extended breastfeeding

Is breastfeeding past infancy messing up kids?

October 3, 2013 by theleakyb@@b 26 Comments

“I don’t really remember breastfeeding exactly but I remember weaning.” The bubbly, outgoing 12 year old friend of my own bubbly, outgoing 12 year old daughter, reminded me of a friendly, excited butterfly, flitting about from topic to topic as she danced around our living room while chatting. Not exactly sure how we got to breastfeeding but it didn’t phase her in the slightest talking about it.

None of my own children remember breastfeeding. They know they did breastfeed and they’ve seen photographic evidence of this fact but they don’t have any recollection of it. I asked our friend how old she was when she weaned.

“Four I think, maybe a little older. My sister was 5 though, she was lucky.” She began to dance on to another topic. I brought her back to breastfeeding and asked her what she did remember about breastfeeding and weaning, wanting to know more about her views not only as a 12 year old but the daughter of two physicians.

“I was sad to wean, so sad. We had a party and I remember it was fun but I liked nursing better than the weaning party.” Pursed lips and raised eyebrows punctuated this statement.

“Why were you sad about weaning?” I was curious about how she perceived breastfeeding as a 4 year old and how that translated now that she was 12. Her reaction was priceless: she looked at me like I was stupid and scoffed at me.

“I couldn’t have nurnies any more, of course I was sad. Nurnies were the best thing ever and now I had to give them up. I was little, I didn’t like that. I loved nurnies, of course I was sad to give them up.”

She paused to execute a pirouette. I took the opportunity to ask what she liked about “nurnies.”

“Well, I don’t know, they were soft and warm. It just felt good and I think I liked the milk, it was sweet. But I don’t remember breastfeeding, just how I felt. Nurnies felt good. Nurnies felt safe. Nurnies just felt right. I don’t really know but I know that I liked nurnies a lot. And you know what? I think breastfeeding is more than just good for little kids, it helps them grow up too. They don’t have to stop when they’re babies, little kids need time to grow up, like…” She was searching for something as she tried to explain what she meant.

“Like a transition?” I offered.

“Yeah, a transition. But a slow one over a long time. It’s not like birds where the mom just kicks them out of the nest. Having nurnies helps transition, it’s just so nice and I don’t see why it would need to be hurried up, it was good getting to breastfeed for a long time. I’d have gone longer but I think my mom was ready to be done plus there was my little sister. She was lucky, she got to go until she was five.”

“You were lucky too, not many children in the USA get what you got. Even my own children were all weaned by the time they were 3 so far” I tell her.

Her eyes widened: “Really? Wow, I thought they all breastfed a lot longer. They act like they did.”

My turn to be surprised.

She explained: “I don’t know, breastfeed kids seem to eat really well, they are what I call high palette kids with more developed tastes I think. And they are usually so nice and interesting.”

I think of my kids and most of them do seem to have very mature taste but I point out that could just be exposure. Still, she’s pretty on target here, there is some science that would appear to back her observation. Unfortunately that science hasn’t always been the case in our house. I mention that there are many nice people that were formula fed too. She agreed.

“Are you ever embarrassed that you breastfed so long? As you’ve gotten older and have seen more of how society acts about breasts, has it ever made you uncomfortable about how long you breastfed?”

Again I receive another looked like I’m a complete idiot.

“What? Why? No, that’s just dumb. I know, I see it in the mall and online, people love boobs being all sexy but come on, we all know what they are really for even if they are being pushed up and air brushed. Those sexy ladies with their boobs all hanging out, who cares, babies probably see them and get hungry. They see a sexy model with her boobs out and I bet they are all ‘nurnie, I want nurnie!”

The room erupts with laughter. I bow out of the conversation, my own 12 year old had been giving me the “stop talking to my friend” look for a little bit and it was time for me to give them their space again. They go on to joke, strutting like awkward fashion models with their chests thrust out as they make severe faces and I’m reminded of Zoolander. Fits of giggles as they talk in baby voices about wanting nurnies from imaginary breasts in an imaginary mall or magazine. Then the butterfly girls flit on to another flower of a topic, deciding they need to take over the kitchen and bake something.

Toddlers are expert multitaskers at the breast.

A year ago a very good friend of mine shared how she had taken her 4 kids to take a meal to another friend that had a new baby. Her 13 year old son with her, she wondered if he felt awkward when the new mother began breastfeeding but was proud of him for acting like it was no big deal. When she asked him about it later he shrugged in a typical 13 year old boy way and said no. He remembers breastfeeding, he told her, it’s not a big deal. Like our 12 year old friend, this 13 year old boy understands that feeding babies is what breasts are for.

Yet whenever breastfeeding beyond 12 months comes up in the news or in social media, people express an overwhelming concern for the mental development of these children. It’s damaging, many commenters claim, that poor child is going to be so confused. Once they have teeth you must stop! Once they can talk and ask for it you have to cut them off! Once they can eat solids, give that child a cup! Mothers that breastfeed too long are sick, selfish, gross, perverted, and unable to let their child grow up these people usually assert. Because they aren’t used to seeing what is actually biologically and anthropologically normal duration breastfeeding, they categorize this different choice they don’t understand as being wrong and rationalize that if it’s “wrong” it’s going to mess up the child.

In 2010 a study was released discussing the long term mental health benefits of breastfed children. That’s right, the long term mental health benefits from extended breastfeeding. Not mental health disadvantages, not long term sexual issues from extended breastfeeding, not long term dysfunctions from extended breastfeeding, long term mental health benefits of extended breastfeeding. Which sure sounds like extended breastfeeding is good for the child’s mental health, not damaging.

