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How breastfeeding “greenified” my family

April 22, 2013 By 5 Comments

The Leaky Boob is joining Wean Green and several others in a birthday party Earth Day scavenger hunt.  Search our site for the next clue and follow it for the chance to win some great prizes from companies that prioritize not only healthy choices for families but for our planet as well.  Have fun and good luck!

WG-earthdayinvitation

 

My mom tells how discovering she was pregnant with her first, my older brother, changed how she took care of herself and the earth.  Immediately, she stopped smoking and refused to let anyone smoke around her.  Addicted to Pepsi, she stopped buying it all together.  She became aware of the amount of waste from buying prepared foods and started cooking from scratch.  When my brother was born she breastfed exclusively and encouraged by the local La Leche League chapter she joined, she explored other healthy choices not only for her baby but for her entire family.  My brother’s intolerance to dairy and soy led to her completely revamping how they ate.  By the time I came along 3 years later, my mother was well on her way to being a “health nut” and growing in her care for the earth through gardening and making increasingly sustainable choices.  In many ways it wasn’t about becoming more healthy, it was about returning to a healthy normal.  From breastfeeding to not smoking to making her own food, my mom was getting back to her biological roots and cleaner air.

Like my mom, parenting has changed my views about health, food, and being aware of how we are treating the earth.  There is plenty of room for our family to grow in these areas, progressively making choices as we learn more.  Always inspired by our children.  A significant portion of what we have learned and chosen to do has come directly from information we’ve received related to pregnancy and breastfeeding.  And we’ve grown from there.  Eventually moving from feeding our babies commercial “baby food” and allowing them to feed themselves, we have found more ways that are healthier choices for our family and more gentle on the earth.  Our hope is to give our children the chance to return to a more normal healthy way of life but also with a planet that has been given that same opportunity.

Building on my mom’s lessons and change, my family is growing and changing, inspired in many ways by breastfeeding and a commitment to give our children not the “best” but the healthy normal we all deserve to have.

green breastfeeding

 

5 ways breastmilk is greenest choice in infant nutrition:

  • Manufacturing requires minimal resources- feed mom.
  • The containers are reusable and biodegradable.
  • If able to feed “straight from the tap there is no plastic or glass necessary.
  • Pumping and bottlefeeding moms still use less plastic than formula storage containers, meaning less waste.
  • Reduced gasoline usage related to manufacturing, shipping, and shopping.

Because sometimes we need a little support in our breastfeeding journey, here are some companies that can help moms “greenify” breastfeeding even more: Motherlove Herbal Company (nipple salve, More Milk supplement), Hygeia (breastpumps, breastmilk storage bags), Bamboobies (breastpads, nipple ointment, therapy pads, nursing bras), PumpEase (Organic hands-free pumping support bra), Little Spruce (organic breastfeeding wear),

 

5 ways to “greenify” your life and nutrition beyond the breast:

  • Try baby-led solids, skip buying manufactured baby food and let your baby feed themselves the same food you eat.
  • Replace plastic storage options (i.e. ziplock baggies) with products like Wean Green glass and reusable snack bags.
  • When introducing a cup, select products like Lifefactory’s sippy bottle, Kid Basix Safe Sippy, or a small open glass or enamel cup.
  • Listen and encourage your child to listen to their bodies, not force eating everything put before them, we tend to eat less that way.
  • Explore what you can make yourself, using less prepared foods, pick a few options to try and ask if you need each to be individually wrapped or not.

 

Plus one:

Did you know you can be “green” with waste?  Yep!  What you do with the other end of food is important not only for taking care of the planet but there are many reasons to consider the health concerns.  For some that may mean buying unbleached disposable diapers, for others going into cloth diapers, and still others may use elimination communication.  Check out Lovely Pocket Diapers, Kanga Care, Thirsties, Itty Bitty, and Kelly’s Closet for cloth diapers and information.  We’ve also found great products for taking care of baby bottoms such as diaper salves and baby wash from companies that want to help families care for the health of their babies and the planet such as Earth Mama Angel Baby.

Just like breastfeeding, making green choices doesn’t have to be all or nothing and it’s likely a journey.  One step at a time, spurred on by something or someone important.  Like our children.

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How has pregnancy and breastfeeding influenced you in making healthier or more sustainable choices for your family?

In what ways would you like to improve in how “green” your family lives?

________________________

Apple Park Clue

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Filed Under: baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding benefits, child led weaning, family, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

No Right Way- Sonnets of the tired mom

April 1, 2013 By 2 Comments
by the admins of The Leaky B@@b.  There are 7 of us admins here and none of us have made the exact same decisions in all aspects of our parenting and that is okay. Each parent is going to make decisions with the knowledge that they has at the time that works best for their family.  This sonnet is dedicated to those who have judged, from all of us who have felt judged.

judging moms

How could you judge me?  Let me count the ways.

You could judge me to the playground, the grocery store and dance studio too

You could judge me for not being as put together as you

For how I feed my children: organic or not, frozen, fresh or fried

Homemade or store-bought, you can judge how I tried

How my breasts do or don’t leak, weaning, and where my child sleeps

How I catch their poop and if my child ever weeps

The birthing room, soccer field, and selected books

For screen time you can give me funny looks

Judge me for the guilt I feel and that which I don’t

Lay it on because my heart won’t give up hope

For the times I lost my cool

And the way my child drools

Don’t forget to judge for school

I doubt you can judge me more harsh than I

Go ahead, let your criticisms fly

How I long to be parent enough

Not alone and no need to bluff

Hitting walls and ceilings and poop to fans

Getting in and missing out on all the right brands

The car seat, yoga pants, if my child wants to hold my hand

All I forgot; registration, shoes, toilet paper, and hairnets

Being late and probably too much internets

The number of kids, the mess that is my house

You can judge the spit up smeared on my blouse

From your glass house the ways to judge are many

It will not change my loving any

Working out, working at all

Or staying home, you can clap when I fall

If judging me helps you feel strong

Feel free to do it all day long.

Your words and thoughts will not damage my will

Flawed though I am, my children know I love them still.

Growing always, I will be

Along this path of parenting.

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Filed Under: baby, baby-led weaning, birth, Bottle Feeding, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding humor, child led weaning, family, Featured, guilt, humor, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting, Weaning Tagged With: , , , , ,

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing

March 25, 2013 By

by Kari Swanson

full term breastfeeding

My daughter was placed on my chest immediately after my obstetrician finished stitching up my c-section incision. She latched onto my breast and started breastfeeding right there in the operating room. Last month we celebrated her third birthday. She knows that babies have mama milk. She also knows that big girls have mama milk until they are ready to stop having mama milk. I expect that sometime between now and the time she is around 5 years old she will gradually wean.

