The Romanticized Myth of What Constitutes Successful Breastfeeding- An Apology

by Jessica Martin-Weber

Dear Leakies,

This is my 5th version of this letter. I’m going to finish this one.

But first I’m going to do something I’ve never done here before:

To hell with the WHO Code

That’s a picture of Sugarbaby receiving a bottle. A bottle of my milk. Taken 2 years ago by my wonderful husband, I love this photo. So much love and pride captured in this moment. A vital moment in me reaching and achieving my breastfeeding goals. And that bottle wasn’t even kind of a “booby trap” to my breastfeeding goals.

Still, I never shared it with any of you here, on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

Why haven’t I shared this or images like it with The Leaky Boob community before now? Why is this my 5th attempt at this letter? It’s simple:

Shame.

Yep. I have harbored shame. Not shame that my babies have received bottles, no, I have absolutely no shame that I’ve fed my children as I needed to. No, my shame came from using a bottle made by a WHO Code violating company. (To learn about what the International Code of marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes is, go here.) Only, that’s not really the shame I’m holding either, do you know how hard it is to find a bottle that’s not made by a WHO code violator? Nearly impossible.

No, my shame goes way beyond even the WHO Code, bottle feeding, or supporting a WHO Code violator.

My shame is that I haven’t cared about the WHO Code for 3 years, but felt I had to in order to be a “good” breastfeeding supporter.

My shame is that I played along, even became a part of the self-appointed WHO Code policing brigade for a time, even though I knew all along, deep down in my heart, that the almighty WHO Code was creating barriers.

My shame is that I felt righteous supporting the WHO Code. The original purpose of the WHO Code was so pure, so right, so good, how could I not support it?

My shame is that I upheld an artificial picture of what it looked like to successfully breastfeed and called it supporting the WHO Code.

My shame is that my actions supported the WHO Code more than they supported women, babies, and families.

But my shame is not that my babies were fed, not that they were loved, not that they sucked on an artificial teat.

To hell with the WHO Code

Look at that big sister love and pride!

Screw shame. I’m done. And I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry that it has taken 3 years for me to find my courage to take the stand I live but never shared here.  I’m sorry that I’ve not been honest.

Because this is what successful breastfeeding has looked like for me:

To hell with the WHO Code

And so is this:

to hell with the WHO Code

For every single one of my 6 beautiful children, bottles and breast have been a part of me reaching my goals. And not just because I had to go back to work. I choose to go back to work, I love working and am a better parent when I work, but even when I didn’t work outside the home, I elected to partially bottle feed my milk to my baby. This was a positive thing for me as I get physically stimulated very easily and as an introvert found the need to create some space for myself. I did better mentally and emotionally, which meant I was in a healthier place mentally and emotionally to parent my children. It was the best healthy choice for us. I have never, not once, regretted it. Today, with a breastfeeding 2.5 year old, I also don’t believe it ever interfered with our breastfeeding nor did bottles have a negative impact on me reaching my breastfeeding goals.

In fact, I firmly believe that without bottles, I would have quit breastfeeding early on.

And see the big child in this photo bottle-feeding her baby sister my milk?

to hell with the WHO code

Do you see that eye contact? *melt*

She was mostly formula fed.

I don’t have any shame about that either. In fact, I’m damn proud that when the time came I could make the right decision for us to stop breastfeeding and switch to formula. The regret I have felt about that has been artificial and circumstantial, never true. It took a lot of courage for me to make that decision and it was the right one. I would make it again if I had to. I will support you if it’s the decision you need to make as well. We’ve been vocal here that breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing to be successful, I just haven’t been visible with that reality for myself.

Through The Leaky Boob I have contributed to a beautiful yet often unattainable depiction of what it looks like to breastfeed. In my attempt to normalize breastfeeding and provide support up what breastfeeding looks like, I have held up at the breast breastfeeding as being more beautiful, more important, more viable, more worthy of sharing and discussing and promoting than any other infant feeding methodology.

I support people before I support a feeding method.

to hell with the WHO Code

Sugarbaby’s big sisters loved to give her a bottle

I look at these photos of my baby receiving bottles and I see a beautiful, important, viable feeding worthy of sharing and discussing and promoting. Normalizing breastfeeding (bottle-feeders will tell me they feel that is normalized) and normalizing bottle-feeding(breastfeeders will tell me they fell that is normalized) shouldn’t be in competition with each other. What really seems to need to be normalized is caring for children. Parenting. Without it being a contest or a platform to boost how we feel about ourselves.