It’s true that in society today we are conditioned to expect to see breasts in a beer commercial, on display in the windows of the mall, even bouncing around fast food chain ads before we expect to see them feeding an infant, let alone a toddler or preschooler. Breasts have been hypersexualized to such an extent that many can’t imagine them any other way. So I can see why people would be concerned. But children are different, they don’t have the capacity to even understand sex and so wouldn’t think that breastfeeding was anything more than food and comfort. Adults that say that breastfeeding is sexual are simply revealing their own hang ups and projecting on the child. And maybe it shouldn’t be the biologically normal thing that needs to change, maybe we should focus on changing culture and take a stand against the objectification and over emphasis on the sexual nature of the female breasts so we can feed our children without fear of it being confused with pedophilia. What would happen if we left women alone and let them make their own choices by weighing the information? Stop telling women that the value of their bodies lies in what it can sell, stop telling women what they must or must not do with their bodies, stop telling women that they don’t have say in how they use their bodies. If a woman wants to breastfeed until her child is 4 years old it is nobody’s business but that of the mother and that child and the evidence is in that there is no reason to believe it will cause mental health issues.

Today breastfeeding into early childhood may not be for everyone, there may be a lot of legitimate reasons not to for any given mother. But there being a long term risks to their mental health to breastfeed into early childhood isn’t one of them. My 12 year old was weaned from the breast earlier than any of my children. When she was 4.5 months I gave up on my breastfeeding goals due to her severe reflux (which didn’t get better with formula, it got much, much worse) and agonizing breast pain that no doctor could identify and the only solution I was given was to wean. After two trips to the ER because of the pain, I relented and switched her to formula. Something that grieved me very much at the time. Watching her hang out with her friend I acknowledged that you couldn’t tell which one was breastfed until she was 4 years and which one was breastfed until she was 4 months. Both are happy, energetic, smart, well adjusted girls and both have loving, committed parents and neither demonstrate any mental health issues. So my own personal experience and the research would lead me to believe that no, breastfeeding past infancy isn’t messing up our kids and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s because all that love, all that connection can’t be a bad thing and I’m glad my daughter has a friend so secure and so confident that understands the natural biological function of breasts as feeding tools for babies that they can laugh together at the messages the world sends them about the female form. If we want to look for what’s messing up kids and their view of sex and women, let’s start somewhere else.

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What about you? Did you breastfeed long enough to remember? Or your children? What are your thoughts on breastfeeding beyond a year?

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Not sure about breastfeeding beyond a certain point? That’s ok, it may not be for you. Some women feel comfortable doing so and before you criticize them be informed as to why that might be. These links may be helpful:

Evidence on the long-term effects of breastfeeding systematic reviews and meta-analyses

Breast milk feeding and cognitive ability at 7-8 years

Breastfeeding past infancy fact sheet

Breastfeeding beyond infancy in developed countries

Continuing breastfeeding beyond the first year

The breastfeeding toddler explains

I’m not going to try to convince you to breastfeed your toddler

Toddler breastfeeding, frustration, and what keeps me going

Embracing Beyond

Unsupportive support: breastfeeding toddlers and introducing solids

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding and society, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Jessica Tagged With: Breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, natural duration breastfeeding, Toddler, toddler breastfeeding

Breastfeeding beyond Infancy in Developed Countries

June 4, 2013 by theleakyb@@b 5 Comments

By Star Rodriguez for The Leaky B@@b

This post made possible in part by the generous support of Motherlove Herbal Company.

Imagine a mom breastfeeding a baby. Now imagine her breastfeeding a toddler. Now a preschooler. Do you feel uncomfortable with any of those images? When do you start to feel a little weird?

In developed countries where breastfeeding duration is low and where nursing in public isn’t seen as often, it’s pretty normal to have a point where you begin to feel a little uncomfortable with thinking about breastfeeding a child. After all, there are a multitude of foods and drink available readily and safely in developed countries, so why on Earth would someone need or want to nurse, say, a three or four year old child?

First, it’s helpful to understand what our natural weaning age probably is. Katherine Dettwyler, Phd, professor of anthropology looked at natural weaning ages of animals and came up with five possible ranges. First, she looked at when permanent molars come in, a normal weaning time for primates. That puts the range at five to six years old for human kids. Animals also often wean babies based on when they reach about a third of their adult body weight. This puts human kiddos at four to seven years old. With some primates, though, adult body size and not weight is the true test; our children would wean naturally, then, somewhere between the end of the second year and the end of the third year. Some mammals nurse until their babies have tripled or quadrupled birth weight; this would mean human babies would naturally wean somewhere between two to three years old. Finally, many mammals wean after the baby has been alive for about six times the length of gestation. Therefore, human babies would breastfeed around four to five years.

Clearly, most of us are not breastfeeding our children until they are six or seven years old in developed countries where they have a plethora of other foods and many social activities. However, there are a lot of women who quietly report to me that they nursed to two or three years, although they don’t tell their friends or extended families, because “they’d think I was crazy!” More often than that, I get moms calling me, asking me how long babies should nurse, and what the benefits are to nursing beyond a year.

Sadly, there aren’t a lot of studies on breastfeeding beyond infancy in the developed world. I’ve been told that this is because there aren’t a lot of women who continue beyond that, and, statistically, that is very true. I see Leakies every day discussing breastfeeding beyond a year, and there are articles and websites that mention it regularly. So I think there are more moms out there doing it than we often admit, but it might be difficult to gather them up in one place for a study.

That all said, we can surmise a few things from studies in less developed areas and what we already know about breastfeeding and breastmilk.

First, breastfeeding can foster independence. Yes, you read that correctly. Children are learning to be independent, especially through toddlerhood. I am aware of this every day as my three year old rushes to tell me, “I do it!” and gets incredibly mad if I try to help her, or if she needs help. Children still are dependent on their primary caregivers, though. Nursing meets a lot of their dependent, nurturing needs and can help them to feel as though they are able to express their independence while knowing that they are able to be comforted and close to their mothers when they need to be.