Some might consider the fact that my daughter is 3 and still receiving breastmilk to be extreme, but anthropological evidence indicates that this is biologically normal for a young hominid primate. That being said, it is probably no surprise that I consider myself to be a lactivist. I believe that human breastmilk is the biologically normal food source for human infants and I volunteer as an admin on The Leaky B@@b in order to support other breastfeeding mothers and to help normalize breastfeeding in a culture that has largely lost sight of the real reason women have breasts.

What may come as a surprise to some is that my daughter and my son before her received formula in addition to breastmilk. Why? Because I work full time outside of my home and I am among the unlucky few who truly do not respond well to breast pumps. For whatever reason my body just does not give up the gold for a machine despite my supply being more than adequate. After a time, despite numerous tips and tricks, pumping whenever and wherever I could, I ceased to be able to pump enough milk to entirely meet my babies’ nutritional needs while they were separated from me while I worked.

With my daughter I was fortunate to be able to spend 3 months home with her after she was born, and to spend 3 months thereafter working half time. I pumped at home before returning to work and I pumped before work, during work, after work, and on non-workdays once I returned to work. I had a small stash of milk in the deep freezer when I returned to work, but it was quickly depleted. When I first returned to work and pumped I easily had enough milk by the end of the day to send to the daycare without dipping into my frozen milk stash.

I determined how much milk my daughter needed in her daycare bottles using an iPhone app called “Breast Milk Calculator.” The app uses the baby’s weight, age and number of feedings in the previous 24 hours to suggest how much milk he or she needs per feeding. Using the app I determined exactly how many ounces she needed per bottle. The number of feedings was based on the number of hours she was away from me and how frequently she would normally nurse.

But, just as it had when my son was a baby, my pumping output dwindled over time. Eventually I was pumping less than an ounce per side per pumping session. I used up my entire frozen milk stash. Despite my best efforts at around 6 months I was no longer able to pump enough to send only breastmilk in my daughter’s daycare bottles. So, I sent as much breastmilk as I could and to make sure she had sufficient nutrition I sent formula too.

When my daughter was a newborn she, like her brother, needed supplementation. They both had jaundice and they both lost more than the usual amount of weight after birth. Although her condition was better than her brother’s had been (he was a very sleepy 37 weeker with more severe jaundice), my daughter was also a slow gainer. So, the IBCLC we saw recommended supplementation while I built up my own supply. When my son was a newborn he received formula supplementation, but my daughter received donor breastmilk, or as we referred to it “Auntie milk”—because our milk donor was my sister who was still breastfeeding her toddler son at the time my daughter was born.

By the time my daughter was in daycare full time and my pumping supply could not keep up with my daughter’s demands my sister’s son had weaned. I considered donor breastmilk, but decided against it. My strong, healthy baby did fine on formula, and I felt that the relatively limited supply of donor milk in my area should be available to babies for whom formula was not an option, babies whose mothers could not breastfeed them at all or whose health really warranted the exclusive use of donor milk. So, we chose formula instead.

I already knew exactly what formula I would choose for my daughter if I reached this point, because I had read quite a bit of research about formula before I had my son. I looked up numerous scholarly research articles and reviews of the literature about formula on PubMed. At that point I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I had been given the somewhat unhelpful advice that my desire to breastfeed and to go back to work full time were “setting [myself] up for failure”. So, in case that was true I did all of that research about formula and based my decision on what I had read. (Bear in mind that my son was born in 2004 and donor milk was not as prevalent, except from milk banks by prescription and at a rather high price.) Despite many assertions otherwise, infant formula is an acceptable, nutritionally adequate alternative to breastmilk and is a much better choice than the milk of any other mammal or milk made from plants.

Eventually both of my babies received only formula in their daycare bottles. Both times the amount I was able to pump became miniscule compared to the amount they needed and the stress and frustration of pumping so little became too much for me, so I stopped. They both did fine on the formula they received part of the time, so I felt comfortable giving them as much as they needed while they were separated from me. My daughter had breastmilk exclusively, either at the breast or in bottles, for more than 6 months. They were around the same age when they started receiving formula alone in their daycare bottles: 7-8 months. Despite this both of my babies continued to breastfeed whenever they were with me. They never experienced nipple confusion, expressed a preference for the bottle, or had nursing strikes. They both stopped receiving formula when they no longer needed bottles at daycare.

So, yes I am a lactivist. I believe breastmilk is the biologically normal food for human infants. But, breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

 

You can read more from Kari over on her site and enjoy her thoughtful, thorough writing and beautiful photography.

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Did you respond well to breast pumps?  Have you had to supplement?  If so, what did you use?  Were you able to supplement and still reach your breastfeeding goals?

__________________________

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Filed Under: baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastmilk pumping, child led weaning, Children and breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, Featured, guest posts, Leakie to Leakie, motherhood, Parenting, Supplementing, Weaning Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Babywearing Bond… with a giveaway

February 23, 2013 By
Sleeping on daddy in the Beco

Squiggle Bug, 20 months, sleeping in the Beco on Daddy. She had insisted on wearing her helmet.

Last week I was thinking about all the ways we connect and bond with our children.  Looking at the little rituals and and space we create that give us moments to express love on a daily basis I was reminded of times of sweet connection.  For many of us, when we’re pregnant, we rub our bellies to sense our babies and demonstrate our growing love.  After birth, skin to skin cuddles, kisses, nuzzles, and breastfeeding, to name a few, help us both to connect with our child and to communicate love.  Caring for them and meeting their needs for warmth, shelter, food, and hygiene, bonds our families closer together.  Including them in our activities, having them close to be a part of what we have going on and not passively set aside, gives us the opportunity to bond through shared experiences.

 

Babywearing did not begin to be an important part of our parenting until our third child.  With our first two daughters, we relied heavily on our stroller and our arms.  We had a carrier but it was horribly uncomfortable and it never felt right.  When desperate I would use it so I could vacuum once in a while but the carrier hurt my shoulders, my back, and I couldn’t help but think probably my baby too.  They just looked so awkward with their legs and arms jutting out and I was anxious they weren’t really secure.  Through bath time, reading together, snuggling in bed, play time, and of course breastfeeding were our primary ways of developing connection.  We added baby wearing with our third daughter when we discovered the ring sling and both The Piano Man and I regularly wore her at home and while out.

 

We wore our babies because they liked it.  Not because of a parenting style, not because of a trend, and not because of a philosophical belief.  Before we’d ever heard of attachment parenting, Dr. Sears, or even the term “babywearing,” we wore our babies.  It just felt right.  They were clearly happier closer to us and our own stress levels were reduced when they were content.  Having them close facilitated a deeper connection making little kisses, conversation, and attention to their needs easier with juggling the demands of our older children, home life, and even working full time.

 

When our fourth was 8 months old we expanded our babywearing to include a soft structured carrier when some friends went in together to get us a Beco Butterfly II.  They picked a print I loved, which I found exciting, but ultimately it was the comfort, ease, and practicality of the design that made the Beco my favorite carrier.  But I wasn’t the only fan of the carrier.

