultimately culminating in sexual intercourse when you get to home base?  We can be so goal-oriented, or sexually frustrated, that all we focus on is getting to that home plate.  When Jessica and I were first dating, even the simplest of touches was thrilling because it carried so much meaning.  Caressing each other’s hands communicated love and care, romantic intention, and sexual desire all rolled into one.  A kiss was a gesture of commitment, a desire to be close, to be real and vulnerable.  Sure, at other times, a kiss was an expression of sexual desire, full of passion and wild abandon. But that’s exactly the point.  Physical expressions weren’t all just a means to a steamy, naked end.  Because of their variety, their commonality was clear: a communication of love.  And when I feel loved by my wife, I feel safe, trusting and sexy.  And I know she feels the same way.  And do you know what that leads to?  Great sex.  My advice: kiss your partner at least every morning and evening, wrap your arms around her, hold hands, maybe even take a few dance steps together, and savor each of those physical moments for their simplicity.  Because touching to communicate love is sexy.

3. Distance makes for sexier reconnection

Now that we’re all ready to touch our partners more, I offer a word of caution: it has to be the right moment.  Unfortunately, most of us have to find out through trial and error; that’s for both partners.  Jessica and I have both had to learn about ourselves how and when we like to be touched, let alone what our spouse likes.  If you try to touch your partner and you are rebuffed, don’t jump to the conclusion that they just don’t like your touch or don’t want sex (touching just for that end is already a big libido killer anyway).  Pluck up your courage, control your urge to scream and cry (if you actually have feelings, of course), and ask your partner about it.  The way our schedule works, one of us is often home with children most of the day while the other goes out and works at a coffeeshop.  It doesn’t matter which one of us it is, some days at home leave us wanting to find a dark, quiet, corner where we can hug our own knees and twitch for awhile as our brain tries to reboot, and our body relaxes from being touched all day long.  It’s not that we don’t love being home with our children, it’s that it’s not the easiest job in the world.  If you walk in the door and see a frazzled, bleary-eyed partner with a blank expression on their face, that is probably not the time for dipping your partner and a fervent I-missed-you-so-much-wasn’t-today-great kind of kiss.  If ever you’re unsure, I have the simplest solution: ask.  And follow it up with an offer to give them some space.  Ask how you can help before jumping in.  And then, by all means, jump in!  Find ways to give your partner a break on a regular basis.  Sometimes 20 minutes is all it takes to center ourselves.  Sometimes it may take a whole morning, or an entire day, but trust me on this: sex is way better with a centered partner.  Because getting time away is sexy.

4. flirt more… but not for sex

I think that every healthy, sexually mature human being likes to feel sexy.  One way to feel sexy is to get a good idea of what real sexy people look like by gazing at magazines, watching music videos, or checking out the latest blockbuster film, then looking in the mirror and saying to yourself: “Damn I look good!”  If I just described you, then this whole post probably isn’t for you at all.  For most of the rest of us, feeling sexy is deeply tied to feeling desired.  When Jessica gives me a sultry “Hey sexy” I feel a boost in confidence, my day gets brighter, and I feel sexy.  Granted, I have to fight off the destructive voice in my head giving me a 5 reasons why you’re not on the sexy list, and just trust that my wife is calling it likes she sees it.  This takes practice, but when I do it regularly, that vile voice in my head gives up and must go into hibernation or something.  I’m sure I don’t have to tell anyone that when you feel sexy, you’re more inclined to have sexy thoughts, and… you know.  So my advice to you is to give your partner a reason to silence that voice in their head.  All the time.  Okay, don’t be obnoxious about it, or you’ll come across as pushy.  Flirt, wink, do the Magnum P.I. eyebrow thing (if you don’t know what that is, well, then, never mind), make subtle suggestive comments; whatever communicates to your partner that they are desired, and desirable.  But don’t have your heart set on sex.  Because flirting is sexy and is an end in and of itself.

5. Spend quality time together… but not for sex. 

Developing togetherness has been foundational to our relationship and affects every part of it, including our sex life.  I realize that this concept may definitively put me in the hapless romantic category, but I don’t care, I am an unabashed hapless romantic who has great sex with his wife of 17 years so there.  We have this notion that relationships are living things, and they are constantly evolving, just as each person in the relationship is growing and changing daily.  This means that being static (not changing) is not possible.  You are either growing closer together and developing stronger bonds, or you are slowly drifting apart – unless you are a stone statue of a couple, and even then erosion does take its plodding toll.  So we intentionally find ways that bring us closer together.  There is no reason why you can’t still be as into each other as when you first got together.  Actually, we believe that you should cultivate your relationship keeping being into each other as a worthwhile goal.  Find common interests, and/or try new experiences together.  Play games together.  Make music together.  No, those aren’t references to sexual activities.  Cook together.  Hike or bike together.  Visit museums.  Go out for coffee or a fancy dinner.  Any activity that you will enjoy together, preferably with lots of eye contact, and with no electronic devices or screens (after you’re done reading this you should try it).  Because when you spend time being into each other, you end up wanting to explore all the ways you could be into each other.  (that was a sexual reference, by the way…).

6. Talk more… and I don’t mean about sex (and I don’t mean talk dirty more)

Spending time together, being more and more into each other, involves a lot of communication, and most of that will be through actual conversations.  With words and sentences and all that.  If you’re really getting into each other, developing that sense of togetherness that I mentioned in the previous point, then you’re going to want to communicate that you care about your partner’s life, about their day, every day, and that you’re interested in the details, the little experiences that you missed out on.  This may seem obvious, but you’re going to want to communicate that you missed your partner.  Because being missed is sexy.  And giving a damn is really sexy.

7. Help get the kids to bed, and again after midnight. 

So finally a practical tip!  I suggest that you don’t gloss over the relational mushy-gushy stuff that I took nearly 2,000 words to write about.  That’s the stuff that really leads to more, and great, sex.  The practical logistics of making sex happen won’t cut it by themselves.  Getting obnoxious distractions (i.e. children- only obnoxious when you’re hoping to make some whoopie) out of the way is essential to hooking up with your partner.  Bed time can be exhausting and time-consuming, and, depending on the age of your children, can burn a parent out and render them huddled in a dark, quiet, corner, hugging their knees, etc.  Or fast asleep before the kids.  It’s much better with two parents.  That way you communicate that you give a damn, that you want to do this together, that you’re willing to help, not to mention demonstrating to your children that you are there for them and their other parent.  Ways to make it more fun: text each other once the bedtime routine is finished but your haven’t extricated yourself from your children’s arms and legs.  A fun texting game we’ve played is where one of us sends the other a random emoticon, and the other has to guess what it’s supposed to mean.  Oops, now everyone knows: we’re dorks.  Dorks that flirt and have great sex.   This may or may not lead to sexting, by the way, which is always fun but possibly awkward and ill-advised if you’re still helping kids settle.  Getting kids to bed once may not be enough.  You may have to commit to moving a sleeping baby, 1 or 2 or even 3 yr old back to their bed after they have sweetly sought out your comforting cuddles around midnight and fallen asleep in the bed where, damn it, you were hoping to have sex (or just cuddle with your partner, or sleep on separate sides of the bed, depending on how grueling the bedtime routine was and how long you each need to huddle by yourselves in the dark, etc.).  Because a kidless bed with just you and your partner is sexy.  (This isn’t to say cosleeping damages sex lives, it doesn’t and we do cosleep, we just also have a “bed” for the cosleepers that they visit for us to have alone time in our bed.  And, if you don’t have teenagers around, there are plenty of other, though less comfortable, places in a house to utilize.)

8. Change the sheets!

Those of you who have known us for a little while know what this means, so feel free to skip this tip.  For those of you who don’t, I’ll let you in on our little secret: clean sheets are sexy.  Clean sheets are so sexy that my wife has this irresistible urge to sleep naked in them.  If it weren’t for the sheer logistics of children seeking cuddles, 8 of us in a house with one washing machine, and having to work and feed our family, I would probably wash our sheets every day.  Quick disclaimer: I have learned that just because my wife is naked in bed does not guarantee that we will have sex, or that she is logically interested in having sex.  You would do well to heed these words.  That being said, clean sheets may increase your odds; they certainly increase mine!  Also, mind-blowing as this may sound: sleeping naked together is sexy, and an end in and of itself.