Feeding your child is real, no matter what they are fed or the mode of delivery. It’s real, it’s important, it’s complicated, and parents deserve support as they navigate this terrain. I am sorry that The Leaky Boob has, at times, failed to communicate that. I a sorry if instead of being a part of building your confidence, I’ve been a part of tearing it down. Deeply sorry.

I know there are those who will tell me I haven’t failed and I appreciate that.

I also know there will be those that will tell me that I haven’t failed until now. I appreciate that too.

But for the last 4 years as The Leaky Boob I have not been entirely honest with you. As a public voice in breastfeeding support, I have contributed to a mythical image of breastfeeding. I wish I could say it wasn’t intentional but it was and of the 4 years I’ve been doing The Leaky Boob, I have wrestled with this for three years. Motivated by fear, I allowed myself to present a picture of my breastfeeding journey and an idealized image of “successful” breastfeeding that simply wasn’t true. Well, not true for me anyway and likely not true for many of you. And I know holding that ideal up was damaging for some and a sort of betrayal for others. It wasn’t that I overtly lied, it was more of an omission of truth. I was wrong to do so and I am sorry.

A few weeks ago I was sitting with a friend of ours, a new dad who was bragging about how his wife and son had worked so hard at breastfeeding and just the day before, at close to 8 weeks old, had fed directly from the breast for all of the feeds. He said something that struck me: “you know, I think they’ve been breastfeeding, we’ve worked so hard but it’s not like you ever see pictures of breastfed babies getting bottles. Our lactation consultants were great but it’s a lot of work, a lot of time, a LOT of money, you know? The work you do is so important, we were on The Leaky Boob all the time and we have found a lot of help and support there but we still felt alone. I mean, it feels like it’s not as real if we’re giving a bottle, nobody ever talks about that. Does anyone else go through this?”

I was confronted with the reality of my failure on my couch.

to hell with the WHO code

Babies feeding babies here. So much big sister love!

Leakies I am sorry I never shared images of my babies and other babies receiving bottles. I was wrong to only ever present a side of my infant feeding journey that was safe for me as a public breastfeeding supporter. Anxious that I would be inviting drama and attacks from other breastfeeding supporters, educators, blogs, organizations, and my own readers, I didn’t want to risk being accused of being a WHO Code violator by posting pictures of my babies with their bottles. Specially since I do make some income from The Leaky Boob, I was concerned that if I ever even showed bottle feeding some would think it was sending the wrong message.

But message or not, this is the truth: my babies, all 6 of them, got bottles. One got mostly formula in her bottles. Back when I was attending women as they had their babies, often I was helping a new mother and baby pair with their first few feedings while my baby was at home getting a bottle of my milk. And every single bottle my babies have received was manufactured by a WHO Code violating company. I’ve never once regretted that, never once felt guilty for it, never once wished it was another way. But I did feel afraid to show it.

My incredible husband, Jeremy, The Piano Man, has never had a problem sharing these images though and not because he doesn’t understand the WHO Code or is unaware of the barriers women face when it comes to breastfeeding. When he came home one day with a new bottle and I stressed about having a WHO Code violating bottle in our house, that it couldn’t be posted anywhere online, and that I felt sick giving money to a Code violating company, he simply looked at me and calmly said “I thought this was about feeding our daughter.” I sterilized that bottle and moved on, knowing I wouldn’t post any photos of the offending bottle. But he did. And the very first comment on the photo was this:

WHO Code

E bottle feeding A copy IG bottle feeding comments redacted

I understand where the commenter was coming from and she wasn’t giving anyone a hard time but it’s true, because of the half truth I had shared, it was strange to see one of my baby’s drinking from a bottle. But it wasn’t strange that she was receiving one, it was actually a part of our normal infant feeding routine.

Bottles were an important part of me reaching my breastfeeding goals. Without bottles, I’m not sure I would have made it as far as I have and I’m pretty certain I would never have even started The Leaky Boob. I have talked about using bottles and formula feeding my second daughter, but I never shared images and I carefully couched sharing those experiences as safely as I could so as not to invite controversy.