 

By 10 months old Sugarbaby had become deeply attached to our Beco.  If she saw it on the closet shelf she would squeal, flap her arms, smile, and radiate excitement.  If we didn’t respond by taking the carrier out and wearing her, tears would inevitably ensue.  After wearing her, when we would take her out of the carrier, she would pitch a fit even if it was obvious she wanted down and would only settle if we gave her the carrier to play with by herself on the floor.  She was obsessed with the buckles and it wasn’t long before her verbal vocabulary was made up of “mama,” “dada,” and “Beco.”  Her 3rd word.  The Beco ranked pretty high in her life.  There were times that I wondered if she was more attached to the actual carrier than she was to me.  Reality was, as much as she loved that carrier, what made it so special was that it kept her close to her mommy and daddy and sometimes even a big sister would wear her.  It was the bonding.  For the longest time she would chatter about the Beco but nothing made her happier than being in the Beco on one of us.  ”Beco” was her third word because just as mama and dada meant love, so did “Beco.”

 

beco mini

Squiggle Bug wearing her own “baby” now. (Disclaimer: it is not safe to have a real baby facing out when wearing them on your back. This particular 5 year old felt it wouldn’t be a problem for her doll.)

Today, 2 babies later, that carrier is still an important part of my ever growing wrap and carrier collection.  It has held up through 3 babies now and been loaned out a few times as well.  Some day I imagine we will enjoy carrying grandbabies and creating new intentional opportunities to express love with little ones.  I doubt I’ll ever get rid of it because it represents one of the ways we bond with our babies and holds so many memories of connection, closeness, and love.

 ____________________

How do you enjoy bonding with your little ones?  

In what ways are you intentional about creating connections to express love and be close?

 ____________________

I shared this story with my friends at Beco and they loved that “Beco” was Squiggle Bug’s 3rd word and meant so much to our family.  In honor of Squiggle Bug and to help more parents and babies enjoy the bonding experience of babywearing, Beco is giving away 3 Gemini carriers (perfect for breastfeeding in) and 3 Beco Minis so your little ones can care for their babies like you do.  Be sure to like Beco on Facebook so you can keep up on sales, news, and great baby wearing and parenting tips and information.  To be entered in the giveaway, use the widget below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Filed Under: baby, Babywearing, family, Featured, giveaway, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Baby Weight Workout

February 20, 2013 By

I hear often from moms wanting to get back in shape after having a baby but concerned that exercise and dieting could harm their milk supply.  IBCLC Star Rodriguez helped clarify the questions we see frequently from moms on breastfeeding and fitness in this article here.  Be sure to check that out and don’t forget that it is always best to work with your health care provider in determining a healthy activity level and nutritional plan.  

Once you are certain that adding working out and increased physical activity is a healthy choice for you (and evidence supports that it’s healthy for most of us!) the challenge many parents face is when to find the time, space, and right activity.  Having children around it can be difficult to make some space for yourself and your health.  You are worth it though and your children deserve to have healthy parents, plus, when your children see you making physical activity and your own health a priority, you are modeling how important it is for them as well.  The best way for your children to develop healthy habits is for you to demonstrate healthy habits yourself.  Happy health to you and your family!  ~Jessica

 

Jennifer from Fit For Expecting has offered up a workout to help make it easier to find some time to take care of you.  Check out this Baby Weight Workout that you can enjoy WITH your baby.  I think it’s a great springboard for customizing and creating your own workout that fits your family’s unique makeup.  For more support, be sure to check out Jennifer’s website and like the Fit For Expecting Facebook page.  ~Jessica

Most moms know that exercise is good for them physically, mentally and emotionally. But, when life gets busy, exercise often gets put on the back burner. I designed a workout specifically for Leakies, that’s quick (5 minutes total) and incorporates baby into each exercise. I’m calling it the “Baby Weight Workout” because, that’s right, baby functions as the weight.
A few general exercise tips to keep in mind:
  • For your comfort and for a content baby, you might want to breastfeed before exercising.
  • Stay hydrated – drink water before, during and after exercising.
  • Eat a snack 1 1/2 – 2 hours before exercising.
Enjoy!
TLB Workout - Exercising with Baby
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Filed Under: baby, body image, Breastfeeding, family, Featured, Fitness, guest posts, motherhood, Relational Resource, tutorial Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The ever growing and adapting heart of a mother

February 14, 2013 By

 I’m pleased to bring you this guest post from Kerry Gilmartin of Bamboobies about love and parenting.  Kerry shares: “In the spirit of sharing some thoughts on love, hearts, families and motherhood I thought I’d share three stories on my mind these days I hope they strike a chord and enhance your day and your thoughts about relationships and growth… Valentine’s is full of silly love quotes, cards and flowers – hopefully yours is also filled with some reflection, expression and chocolate!”

 

Can our hearts grow?

When I first met my husband I had a dog – a very cute little dog.  In all seriousness I confided in an old friend that I worried about this new man fitting into my life…  I told her I just couldn’t imagine loving him as much as my dog.

Kerry's dog (Please keep reading after you finish laughing and admiring my dog…)

 

My new fabulous boyfriend wasn’t super-human but he was ‘the one.’ The dog followed him everywhere; my parents, brother and best friends all adored him. I was just beginning to understand that I really did love him when I approached my friend for advice.  I was *really* worried: how do I grow my love and life for him?  How do I retain my sense of self and independence and my loyalty to other loved ones (like my dog)?  How will I have enough love for him too?

 

I don’t so much bring this story up to embarrass myself as to illustrate how silly these feelings that I and many women feel when having a baby.  I’m not much of a worrier but I did wonder how we could possibly grow to include, let alone envelop, a new baby in our lives.  How could we or would we become a family after just being a couple (with a little dog)?

 

I’m now lucky enough to be married to my super-human, super-loving man and we have three children – and that adorable dog.  I *do* admit that the dog doesn’t get the attention or privileges he used to, but I obviously found ways to grow my heart to include my new and growing family.

 

Gilmartins and Dog The dog is still trying to stay ‘in the picture!

And what about our husband or partner’s hearts?

Can we count on them being able to expand infinitely?

 

A friend recently confided – while giggling – that when she was pregnant with her first child she was very worried that some of her husband’s love would be taken from her in favor of the baby.  She was happy that she knew her husband would be a loving father but worried that a new baby would mean she would lose some of his love.  Of course these thoughts seem silly in retrospect – even strange.

 

Why would we think there’s a limit to a person’s capacity for love?  Time is limited and surely we have to make an effort to communicate with and spend time with loved ones.  It’s important to acknowledge the limitlessness of love though – it’s the one thing that I think knows no bounds.

 

The heart can grow and adapt to changing needs.