And finally, if you’re still with me, the #1 thing you can do to have more sex as parents:

9. Stop asking for it.  

There is nothing quite like a whiner to kill a mood, or destroy any chance of there even being a mood to get into in the first place.  Asking for sex, or demanding it, damages your relationship with your partner.  Asking for it communicates only one thing: you think you have to have sex, that you deserve it, or that it is some kind of need.  It is not a form of flirting, it is not flattering, it is not sexy, it doesn’t communicate that your partner is desirable, it does not bring you closer together, it does not communicate that you care, or give a damn about anyone but yourself, and most of all, it communicates a lack of love and respect.  It is gross.  Even if the sheets are clean.  And if you helped around the house, and you flirted, and did your part in getting kids to bed, and spent time listening to every little detail of your partner’s day, and watched whatever stupid movie they wanted to, and this somehow means that you deserve sex, that they owe you sex, then you know nothing about what a healthy relationship looks like, and I would further venture to say that this is exactly the kind of thinking that leads to an abusive relationship.  Talk about it but in a carefully, respectful, and concerned conversation.  “I miss having sex with you” means a lot more than “We never have sex any more.”  And if you mention your sexual needs, like it’s some kind of basic human need, you should be slapped.  A basic human need is one where the human is at risk of dying if that need isn’t met.  Like eating, or drinking water.  Are you at risk of dying if you can’t have sex?  No.  And if you’re that horny and you feel like you just can’t keep it together without a release, then I’m sure your partner would appreciate you using your capable hands, rather than pressuring them or guilting them into letting you use their body for your own pleasurable end.  Because guilting your partner into sex is NOT sexy.  And pressuring your partner into sex will not lead to more and better sex, before or after baby.  Also, consider getting therapy.  Therapy can be sexy too.

There is one thing that effectively sums up my 8 tips to having more sex after baby (because that last one wasn’t really a tip, was it?): focus on your relationship with your partner.  All the rest will take care of itself.  And no, that’s not a sexual reference.

~ The Piano Man (aka: Jeremy from BeyondMoi)

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Comments

  1. Be flexible- emotionally, spiritually, in expectations, and physically too, if you want!

    • Shawn Hierholzer says:

      Remember what u did and how u felt before and try to think about those things when u don’t think u r in the mood; u night surprise yourself!

      • Try to spend time with each other and connect/communicate. Things get so busy and tiring that it’s something you don’t have time for, but you need to make time. If you’re connected in every other way, sex is second nature even after pregnancy.

  2. Jennifer Beus says:

    Wait until you are ready!

  3. Teresa Honores says:

    agree to wait til ready and tell him that it is sexy for you when he helps out lol like how the post states!

  4. Meghan Corey says:

    Give yourself time to heal and take it slow.

  5. Don’t rush things!

  6. Christine Bailey says:

    Remember its ok to give your husband extra attention! I’m sure he is feeling left out with a new baby around! Make sure to remind him he is still important!

  7. Don’t keep putting it off – just go for it! It will be a lot easier than you think to get back to normal again.

    • Melodie Diaz Cruz says:

      Dint let the fear of no sex prevent you from the benefits of cosleeping. Get creative in ur times and places, switch it up!

  8. sherry blamer says:

    Wait until you and your partner are ready to have sex.

  9. Tell each other good things, like how good she looks in that dress, and how handsome he looks today.

  10. Don’t be scared! I had a bad tear that was very painful while healing so I waited 3 months after the birth, expecting it to be painful the first time. Not at all! It was great!

  11. Help out.

  12. Don’t rush and use a gel lubricant (like ky).

    • This was the best advice I got PP. Just now, almost seven months out, were finally getting to the point where it isn’t as necessary.

  13. Make it about spending time together and have fun!

  14. Sleep in shifts so that you’re both at least halfway rested =) It’s a lot of pressure to perform when you’re up every two hours, but if you share the other midnight baby duties it’s more enjoyable.

  15. I don’t have a baby yet, but I like the idea of my partner doing more around the house!

  16. Wait until you are ready and don’t rush.

  17. Set date nights

  18. For better sex communicate, help each other out, and be a good team. Take care of yourselves outside the bedroom.

  19. Communication! What you used to like May have changed.

  20. Let go of any expectations and forget what it used to be like.

  21. Regina Wright says:

    Be patient! Don’t force anything.

  22. Be patient

  23. Casey Norris says:

    Listen to what your partner needs!

  24. Stephanie Lockwood says:

    Listen to your body!

  25. Don’t try it to early if you are not up to it. Bit don’t put it off any longer than you need to either because it gets harder with more time

  26. Take it slow. Things don’t go back to normal right away so there is no need to rush things.

  27. Christina F. says:

    don’t forget about it! it’s important to keep that romantic physical connection with your partner.

  28. Christina F. says:

    don’t forget about it! it’s important to nurture that intimate physical connection between you and your partner.

  29. Amber McCormick says:

    My favorite tip was number 9: stop asking for it! it really is such a terrible way to communicate affection and respect!

    • I agree. Sometimes it feels like an obligation and if my spouse implies that it HAS to be done, it totally kills the mood.

  30. Loved you and Jessicas post on Beyond Moi. My husband and I are going on seven years and these simple things you shared certainly ring true in our relationship. Thanks for being honest and vulnerable, both of you!

  31. I have forwarded this to my husband. What awesome insight. Thank you.

  32. Be open and honest with yourself and each other about how you are feeling.

  33. Be prepared; Your body has changed and you may need the help of lubricant even if you never have before. Also, have a plan for birth control in place. The thought of Irish twins doesn’t help (most people) get in the mood.

  34. Yes, yes, yes… talk more, quality time, help out, all of these things! Feeling like part of a team is sexy!

  35. Make time. Even if it is at 1am and you are exhausted, giving of your time to an also exhausted partner is such a valuable investment in your relationship. Which lasts forever.

  36. Angelle Conant says:

    A wonderfully refreshing point of view! Thanks for sharing!

  37. Flirting, always flirting…

  38. Even if you’re not “in the mood”- start to think as though you are- you’ll get there ;)

  39. Lube!

  40. Listen to your partner’s desires. They aren’t necessarily the same after baby.

  41. Get some lube. Go slow. And most importantly, communicate!

  42. Patience :)

  43. Michelle Suttles says:

    Be patient.

  44. The bedroom isnt the only place. Be creative it helps.

  45. I’m not sure, because my baby hasn’t been born yet! Wait until you’re healed up, obviously.

  46. Rhyannon Walker says:

    Take it slow, but don’t neglect your sex life entirely.

  47. Spend more quality time.

  48. Rochelle Luaders says:

    I’d say it’s being patient with one another, no rushing things.

  49. help around the house

  50. Great points!

  51. Pfffffffft, my kiddo is 17 months old and we’re still looking like the Walking Dead around here (not ONCE has he slept through the night yet). I’d say *SLEEP* would be a great place to start hahaha. I’ll let you know, when and if that happens.

  52. Go slow and wait until YOU are ready!

  53. Coconut oil, seriously! A natural lubricant is a must, especially when nursing.

  54. Coconut oil and take it slow!

  55. Do what you can to get some sleep. You always feel sexier when you’re not completely wrecked from lack of sleep :)

  56. I would say put baby to sleep and make sure you have a comphy place in another room to have sex. For example a futon or couch in your hangout space.

  57. Nicole Maginnis says:

    Patience and understanding.

  58. Amanda Temple says:

    Dates with a drink are great for me

  59. Elizabeth P. says:

    Schedule time to do it! ;)

  60. Love this! I agree – talk more, quality time, help out and try to get some sleep. Being exhausted definitely won’t help!

  61. i’m not sure yet since I still have the bun in the oven, but these tips are great!

  62. Natalie Hasan says:

    Do it if your tired, it’s worth it in the end !

  63. Enough sleep for mama! It’s hard to be interested when your eyes won’t stay open.

  64. Take care of yourself. I find if I’ve had a nap and taken a shower I’m in a much better mood.

  65. Wait until ready, have a comfortable place set up, flirt, be spontaneous and kind. Also, just laugh it off if you get interrupted because it’s going to happen.

  66. Rhawnie Gonzalez says:

    Understand that they still want you even when they fall asleep during you advances ;)

  67. Realize that you have to be flexible in location, if baby is sleeping in your room. The living room floor is much more fun if you have to be so quiet in your room so as not to wake the baby!

    And as a bonus…consider method of birth control carefully. With our first we chose barrier methods (ie, condoms), and it really kind of made sex less fun. The second time around I opted for an IUD and it is MUCH better. Not everybody gets a period while breastfeeding, but more people I know DO than DON’T, so it’s something you want to consider. I was a combination of upset and straight out ticked off when my period came back 16 weeks post-partum WHILE exclusively breastfeeding–it happens!

  68. Even if you cosleep, if the baby is asleep on the other side of the bed..they’re *sleeping* and completely unaware! Don’t worry about it ;)

  69. Don’t rush into it!

  70. Oh yes to #9 Baby is now 2yrs old…think it’s too late to share this with my hubby?

  71. Schedule a weekly date night (even if the “date” is only on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a new movie after baby falls asleep), have lube ready and take it slow.

  72. Know that it gets better with time! The first few months are going to be difficult, but you will find a new groove!

  73. Heidi Stane says:

    Better sex after baby? I try to be creative about different places to have sex, and keeping that spark alive by having an enthusiastic attitude around my mate. ;)

  74. joanna garcia says:

    if hubby helps with everything it could be easier and you will see him asa willing partner and go for it! Do it when ready and set the mood!