Breastfeeding also provides antibodies. How many toddlers and preschoolers stick everything in their mouths, as often as they can? How many have no concept of personal hygiene, picking their noses, eating food off the floor, sneezing in the faces of others, and so on? By continuing to breastfeed, you are continuing to provide them with immune protection tailored to the environment that they are in. It won’t stop them from ever getting sick, but it can be helpful to some viruses.

Breastmilk remains tailored to the child and is often something that children can take in even when they are ill and not holding much else down. The calories and fat in breastmilk are not empty calories like many other easily held down liquids (like lemon lime sodas, ginger ales, etc.)

Breastfeeding has analgesic properties to it. Think about how often young children get bumps, bruises, and owies. Carrying around something that can help them to feel better about those is a wonderful thing.

As far as moms are concerned, many of the wonderful things that breastfeeding does for mothers are dose related. For instance, the longer women breastfeed over their lifetime, the more their breast cancer risk is reduced, and that’s certainly not the only health benefit that is tied to duration. Further, mothers who continue breastfeeding continue to produce milk and subsequently burn a few extra calories, too. Who couldn’t use, say, an extra cookie a day?

At the end of the day, the length of time that a mother/baby dyad decides to continue breastfeeding is a very personal thing. Despite the fact that we live in a developed society where extended breastfeeding may not be necessary for survival, it can be a meaningful and beneficial thing to moms and babies.

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How do you feel about breastfeeding beyond the first year?

How do you personally determine the duration of breastfeeding with your own children?

How much has cultural expectations impacted how long you were/are willing to breastfeed?

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Star Rodriguez is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, student, and mother of two in Minnesota. She has done private practice work, worked with WIC, and now works in a hospital setting. She is available for online consulting and in-person consults in the Brainerd Lakes area. She can be reached through the Facebook page of Lactastic Services or you can find more information at www.lactastic.com.

Filed Under: Article, Articles from the professional experts, baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Relational Resource, toddler, Weaning, Weaning Tagged With: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding beyond infancy, culture and weaning from the breast, extended breastfeeding, Motherlove Herbal Company, natural duration breastfeeding, Toddler, weaning

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing

March 25, 2013 by theleakyb@@b

by Kari Swanson

My daughter was placed on my chest immediately after my obstetrician finished stitching up my c-section incision. She latched onto my breast and started breastfeeding right there in the operating room. Last month we celebrated her third birthday. She knows that babies have mama milk. She also knows that big girls have mama milk until they are ready to stop having mama milk. I expect that sometime between now and the time she is around 5 years old she will gradually wean.

Some might consider the fact that my daughter is 3 and still receiving breastmilk to be extreme, but anthropological evidence indicates that this is biologically normal for a young hominid primate. That being said, it is probably no surprise that I consider myself to be a lactivist. I believe that human breastmilk is the biologically normal food source for human infants and I volunteer as an admin on The Leaky B@@b in order to support other breastfeeding mothers and to help normalize breastfeeding in a culture that has largely lost sight of the real reason women have breasts.

What may come as a surprise to some is that my daughter and my son before her received formula in addition to breastmilk. Why? Because I work full time outside of my home and I am among the unlucky few who truly do not respond well to breast pumps. For whatever reason my body just does not give up the gold for a machine despite my supply being more than adequate. After a time, despite numerous tips and tricks, pumping whenever and wherever I could, I ceased to be able to pump enough milk to entirely meet my babies’ nutritional needs while they were separated from me while I worked.

With my daughter I was fortunate to be able to spend 3 months home with her after she was born, and to spend 3 months thereafter working half time. I pumped at home before returning to work and I pumped before work, during work, after work, and on non-workdays once I returned to work. I had a small stash of milk in the deep freezer when I returned to work, but it was quickly depleted. When I first returned to work and pumped I easily had enough milk by the end of the day to send to the daycare without dipping into my frozen milk stash.

I determined how much milk my daughter needed in her daycare bottles using an iPhone app called “Breast Milk Calculator.” The app uses the baby’s weight, age and number of feedings in the previous 24 hours to suggest how much milk he or she needs per feeding. Using the app I determined exactly how many ounces she needed per bottle. The number of feedings was based on the number of hours she was away from me and how frequently she would normally nurse.

But, just as it had when my son was a baby, my pumping output dwindled over time. Eventually I was pumping less than an ounce per side per pumping session. I used up my entire frozen milk stash. Despite my best efforts at around 6 months I was no longer able to pump enough to send only breastmilk in my daughter’s daycare bottles. So, I sent as much breastmilk as I could and to make sure she had sufficient nutrition I sent formula too.

When my daughter was a newborn she, like her brother, needed supplementation. They both had jaundice and they both lost more than the usual amount of weight after birth. Although her condition was better than her brother’s had been (he was a very sleepy 37 weeker with more severe jaundice), my daughter was also a slow gainer. So, the IBCLC we saw recommended supplementation while I built up my own supply. When my son was a newborn he received formula supplementation, but my daughter received donor breastmilk, or as we referred to it “Auntie milk”—because our milk donor was my sister who was still breastfeeding her toddler son at the time my daughter was born.

By the time my daughter was in daycare full time and my pumping supply could not keep up with my daughter’s demands my sister’s son had weaned. I considered donor breastmilk, but decided against it. My strong, healthy baby did fine on formula, and I felt that the relatively limited supply of donor milk in my area should be available to babies for whom formula was not an option, babies whose mothers could not breastfeed them at all or whose health really warranted the exclusive use of donor milk. So, we chose formula instead.