I have let go of my shame and my fear.

By intentionally keeping that part of my breastfeeding journey quiet, by not sharing images of my baby receiving a bottle, by just sharing images of my babies feeding only at my breasts, and by neglecting the real life bottled-up aspects of the breastfeeding journeys of others, I perpetuated a romanticized myth of what constitutes successful breastfeeding.

I am sorry. Please forgive me.

With all my love, sincerely,

~Jessica

bottle feeding and breastfeeding The Leaky Boob Sugarbaby

Do you use bottles? How do you feel about using bottles? Do you share pictures on social media of your baby receiving bottles? Need help bottle-feeding your breastfed baby? Check out this articleFacebook page, and this book.

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Sleeping with the enemy- PAHO of The World Health Organization accepts funding from Nestlé

By Laura Griffin and Jessica Martin-Weber.  This post takes a look at the relationship between Nestlé and the Pan American Health Office of The World Health Organization.  Laura breaks down why this relationship is a conflict of interests, why parents and breastfeeding supporters should care, and what we can do. 

On October 19th, Reuters reported that the Pan American Health Office (PAHO) of The World Health Organization (WHO) had gone against previous policy and accepted funding from industry, including from Nestlé who donated $150,000.  I do not believe that this unsupportive support is going to do anyone any good.  Except maybe Nestlé.  Just as formula companies breastfeeding hotlines are marketing gimmicks masquerading as support, so is Nestlé’s donation to the Pan American Health Office.  Make no mistake, a company as savvy as Nestlé would never give such a substantial donation if they did not believe the dividends would be worth their investment.

Nestlé is the most boycotted company in the world, due in no small part to their serial violation of the International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes (WHO Code). The WHO Code was drawn up in 1981 to protect the health of mothers and babies from predatory marketing, pressure, and false claims about infant formula.

formula advertising WHO code violating Nestle

Around the world they have made claims that their formula is good for babies brain development “like breastmilk” and perfect “for the hungry full-term infant”. Nestlé’s has invested countless dollars and hours to market their formula products specifically to women that would otherwise breastfeed, utilizing images and language that implies an “as good as” or even superiority comparison of their product to breastmilk.  They have coerced women in third world countries into formula feeding using sales people dressed as nurses and giving out free samples. The samples run out after the mothers’ milk has dried up and, often unable to afford the formula, they resort to watering it down to make it last longer. There is often no clean water source for these women to use for formula which brings further risks to the health of their children. I am incredibly lucky to live where it is rare for an infant to die of malnutrition or diarrhoea but in these developing countries it is a very real risk, exacerbated by this predatory marketing.

Please, reader, understand that this is not a case of “formula bashing”. I believe that women who need or choose to formula feed should be allowed to do so without lies or pressure from companies who are more interested in profit than health. They deserve to be able to trust the product they use. They deserve to be the foremost consideration of the formula company.  The honorary chairman of Nestlé, Helmut Maucher once said “Ethical decisions that injure a firm’s ability to compete are actually immoral”. Every family, whether breastfeeding, formula feeding, or both, deserves more than this!

This is not the philosophy of a company we want to join forces with the Organization entrusted with our health and that of the most vulnerable people in the world. I personally consider it unethical for PAHO to have partnered with a company who have violated the WHO countless times and have consistently put profit before the health of their customers.  To say nothing of the irony that several, if not all, of the preventable chronic diseases of the world today that PAHO and WHO are supposed to be fighting such as obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and more are linked directly to the very food-like products that come from Nestlé.

Four of the most prominent chronic diseases – cardiovascular diseases (CVD), cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and type 2 diabetes – are linked by common and preventable biological risk factors, notably high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol and overweight, and by related major behavioural risk factors: unhealthy diet, physical inactivity and tobacco use.

~ Integrated Chronic Disease Prevention and Control from The World Health Organization’s website, emphasis mine.

 

A petition has been started by “Friends of the WHO Code” calling for an end to this partnership and for the return of Nestlé’s money. The petition can be found here.  There has been a call to boycott Nestlé for a very long time for a number of reasons not just limited to their unethical marketing practices of their infant feeding products but also because of known problems within their supply chains of production involving the very worst forms of child labor including harmful settings, abuse, child slavery, and kidnapping.  Standing against Nestlé is advocating for mothers and children around the world far beyond formula, read about the problem with chocolate here.