  75. Take it slow and wait till you’re ready.

  76. cherrelle meyer-webber says:

    I know kids can be u big cause of stress but try to relax, be patient and your spouse will notice. To me, seeing my husband being sweet and having fun with our girls is sexy and makes me love him so much more

  77. No need to rush- take it slow and enjoy each other!

  78. Christine M says:

    I don’t know about better after…we had pretty good before…just do it, I guess!

  79. To talk to your doctor, be honest and open with what your feeling with your spousw.

  80. Sarah Hayes says:

    I dont have a tip bc Im a single mom. just interested in these items for the baby

  81. Stephanie D says:

    Being a military family, distance really does spark it up a bit so the tip- Distance makes for sexier reconnection, I defiantly agree.

  82. Let yourself heal and be gentle with each other.

  83. Wait until you are ready

  84. Jutta Pearce says:

    I loved tip 4! Thanks for being real!

  85. To take it slow & use a good lube.

  86. I find that while I am breastfeeding the desire is just not there as well as it is super dry! so I would say give it some time before allowing it to happen!

  87. Patience and wine

  88. give it time! No need to rush.

  89. Try different positions for comfort! After each baby we needed to do something slightly different.

  90. Wait untill you are ready, dont rush anything!

  91. This is a great article, I’m sure my husband will enjoy it also.

  92. Take your time, and don’t expect it to be perfect the first time. Just love each other and see where it goes.

  93. Give it time and experiment

  94. Jaime Hanrahan says:

    Snuggling!

  95. Slow and steady

  96. Take it slow, communicate, and use that boobie milk to your advantage!

  97. Baby is probably arriving next week… Will have to keep all of this in mind for a few months down the road!

  98. Diana Cote says:

    Don’t rush it, use lubricant and go gentle.

  99. Be flexible and ready for interruptions or change in ‘plans’

  100. Linny Byrnes says:

    Relax and allow yourself to enjoy your partner. Make time for each other. Communicate through the day.

  101. Genavie Hess says:

    Keep the spontaneity…I understand that you may have to schedule your alone time around the baby’s schedule but that doesn’t mean you can’t get some heavy petting/flirting in throughout the day…working both you and your partner up for later.

  102. “stop asking for it” is my favorite!

  103. Danielle D says:

    I agree with the distance tip! My husband being in the military has been gone for long periods of time, very often, and it has never been difficult after his return home to be more romantic then ever!

  104. Be patient and let it happen naturally; don’t force it.

  105. Take it slow

  106. Jessica Rodenbaugh says:

    Stay relaxed and be honest with your partner about your emotions

  107. Anne Perry says:

    Listen to your body

  108. I am obsessed with The Piano Man’s tip #7! I could not agree more! So that is my favorite sex after baby tip!

  109. Take your time and be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling.

  110. Focus on your emotional relationship, for sure. That makes the physical part happen much more naturally.

  111. Best tip is definitely don’t ask!! Wait until you are ready!

  112. Once baby is asleep, turn off the monitor for distraction free sex. Otherwise, every movement and noise will make you stop.

  113. Make time for each other. With a new baby or even with your older babies your marriage tends to go by the wayside. Make it a priority.

  114. Communicate and lube!

  115. Take is at your own pace, and make sure to give each other affection and attention that isn’t leading into sex.

  116. Just do it! The perfect moment will never happen– but if the baby is napping, or the toddler is busy and there’s a lock on the bathroom door, take advantage!

  117. Happiness breeds happiness, and a happy spouse is more likely to be a sexy spouse!

  118. Don’t fret about how you look, your partner loves you just the way you are!!

  119. Lindsey Healy says:

    When you start to think that you’re ready, you have to go for it! The longer you put it off, the easier it is to forget or ignore that very important part of your relationship.

  120. Victoria F says:

    Definitely patience!

  121. Quality time with my hubby!

  122. Tip #1 help around the house my husband is starting to help more and it helps get me in the mood

  123. Talk more, Take it slow and help out are great tips. You have to listen to your reactions both emotional and physical

  124. I like this Jeremy dude. Good stuff!

  125. Definitely, don’t force it. Babies are hard and it takes time – sometimes a lot of it – to figure out the new you (plural).

  126. Samantha Melton says:

    Take your time, there is really no rush.

  127. Remember you are a couple, not just parents.

  128. Amanda Fuentes says:

    My tip for better sex after baby is get creative! My husband actually said the other day that he’s loving this time in our relationship because it’s almost like we’re back in high school sneaking around and getting it on in places OTHER THAN the bed!

    Also, a bonus tip, Hubbys: Let your wife heal, emotionally and physically before trying to instigate the deed. She will want to soon enough, just give her time. AND Mamas, GIVE YOURSELF all the time you need! You may feel physically ready by that 6-week mark, but if you don’t feel it emotionally it will seem like a chore and it will not be fun for either of you!

  129. Just take your time. Your body will tell you when your ready :)

  130. Being open and honest with how I am feeling so we are on the same page.

  131. tiffani paloney says:

    Do what feels comfortable

  132. I was shocked how different I felt after each baby. Just know that because you feel great/awful after one baby, you might feel the complete opposite after the next. My births were like night at day!

  133. Coconut oil… :)

  134. I agree with not rushing it but also remembering you’re not just a mom, you’re still a woman.

  135. Be patient and listen to your body to know when you are ready.

  136. Elmo DVD. How we got our second child.

  137. Jennifer Stone says:

    Take advantage of moments when they arise-trying to plan it just stresses us out!

  138. Take it slow but don’t turn it off!

  139. Give compliments and also accept them! Nothing is more annoying than telling someone they’re sexy/attractive/etc and hearing a list of all the reasons they think they aren’t.

  140. Jessica Rodriguez says:

    Getting help around the house. It allows me to finish what needs to be done before I’m completely exhausted and not in the mood.

  141. Jessica Rodriguez says:

    Favorite tip, not asking for it. It’s so much sexier for it to happen w/o bringing it up.

  142. Good points…. Let me start with #8…tomorrow i’ll start number 9 lol

  143. Make time for each other :)

  144. Heather Curtis says:

    Reconnect on a new level since there is a new family member.

  145. Date nights and making time for you and your partner.

  146. It’s all in your head!

  147. This is awesome!

  148. #9, so true.

  149. be willing to try new places, new ways of doing things… because things HAVE changed, and that’s okay

  150. Don’t think about asking for it and when it happens it will be much more special

  151. Draw up a nice relaxing bath

  152. I agree that space is so very important. Even if it’s just 20 minutes, that 20 minutes is VERY important. I find that my partner and I come together the best when we have time to exhale and just decompress for a little while.

  153. Wait until you are ready. There is nothing sexy about trying to force it.

  154. Joanne Livingston says:

    Take it easy and find out what helps to turn you on

  155. if you have sitters for a night out, maybe make it a night in!

  156. Make time.

  157. christine k says:

    I don’t have any good tips… I don’t even have a sex drive right now :

  158. Clean sheets and compliments!

  159. spending quality time together!

  160. Definitely to stop asking….

  161. Def wait until you are ready.

  162. Let the laundry & dishes wait sometimes

  163. Sara Amerine says:

    Go slow. For most people, everything changes. Thoughts, feelings, what feels good, what hurts. Pregnancy, childbirth, and becoming a parent changes who both of you are. Both of you need to be open and communicate. And have a sense of humor about some things. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, because you might end up leaking with the flood of hormones. (Same hormone that is released with letdown is released during an orgasim)

  164. Don’t put too much pressure on the act and let it happen naturally

  165. drink wine! :)

  166. Take it slow, lots of foreplay.

  167. don’t rush things and find time to romance one another, have date nights in once the kiddo is asleep and turn off ALL electronics.

  168. Flirt more!!! So good to remember because it just brings you back to the LOVE that you and your husband had for each other!! Just a good reminder!! :)

  169. If you focus on your partner and new family instead of the sex, the sex may just be more likely to happyn.

  170. Susan sumner says:

    I needed to read this!

  171. Patience, be ready, have a drink, take it slow, and lube up!

  172. Make sure to wait the Doctor recommended amount of time.

  173. Help around the house

  174. Rilet Romatz says:

    Flirt, but not for sex. I love this one!

  175. Be willing to hire someone to watch the kids so you and your spouse can have time alone.

  176. A few extra hours of sleep always helps!

  177. Plan for the alone time & lots of coconut oil!

  178. I love this whole thing– totally relatable! >> Help get the kids to bed, and again after midnight. ……

  179. jennifer a. says:

    Better sex after baby? Get strong again with yoga, pilates, bellydance…and use prop pillows or wedges to be the most comfortable.