I already knew exactly what formula I would choose for my daughter if I reached this point, because I had read quite a bit of research about formula before I had my son. I looked up numerous scholarly research articles and reviews of the literature about formula on PubMed. At that point I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I had been given the somewhat unhelpful advice that my desire to breastfeed and to go back to work full time were “setting [myself] up for failure”. So, in case that was true I did all of that research about formula and based my decision on what I had read. (Bear in mind that my son was born in 2004 and donor milk was not as prevalent, except from milk banks by prescription and at a rather high price.) Despite many assertions otherwise, infant formula is an acceptable, nutritionally adequate alternative to breastmilk and is a much better choice than the milk of any other mammal or milk made from plants.

Eventually both of my babies received only formula in their daycare bottles. Both times the amount I was able to pump became miniscule compared to the amount they needed and the stress and frustration of pumping so little became too much for me, so I stopped. They both did fine on the formula they received part of the time, so I felt comfortable giving them as much as they needed while they were separated from me. My daughter had breastmilk exclusively, either at the breast or in bottles, for more than 6 months. They were around the same age when they started receiving formula alone in their daycare bottles: 7-8 months. Despite this both of my babies continued to breastfeed whenever they were with me. They never experienced nipple confusion, expressed a preference for the bottle, or had nursing strikes. They both stopped receiving formula when they no longer needed bottles at daycare.

So, yes I am a lactivist. I believe breastmilk is the biologically normal food for human infants. But, breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

You can read more from Kari over on her site and enjoy her thoughtful, thorough writing and beautiful photography.

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Did you respond well to breast pumps? Have you had to supplement? If so, what did you use? Were you able to supplement and still reach your breastfeeding goals?

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Filed Under: Article, baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastmilk pumping, child led weaning, Children and breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, Featured, guest posts, Leakie to Leakie, Milk Supply, motherhood, Parenting, Supplementing, Weaning Tagged With: Beco, breast pump, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding challenges, formula, moms, motherhood, mothering, pumping at work

Weaning the Breastfed Baby

January 29, 2013 by theleakyb@@b

by Star Rodriguez, IBCLC for The Leaky Boob

this post made possible by the generous support of Fairhaven Health.

In my practice, I do prenatal consults. During these, almost 100% of the time, people ask me, “So, how long am I supposed to do this, anyway?” I typically tell pregnant moms and their families that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you exclusively nurse for 6 months, continuing until at least a year once complimentary foods are introduced. The World Health Organization recommends nursing until two years of age. However, I always caution my families that breastfeeding is a very personal thing between a mother and baby dyad and that people typically have an idea of when they are done nursing. This may vary from what you thought it would be while pregnant, or what it was during other breastfeeding relationships.

There are two different types of weaning. Baby initiated weaning and mother initiated weaning. Baby initiated weaning is probably the easiest way to do it. The baby generally gradually starts nursing less and less until baby just eventually stops. It’s easy for baby and easy for mom. Well, mostly. With either baby initiated weaning or mother initiated, there can be some sad feelings when the breastfeeding relationship ends. Check out the post on weaning ceremonies to find ways to celebrate the nursing relationship.

A word of caution: some babies exhibit behaviors that we call nursing strikes. Nursing strikes are not cues to wean. They are when a baby who is normally fine with breastfeeding, or happy at the breast, will suddenly refuse it and become fussy, often in the first year. This is typically not a baby signaling intent to wean. It is usually linked to something like illness, teething, an increase in social behavior, or something like that. True baby initiated weaning is not usually accompanied by an unhappy baby.

With mother initiated weaning the mother decides, for some reason, to cease breastfeeding. This is a little harder on most babies, because typical breastfed babies like to nurse. It is not, however, as hard as some people make it out to be. I have had patients tell me that they cannot possibly nurse their babies because it will be a very difficult endeavor to wean them. Trust that if you decide you are done breastfeeding, at any age you can stop, and you will probably not have to spend millions in therapy because of it.

I rarely recommend weaning cold turkey (where you just stop weaning, with no gradual step down.) There are a few reasons why this is a bad plan in most circumstances. First, babies don’t often take well to this. If you suddenly stop breastfeeding and give babies just bottles, most of them will be a little confused and a lot upset. Secondly, it’s not great for Mom, either. Moms that wean suddenly often experience engorgement (again!) and can experience plugged ducts and infections. It’s just not a lot of fun.

There are, however, some medical reasons that you may need to wean cold turkey. First, make sure that this isn’t something that will only interrupt breastfeeding short term. If it is, you may be able to pump and dump during that time and resume nursing after if you would like. If it is a long term thing, though, try not to feel guilty or upset. Many of these reasons for needing to wean are serious emergencies to one’s mental or physical health, and in those circumstances, do not worry about the short term effects to your baby. No, it is not ideal. But your baby will not benefit as much from gradual diminishment of breastfeeding as they will from a healthy parent. If you are in pain from sudden weaning, you can express a little milk when you are uncomfortable until your milk begins to dry up. You may be able to use other things to help your milk dry up faster, but if you have weaned for a medical reason, you should always check with your medical provider first.

In lieu of needing to wean immediately, most in the breastfeeding community favor the gradual approach. In this, you replace one feeding, beginning with the least favorite, with something else. For a baby that is nursing as a form of primary nourishment, such as those that are under a year, you will have to replace that feeding with an equal source of nourishment. For most babies, this will be formula or expressed breastmilk. Hopefully, your baby will accept another method of feeding already, but, if not, be sure to keep an open mind. You may offer the new type of feeding; someone else may offer it; and you can think of various different ways to give your baby nourishment (bottle, cup, sippy cup, syringe, etc., depending on age.) If you have an older child who is receiving her primary nourishment from other foods, like most nursing toddlers, you can offer things like water (or another liquid) from a cup, a snack, or some kind of redirection. You can also explain to your child – “We aren’t going to nurse right now, so we’re going to do (whatever) instead.” Older children may not ask for it, and, if that happens, it is probably better to just not say anything at all.