Whether you’re adding a new baby, new partner or relative, a long-lost friend, or even a dog.

 

A good friend’s father was taken to the hospital last week after fainting and doctors found that his arteries were extremely clogged.  They decided that triple bypass surgery was needed – but they also found a strange condition in his heart itself.  The arteries that feed it had multiplied on the side of the heart with cleaner outgoing arteries – it had adapted to grow on the healthier side!

 

Can this be a metaphor to help us understand our ever-changing lives as mothers?  It’s normal for things to be out of balance when having a new baby – even if it’s not your first … and especially if it’s not your first.  When we’re out of balance or struggling, can we and our love adapt?

 

There is a lot of talk about trying to maintain balance after you become a mother – Is this possible?  How do we prioritize without guilt? I’ve decided the word “Balance” is a faulty goal to aspire to.  A day doesn’t pass when I don’t feel guilty for not having done more, loved more, been more gentle or loving.  But I accept that. It’s the new normal.

 kerry balanced

This pic doesn’t look ‘balanced’ physically or emotionally does it? I’m just doing my best…

 

I’ve decided to try to embrace being ‘in the thick of it’ and I feed what is calling out to be fed – my babies, my husband, my business, my self and my soul – on a whim almost.  I play it by ear and try to adapt each day.  When it doesn’t feel like its working I try to ask for help – “Help! Over here! Send more resources quick!”  I ask for a nap, quiet time with one child, a hike or a date.

 

When we feel needy, it’s important to ask for more love, attention, backrubs and personal time.  And to adapt to give it too!  When we’re feeling overwhelmed by mothering, sickness, work, responsibilities and anxieties it’s important to acknowledge this to ourselves and our caretakers, parents, children and partners.  It’s OK and accepting the challenge helps strengthen us.

 

Mothering is just one of our ways of loving – it includes loving our selves, partners and helpers, as well as our children.  If we let our love flex and adapt to our changing lives, and make changes and choices we believe in we can accept and love ourselves as the best mothers we can be.  And I think that’s pretty amazing.  Go buy yourself some chocolate already!

 

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Can you relate to this?  The anxiety of how you can have enough love for everyone?  Struggling to balance everything and everyone you love and value?  How has your heart grown and adapted to changing needs?  

Perhaps most importantly, what chocolate do you prefer?

_______________________

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Filed Under: guest posts, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

A tale of a school, a teen, a baby, and a global community

February 4, 2013 By

baby breastfeeding

I can’t help but dream of the day when, of all the things to fight for, breastfeeding will no longer make the list.  Because it will just be.  Society will finally walk the talk and supporting breastfeeding will be as common place as supporting eating, sleeping, and other normal healthy lifestyle choices.  Accommodations for breastfeeding moms won’t be given a second thought, it will be accepted and encouraged without discrimination.

There are times when any glimmer of hope that one day this dream will be a reality is snuffed out by organizations handling a woman breastfeeding her child in their space badly.  Hollister Co. not only harassed a breastfeeding mother but refused to apologize or otherwise make amends for their illegal and hostile actions toward breastfeeding mothers and their families.  When given the chance to correct their response when hundreds of women around the country staged a nurse-in, they still refused to engage in a lawful and respectful manner, driving the wedge deeper.  Then things became even more volatile with Facebook nastiness, mall security harassed even more mothers, and further silence from Hollister.  At these times I shake my head and wonder if there is any chance my grandchildren will be able to eat normally without managers yelling at their mothers.

Then there are times when I’m encouraged and the glimmer of hope is fanned into a full fledged flame and I know that though the steps along the way have been, at times, tedious, they have also been worth it.  When the Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Vegas responded to a disappointing misstep in asking a breastfeeding mother (yours truly) to cover while feeding her baby in one of their cafes by issuing an apology, immediately educating their staff on breastfeeding laws, and asking how they could better serve families, I thought if it can happen there then it can happen anywhere and we are well on our way!  (Read that story here.)

Society is well aware that breastfeeding is exactly what human infants need.  Most would say it’s “best.”  Unfortunately though, the walk still struggles to line up to the lip service being given.

Apparently, even within our educational centers.

When 15 year old Jaielyn Belong prepared to return to high school in the Lake Forest School District after the birth of her son, she was hoping all the recommendations of the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics would be supported by the very institution where she received the education that led her to think critically enough to understand the importance of applying these recommendations in caring for her son.  Unfortunately, the initial reaction from the school was to discourage her breastfeeding as there would be no place for her to pump, no time allotted for her to have pumping breaks, and nowhere to store her breastmilk for her infant son.  This recommendation came from the school nurse, the very person on staff at the school who should have been most supportive and understanding of Jaielyn’s desire to provide breastmilk for her son.  There was even a claim made that the noise of the breastpump would be a potential distraction to other students, that it was time consuming, and that they wouldn’t be sure she was even actually pumping milk when she claimed to be doing so.  The school nurse also expressed concern that Jaielyn could be teased.  Something the teen mom has surely already faced and is equipped to handle.  Jaielyn wasn’t choosing the easiest path, she was choosing the path she felt is right for her son, accepting the sacrifices required of her.  As any good mother would do.

As mommatraumablog.com pointed out, prohibiting Jaielyn from breastfeeding or pumping her milk was in violation of Delaware law which reads:

31 Del. C. § 310

Notwithstanding any provision of law to the contrary, a mother shall be entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location of a place of public accommodation, wherein the mother is otherwise permitted.

 

And if a teenager’s “job” is to apply themselves to receiving an education through schooling, then it is violating yet another law providing reasonable breaks to breastfeeding mothers:

SEC. 4207. REASONABLE BREAK TIME FOR NURSING MOTHERS.

Section 7 of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 19384 (29 U.S.C. 207) is amended by adding at the end the following: 

‘‘An employer shall provide a reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk; and a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

 

Unfortunately, I hear on a regular basis from breastfeeding moms that teach that there is a real struggle to find time and space to pump and store their milk.  Many report having no support from their administration to have “reasonable break times.”   This concerned me that if adult employees receiving a pay check struggle with this, what are the implications for a student?

As I watched this story unfold via social media and then mainstream media, I wondered where this was heading.  The community of breastfeeding moms and the people that support them that I have come to know so well, rallied to surround Jaielyn, her son, and her mom Betty to offer their support and to lend their voice to making sure we, as a society, walk the talk and help this little boy receive the breastmilk his mother wants for him even as she receives the education to be the best she can be for her son.  Both of their futures depended on it.  As the Breastfeeding Coalition of Delaware expressed in their letter to the school district: “No mother should ever be made to feel that expressing milk for her child is unusual, unnatural, or that requesting reasonable accommodations is an inconvenience to others.” The whole situation could have gone any number of directions.  Ugly and depressing, involving protests with harassment from officials like the situation with Hollister Co. and by extension some malls (ironically, some in Delaware).  Or beautiful and encouraging, involving education opportunities and an official change to better support families and breastfeeding mothers much like the case with Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Nurse-ins have their place and can be used well to effect positive change and to give a show of peaceful solidarity amongst mothers.  Something the world needs to see in a culture that exploits “mommy wars” for entertainment.  But as La Leche League Leader Heather Felker points out, “{there} is no problem with nurse-ins once all ‘peaceful’ routes have failed.”  As much as I love hanging out with likeminded moms that understand how breastfeeding has impacted my life and my family, the truth is, I’d rather it be “just because” than to make a statement.  So I hoped that this situation with Lake Forest School District would be resolved without the peaceful protest of a nurse-in.