  180. Don’t rush things. Definitely showing affection to each other is the first step and helps a lot

  181. Spend time together just being. And a little wine doesn’t hurt.

  182. It’s so easy to focus on baby, but you need to remember you’re soul mate that made that baby with you.. one day it will be the two of you again once they all start their own little families :) we love to have our special date night :)

  183. Take it slow, be respectful of their feelings, don’t rush things!

  184. Candice Farrell says:

    Be a little more open minded about things. Try something different and have fun :)

  185. Clean sheets! A favorite of mine too!!!

  186. Relax. Don’t rush it, and enjoy the time together.

  187. It’s ok to wait beyond the prescribed 6 weeks. And no matter how long you wait, that first time might be a little scary… Especially if you tear or have an episiotomy.

  188. Spend time together… Be sure to have touch each other but not necessarily in a sexy way, like holding hands, cuddle, etc.

  189. Being spontaneous! Scheduling sexy time is necessary sometimes, but the best sex (for us) is spontaneous.

  190. Wait until you’re ready!

  191. Have fun with your spouse!

  192. Be flexible…there’s nothing like babies, or kids, to disrupt even the best laid plans…and be opportunistic!

  193. My favorite tip of from this article is to stop asking for it. From experience, my favorites are: use blossom Organics lube. And drink some wine!

  194. All of them are great tips. Clean sheets are definitely sexy!

  195. Respect for the readiness of your partner! Be willing to compromise for a while.

  196. Grace Sorparu says:

    Be flexible and don’t force it

  197. Joey Wright says:

    Relax and take your time

  198. Rebecka Evans says:

    Love the get physical- but not for sex time. So important yet easily forgotten-or hard to do because kids always touching!

  199. My favorite tip was Don’t Ask for It, but I also live the clean sheets tip! I agree clean sheets are sexy!!

  200. Not sure yet! Haven’t quite got around to it

  201. Elizabeth C says:

    Communication!

  202. Patience, patience, patience!

  203. Give it time and find ways other than sex to connect.

  204. Patience and take it slow.

  205. If you don’t have time/privacy/energy for sex, give lots of long hugs. Longer than 20 seconds are especially therapeutic, and they can help you recharge and reconnect with your partner. Sex isn’t the only way you can be intimate and connect with your partner.

  206. Thanks for this! My husband and I have been struggling with this since our second was born. I like number 9 especially, we have found that when he isn’t demanding it it happens naturally and is much more enjoyable!

  207. Take it slow and be sweet to each other.

  208. I am 3.5 months pp from having a 3rd degree tear and I am still terrified… :(

  209. Abby Carter says:

    So true. With time it will get good again if not better ;)

  210. Kristin mcclain says:

    I agree take your time and wait until you are ready!

  211. Priscilla Marie says:

    Finding a hobby together. Like working out or preparing for a run. Having something else to connect with besides the baby. Makes you remember why you fell in love.

  212. My favorite tip is to have clean sheets. Love it when the sheets are fresh!

  213. Having our own space in our bedroom free from kids has helped us be more spontaneous and intentional about having quality sex in our bed! Not that we aren’t supportive of co-sleepers! But it helps us to have our own space.

  214. Communication on what feels good and doesn’t. It’s more than likely not going to be the same.

  215. Make it a priority to have your husband before your family, and have time for date night!!

  216. It’s so true about clean sheets! I don’t know why but new ones just feel different as soon as you slip into bed! Such a simple thing but yeah it makes a difference. Also the asking for it is so NOT romantic. I think initiating it right before without it being planned is way more sexy.

  217. Sarah Feliu says:

    Be patient and don’t forget the lube! Lots and lots of lube!

  218. Isabella Valderrama says:

    It’s nice to hear this from a mans perspective, number 9 ties it all together nicely! I need to remember to make time to thank my husband. I appreciate the time and effort this took and thanks for the tips!

  219. Helping out!

  220. wait til you’re ready! there’s no rush

  221. getting help around the house helps put me in the mood…especially since I’m not so tired from doing everything!

  222. Get physical. Def the best advice. Even just a simple hug can keep you closer.

  223. Coconut oil!!!

  224. Malarie O. says:

    Don’t think less of your body after having babies, take pride in yourself and your body no matter the “flaws” that you see! You just created a beautiful human being, find strength and beauty in the wonderful workings of your body and God’s magnificent creation!

  225. Just take it slow! It’s not a race. Unwinding and having fun really helped us out.

  226. Give your SO some extra attention when the baby is sleeping, and be passionate about getting to spend some time with him. Just the two of you!

  227. Victoria Salcedo says:

    Don’t wait until the right moment. It won’t magically appear. Just be patient with yourself and your partner.

  228. Don’t be passive aggressive with your SO…I’m the one who wants it more often, and my DH just doesn’t get subtle hints. So I have to come right out and say what I want. I used to get so frustrated thinking he didn’t want me, when in reality he was just trying to be a gentleman and not rush me!

  229. Krista White says:

    I like the helping around the house and flirt more the best!
    I only get to see my hubby 4 days a month and I know he works hard but it’s really sexy when he helps me around the house and flirts with me for no reason!

  230. We live close to lots of family, they always want to watch my son for date nights or just to hang out with him. We sneak in a lot of our sexy time when he is away with one of the grandparents for a few hours. I think its important to just accept that it wont be the same and talk to eachother about how you both feel about the changes. And figure out what works for you.

  231. I am just bookmarking this page for later after baby girl gets here in April!

  232. Be confident and don’t push yourself. Just follow your body.

  233. This whole article is helpful! Sometimes it just takes wording things differently to mesh well as a couple. 6 months PP and we are still trying to figure out how to get back into the groove of things. I can’t wait to show this to my man so we can work on this together!

  234. Don’t rush it if you’re not feeling up to it.

  235. Sarah Stroh Thornton says:

    Go on a first date..even if that is dinner delivered to the house. You are both different people after the birth of a child. Romance each other

  236. Wait until you’re ready. Coconut oil.

  237. Use lube!

  238. Don’t rush things

  239. Nicole Maxwell says:

    Relax and be patient with one another and yourself, this goes for both partners. It can take time for both of you to adjust to your new roles as parents.

  240. i have to say that this one is the best tip i read for my circumstance: 4. flirt more… but not for sex

  241. Bianca hinksman says:

    Make sure to have a date night once in a while, remember to keep the spark going and spend more time being husband and wife, not just mommy and daddy.

  242. Cassandra Eastman says:

    My favorite tip is 9. Stop asking for it.
    Let it happen when it happens… I love being spontaneous!

  243. It’s so important to be patient and allow your body time to heal.

  244. Veronica Nunez says:

    Patience, communication, laughter to ease the awkwardness. And also a bullet vibrator because inevitably, you might have to stop before anyone is done. Helps take the edge off and it helps everyone feel a bit comfortable exploring the new changes.

  245. Terry Maigi says:

    I agree with the article. My advice is that sex starts waaaaaay before you actually get to the bedroom. Doing little things for each other, helping out, a little flirting ;) its all preparing the mood for later!

  246. Kambria Pruitt says:

    Communication, tell him to take it slow and let him know if it hurts. It should be enjoyable for both of you and not telling him is going to be painful for both of you because he wants to not only please himself but you too!

  247. Vanessa Reitz says:

    I love Clean Sheets too!!

  248. Patience and don’t keep asking for it…it’s so much better spur of the moment…makes it more intimate rather than feeling like you have to.

  249. CHRISTINA LUTZ says:

    Go out on a date night every month so you can get some “us” time. Also, sex doesn’t have to be confined to the bed or the bedroom. ;) get creative!

  250. Take it slow, and communicate.

  251. Danielle S. says:

    Be flexible and spontaneous! :)

  252. kandace d odom says:

    I love the idea of flirting more.. I just really need to get out of my baby funk..

  253. Love your tips

  254. Sometimes you just need to do it! You’ll both feel better after

  255. Go slow, be patient, and have fun!

  256. Bridget Stevens says:

    COMMUNICATE. Often. Talk about everything from how you feel about yourself after the baby, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And talk about silly, monotonous things. Gossip. Make each other laugh. BE FRIENDS.

  257. Relax…. It’s not that serious. My baby is 10 months old. I feel like I still breastfeed constantly and I’m just, straight up, tired and so is hubby. We’ve applied the no stress sex life! LOL We enjoy each other so much that our sex life isn’t a top priority! No point stressing about it! :)

  258. Lynsey Knisely says:

    Be patient and try and make time for it!

  259. Communication and patience!

  260. Spend quality time together. Explore eachother.

  261. Nothing turns me off more than when my husband asks for sex. I know he needs that release occasionally, but when he verbalizes it, I immediately feel guilty for not having met that need sooner, and frustrated because I usually don’t want to right then.

  262. Be patient and don’t rush into anything

  263. When your sleep deprived and usually covered in something (puke,poop, sweat etc) its hard to even take a shower never mind even thinking about being intiment. If your not ready to jump back into the sexual aspects of being married or in a relationship that’s ok its normal. Talk to your
    Spouse tell him how much you love him watch a movie together, cuddle. Explain how your not ready he should understand he’s probably as sleep deprived and exhausted as you:)

  264. Love the “change your sheets” idea!! never thought of it, but I bet it would work! :-)

  265. Using lube – wish I’d known that sooner!

  266. Advice? Sex begets sex…..the more you develop a closeness with your partner, the more you will want to seek it. It just takes a spark to get the ball rolling.