After you have taken out that first, least important feeding, wait a few days or weeks (base this on the comfort of you and your baby – if your breasts are feeling overfull, or your child is not handling the transition well, you should wait a little longer until you adjust) and remove the next feeding. That should be the new least important one. (When I discuss the least important feedings, I mean the one the baby is the least attached to. For example, often, the most important feeding is right before bedtime, and the least is during the day at some point. Your mileage may vary, though.) Again, wait until your breasts and baby have adjusted, and then repeat as needed. You may find that partial weaning, where you remove some feedings while still allowing others, may be an option, too, if you are weaning for non-medical reasons.

During the time that you are weaning your baby, remember to be gentle on them – and you! As I stated before, weaning can be an emotional experience for everyone, and the emotions may vary, a lot. Some people feel happy and disappointed all at once. Whatever you feel is ok. Give your child lots of cuddles and kisses during this time. You will both benefit from this and it will ease the transition. When it is time to wean, whenever that is for you and your child, many moms discover that the relationship they have with their child changes some and while it is normal to miss what you had, new ways of bonding and sharing time together will emerge for you both to enjoy.

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How old was your baby when you weaned? How did you feel?

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Filed Under: Article, Articles from the professional experts, Breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Relational Resource, Weaning, Weaning Tagged With: Breastfeeding, Fairhaven Health, IBCLC, natural duration breastfeeding, steps for weaning, weaning

Extreme Reality- Breastfeeding Reality TV?

July 11, 2012 by theleakyb@@b

I’m not a fan of “reality” TV, well, most reality TV. I do like So You Think You Can Dance but that’s a competition (of sorts), not really reality TV, right? Anyway, most so-called reality TV seems anything but real. The few times I’ve ~~wasted~~ took the time to watch some it seemed to be nothing more than a hyperbolic visual of humanity and I had to ask where did they find these people?

The truth is it’s possible that with some clever editing even my boring life may possibly appear to be entertaining drama. Some very, very clever editing. I mean, I work, do laundry (sometimes, there could be drama over the laundry thing actually), play with my kids, feed my children…

Oh my gosh, there it is! The entertainment opportunity of reality TV ripe and just waiting to be picked RIGHT THERE! I feed my children. *gasp*

Apparently, some think that is quality reality TV just waiting to happen. You can read about it here. Not just any feeding, true. Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding over a year. Cause that is so extreme.

*blink*

We’re reaching here, right?

There are moments when I think I must be really dense because I just don’t get it. Like now. If this is extreme to the point that an entire reality TV series to be called “Extreme Parenting” is based on it then why does my life seem so… not extreme? I’ve breastfed 3 of my 6 children past the 1 year mark (past the 2 year mark…). That should make me off the charts extreme, right?

Even with the most clever editing possible this sounds like the most boring reality TV show ever. Because this just doesn’t seem extreme. It’s really rather normal. Average. Regular.

We are a family of 8, 6 are girls under the age of 14, living in a 1400 square foot house with one bathroom. ONE BATHROOM FOR 8 PEOPLE! Talk about real entertainment.

Picture this: mom pushing past the 13 year old in the narrow hallway, guiding a wide-eyed 2 year old clutching between her legs, eyes wide as she desperately declares “I peepee!” Frantically, mom knocks on the door of the bathroom, telling the 9 year old to take her book and get off the toilet now, it’s an emergency. The 9 year old calls out that she just sat down. The 11 year old squeezes past the mom and 2 year old in the hallway, telling the camera “ugh, my dad took forever in the bathroom after his shower, I almost peed my pants this morning.” The 2 year old is heard saying “uh-oh” as the mom just about kicks down the door…

If any aspect of my life is extreme it’s this and maybe the laundry. But breastfeeding past 12 months old? Not so much. Plus, the bathroom thing is lame.

Breastfeeding being depicted in mainstream media? Even if it’s depicted as “extreme” and pitched as being weird and kind of crazy, is that all bad? Eh, maybe not. Who knows, someone may see some heavily edited episode and think “wow, I want to be just like those people!” Because that’s totally what everyone watching reality TV thinks. After all, Extreme Parenting is the brainchild of the same team that brought us Dance Moms and Bridezillas. Just look at how those shows have elevated the obsessed pushy mother of a child dancer and obsessed pushy bride-to-be. These women are endeared to society the world over and every mother can’t wait to sign up her child for dance for their chance as a dance mom and all brides to be dream of their bridezilla moments with anticipation.

Oh wait…

There is a potential hidden nugget of positive in this exploitive form of entertainment that seems to enjoy depicting women as vapid, out-of-control selfish individuals with boundary issues: it will get people talking. And when someone tells me about the crazy lady on that Extreme Parenting show and how she was actually breastfeeding her 3 year old I’ll say “puhshaw, that’s nothing. You want to talk extremes? We have 8 people and 1 bathroom. EIGHT PEOPLE AND 1 BATHROOM!”

Even this is less extreme than the activity surrounding our bathroom most mornings.

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What do you think of this show? Would you be on it?

The Leakies are talking about it over on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page, discussing the show, what other activities may be seen in a family that breastfeeds past 12 months, and activities we would consider more “extreme” than breastfeeding past 1 year. Come join in the conversation.

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Jessica, motherhood Tagged With: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding past 1 year, bridezilla, dance moms, extended breastfeeding, extreme parenting, reality TV, Toddler, toddler breastfeeding

Pregnancy, breastfeeding, my toddler, and me

March 7, 2012 by theleakyb@@b

My pregnancies suck. I’m often asked why I keep having children when pregnancy is so difficult for me physically with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG). Usually my response is something like “because I’m crazy,” or “denial is a powerful thing,” or “I had to believe that next time would be different” and I attempt to laugh it off as just another piece of my crazy. And maybe that’s exactly what it is. The truth is, I don’t have a good answer that will help it all make sense, even to myself. The best and most honest answer is simply that we didn’t feel done and I just couldn’t let HG win.