Thankfully, it appears that our peaceful solidarity as a community of mothers doesn’t require a nurse-in event to bring about change.  Via Facebook, twitter, emails, and phone calls, supporters for not only Jaiylen and her son but for the rights of all mothers and their breastfeeding children utilized their voice to see that we do indeed walk the talk.  As a result the school district has changed directions.  They’ve pulled a Flamingo, not a Hollister.  And Jaielyn will have space within which to pump her milk for her little boy and, thanks to the efforts of local mom supporters, a small refrigerator is being donated so Jaiylen and other breastfeeding students can store milk for their babies during their school day.  Heather Felker says: “In this case we had a great deal of powerful support, newspaper, radio, breastfeeding coalition, LLL, and it turned around quite quickly.”

It may be tempting to make a statement and stage a nurse-in anyway.  There were some rumblings of something like that with the Flamingo case but there was no need because the company self-corrected and learned from their mistake.  If we want to be taken seriously then we must know when to utilize the tools available for maximum impact, including when not to.  A nurse-in at the Lake Forest School District would distract from the progress that has been made and could potentially lead to issues for the very student we desire to support.  If there was a risk of the teen mom being teased before, a nurse-in in her honor would more than likely provide enough fuel for teasing and isolating bullying until her graduation.  We don’t actually have to go fight this one because we used appropriate peaceful routes and have already seen the desired results.  And if it can be achieved without such measures as a nurse-in then we are moving ever closer to the dream that one day breastfeeding won’t even be on the list of things we fight for within society.

I’m grateful to see the community of breastfeeding supporters come together to directly benefit one mother and the school district taking steps that will benefit even more.  Proud to see that our voice of influence is helping a young mom to reach her breastfeeding goal.  Excited to see that yet another organization has been willing to learn from us and change in order to offer support that puts action to the lip service given.  So now we ask how can we celebrate these steps?  How can we applaud the organizations that learn from their mistakes and make appropriate changes?

__________________________

How can we better help teen moms successfully breastfeed?  What roadblocks can we work to remove to encourage these moms?  Have you experienced or seen someone experience lack of support or even hostility towards breastfeeding pairs?  Were peaceful paths used to change support and reach a resolution?  

 

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Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, breastmilk pumping, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Fear and Breastfeeding in Las Vegas

January 14, 2013 By

Breastfeeding is not porn, nudity, or obscene The Leaky Boob

Since starting The Leaky Boob 2.5 years ago I have said and photographed things I would never have imagined doing before.  I’ve said things such as “breastfeeding is not about sex, it’s about feeding a baby.”  Nothing like stating the obvious.  Most recently was texting my husband “do you know where that nudie card is I brought back from Vegas?  I need it.”  Yep, I brought a nudie card home from Vegas.

Say “Las Vegas” and most of us conjure up images of slot machines, black jack tables, show girls, stripers, booze, and buffets with obscene quantities of food.  Sex and money seem to flow freely.  Clothing requirements are little more than sequins, triangles, stars, and stilettos for women, the range is a little more diverse for men.

Say “mommy conference” and you probably picture babies in strollers or carriers, baby toys, tennis shoes, snack cups, and a chatty group of women.  Breastmilk and cheerios seem to flow freely.  Clothing requirements range from diapers and onesies or soft outfits in bright colors for the smaller ones in the crowd and something comfortable covered in spit up for the adults.

Say “mommy conference in Las Vegas” and you might get a little confused.

However, as much as it may seem like a collision of 2 very different worlds, the MommyCon conference in Las Vegas hosted at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino was anything but confused.  It was fun, vibrant, and sometimes a little comical (I doubt Vegas has ever seen so many babies in carriers going through their casinos).  The Flamingo Hotel did a great job securing extra cribs for the influx of young guests and the conference area hosted workshops like dancing with your baby and it didn’t even involve a pole.  While there was room for improvement, the host hotel handled the influx of moms and dads with babies and young children well and the juxtaposition wasn’t as weird as I anticipated.  I was thrilled to be there as a speaker and enjoyed my first ever trip to Las Vegas.  It seemed appropriate that I was in Vegas speaking about Sex, Lies, Parenting, and the Rest.  I had a great time with my fellow speakers and meeting the attendees of the event.

I have breastfed 6 children now, in all different settings, sometimes covered and sometimes not.  Over time, however, I stopped covering completely thanks to babies that fought the cover, me realizing that I don’t show much when I feed my baby, and eventually a belief that covering was actually hindering breastfeeding for some women either because they didn’t see others doing it or because they couldn’t navigate breastfeeding in public with a cover.  In all my breastfeeding in public experience, I have never, not once, been asked to cover or leave.  There have been times I thought I received disapproving looks or was shunned for feeding but I’ve never experienced any kind of real negativity about my feeding my baby.  Actually, I’ve experienced several positive and affirming exchanges as I fed my babies in public, more people expressing support than disapproval.  Today I’m experienced and confident when I feed my babies, well practiced and well informed about my baby’s right to eat.  Even now though, when I need to feed my baby in a public setting I will have a moment of anticipatory nervousness as though I expect something to happen.

Flamingo hotel

Feeding Sugarbaby at the Tropical Breezes cafe at the Flamingo in Las Vegas

Except in Vegas at a mommy conference that highlighted breastfeeding and where I was speaking because I created “The Leaky Boob.”  It didn’t even occur to me that someone could have a problem with me breastfeeding there, of all places.

Following my first talk in the morning of Friday, January 4, 2013, I met up with my friend, Sue, who was helping take care of my 8 month old daughter, who I call Sugarbaby, while I spoke.  We decided to have lunch in the Flamingo’s Tropical Breeze Cafe so I could feed my baby and myself before speaking at another session after the break.  Wearing a simple button up shirt and a Rumina Nursingwear tank with Bamboobies breastpads (I may be The Leaky Boob but I didn’t want to leak during my talks), I fed my hungry baby shortly after we were seated while we skimmed the menu.  She was hungry and had missed me so she got down to business pretty quickly and stayed focused.  Our server brought us our drinks and a random cup of coffee neither of us ordered and took our food order.  As we sat joking about the random cup of coffee and waiting for our food (I think he thought I looked like I could use some caffeine), a lovely woman in a suit approached us.  She smiled and asked us how we were then very politely requested that I use a cover, nodding in the general direction of my baby at my breast.