  267. Stephanie Drost says:

    Wait until you are ready

  268. Wait until you are ready. And if you start and decide it isn’t time, then wait some more! And buy good natural lubricant!

  269. If the first time is not the greatest, try try again. It will get better over time and it is okay to say you’re not ready.

  270. Tricia Maze says:

    I like the tip about flirting! My husband and I are very flirtatious with each other constantly and it really helps keep us connected and playful. =)

  271. My best advice would be to take it slow and be patient.

  272. Heather Dalton says:

    the getting physical for things other than sex. makes us so much closer and really does ignite those sparks. I think we all forget how much we used to flirt in the beginning. Lots of flirting and playful touches and gestures. Fabulous!

  273. Relax and feel with enough strength. Try to keep romance/fun activities together

  274. Wait until you are ready – emotionally AND physically — and then use lubrication!

  275. Take your time!

  276. Touch each other nonsexually throughout the day.

  277. I didn’t have sex until 3-4 months after my son. Didn’t feel comfortable.

  278. Clean sheets!! Good Lord, when I have clean sheets, I just feel human again – and I only want to have sex when I feel human. :)

  279. Go SLOW! Talk to each other and make sure that you use lubrication!

  280. Have a good sense of humor and relax!

  281. Touch each other throughout the day!

  282. Relax and take your time!!

  283. Definitely be patient. Set aside some time so you don’t feel rushed.

  284. Sometimes you just have to do it.

  285. Lots and lots of lube (especially if breastfeeding)!

  286. nightangel1618 says:

    Great post! Great tips so easy for both parties to forget.

  287. Bridget Ahmed says:

    My favorite tip is to stop asking for it.

  288. Cassandra Julian says:

    Know that you WILL be interrupted at some point. We have termed our kids the “no fun alarms” when that happens. And know that it’s ok to laugh about it! And about any little mishaps during the act. Admit it, if someone fell off the bed any other time you’d laugh, so what makes sex any different?!

  289. It’s ok to wait. And not just until 6 weeks. As long as your body needs!

  290. Lots of lube

  291. Brittney ashurst says:

    After 2 kids we have found that we still need to make time for us.

  292. Donielle Tucker says:

    Touch each other while doing everyday activities. Hold hands, hug, caress arm and or shoulders are just some little touched to keep each other connected.

  293. Lube

  294. Wait until you are fully healed down there. Lots of lube helps.

  295. Annie Baltzelle says:

    Patience and communication :)

  296. Number one is my favorite. If things aren’t done around the house it can be stressful for me. Having to do them all on my own is even more so. Having him help not only leaves more time but is definite conducive of a respectful and considerate relationship and THAT definitely puts me in the mood! ;)

  297. Patience is huge. For your partner too. They are adjusting right along with you.

  298. Wait until you’re ready.

  299. Don’t give up so quickly because it’s worth it to hang in there until the end!

  300. Hold the baby so momma can do something for herself at the end of the day like take a bath or paint her nails. It makes her feel better about herself and in turn she will be more willing to forget how tired she is and enjoy her intimate time with you.

  301. Keep it fresh by being unpredictable. The middle of the day, etc.

  302. Erin Meradith says:

    Take it slow!

  303. Hannah Ballou says:

    Relax and have open and honest dialogue.

  304. Best thing is for your partner to have patience and understanding. It also helps if they take the baby for a couple hours between feedings so you can rest some.

  305. Tera austrum says:

    Lube!

  306. great article.

  307. Thanks!

  308. Be creative and patient with yourself and your spouse as well. More than likely everyone is tired so cut one another slack. This alone helps in the intimacy dept, which rolls over into lovemaking.

  309. Jilean chandler says:

    Use lube and wait til you’re ready!!

  310. Luisa Baginski says:

    Keep talking to each other.

  311. Have patience for your partner and grace for both of you when you start having sex after baby. Things are different and you have to relearn some stuff!

  312. Hahahaha! I love this entire post, and I think it’s awesome that you reference clean sheets, because it’s EXACTLY what I was going to say! For some reason when they’re changed, we always end up getting them “dirty” soon thereafter. (I’m wondering if this is at all connected with how a baby always seems to poop in the most beautifully fresh diaper as soon as you put it on, or how my cat likes to poop in the litter box 5 minutes after it’s been scooped.)
    Anyway, I can honestly say that having a kid was the best thing that ever happened to our sex life. Having sex be a little less available made us appreciate it more. :)

  313. My favorite tip us “stop asking for it.” It makes me feel pressured and if I say no or I’m nit really feeling it right nite, then I look like the bad guy. I hate that.

  314. Flirt, laugh a lot, and be honest!

  315. Flirt more!!!

  316. #2 is my fav, my hubby & I are very cuddly people & if we stopped being so close after baby I know our marriage would suffer. Just being able to be close without it being about sex is amazing, plus it does lead there ;)

  317. I think spending time alone is important to keep the sex going after baby

  318. Kary Moltzan says:

    Coconut oil makes an amazing lubricant!

  319. Be patient – don’t rush!

  320. love number 9

  321. Elizabeth T says:

    take it slow and talk about how we both feel

  322. Cora lambert says:

    Start teasing each other as you wait for mom to heal and baby to get in a routine.

  323. Have family watch the kiddos and go do an activity you enjoyed together while dating.

  324. Great article

  325. My only tip is that you have to communicate. The massive body changes of baby having make it important to speak up and confidently about what is and isn’t working for each other in the bedroom or kitchen or wherever you find time and a moment to be physically present with each other.

  326. Hayley Elliott says:

    Don’t rush. Take your time to heal and make sure you are ready and communicate this with your partner.

  327. Sometimes just going for it even when you don’t feel like it. Once I get going I get into it and I always feel closer and more connected to hubby even outside of the bedroom after.

  328. Lindsay Chhaya says:

    Lots of lube and practice makes it better!

  329. Katie Hobbs says:

    Thank you for your take on it, things my hubby does throughout the day makes a little more sense now, it’s not just for more sex, but helps me feel like having it more

  330. Work your way up to sex – start with other sexy activities first ;)

  331. Gingerly, gingerly, gingerly!

  332. Thank you so much for this. It is the truest thing I’ve ever read!!! I think all Leakies crave a partner who will do these things.

  333. Stephanie altman says:

    I agree that u have to be open… Sometimes either partner is just not in the mood but catching eachother “in the mood” during post partum especially if u have more than one child and are exhausted could be very seldom. Allow yourself to fulfill ur partners needs even if ur not really into it. Most of the time i dont realize I’m really in the mood til we are actually in the act :-)

  334. Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate. Nursing can trick your body into thinking you’re in menopause what with the wonky hormones. Sometimes you just really need extra lubricant!

  335. Be slow, be flexible, and be willing to laugh!

  336. Do your kegel exercises ladies and massage the groin area. It will strengthen the vajayjay and help ease the pain.

  337. Go slow and try to stay relaxed.

  338. It’s hard to get back in the swing of things when you are breastfeeding. Take it slow and try not to beat yourself up.

  339. Wait until you are ready and use lube.

  340. Buy something sexy and maybe some toys. ;)

  341. Sleep in shifts:) split household duties, compliment each other, go on a date

  342. Communication is key. Let your spouse know how you’re feeling and kindly direct him.

  343. Jessica McNeil says:

    I love all of your tips, but I really agree with number 2.

  344. Take it slow and communicate well with your partner even if that means stopping before he/she is ready.

  345. Accept your new body and get comfortable with it.

  346. Coconut oil!!!

  347. Always communicate with your partner.

  348. I found just the sheer touch of each other amazing after baby number two. It made me feel like pre babies *blush*

  349. Slow and steady!

  350. Just because the Dr gives the all clear at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you necessarily should!

  351. My favorite tip is to take it slow and realize that things are different and have changed, and not just physically.

  352. Mollie Waters says:

    Favorite tip is to flirt more :)

  353. Kelsea Owens says:

    Don’t rush it.

  354. I think you just need time and need to reconnect emotionally and the physical will come

  355. Stephanie H says:

    Wait until you are ready!

  356. patience

  357. Give it time – don’t rush to do it if you don’t feel ready.

  358. Sometimes you just need to schedule it.

  359. Marisa Eagle says:

    Wait until your body is ready! And make sure you are very worked up.

  360. clean sheets! love that one. and for us breastfeeding mamas, it helps for partner to learn to leave the breasts alone! at least at first, nothing killed the moment more than sore nipples being touched for the millllionth time that day, or anything that put me back in mama-mode instead of feeling like a woman and wife again.