It gets even more confusing when I go through a difficult pregnancy and continue to breastfeed my current nursling.

At just over 26 months I’m pretty sure Smunchie and I are weaning. It’s not what I wanted, or at least not what I planned. I might have wanted it. When I discovered I was pregnant with Sugarbaby I swore I would not intentionally wean during this pregnancy like I did last time. No, we were going to stick it out no matter what. Even if I hated it.

I did. Hate it, that is. It wasn’t the fact that my pregnancies are complicated, that I struggle to keep food and liquid in at all, that I end up with IVs and then a PICC line, or even that I feel like I have the most unrelenting case of food poisoning ever. No, those things actually made me grateful Smunchie was still breastfeeding as it gave me a way to stay connected to her when I couldn’t get off the couch. At first I was so grateful for breastfeeding and I cherished our cuddling “bobbies” time, because it anchored me a bit, it was only slightly uncomfortable, and I could tell she found it comforting in the midst of all the change we were experiencing with the effects of the pregnancy on our family. But then it started to get more uncomfortable. Then it started to hurt. Then it started to require breathing exercises worthy of labor. Then every time she would latch I would mentally cry “please wean, please wean, please wean…” I didn’t want to be a martyr, that doesn’t do either of us any good, but I didn’t want to end something that was so important to her plus I had this goal of not leading weaning and letting her self-wean. And I’m a goal oriented person, I really like meeting my goals. My experience weaning during my last pregnancy was unpleasant anyway and I deeply regretted it for even selfish reasons. Mastitis and my HG getting worse made me greatly debate if the point of weaning, which was because I was still 26lbs below my prepregnant weight at the start of the 3rd trimester, would have been better served if we had continued breastfeeding instead. Squiggle Bug was broken hearted and when she began rejecting me for all forms of comfort once we weaned, I was broken hearted too. I wasn’t about to let any of that happen this time, no, I would fight for our breastfeeding relationship through this pregnancy. It was important to me to continue, for both of us.

Pain, discomfort, and being downright miserable are hard to push through though. To preserve my sanity there were times when I’d limit her feeding sessions, telling her we’d be “all done bobbies” after singing a song or counting to 10. I’d try not to clench my teeth while she nursed. Or stick my tongue out at her. Or make scrunched up torture faces. Or cry. It didn’t help that I could tell my supply was dropping quickly. In previous pregnancies I had been on Reglan to aid in digestion but this time we decided to see if I could go without as the side effect of depression had been difficult on my family. Without the Reglan providing a boost to my supply, I experienced my milk drying up and the only response I had to galactalogues was to vomit. I knew that to best prevent drying up I needed to let her nurse more but between her frustration that the milk sometimes just wasn’t there and me being ready to climb the wall every time she latched, I had to have limits on how long she could be at the breast or risk damaging our overall relationship if my frustration really came through.

The handwriting was on the wall. I resisted but I welcomed it too. It was confusing to be so conflicted. The Piano Man didn’t say anything but I could tell he wanted us to wean, wanted the stress and emotional roller coaster about breastfeeding to just end. Finally, about a month ago, he told me he thought it would be ok if we were done because, well, look at her. She’s happy, confident, healthy, and almost never asks for it. He was right, about all of those things. If I didn’t offer, she didn’t ask, often for days at a time. She did happily come for cuddles and kisses all the time. She was still very attached. Just, without the breast. I offered right then and she did come over, climb on my lap and latch for a moment. A brief moment, for just about the time she probably got some let down, then she let go, sat up, patted my breast, and said “tan tou! All done.” I think that was for my benefit.

She has breastfed a handful of times since then, most were her request. I continued to offer but she began to decline more frequently. She had things to do, games to play, places to explore, “bobbies” just weren’t what they once were. Two weeks ago she asked to nurse early in the morning in bed. Excited and kind of squirmy, she latched. I started my concentrated breathing when suddenly she let go, made a face, and said “blech. Yucky. All done.” I tried to get her to latch again, encouraging her to try but she only pulled my shirt down and repeated “all done.” Since then she has tried only 2 other times, all brief, and all ending with some kind of disappointment on her part. Like she remembers what it once was but recognizes that it’s just not that any longer. I’ve stopped offering, mainly because she was starting to seem upset when I did and usually refused me with a sad “no.”

Once SugarBaby is here I will let Smunchie have the breast if she is interested. I’m not going to insist or force anything and if she’s moved on then so will I. Letting go hasn’t been easy but I know that together we’ll share with our newest nursling the joy that is “bobbies.” My friend Diana Cassar-Uhl, IBCLC, encouraged me that we would find new ways to connect if our breastfeeding journey came to an end now. She was right and they are equally precious moments.

Not everyone has a difficult time breastfeeding in pregnancy, please don’t think that just because that was my experience it has to be yours. Every journey with every child is unique, honoring the journey means you take it as it comes. I’m so grateful Smunchie and I have had what we have had. I’m grateful for what is to come as well. Breastfeeding through pregnancy isn’t easy for me but then, pregnancy isn’t easy for me. This part of our journey was still beautiful and precious though, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

My big girls helped me with a little video looking over the recent months of breastfeeding during this pregnancy. Gathered around the piano for this simple recording I looked over these 5 girls that have each had their turn to be my nursling. Seeing them, today ages 26 months – 13 years, I couldn’t ask for more, my ordinary miracles. (Don’t worry, I didn’t include any footage of me vomiting while breastfeeding or Smunchie waiting for me to finish puking so she could latch back on to the breast, just the breastfeeding shots.)