What can you do?

  • If you feel that Nestlé has no place at the PAHO-WHO table, then please sign and share the petition and share this information with friends and family.  Often, when I explain why my family boycotts Nestlé and their subsidiaries, I receive shocked responses that this company that works so hard to put forth a family friendly face of support is in fact regularly undermining the very people they claim to support.  People simply have no idea.
  • Tweet @WHO and @pahowho using the hashtag #NoNestle to express your concern over this leading health organization accepting funding from a private company known to violate their very own code of ethics in marketing breastfeeding substitutes.
  • Follow @NestleFail on twitter to support the cause and follow the latest information on holding Nestlé and other companies accountable for the predatory marketing tactics.
  • Join the Facebook page “Friends of the WHO Code” to stay informed of this situation and to know how to participate further as a voice for mothers and children.
  • Consider participating in the boycott of Nestlé products as every cent you spend on their products goes toward the profits of a company that repeatedly exhibits questionable ethics and jeopardizes maternal/child health through out parts of the world.
Please understand, this is not about using formula, it’s not even about Nestlé’s formula.  This is about standing together to hold accountable the organizations that are responsible for gathering and distributing life saving health information and to let corporations know that ethical practices and authentic caring for people matter far more than slick marketing and donation gimmicks.  Will you stand with us?
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Bottle Feeding Breastfed Babies

 

by Tanya Lieberman, IBCLC, with Amy Peterson, IBCLC

We’re very pleased to share an interview about bottles and breastfed babies today. We asked Amy Peterson, IBCLC, co-author of Balancing Breast and Bottle: Reaching your Breastfeeding Goals, to answer our questions.

For those of you who combine bottles with breastfeeding – whether you’re pumping at work, supplementing, or use a bottle for occasional separations – bottle and nipple selection can be confusing. For those of you whose babies refuse bottles, it can be very frustrating!

We hope that the information she shares below is helpful. Amy offers more information on bottlefeeding breastfed babies on her website.

Many bottles are advertised as “easing the transition from breast to bottle” and back again. What do you think of these claims? Are they independently verified?

These claims are very misleading. Just as every mother’s breast has a unique shape and flow, every baby has a unique suck/swallow cycle. What works well for one baby might be terrible for another. Parents need to observe their own baby sucking on a bottle nipple and analyze if the latch and swallow look similar to that on the breast. In our book, we use a tool called the SIMPLE Method that guides parents step-by-step on how to choose a bottle nipple for their own baby’s unique latch.

We are not aware if such advertising claims have been verified. However, we do know that this type of marketing is in violation of the International Code of Breastmilk Substitutes. This international health policy document, adopted by many countries excluding the U.S., is designed to protect families from underhanded marketing ploys such as words or pictures idealizing artificial feeding. Comparing a bottle to breastfeeding—even if it contains breastmilk—is idealizing that brand.

In our professional experience of helping babies combine breast and bottle-feeding, we have found that the nipples which claim to be best for breastfed babies are often the worst choice. The bottle nipples that are best for breastfed babies have a gradual transition from tip to base.

You and your co-author tested 37 bottles. What were the features you were comparing, and what did you learn about the range of bottles that you’d most want parents of breastfed babies to know?

We tested two different aspects of bottle nipples. First, we measured dripping by looking at the number of drips and the size of each drip. Then we hooked up bottles to a hospital grade breast pump to determine how fast bottles flow. After performing these tests, we compared the results to see if bottle dripping and flow rate were related.

The results were surprising. First of all, about half of the nipples, regardless of a non-“no drip” label stopped dripping within five seconds of tipping them upside-down. That was important for us because many bottle companies claim their nipples are “no drip,” implying that bottles that don’t drip are a better choice. To rule out the importance of dripping, we did further testing.

Second, we measured the size of the drip for those bottles that did drip. The most important thing we found was dripping does not equal a higher amount of liquid. Bottles that appeared to drip a lot often had less volume. Frequently it is assumed that a fast dripping bottle has a large amount in the drip. We discovered that a bottle may drip frequently, but with a low output. So, it is impossible to judge the size of the drip with the naked eye. Stated another way, the number of drips doesn’t mean more liquid is coming out.