  361. When you’ve been out of the “swing” of things for a while, it becomes easier to fall into a routine of just “not doing it”. Your body(bodies) are different then pre-baby, your sleeping arrangements, emotions, everything. It’s like having that first, and sometimes awkward, sexual encounter all over again. JUST. DO. IT. I have said to my husband before “I don’t care if you’re tired. I don’t care if you want to do it. We’re doing it.” And you know what? You end up getting back on the horse pretty quickly. This is the person you loved enough to have children with – it may a little initial work, but things are so much better when you get back into it!

  362. Go slow & make sure your husband understands your worries.

  363. Michelle Palma Zometa says:

    definitely be flexible about it all and stay in tune to your partner!

  364. Make the time and don’t make excuses even if you have to schedule it! Cuddles and kisses are wonderful ways to forget about how tired you are

  365. Melissa C. says:

    Sometimes, you just have to schedule… I’ll tell my husband on Saturday morning that after bedtime he’s all mine, for instance

  366. thanks for the tips!!

  367. Be patient. Send love messages, hold hands, find romance in simple acts.

  368. You’re in this together, it has to be mutual (and mutually beneficial) for it to be “just right”.

  369. Christina F says:

    When you are ready, take it slow and make it super special. As if it was your first time ;)

  370. Wait until you are ready.

  371. Crissy Vita says:

    Make time for each other and be patient.

  372. Make time for you and your spouse. If you co-sleep, then think of new imaginative places, the beds not the only place!

  373. Go to bed together

  374. Spend quality time together… but not for sex- I love it!

  375. Open and honest communication!!

  376. Get creative. Also, love changing the sheets!

  377. Be patient and communicate with your partner.

  378. Katherine Young says:

    Stop asking for it. Probably the best tip I could ever hear.

  379. Take it slow. No need to rush into it and hurt yourself

  380. You can reconnect in other physical ways besides sex… massage, hugs, cuddles…

  381. my favorite tip: help out more around the house!

  382. Everyone always says, “communication is best for post-baby sex!” What they never mention is how SPECIFICITY of the communication is key. What I mean is, yeah it’s WAY different, but you have to say what is causing the *ahem* discomfort and where that discomfort is. Then the two of you can readjust and get back to getting back to the game of love.

  383. Wait until you are healed and the dr. says it is ok. Take things slow. Do other things for each other to show that they are still important to you.

  384. I agree, waiting until you’re ready is the best tip!

  385. Sex After Having A Baby Is Not The Same Its Rushed And A Rare Occurrence Especially With An Exclusively Breastfed Baby.

  386. Be honest and communicate. Lots of things change after the baby… Physically and emotionally.

  387. Talk more

  388. Kimberly B says:

    My fave tip is spending quality time together

  389. babysitter and a night out!!!

  390. astroglide and going slow

  391. Have no expectations.

  392. Know your body. Listen to it. Just because the doctor says you are fine, does not mean you are mentally ready.

  393. Brittany Broder says:

    Stay in communication about your needs, wants, and feelings

  394. Christine May says:

    Flirt with each other! My husband & I still act like dating teenagers sometimes & it’s nice to just keep it fun when you can.

  395. This is great! So helpful. Helping around the house(him) is always sexy!

  396. Maria F Sanchez says:

    Great article. Will take into consideration some of the thing mentioned. I do have to say that getting back into the routine with a 2 month old is hard.
    Thanks 4 the advice.

  397. Think of your beautiful baby … And embrace and appreciate your body that carried it into this world. Even if you still feel squishy, feel sexy knowing what your amazing body did.

  398. Lubricant…lots and lots of lubricant hahaha

    • If your bed is the only place you’re having sex, it’s time to branch out! We make sure to not use cosleeping as an excuse :)

  399. RELAX!!

  400. wait the 6wks it will be wroth it then u will want it more and take care of ur self get a mani and pedi and and maybe a new sexy nightgown feel sexy !!!!

  401. Helping put the kids to bed would be AHHHMazing!

  402. Take it SLOW!!! It may take getting used to again and things may feel different. :)

  403. Be patient and communication!

  404. Flirt more! We’re so tired that we forget to flirt, and that’s important to help you feel desired. This time around, I’m going to try to make more effort to be flirty :)

  405. Every now and then, (whether once a year or once a month, however often you can) spend a night or two in a place that your children are not nor have never been, like a hotel! Nothing like having no child down the hall and no dishes in the sink to make it easy to be sexy!

  406. Tricia Meryhew says:

    Put it on the schedule. The first time is the hardest. After that make it a regular part of the week. It gets harder the longer you wait.

  407. My tip is to at least be open to the idea of trying, so often we think (know!) we are exhausted so we are closed off. Being willing to at least try you might find you have a bit more energy than you expected.

  408. I completely agree with what you said about touching each other. There are many times when this is more of what I’m looking for and it makes me feel closer to my husband. Holding my hand, stoping me as we pass for a quick kiss or hug totally can make my day and give me that warm fuzzy feeling!

  409. The best tip I received was to have sex even if you are tired. You will end up enjoying it and your husband will be happy :)

  410. Wait until your body feels heeled and ready!

  411. I really love the last paragraph. Just doing everything and helping and being there for your spouse should lead to sex. :)

  412. Take it slow!

  413. Just touch each other. Hold hands. Touch feet. Just be close. The power of touch is very strong.

  414. wait until youre ready

  415. It’s been said before…but don’t rush things and wait until you’re ready.

  416. Sleep. I wish I was interested at night, but I need sleep before I can consider physical intimacy, especially since it’s at such a premium with an infant in the house.

  417. Nettie Larson says:

    Coconut oil, ’nuff said.

  418. Take it nice and slow

  419. dont limit yourself to the bedroom

  420. Communicate–before, during ;), and after–so everyone stays as comfortable as possible!

  421. Yes time heals everything !

  422. Don’t rush it

  423. Lots of sleep, and rest :)

  424. Take your time and make time.

  425. Start out by just snuggling with your partner. Take it slow and see where it goes from there.

  426. Nichole chamberlain says:

    Have realistic expectations

  427. Katie Gilmore says:

    Do not rush things. Take the time to rediscover each other and learn what you enjoy now, things might feel differently and that is ok.

  428. Change the sheets!

  429. Sleep when baby sleeps and dont push yourself. Its ok to not be ready when your spouse is.

  430. Talk to friends who have been there.

  431. Wait until your ready is great advice, as is taking it slow, and lots of touching such as hand holding and cuddling when you can’t do anything more intimate. However, I would have to say the best advice I could give is to not confine yourself to the bedroom and only at bedtime. If you want more intimacy after having children be prepared to utilize nap time and don’t be afraid to experiment with your spouse on locations or positions.

  432. mommy24melody says:

    Flatter her: She feels strange in her skin and she needs to remember that she’s beautiful, sexy, and still turns you on even after months of feeling like a whale, months of exhaustion, and not being able to recover the body she expected.

    Offer to take over: She needs rest and alone time. She does not get much when the baby comes, and getting it now (when you can’t have sex) will help her to want to be with you later. Run her a bath or let her go for a run. Don’t forget the pampering, like bubbles. :)

    Yes, I realize these are in the post… but I’m spilling my own thoughts as i have a newborn to help us realize them strongly right now.

  433. Communication is a big thing for me. I have changed since having a baby and becoming pregnant again.

  434. Brittany Pudiwitr says:

    Wait until the time is right!

  435. Lisa Snyder says:

    All the info is good for after a new baby. But it could really be used at any time in your relationship.

  436. Samantha Brennan says:

    Take you time don’t rush into it if your not feeling it , foreplay and intimate touching can get you comfortable and in the mood and finally lube just incase your postpartum hormones are out of wack still (:

  437. Lindsay Valderaz says:

    You have to make/find the time. It is important!

  438. Start foreplay in the morning. The anticipation and preparation can make it a lot easier to transition mentally. Also, dim lighting and mood music. Postbaby bodies are hard to feel sexy in and baby noises need to be blocked to stay in the moment.

  439. Take it slow and steady. It is a bit scary at first but don’t let pressure or any anxiousness get in the way of rekindling that connection with your loved one.

  440. Find little ways to show you appreciate each other :-)

  441. Portia Brown says:

    Patience, lube and a sense of humor.

  442. I am not sure! I haven’t yet!

  443. Christina D. says:

    Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and to go slow :)

  444. I think that affection is important. It’s nice to be able to share a little kiss or hold hands.

  445. #9 is so important! Even before baby arrives :)

  446. #9 is my favorite and so important to having a healthy relationship, even before baby!

  447. Be patient.

  448. Danielle Lehnert says:

    I love that this is the man’s perspective on bettering the relationship inside and and out of the bedroom.

  449. Be patient with each other. If it doesn’t work out the first couple of times, it’s okay.

  450. Don’t feel pressure. He loves you and is always there when YOU are ready.

  451. Wait until you’re ready and don’t turn it into some big impossible thing in your mind beforehand!

  452. Love your partner in other ways all through the day so that you are already in touch with each other before you get down to business!