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Jessica, Pregnancy, toddler, Weaning Tagged With: Breastfeeding, child led weaning, complicated pregnancy, HG, hyperemesis gravidarum, natural duration breastfeeding, pregnancy, weaning

Embracing “Beyond”

January 25, 2012 by theleakyb@@b

Those readers active on TLB Facebook page know that {Laura} is one of our admins there offering balanced support, information, and a reasonable but caring voice to our community. I’m so grateful for all our admins and thrilled to bring you a guest post from Laura, sharing where she is in her breastfeeding journey. Though we are separated by an ocean, I can related to Laura and feel as though she is indeed one of my breastfeeding sisters. I hope you enjoy this post and please, take the time to leave a comment sharing your thoughts and where you are on your journey.

The World Health Organization recommends that “infants start breastfeeding within one hour of life, are exclusively breastfed for six months, with timely introduction of adequate, safe and properly fed complementary foods while continuing breastfeeding for up to two years of age or beyond”.

When we started out, and for the first few weeks of M’s life, our goal was always “tomorrow”. We overcame initial difficulties (which I won’t go into here), tomorrows became todays became yesterdays, and soon our goal was 6 months. In the blink of an eye 6 months came and went and we revised our goal to 1 year. This in turn passed, as did 18 months, and now we find ourselves a short few weeks from 2 years!

So, what next? Well, that would be “beyond”. Beyond is defined as “at or to the further side of”. Beyond can be something that women aspire to, and would love to reach. Beyond can be something that elicits negative reactions. Here in Ireland, beyond is RARE.

About 47% of infants here are breastfed on discharge from maternity care, and this already low figure drops to 22% at 3 months and less than 10% at 6 months. I cannot even find statistics after 6 months!

A recent interview with a breastfeeding mother on national TV highlighted the often skewed public perception of “extended” breastfeeding. This included the interviewer reading out the wrong HSE (Health Service) guidelines on breastfeeding! Friends of Breastfeeding (an Irish charity who can be found on Facebook) have details of this incident, and are also lodging an official complaint. When mainstream national media spread blatant misinformation, and barely stop short of ridicule, it’s no wonder that “beyond” is beyond comprehension for many.

So, we know that (here at least) “beyond” is rare, and not without controversy. Outside of the 2010 and 2011 breastfeeding challenges, I’ve only ever seen 2 other women NIP, and both of the children were infants. “Beyond” started off for me as an ideal and something we would most likely never attain. If pushed, I still could not answer why I thought that way, but I did.

However, there’s something about 2 years of tomorrows filled with closeness, love and nourishment that can change a girls mind. Not to mention the copious health and emotional benefits for both Mammy (n ; an Irish Mom, pl –mammies) and baby that are *obviously* too numerous, complex and amazing to mention here!

At this stage, beyond does not feel like the big, gaping chasm it had seemed to be in those first few “tomorrow” weeks. It doesn’t seem much different to the transition from Tuesday to Wednesday. Each day my little lady is but one day older than the day before, and each day that she continues to find nourishment and comfort at my breast is a gift to us both. I feel so grateful to have made it to 2 years of breastfeeding my little girl. Here’s to beyond!

Laura Griffin lives in Limerick, Ireland with her partner of 10 years Keith and MooMoo (23 mos). She is a nurse and a student midwife who hopes to be an IBCLC one day. She is a passionate advocate for breastfeeding and support for families, currently volunteering as a TLB admin on the Facebook page. She dabbles in crochet while listening to Dream Theater in her limited spare time.

Filed Under: Article, baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding stories, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, Featured, Leakie to Leakie, toddler Tagged With: 2 year old, Breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, natural duration breastfeeding, Toddler

Unsupportive Support- Cultural breastfeeding ignorance: toddlers and introducing solids

November 28, 2011 by theleakyb@@b

I bet at least half of those reading this are uncomfortable with that picture.

I get that society isn’t comfortable with breastfeeding in many ways, despite all the lip service given to “breast is best.” So it’s not a big surprise that socially speaking most people don’t even have a basic idea of what’s normal or healthy with breastfeeding. With this in mind much of what is unsupportive support comes from this place of ignorance and lack of exposure to normal, healthy breastfeeding. It is my hope that time will change this problem because we have allowed our emphasis on the sexual nature of breasts to replace a general understanding of normal human biology. However, waiting won’t change the unsupportive support spreading as a result of this collective ignorance of society so those unintentional acts must be addressed. Continuing the series on unsupportive support, let’s take a look at a few of these common issues stemming from society’s lack of understanding of normal and healthy breastfeeding.

Does this one weird you out too?

How not to support and how to avoid being unintentionally unsupportive- part 6.

Unsupportive support is…

Ever asking “Isn’t he too old for that?” or “If they can ask for it they’re too old, it’s just gross.”

First thought that goes through my mind when I hear this: “Aren’t you too old to be so rude?” Manners, people, try them. This is not your child, this is not your choice. Plus, the answer is no, the child isn’t too old. Wherever you draw the imaginary cut off line for breastfeeding, it’s just that, imaginary. What is it you’re really afraid of anyway? That it somehow becomes sexual? Remember, that fear is founded in an adult perception of breasts, not a child’s. Are you concerned that the child will grow overly dependent on breastfeeding and need to breastfeed when they are in college? Please, in cultures where it is common for children to wean on their own timeline, this is unheard of. And even if it were to happen, wouldn’t that make it their problem, not yours? Still, I’m not going to give this concern any more energy, I’ve never once met someone that had a college-age child breastfeeding. You may be out of touch with what normal duration breastfeeding looks like, sometimes called “extended breastfeeding” but I have to ask, extended beyond what? The minimum recommendations? Extended beyond society’s distorted perception of normal breastfeeding? Extended beyond your personal comfort level? Extended beyond the imaginary cut off line for breastfeeding The major health organizations in the world encourage mothers to breastfeed for at least 2 years and they recommend women continue as long as it is mutually agreeable. Mutually. Between the breastfeeding mother and the breastfeeding child. Not you. It’s up to them so butt out. Babies start using the only communicating tools they know to start asking for it as soon as they are born, you can read here about normal newborn behavior. A mother responding to her child’s signs of hunger = good parenting, not a bad habit. It’s important that you recognize and get comfortable now with this thought: “My opinions aren’t always right for everyone and sometimes I should just keep them to myself.”