People, I laughed.  I couldn’t help it.  I laughed and asked her to repeat herself.

After confirming that she was indeed asking me to cover while I fed my baby I returned her smile, barely suppressed my laughter, and informed her of my legal right to breastfeed my baby anywhere my baby and I have the right to be, covered or not.  (Do you know the laws where you are?  This helpful resource compiled by You Can Breastfeed Here is a great place to start to find out.)  Her smile waining ever so slightly and her eyes widening ever so noticeably, she gently, though firmly, informed me that I could do whatever I wanted to do but that if I covered I would be making others feel more comfortable as there had been four tables that complained about what I was doing.

I laughed again.  Harder.  “They do know they are in Vegas, right?” I asked her through my laughter.  Because this is what is on the sidewalks and shoved into the hands of those walking on the strip:

Vegas Nudie card

She looked around and I kept looking at her, still chuckling at the irony of this situation.  She knows that just before walking into her cafe I walked past a platform where that very evening, like every night, a woman exposing far more than I was while feeding my baby, dances with moves intending to sexually entice.  She knows that the sidewalks in front of the hotel are littered with photo cards of naked women with tiny stars on their nipples.  She knows that this very hotel advertises a burlesque show featuring breasts (bare), butts, and spread eagle moves on a video that loops endlessly in each guest elevator.  She knows that the very people that complained have seen all that and probably more in the 10 minutes before they sat at their table.  I know she was just trying to do her job.  I know she had no idea that there was actually a law stating I had the right to breastfeed anywhere my baby and I were legally permitted to be.  I know that in her line of work making the customer happy is a delicate balance when one customer may be making another uncomfortable.  I know that in that moment she was wishing I had never walked into her cafe.  I wondered if news coverage of irate breastfeeding moms flashed through her mind.

When she looked back at me I felt sorry for her.  She was probably a mom, I don’t know, but she wasn’t trying to make my life hard, nor was I trying to complicate her job.  In her mind it was simple, I could cover.  In my mind it was simple as well, putting the comfort of others over my child’s right to eat without a blanket on her head just wasn’t ok.  Her smile gone but her face still pleasant she stated again that I could do what I want but it would really help if I covered.  I thanked her and kindly told her that I would continue feeding my baby as I was.

Note that she didn’t yell at me, she never touched my baby or me, she did not call me names, she did not go over to the tables that complained and loudly inform them that I wouldn’t comply, she didn’t ask me to leave, and she didn’t threaten me in any way.

My friend and I laughed once she walked away, we could hardly talk as we shook with laughter.  Jamie Greyson, TheBabyGuyNYC,  joined us for lunch and we all talked about what had just happened.  This was a big deal but I didn’t want to do much about it before giving the hotel and casino the opportunity to make things right.  As I had another session coming up there wasn’t much I could do in the moment but finish feeding my daughter, eat my lunch, and tweet about the irony of the situation.  Jamie and I both shared the story on Twitter, tagged Flamingo, ordered our food, and discussed the entire situation over our meal before heading to my next session.  We all agreed that how I was feeding Sugarbaby at the moment showed far less than the poster outside the cafe and the cards handed out on the Vegas streets.

Vegas showgirl and breastfeeding mom

Poster outside cafe, me feeding Sugarbaby inside cafe.

Here’s where it gets most interesting.  In the 2.5 years I’ve been running The Leaky Boob I have watched how companies handle such fumbles when they receive public scrutiny for harassing a breastfeeding mothers and precious few navigate the rocky terrain well.  That very weekend Hollister Co was facing a national nurse-in protesting their handling of one of their store managers humiliating a Houston woman for breastfeeding in their Galleria store.  Over a week later and the company still hasn’t responded adequately.  I wasn’t sure what to expect from a Las Vegas hotel and casino but was pleasantly surprised to discover tweets from them responding not only to mine and Jamie’s tweets regarding the situation but individual responses to each of our followers that tweeted Flamingo about the situation as well.  It wasn’t long before I had a direct exchange with Flamingo on Twitter, in direct message, over emails, and then a phone call.  The representatives of the Flamingo asked if they could meet with me before I left and they publicly informed Twitter that they would be working with me to make it right.

My day was full of events and meetings so I was unavailable until Saturday, just before I had to leave.  It would have been easy to brush me off on a Saturday but instead Scott Farber Director of Food Operations, met with me personally Saturday morning to apologize, let me know that he had a meeting with his staff on Friday and informed them of Nevada state law permitting a woman to breastfeed her child where ever she has the legal right to be, and instructing his staff that should customers complain about a woman breastfeeding again they would not address the mother but would work with the customers that complained.  Kind and genuine, Scott laughed with me at the irony of being in Vegas and asked to cover.  Scott offered to make it up to me with a free meal and more and was genuinely concerned about how I was after the experience.  He shared that Estella, the manager, was horrified that she had misstepped in saying anything to me and he extended her apology as well as I didn’t have time to meet with her.  We discussed how the Flamingo could better welcome families and some changes that could be made to do so well.  The possibility of me returning to train their staff and sister hotels to consult with them on how to be set apart in Las Vegas as a family friendly destination came up.  These weren’t the actions of a company that wanted to embarrass their customer families, these were the actions of a company that cared to stand apart and understands the value of doing things right.

Yes, the cafe manager should have been aware of the law prior to asking me to cover but it isn’t a well-known law and probably not something they would have even anticipated needing to know.  Now that they are aware, however, they are responding and preparing to not make the same mistake again.  Instead of ignoring or responding heatedly to the situation, the Flamingo has become a model for other companies that find themselves in what could be a PR disaster.  A company that will receive my repeat business because of how well they handled their mistake.

The problem is a simple fix for the historic Las Vegas hotel and casino and they are well on their way to making it right.  The experience reflects more on society as a whole though.  That the most scandalous sight for some Las Vegas visitors was a baby eating is a little mind boggling.  Thankfully, I’m not easily intimidated, am informed on the law, am more than happy to help educate, and in the end I’m glad this experience happened to me because I believe through it The Leaky Boob and the Flamingo hotel and casino can work together to better support breastfeeding moms be they in Las Vegas or on the other side of the world.  If it happened to someone else it could have greatly damaged their breastfeeding relationship or intimidated them to not risk leaving their home setting them up for postpartum depression and extreme isolation.  Hopefully, by raising awareness others can become informed of the laws and their right to feed their baby and more companies will work to educate their employees on how to better support breastfeeding mothers and more and more mothers won’t have to be afraid to breastfeed their babies in Vegas or anywhere else.