  453. Wait until you’re ready and listen to your body.

  454. Stephanie Wheatley says:

    This is a great article! My #1 tip is to make sure you wait until you are comfortable and ready! If you try to have sex before you feel ready, just to try to please your other half, it’s highly unlikely that you will enjoy it, and you may become resentful! Wait until you are ready so that it can be a wonderful experience to remember!

  455. Lots of kissing…but not for sex;)

  456. Christine W says:

    Best tip? Early bedtime for everyone!

  457. Patience, lube, and practice :)

  458. Kendra Hoy says:

    Wait until your ready, don’t be rushed if you don’t feel ready.

  459. Amber Clary says:

    Find a new spot in the home to be romantic with your partner!

  460. Alexandra Gunnip says:

    Buy some new lingerie! You’ve got to learn to love the body you have, why not buy something that shows off all your new assets?

  461. All of these are great tips! I can’t pick a favorite because they each touch on a different but very important aspect of a relationship! But I do like flirt more!

  462. Helping with the kid/s and around the house isn’t thought of as a sexy thing in general but doing so will greatly improve the chances I’ll be in the mood later since I didn’t have as much to deal with all day!

  463. Plan it and even if you’re not in the mood, start anyways. Once you start, you’ll be in the mood.

  464. Oh man I LOVE the tip about helping get the kids to bed. I’m so tired of being the one to wake up every night.

  465. Kate Millott says:

    I like tip #4, flirt more! I think it’s so easy to get consumed with the baby and we need to take more time to flirt and pay attention to each other.

  466. Heidi Meyers says:

    Wait until you are ready, but it’s easier to get into it once you’ve already started. So even if you’re not neessarily feeling it to start with, give it a few minutes and “fake it till you make it” You’ll start to get into it real fast, I promise!

  467. I haven’t given birth yet, but I imagine making sure our basic needs are met (with lots of pre-partum planning) will help us have some time + interest!

  468. Catherine Mackechney says:

    I could probably benefit most from #2 – Get Physical. I am still nursing 2 babies and although I don’t consciously feel ‘touched out’, I don’t think I seek out touch with my hubby. But I should probably touch him lovingly more often. I’ll work on that!

  469. Don’t be afraid to try you can always then decide if you need to wait a little longer!

  470. Take it slow. Don’t rush yourself, and you partner will understand

  471. Get physical is mine. Just cuddling is always nice.

  472. Jessica Long says:

    DO it even if you dont think you are in the mood you will get in to it quick!

  473. Haha, my favorite is “Don’t ask for it,” because it drives me bananas when I’m too tired to move and I get pestered like it’s an obligation. That is about as sexy as spoilt bananas, thanks. This whole thing is pretty good, though. :d

  474. Kristin Wolke says:

    Great advice. I had a pelvic separation so it took awhile longer and tons of PT before sex.

  475. Follow the One Year Sex challenge!

  476. Michelle W. says:

    Flirt More!!

  477. Laura Goodwin says:

    Get creative! Especially if you co-sleep, which we do! You don’t have to only have sex in the bed, at night! If the kids are napping, have some fun in another room, etc. Changing time and location can spice things up more than you realize!

  478. Stop asking for it…and change the sheets!

  479. Katherine Hendershot says:

    Number 9, right on the money!

  480. Kellene Appel says:

    Drink loads of water to stay hydrated for nursing and for comfort during intimacy.

  481. Amber Lowrey says:

    Don’t put it off for too long once the healing period is over. It just makes it that much harder/scarier to jump back in! :(

  482. I don’t have a lot of experience with this one yet, my guess, though, would just be to pay attention to one another, don’t let baby totally take over. Becuase at some point ath baby will grow up and leave and you’ll be left with just each other

  483. Hugs and caresses and holding hands to re-establish the relationship. Schedule it if u have to!

  484. Be flexible! You never know when the moment will be available.

  485. Always wait until you’re not just physically but emotionally ready!

  486. Just touching/making out. Totally helped us get back into the groove after both babies :-)

  487. Definitely wait until you are ready! Just because your doctor tells you that your body should be good to go after 6 weeks doesn’t mean you should

  488. Don’t rush it. Wait until you’re ready, both physically AND emotionally.

  489. Patrick Sharkey says:

    Get physical… but not for sex

  490. I’d always read that people say “oh, it’s so hot when he does the dishes, etc” and then people say “they don’t jump me, so it’s a lie”. I love how you break it down here. Thank you!

  491. Take it as slow as you need to, physically and emotionally!

  492. As baby gets older & on a sleep schedule use it to your advantage! You know when you’ll have alone time, even if its naptime during the day. The dishes can wait, go grab your mate ;)

  493. Be wary of marking the calendar for 6 weeks later…one friend of mine is expecting #2 when her first will only be 10.5 months old.

  494. Just be kind to yourself! Self-care is sexxy.

  495. I had a hard time adjusting to my post pregnancy body, so wait until you’re ready.

  496. Andrea Fioriglio says:

    Don’t rush it. And use birth control!!!

  497. Crystal Kunzel says:

    Wait until you are ready.

  498. Allison Morgan says:

    Patience is key

  499. Stacey Calderone says:

    Spending quality time together!

  500. Patience! And lots of it.

  501. interesting

  502. Definitely wait the recommended amount of time to properly heal. And plenty of foreplay to get yourself in the mood!

  503. Melissa Maxey says:

    My constant bedroom tip no matter the timing is to have a sense of humor! Being playful and silly with each other is so relaxing that it always helps with sexy time!

  504. Making time for each other is so important. Sex can easily be put aside when there is a baby to care for, but it is important for both partners to feel connected, when mom is healed and ready of course.

  505. Emily Sparks says:

    Talk more, and not just about sex–that was a big one for us after #1!

  506. I think it’s so important to communicate well with your partner about your feelings, emotions, wants, etc.

  507. Chandler S says:

    Stop asking for it and helping out around the house was what my wife needed most after having our son

  508. Remember that the 6 week mark isn’t some magical number where everything (both your body & mind) will be back to “normal.” The normal from before baby never comes back, there’s a new normal that you have to get used to, so don’t stress or push yourself. When you’ve gotten the all clear from your doctor that you’re physically ready, make sure you’re mentally/emotionally ready to give your partner the all clear.

  509. traci mcmahon says:

    spending time before just the sex. holding hands or just kissing

  510. remember that you’re both gonna be tired for awhile. sometimes intimacy is lying in one another’s arms

  511. Helpfull informations

  512. wait until your ready.

  513. Be patient!

  514. I think my favorite is 5. Spend quality time together… but not for sex. Taking it slow and just being together makes everything easier in my opinion.

  515. Maggie Kalm says:

    My favorite tip is to flirt. It is really easy to forget there is another person in this relationship struggling, too. Usually when I’m running around the house with spit up in my hair I am not considering the other person’s wants and needs – or my own for that matter. To take a moment to acknowledge your partner in an affectionate and flattering way could go a long way to making your partner happy and confident – and confidence leads to some good stuff when the lights go out ;) I’m really excited for this workshop at MommyCon and am hoping to try these tips out in my own relationship. :)

  516. Take time for yourselves and take it slow. Oh pillows
    Are your friend

  517. Take your time! Be patient with one another. I know for us, it took several tries before anything felt pleasurable for me again. 5 and a half months PP and it still doesn’t feel great, but it’s getting there. Patience is key!

  518. my fav tip off this list is prolly #9… Quit asking for it! Between being exhausted and weirdly-hormonal and probably touched-out ALL THE TIME rely on her to make the first move. She will…just maybe not when *you* think she should be ready

  519. Be sure you’re both ready. Be completely honest about it (yes ladies, if it hurts, kindly suggest stopping or extra lube) :-)

  520. Brittny Burbano says:

    Have a reliable babysitter and know that things arent going to be the same as becore but they can be better in a different way.

  521. Macquel DeWitt says:

    I agree with just taking it slow and easing yourself back into it. Also spending time alone together to keep your connection strong.

  522. My favorite tip is to touch each other a lot!! I love that and do that with my wife a lot!

  523. I think my favorite is tip number 1.

  524. Work your way up to it and don’t rush things! Take things slow and listen to your body!

  525. KY Jelly!

  526. Margaret Grote says:

    Make out!

  527. Make time for it!

  528. Paitence

  529. Take your time and prepare yourself that things will be different.

  530. Lots of non- sexual physical contact.

    Then go slow and lube, especially if you are breastfeeding

  531. Relax! And communicate with your partner about what you need, both physically and emotionally. No need to rush it, but no need to be scared of it either. Most of all, enjoy yourself. :)

  532. There’s nothing sexier than a supportive partner—helping with the middle of the night issues, means I’m more refreshed an willing the rest I the day.

  533. Hasn’t felt the same for me. I have to have lots of lube

  534. Just remember that it doesn’t have to be a marathon. Good sex can take a few minutes and then you can rest.

  535. Take your time and don’t rush. Things will happen when they are supposed to.

  536. Don’t pressure yourself!

  537. Caroline Jansen Brewer says:

    Tell yourself that your husband or partner still needs you…of course after waiting an adequate amount of time to heal!