As for flow, the term “slow” is not standard. To determine flow, we hooked up bottles to a hospital grade breast pump and measured the amount of liquid collected after 20 cycles. We found there was a wide range of “slow.” For example, the fastest nipple was eleven times faster than the slowest nipple. Following testing, we ranked nipples from slowest to fastest in Appendix C of Balancing Breast and Bottle. This is important because if a nipple flows too quickly, a baby’s suck will become disorganized. Likewise, a nipple might be too slow for some babies. A parent needs to watch their baby’s response to bottle-feeding rather than relying on package labeling. If a parent thinks the bottle is flowing too fast, try a different nipple in the package, and/or try a different brand.

The most fascinating results came from comparing the data of these two tests (drip and flow). Dripping is different than flow; they are not related. Most breastfeeding books suggest turning a bottle over to see how fast it drips in an effort to select a bottle with a slow flow. This suggestion is not accurate. We tested a nipple that dripped an average of 56 times when tipped over, but had a slow flow. Then, we looked at a no-drip nipple and much to our surprise, found it flowed 10.6 times faster. Big difference! Dripping is not related to flow.

Parents are often advised to begin breastfed babies on “slow flow nipples,” but even nipples advertised as “slow flow” can seem very fast. Are there any that are as slow as you think is appropriate?

As mentioned earlier, the term “slow” is not standardized. Nonetheless, it is important to begin with a slow nipple. If a nipple flows too quickly, a baby’s suck will become disorganized. For breastfeeding babies, it is best to choose a flow that mimics mom’s flow. For this reason, it is hard to say one or two brands are “best” since flow varies from mother to mother. Likewise, a nipple might be too slow for some babies. This is why we ranked the bottles and listed them in our book.

It is also important to remember that flow is only one aspect of choosing a bottle. If the baby’s mouth placement is wrong, regardless of the flow, baby will bring bad habits to the breast and still be in danger of early weaning.

For parents who are struggling to get their breastfed babies to take bottles, and who are exploring different bottles, what should they be looking for?

Moms need to consider the nipple shape and their baby’s mouth placement on the nipple. Ideally, the nipple chosen will gradually flare from the nipple length to the nipple base. This shape allows the tip of the nipple to reach far back into the baby’s mouth as the breast does, and then helps the baby to feed with the mouth open. Quite often a “narrow neck” nipple has a shape that reaches far into the baby’s mouth and allows for gradual widening of the baby’s lips.

A shape that often does not work well is a wide neck nipple where the nipple length meets the nipple base at a right angle. This nipple shape promotes what we call “straw” sucking, where the baby’s mouth closes around the length of the nipple and doesn’t open for the base. When babies “straw” suck on a bottle nipple, we often see gaps in the corners of the baby’s mouth which leads to leaking milk, gulping air, etc. This is quite different than breastfeeding.

One bottle feeding method is called “paced feeding.” Can you describe it and explain why it might be helpful to a breastfed baby? What are some signs that a baby is becoming overwhelmed while bottle feeding?

Paced feeding refers to helping a baby eat more slowly from the bottle. Pacing became popular in 2002, before flow had been studied. The idea behind pacing is that by helping the baby rest briefly during bottle-feeding, moms can more closely mimic how the baby naturally feeds at the breast. When a baby breastfeeds, the mother has several let-downs during the feeding. Between let-downs, the baby’s sucking slows and baby can rest briefly. If a baby is feeding from a fast flow “slow flow” nipple, the suck/swallow will be disorganized. Pacing helps the baby have rest periods while bottle feeding that naturally occur at the breast. Now that we know flow can be controlled by choosing an appropriate nipple, we have another technique in our bag of tricks to help babies be more coordinated when feeding from a bottle.

It is important to note that most babies can pace themselves once they master bottle-feeding with the right nipple. How do you pace? First, listen for swallowing while the baby is breastfeeding, noting when the baby naturally pauses and rests. Then apply the same rhythm to bottle-feeding. Also of importance is positioning. With bottle-feeding, support the baby in a more upright position because the flow of some bottles increases when the baby is laying back to feed (another element we tested).

Do all breastfed babies require pacing? No, in fact, imposing pacing can disrupt the natural feeding rhythm of a baby and cause harm when over used. Babies who are “good” feeders, meaning they have a normal, rhythmic suck/burst cycle, do not need pacing. It has been our experience that once a baby has mastered bottle feeding, it is no longer necessary for the parent to impose pacing.