Vegas call card compared to breastfeeding

_______________________________

 The Flamingo Hotel and Casino has asked me for tips and suggestions as to how their staff could handle breastfeeding situations in the future in a way that would be supportive and informed.  

What would be your suggestions?  

What tips would you give the employees that may encounter a breastfeeding pair and possible complaints from other guests?

_______________________________

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Filed Under: Boobs, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, Breastfeeding in public, breastfeeding stories, breasts, covering, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, nursing Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Arm’s Reach and MommyCon Announcement and Giveaway

December 10, 2012 By

I’m headed to Vegas baby!  I’ve never been, true story.  But now Arm’s Reach Concepts has made it possible for me to meet up with a few hundred other moms at MommyCon- the boutique style conference focusing on natural parenting methods for everyone; single moms, career moms, stay at home moms, and even dads.  I get Vegas and hanging out with like-minded internet friends to talk about breastfeeding, parenting, birth, babywearing, sleeping, sex, growing up, and all other manner of topics related to life as a parent.  There’s even yoga.  Sugarbaby and I can’t wait!  While there I get to lead two sessions, one to talk about “Sex, Lies, Breastfeeding, and the Rest- finding fun and sleep amidst the realities of parenting” and another session called “Growing Together With Our Children“.  Even better, a designated private party to hang with other Leakies!

 

I’m thrilled that MommyCon has put in considerable effort to make this conference affordable.  Staying in a swank Las Vegas hotel AND workshops /seminars with fun and informational presenters such as Jamie Grayson, TheBabyGuyNY and all for a great rate.  At $110 for a single attendance registration and hotel stay or $150 family registration and hotel.  That great rate just got even better, read on for a discount code just for Leakies.  The price can’t be beat for a getaway in Vegas with friends.  It’s great to know that having my 8 month old Sugarbaby in tow at the time won’t be a problem either at this mommy centered event.  To register, go here.  To reserve your space at The Leaky Boob Meet-And-Leak private party on the 3rd, email jessica@mommy-con.com.

One of my favorite companies, Arm’s Reach Concepts, a company that helps families have safe sleeping arrangements, is not only partnering with me to make it possible for me to speak at MommyCon, they are sharing information for parents to make the right sleep choices for their family.  Joining me in Vegas, ARC places great value in supporting parents and producing great products that assist them.  It’s no surprise then that this company is staffed with incredible people that genuinely want to help families get off to a great start.  Innovative and dedicated this company isn’t afraid to think outside the crib which has earned them the endorsement of Dr. Jack McKenna regarding their co-sleeper design.

To get ready for the fun in January, we’re doing 2 exciting giveaways: a single attendance registration (winner is responsible for their own travel) and an Arm’s Reach Concepts Cocoon.  Both of these giveaway items are a great value and all about encouraging and supporting families.  It’s an honor and a pleasure to share these with you.

baby hammock, Arm's Reach, Cocoon

The Beautiful Dreamer Cocoon, a $140 value, is a new product in the ARC family of co-sleeping accessories.  Designed to mimic the feeling of the womb so newborns feel more secure, the hammock bed style Beautiful Dreamer Cocoon cradles baby closely and gently sways in response to baby’s movement.  Perfect for babies birth to 15 pounds The Beautiful Dreamer Cocoon is easy to move around the house, keeping baby close for naps while mom or dad accomplish tasks that need to be done in their day.  The Cocoon is for infants birth to 15 pounds or when child can rollover, whichever comes first.

Sugarbaby and I got to scope out The Beautiful Dreamer Cocoon this past October and while she was just on the edge of being to big for it, we were both big fans.  After spending 3 days on my back at a trade show, a fussy Sugarbaby was done being worn and settled right down when we tried The Cocoon.  In no time at all she was happily kicking and smiling at the soft toys bouncing above her.

Arm's Reach Concepts Cocoon, baby hammock

I talked with Xza Higgins from MommyCon and asked her to share the details of the registration giveaway and some background on why she started MommyCon and what Leakies could expect.

Xza:  MommyCon was founded to bring forward thinking parents together in an environment that promotes; learning, growing and nurturing our offspring.  A big part of why I started MommyCon, was because I was sick of attending mom events that talked about breastfeeding, babywearing, birth, etc. but then receiving a package of formula to take home with me and pamphlets on “when to ask for the epidural.” The seminars didn’t speak to me, and so I began planning babywearing classes, cloth diapering workshops, and car seat checks utilizing my like-minded friends knowledge and experts that I met along the way. I always felt like I was just at one big sales pitch, and that is why I’m dedicated to making MommyCon an event that moms from across the globe want to attend so they can mingle with other mommy’s and learn about things they are passionate about.

Our first event under the MommyCon title is MommyCon Mini and will take place  on January 4, 2013 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The main event will run from 10am-5pm, but we will have morning yoga for early risers and there will be private meet and greet the evening before with Jessica from The Leaky Boob. MommyCon registration is required to attend the meet and greet on the 3rd, and space is limited. You can email Jessica@mommy-con.com to reserve your space.

MommyCon, Las Vegas

Sample Schedule for MommyCon Mini, 2013

Red Rock 3

9:15AM :              Yoga – Mom and Baby

10:30AM:             Pre and Post-Natal Dance Class with Menina Fortunato

11:30AM:             Babywearing 101 & Wrapping

Lunch Break

1:30PM:               Pre-natal Considerations for Expectant Mom’s

2:30PM:               Car Seat Safety & The Best Seats for Your Family

3:30PM:               Tips for a Greener Home: Saving Money & Protecting Our Planet

 

Red Rock 4

10:00AM              Welcome! Mothering Through Breastfeeding

11:00AM                  The Leaky Boob Growing with Your Children

12:00PM               Cloth Diapering for Modern Families

Lunch Break

2:00PM                 The Leaky Boob presents Sex, Lies and Parenting

3:00PM                        Infant Massage Workshop with Amber Puzzi, LMT

4:00PM                 Jamie Grayson “The Baby Guy NYC” Best of Gear Seminar with thousands of dollars worth of giveaways!

Registration Opens at 8am

Shopping area is Red Rock 2 from 9:30am-5:00pm

Las Vegas hotel

You can register to attend MommyCon by visiting our website and clicking “attend.” We have single tickets, family packs and even hotel and ticket bundles. A ticket to MommyCon is just $50 for a day full of fun, learning and growing together. Children are all welcome to attend, but we do encourage babywearing instead of lugging strollers as there is limited parking for them.

The Leaky Boob readers can receive 10% off tickets and bundles by using code Leaky10 – prize can also be applied to existing MommyCon ticket purchase.