  538. Have open communication…certain things may not feel like they did before so it’s important to let your spouse know!

  539. Dyane Schlader says:

    Get out of your yoga pants and go to dinner! Kid free and have a cocktail to losen up!

  540. Date night with no pressure.

  541. Sarah Dickinson says:

    Don’t rush it. Let things happen as they will.

  542. Be flexible

  543. Take a fresh shower with spouse.

  544. I love tip #4!!!

  545. No expectations.

  546. Having a baby and nursing can really change your perspective on sex and your body. Be gentle with yourself emotionally if it takes you some time to come around to the idea. Sex is intimacy for many men and helps your partner feel close to you, and he is likely feeling left out since all of your attention is on baby, but let him know you need some time so that he doesn’t just feel rejected. And once you begin again, if nursing, be sure to be liberal with the lube.

  547. Just be patient!! You’ll get there :)

  548. What puts me in the mood? A nice hot shower with my man…without baby!!

  549. To achieve better sex after baby: do it at naptime! If you wait until bed you will be too tired!

  550. Lubrication!

  551. Wait until your ready. And take your time. Number 5 is very important.

  552. After baby, your perspective on sex and your body can change significantly. It may take some time for you to be comfortable with the idea of intimacy after giving birth. Be gentle with yourself and explain that you might need some time to your partner so that he doesn’t feel rejected. Once you are ready, if you are breastfeeding, make sure to be libral with the lube.

  553. Take things slow! And if it’s painful, don’t hesitate to talk to your OB/GYN! I ended up with extra tissue from healing after having my first daughter. My OB was able to remove it, and things were fine after that. So don’t be shy about seeking help if you need it!

  554. Jannelle Osborne says:

    No matter how tired you are, make time for it, even if you have to schedule a day.

  555. Expect it!

  556. Kasaundra Trout says:

    Take things slow and make time for each other.

  557. Just Relax!!

  558. I can’t really say because I haven’t been there yet! But I’d imagine being patient and keeping communication open to be top contenders.

  559. Wait until you’re ready and go slow!

  560. Make time to do things just the two of you even if it is only going to the grocery store while Grandma watches the baby for a half an hour

  561. Smile at the small stuff and learn to appreciate it all.

  562. onwingsalit says:

    It’s surprising how easy it is to forget to do the simple affectionate things, that is really what we had to work on after my baby was born!

  563. Be willing to call timeout and come back to it later.

  564. Claire Rheinheimer says:

    I think get physical… but not for sex is such a great tip! I’m so busy with kids, a little gesture means so much to me!

  565. Relax. Go slow and if it hurts, tell your partner. It hurt the first time we did postpartum, but he was gentle and we tried again another time. Care, gentleness, communication and love, those are the musts.

  566. Read the comments above! I wish I would have known these things! Your body will be different, that is okay, it doesn’t make you less doable! I promise he still wants you!

  567. Christopher says:

    Set the tone for intimacy, cuddle, a quick hug/kiss/compliment, foot rub…all these go a long way to rebuilding a connection.

  568. Time! Especially talking about postpartum sex.

  569. I think my favorite tip is the reminder to flirt :)

  570. SO apparently I mixed up which comment should go on which article. Whoops.

    As for tips, sadly, I have none. We need all the help we can get in this department.

    As for what puts me in the mood? I really don’t know. My sex drive is somewhat psychotic…

  571. Stacy Lee Heckathorn Richards says:

    Respect each other, make time for each other, take your time and remember that you are still the same people you were before you had children.

  572. Even when you get the ok from your dr, it’s ok to wait until you feel ready.

  573. Bernadette N says:

    Take your time and don’t rush into it. Wait until you’re ready.

  574. Take time to appreciate the little things you do to help each other

  575. We started with intimacy- laying together, cuddling, holding each other- that sorta opens doors.

  576. Don’t overthink it!

  577. Sorry, but not everyone is having sex after baby. As a single mom with a 6 month old, that is the last thing on my mind…

  578. Have to say that mainly I agree with the touch/physical…even if its a flirting touch. And communication is key….things changed for me in the bedroom. Both of these are important now after the baby where as before not so much. lol

  579. Like many have said, ease into it, go slow, & remember that it may not feel the same. Also that your hormones may make it less desirable, but work at it. I loved this article and both my husband and I read it and thought it was super insightful.

  580. Flirting! And helping out. Those two are tied for having sex after baby, IMO. When my husband raises his eyebrows at me, looking beyond my post baby body (which I actually think looks pretty good 3 weeks out!), it makes me feel good. And if I feel good, daddy can feel good. ;)

  581. I love to get physical with my wife throughout the day. Thats my favorite tip!

  582. My favorite tip is #1 Helping Around the House. Not only does that help with the chores but frees up time for me to relax and feel more in the mood.

  583. Great advice!

  584. Stay flirty! Give each other “the look” from across the room, give little gifts/cards/ect whenever (not just on holidays, go on dates (even if it’s popcorn and a movie after the kids go to bed), make out, snuggle when you’re watching a movie together, send flirty texts through out the day.

  585. Alexis Cuffy says:

    Don’t feel self-conscious about your body, you just gave birth and your body is more beautiful because of it :) Get some sexy lingerie and enjoy a night with your hubby, he loves you and you both can enjoy it.

  586. I like the tip to flirt more. It’s important to keep little gestures of fun and romance going throughout the day rather than cramming it all in seconds before go-time.

  587. Take it slow! Remember it’ll get easier the more you practice. :)

  588. Great read!

  589. If you cosleep, let baby nap in another room and enjoy some non-bedtime affections :)

  590. My favorite: #6 – talk more

    When I don’t get enough time just talking with my husband on a daily basis, I can’t even begin to think about being sexual. Being home all day with little ones leaves me yearning for adult conversation. It doesn’t have to be philosophical. Just anything!

  591. Jenn Lynch says:

    My best advice about sex after baby is be patient! Don’t rush even if you feel pressured time wise. It’s about enjoyment, not getting it over with.

  592. Forget all your old ideas of when and where sex takes place. Get creative! It doesn’t all have to be in bed at night ;)

  593. Prepare for it mentally by thinking about your significant other in a special way all day :)

  594. Communication is key!

  595. Magdalena Bonk says:

    Lot’s of love, understanding and no pressure! And some good humor too…

  596. Relax and don’t rush things

  597. Try out the five love languages on my husband in one day. Get connected with him emotionally first. Don’t be afraid of nooners, the baby is more content to give you alone time during the day

  598. I haven’t had my little one yet so I don’t have any tips to share!

  599. Mary Donaho says:

    Take it easy.

  600. I love spending time together without expectations!

  601. Love is not just about sex. Support each other as parents, and let the relationship flow naturally.

  602. get kids on same nap schedule

  603. Help around the house!!!!

  604. Best tip after baby? Avoid getting on hormones/birth control! I couldn’t stand my husband!!!!

  605. Great tips! My advice would be to extend grace to each other when it comes to sex or helping around the house. You both are getting used to a new normal and it can take awhile.

  606. Care for the baby so she can have some her time and she will repay you later (;

  607. I like the tip to flirt more – I need to really make a conscious effort to do that!

  608. Thank you for these tips! Lord knows we need them!!

  609. Be patient and don’t rush anything!

  610. Be patient. Take time alone with your partner to reconnect.

  611. Emily Buccaneer says:

    These are all so true! My other go-to amper-upper for sex after children is to shower together. Being clean makes you feel sexy. Having someone wash your hair when you are tired and achy from caring for children is delicious. While it doesn’t ALWAYS lead to ‘the deed’, it’s still a wonderful intimate private time together. :)

  612. TwoHappyMonkeys says:

    First of all, having gone through this a few times (5 times), great advice in the article! Secondly, I’d suggest going out and buying some cute lingerie – it’ll make you feel sexier, and what partner doesn’t appreciate their significant other looking and feeling sexy and confident?

  613. Make time. Set time aside for just you and your SO!

  614. Carol SImmons says:

    Ask for a back rub, back rubs always lead to sex! At least at my house..

  615. wait until you are ready…and take it slow!!

  616. Take it slow and remember that intimacy doesn’t have to just be sex.

  617. Patience, Trust, and lots of lube!

  618. Best advice: be understanding that plans change on a whim and don’t make your partner feel bad for not being In the mood

  619. Lots of intimacy. Not necessary sex is the best way to get your woman in the mood after a baby.

  620. Sarah DeTomaso says:

    It helps to have a loving and supportive partner. It also helped to make sure the babies are for sure asleep for the night, and I know it sounds terrible but having a glass or two of wine beforehand really helped me to unwind!

  621. Wait until you are completely healed up!

  622. Jessica Hornick says:

    The thing that is hardest for me is the mental block of not wanting to be intimate. If I relax and admit to myself that the affection is wanted, I can get in the mood much faster!

  623. We cosleep but we dont let that hold us back! We get creative ;)

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