Some signs of a poor bottle-feed include gulping, catch-up breaths, fast feeds, leaking milk from the sides of the mouth or down the chin, baby who has a furrowed brow looking very concerned, and a baby who pulls away from the bottle. For these babies, nipple shape and flow need to be double checked, and this becomes a good time to use pacing. Pacing also is an excellent technique for NICU and other high risk babies that are having feeding difficulties.

Lastly, we would like every caregiver who uses a bottle to know that dripping bottles given before a baby begins sucking usually cause the baby to pull back or flat out refuse the bottle. Caregivers need to be sure the nipple is not dripping when the bottle is offered to the baby. Allow the bottle to stop dripping or keep the milk tipped down in the bottom of the bottle. This topic is further explored on our website.

 

 

 Tanya Lieberman is a lactation consultant (IBCLC) who has helped nursing moms  in hospital and pediatric settings.  She writes and produces podcasts for several  breastfeeding websites, including  Motherwear,  Motherlove Herbal Company, and  the Best for Babes Foundation.  Tanya recently authored Spanish for Breastfeeding Support, a guide to help lactation consultants support Spanish-  speaking moms.  Prior to becoming a lactation consultant she was senior  education policy staff to the California legislature and Governor, and served as a  UN civilian peacekeeper.  Tanya is passionate about supporting nursing moms, and especially to eliminating the barriers so many moms face in meeting their breastfeeding goals. She lives in Massachusetts with her husband, her 8 year old son and her 1 year old daughter.

 

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Evenflo: Attaching shame to breastfeeding should NEVER be funny.

by Star Rodriguez

My former in-laws are fantastic people.  They are absolutely lovely, and I still maintain a positive relationship with them, despite being divorced from their son.

They were also very uncertain about breastfeeding.

My ex mother in law was a teen mother in the seventies, when there was little breastfeeding support and absolutely no support for teen mothers.  My ex father in law and his family are incredibly conservative folk with standards of modesty that are as high as they go in most of the United States.  My former sister in law nursed her first for a brief time and then stopped, choosing to not attempt with the second.  So when I had my first, there was no precedent for exclusively breastfeeding.

During the entire time I nursed my daughter, male members of the family left the room rather than be near an exposed boob.  In certain areas, I was asked to cover up (politely, I will add.)  My mother in law lamented once or twice that she never got to feed the baby.

Still, I stuck to my guns, nursing my baby on demand, anywhere that we were.  If we were at someone’s home and they wanted me to cover up, I respected their wishes, despite disagreeing that it was necessary.  My husband became a staunch supporter of breastfeeding, and if someone said something that he thought hinted at criticism, he would start recounting benefits of breastfeeding and risks of formula feeding.  When we did have some nursing issues, and I had to work to overcome them, my in-laws had become so used to breastfeeding that they were staunch supporters in my struggle to make it all work out.   For you to know what a 180 that was, you should know that when I told my mother in law in the beginning that I was nursing – and on demand – she asked me how she would possibly be able to have my daughter stay overnight with her.  This was at a few days old, and, yes, she absolutely meant In the not too distant future.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I heard about this Evenflo ad that everyone was up in arms about.  Let me first say that Evenflo has the distinct displeasure of being the worst reviewed pump company with my clients.  They constantly report things like breaking pumps, bad customer service, pain, and an inability to get milk out.  These can all significantly affect a breastfeeding relationship.  In one case, a mother using an Evenflo pump had some pretty awful nipple damage from a malfunctioning pump.  Despite the fact that their pumps were terrible, I would recommend other, decent Evenflo products like I was their marketing division, since they were one of the few WHO Code compliant companies.  (What’s the WHO code?  Here’s the official document of the World Health Organization’s Code of ethics for marketing breastmilk substitutes, another explaining it in more detail (last 2 pages are summary) and the wikipedia article on the code.)

Evenflo has since decided to abandon the WHO Code in favor of more marketing, and one of the results is this advertisement that mocks breastfeeding in public, depicting uncomfortable and pushy in-laws who claim that breastfeeding means no one else can feed and thus bond with the baby, and includes an awkward scene after the mom pumps (We wanted to be able to share the video with you but after a strong backlash it appears to have been pulled but not after millions had already viewed it.)