Website

Twitter

Facebook

To be entered for either of these great prizes, check out the widgets below.  Good luck everyone!  Hope to see you at MommyCon, 2013!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Filed Under: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding and sleep, Featured, giveaway, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting, sex, sleep through the night, Sponsor, The Leaky Boob Tagged With: , , , , ,

Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a princess, and regular ol’ me- Kate Middleton and I have something in common

December 3, 2012 By

Kate Middleton Pregnant, pregnancy, HG, hyperemesis gravidarum

I am a terrible, rotten, no good person.  I just celebrated when I read that the Duchess of Cambridge is suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum in her pregnancy and was admitted to the hospital for IV fluids.

Then I sat in the local coffee shop and wiped away tears.

I’m not actually happy that Kate Middleton has HG, I feel for her a little too well.  A year ago I was in the thick of my 6th battle with HG, a PICC line in my arm and about 16 pounds below my prepregnant weight (much better than the close to 40 pounds I lost with my 1st).  I barely ate and a great day was throwing up only 12 times.  We were excited because it was my best pregnancy yet.  And it still sucked.  I wouldn’t wish HG on my worst enemy, it ruins pregnancies, wrecks families, trashes the mother’s body, and in the worst cases takes lives.

My experience with HG has been traumatic.  The end results have been beautiful babies and I’d go through it all over again for them but HG has changed me physically and emotionally.  I have struggled to put into words my experience with my first 3 pregnancies so painful are the memories.  We’ve come a long way in the 14 years since I had my first but even so I still hear doubt that maybe this whole thing is in my head.  Often from strangers, regularly from health care professionals, sometimes from people I know, and once in a while from myself.

Insertion of my last PICC

There may be one person I would wish HG on, the doctor that told me that if I really wanted my baby I would stop throwing up.  My will would be strong enough.  Throwing up was my subconscious trying to rid my life of this baby.  I would stop throwing up if I actually wanted her.  That if I didn’t then I should just terminate her because I wouldn’t love her anyway.  This doctor didn’t tell me there was a name for what I was experiencing and told me my IV line would be pulled after 2 bags of fluid and I’d have to prove that I wanted this baby.  At four months pregnant I was 83 pounds.  But I wanted my baby, I really did.  I couldn’t understand why I was so weak, why my body was betraying me.  What horrible thoughts and feelings about my baby was I hiding from myself?  How could I change them so I could stop throwing up and could keep my baby?  Why wasn’t I strong enough to stop throwing up?  Broken and my husband traveling, I agreed to the termination because I had 2 children already and I didn’t want them to be motherless.  I was so afraid of dying that I died on the inside.

Napkins don’t wipe up tears and snot so well.  I want to explain to the people shooting concerned looks my way but saying I’m crying because Princess Kate is sick just won’t come out right.

So why would I celebrate and then break down in tears upon hearing that the princess has HG?

Seeing that Kate Middleton has HG, is receiving media coverage, medical care, and the support of people all over the world has turned me into a blubbering fool sitting in a public space.  I’m not her and she’s not me, but a person, a celebrity, a REAL PERSON EVERYONE WOULD RECOGNIZE AS BEING A REAL PERSON (and not just me) has hyperemesis gravidarum!  It’s for real.  Everyone is going to hear about it.  I’m not crazy!

I’ve long known I’m not alone.  While HG isn’t common it does impact about 2% of pregnancies and is increasingly recognized by health care professionals.  In my 4th pregnancy I found information, support, resources, and most importantly, friendship with other women that have or were experiencing HG in their pregnancies through the Hyperemesis Education and Research Foundation HelpHer forums.  With them as my companions, we navigated the choppy waters of HG with more options in our boat.  We learned what questions to ask, The Piano Man became a more confident advocate for me, I admitted how bad I was, and I relaxed about taking medication.  My pregnancies got easier but I’ve never experienced normal morning sickness, just less severe HG.  My care has spanned no intervention except when I would collapse, to occasional IVs, to a PICC and daily hydration, and in one pregnancy a short bit with TPN until I developed sepsis and my line had to be pulled.  All of them required anti-emetics and either hospitalization or home health care.

Some say I was crazy to go through 6 HG pregnancies and maybe I was.  I answer why we continued having babies even with HG here if you’d like to read it but the short version is I didn’t want HG to win, I didn’t want my family planning determined by this condition.  We felt we were missing people in our family and adoption wasn’t an option.  And I’m really, really stubborn.

We have a long, long way to go in understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  I hate that Kate is experiencing this, I hate that anybody would experience it.  The comments on the article about Kate’s pregnancy troubles are a mix of support and nasty.  Hopefully though, Kate’s suffering can do others a world of good by raising awareness and maybe even more research and education of health professionals will result.  I know that  many of my HG sisters in the UK have struggled for appropriate treatment protocols in managing their HG, specifically in needing prescriptions for Zofran.  I hope that an official diagnoses of HG for Kate would lead to a better standard of care for women in the UK suffering from this condition in the future.  In time I believe HG won’t be mocked by the general public and will be accepted as a real condition that deserves real respect and support.  We’ve already made progress.

Even with that progress I’ve heard people, many my own health care providers, say some incredibly hurtful and ignorant things about HG.  Here’s a sample, all of which came from my own health care providers along the way, some as recent as 9 months ago:

If you really wanted this baby you would will yourself to stop vomiting.

It doesn’t count as vomiting if nothing comes up any more. (My OB when I was in the hospital.)

You just need to make yourself eat.

You don’t need fluids yet, you still have tears.  (As I cried in my OB’s office.)

Every pregnancy is different. (This one was a big part of me trying for the “perfect pregnancy.”)

If you come in here and have lost more way I’m going to be so upset with you.

You just need to try harder.

I think there has to be a mental component, why else would you vomit so much?

I don’t understand why your food journal is blank.  (After saying I threw everything up.)

Oh no, we’re not admitting you to L&D, that’s for having babies, you’re going to psych. because there is obviously something going on there with you.

I’ve never met anyone that didn’t experience relief with ginger, it shouldn’t burn if you’re doing it right.

Just some tea and crackers before you get out of bed, you got up to pee first, that’s why you still got sick.

What message are you sending your children with throwing up so much?  I would be worried about that.

Are you sure you’re not anorexic?  I’m ordering a psych eval, you don’t need meds, just help with your head.

There must be some unconfessed sin in your life, confess it and be healed.

Really, you can’t complain, at least you won’t have any weight to lose after the baby.

How could you eat that?  What a terrible choice. (It was a milk shake and the only thing I kept down that day.)

Do you think you are suffering for the sins of your ancestors?  (A midwife, not mine, while I was on the floor vomiting.)

I’m not sure what you expect me to do, you just can’t handle the realities of pregnancy.

I don’t like using medications in pregnancy but I guess it’s better than you dying.  (I didn’t stay with this midwife.)

 

I couldn’t go through with that termination with my 3rd.  My heart wanted that baby even if my care provider didn’t believe me and my body fought it.  Today that baby is 9 years old and an incredible sister to her 5 sisters.  We survived.  Now, as I cry over the princess of England having HG, I feel a part of me healing that I had thought died.

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