There are so many terrible things about this ad.  The bullying, stereotypical in-laws.  The dad who won’t speak up.  The implication that breast size is tied to milk making capacity (it isn’t.)  How long the mother in law implies that breastfeeding takes.  The idea that bonding can only come from feeding. The horrified face of the father in law after drinking the breastmilk-laced coffee.  Listen, I like low-brow humor, and even I was disgusted by this.  In fact, when I showed my husband it (who does not take violations of the Code or breastfeeding stuff as seriously as I do) he said, “Really?  Is that a joke?  They’re trying to sell pumps with that?  But it makes breastfeeding and breastmilk look terrible and disgusting!”

I work with women every day.  Women who want to breastfeed, but…  They can’t trust that their baby is getting enough.  They can’t get over societal-induced fears of public breastfeeding.  They can’t believe that their bodies can produce something that is superior to science.  And so when I watch things like this, I cringe.  You see, I was that girl.  And I had an in-law experience that could have turned bad.  We conquered it with positivity, but if I had not had a good support group and encouragement, that might not have been the case.  And so this ad disgusts me and fills me full of rage.  Who are you, Evenflo, to tell a mom to hide in the bedroom and pump instead of standing up for herself?  Who are you to undermine someone’s confidence and call it fun and games?

There is one silver lining to this terrible ad, though.  In my time on Evenflo Baby’s Twitter and Facebook and in comments on articles about this, I have seen both breast and formula feeding women standing up and calling this ad horrible.  That warms my heart.  Moms have it hard, no matter how they are feeding their baby.  Seeing the Mommy Wars put aside to focus on something that does a disservice to women as a whole is pretty awesome.

Evenflo has issued a half-apology PR statement on their Facebook and Twitter that reads, “We hear you. We appreciate how passionate you are. We are equally passionate and fully support all moms and the personal choices they make everyday.”  The video remained up until this morning.  But while this particular video is currently unavailable, the rest in the “savvy parents” series are similarly demeaning and damaging.  You can view those here.  In fact, check out their webisode of how to survive 3am feedings.  It’s served up with an (un)healthy side of parental stupidity, sexism (towards men- too stupid to deal with bottles), and really, really bad breastfeeding practices (giving even a bottle of expressed breastmilk at night could lesson a mom’s night milk making, crucial to supply!) not to mention what mother wouldn’t be in tears over all the spilled expressed breast milk!

Please join me and the countless others in letting Evenflo know that this isn’t ok.  Companies do listen to feedback, especially negative feedback.  Their Facebook and Twitter are both open for commenting, and I urge you to do so.  Let’s let Evenflo know that savvy parenting looks much different than they think.

 

Editors note:

I shared this on Facebook and I’ll share it here.  The problem I have with this video is that it perpetuates this idea that breastfeeding is weird, gross, awkward and prevents others bonding with the baby.  All myths and all ones willingly encouraged by a society that undervalues breastfeeding and dismisses the women that breastfeed. 

The commercial is obviously campy, it’s over the top, overacted, and ridiculous. Obviously intended to be funny.  However, even with recognizing those aspects it plants the idea that a mom should just run off to a room to pump to spare anyone the discomfort of seeing her breastfeed and give into the demands of someone that feels it is their right to feed her baby as well.  If a woman wants to pump and let others feed her baby a bottle of her milk, fine, her choice. If she feels forced to pump by harassing individuals it’s another matter entirely. This commercial, in all it’s camped up attempts at humor, gives onlookers “permission” to say to a breastfeeding mom “why can’t you just go pump so someone else can feed the baby” or “you should bring a bottle of pumped milk so you don’t have to breastfeed in public.”  Or worse like “you can’t do that here.”

Anything communicating that breastfeeding is wrong, gross, or something a woman should feel awkward and ashamed about just isn’t funny. Just like I will never find racist or sexist humor funny, I will never find humor that attempts to shame breastfeeding moms funny.  Period. ~Jessica

 

 Star is a breastfeeding peer counselor for a WIC in the Midwest.  She sat the IBCLC  exam for the first time this summer, and is anxiously awaiting the end of October.   She also sits on the breastfeeding task force in her town, is helping her  community’s Early Head Start redefine their breastfeeding support, and is the  driving force behind a local breastfeeding campaign.  In the remainder of her free  time, she chases around her nursling and preschooler.
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