Sneaking food to a small child without asking their parents permission or arguing with them about their choice to wait to introduce foods.

It boggles my mind how often I read “I can’t trust my mother-in-law/uncle/brother/grandpa/etc. with my 3 month old, they insist on giving him tastes of food, even stuff like ice cream or dangerous choking hazards!” People, it’s not your kid, not your turn to make these kind of decisions. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, shoot, friends get to spoil a kid, it’s true. When my kids are older I don’t care if my parents take them out for ice cream for breakfast when they get to have them on their own. It’s their grandparent prerogative and I support it on occasion. But that has to be something discussed and approved (even with disapproval) and the limits recognized and respected. Giving a baby foods that their parents, you know, the people that are responsible for them, take them to the doctor, are reading the most up to date information on what babies need, and are up at night with them, haven’t approved is not only disrespectful but it’s dangerous. Between ruining a virgin gut (google it), risking allergen exposure, and introducing textures they may not be physically developed enough to handle and thus pose a potential choking risk, there is absolutely no good reason EVER to sneak food to another parent’s child. And arguing with them about their decision for the health and safety of their child, even if you think they are wrong or extreme, is not helping either the parent or the child. If you’re truly concerned do your research before bringing it up. In order to offer support that’s actually helpful, you need to be familiar with current information and research as well as possible controversy. In the end you have to respect their decision or you will remain that person they can’t trust. And yes, they can’t trust you which means they will never be comfortable leaving their child in your hands. Coming to terms with “I am not the person(s) ultimately responsible for this child, I do not have the authority or position to make this decision and must respect the people that do.” By the way, this goes for formula fed babies too. Allergies, food sensitivities, immature digestive tracts, and choking hazards are real concerns for them as well. This is their long term health you’re messing around with and you don’t have that right or responsibility.

Breastfeeding is the biologically normal way to feed a small infant and child. Just because we’re not used to it as a society does not mean that there is something wrong with it. Before critiquing the mother willing to go against societal norms to do what she truly believes is best for her child, please educate yourself as to why she would do that in the first place. Or at least express your thoughts and concerns by asking respectfully why she has chosen a certain path over another. When it comes to decisions regarding that child’s health step carefully. There is controversy surrounding just about every health decision parents are faced with today, cut them some slack and just respect that they are thinking people that may be ok with discussing their decision but deserve to be respected in them even if you disagree. Please don’t let cultural ignorance determine how you feel about something or how you respond to something. Challenge yourself, is the problem really what that mother is doing or is the problem that as a society we just can’t imagine anything other than what we’ve grown accustomed to. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone and offer real support, not ignorant social judgments.

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Have you received comments about your child being “too old” to breastfeed? How did you respond?

Are there people around you that you can’t trust because they don’t respect your parenting choices?

Have you ever had someone feed or almost feed your child something you felt was dangerous?

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Filed Under: Article, baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, Breastfeeding the newborn, breasts, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, family, Featured, Jessica, Parenting Tagged With: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding challenges, Breastfeeding support, family, Toddler, Unsupportive support

7 Toddler Skills I Could Live Without (or at least wait for later)

October 25, 2011 by theleakyb@@b

When we first have our babies each new developmental milestone and stage is exciting. We look forward anxiously to signs that our little one is ok, normal, maybe even advanced. Parents brag about how early their drooling bundle started holding their head up, smiled, rolled over and crawled. Strangers ask “has she started walking yet?” upon encountering a mother or father with a baby anywhere over the age of 9 months in a stroller or carrier.

Then they actually start walking. After the initial excitement wears off parents are hit with the reality that their once adorable slow mover is now an adorable potential disaster on two legs. One that, before you know it, can outrun mom and dad and suddenly develops a stealth mode.

Walking isn’t where the patience testing, keep-you-on-your-toes talents for our little ones start and stop though. No, within days most toddlers begin developing an entire arsenal of skills that they physically can accomplish but lack the developmental capabilities to use reason in applying and enjoy just for the fun of it. Meaning: watch out.

Seven skills I wish my toddler couldn’t master before being able to explain why she needs to do it.

Climbing.
It’s great on a playground but toddlers figure out climbing by practicing on anything they can find handy: bookshelves, chairs, tabletops, counters, back of the couch… just about anything that is less than safe. Any furniture that can should be bolted to a wall to prevent tipping and possible injury. I’m glad my kids love climbing, I understand that it’s important for development even but the whole pushing chairs over to the counter to climb up and then into the cabinets to reach some snack instead of asking me for it does not help my blood pressure. And I’ve had kids that climbed before they walked, getting their “I-can-freak-mommy-out” on even earlier.

Flushing the toilet.
She doesn’t even use it but she’s figured out that the sound it makes is cool plus she can say and wave “bye-bye.” We try to keep the door closed but it’s forgotten from time to time and with 4 big sisters this isn’t surprising. My favorite is when she accompanies me to the toilet and insists on flushing while I’m still sitting there. Hello!

Turning on the facet.
The step stool in the bathroom seemed like a good idea for getting your child to brush their teeth but then they figure out how to turn the water on in the sink. I get it, it’s way too much fun that every time you turn the handle water come out. A trickle or a gush it’s like a mini-water park to a toddler. Add in cups, spoons, and other water receptacles and it’s a complete adventure of splash time goodness. As an added bonus it means the bathroom will get mopped. Again.

Opening doors.
The best doors for a toddler to open are those that led to the rooms of big sisters. Where big sisters have treasures and art supplies stashed or even better… candy. I know there are door knob covers to keep curious hands from going into forbidden entryways but since my older kids also struggle with being able to open doors with safety knobs I can’t spend all day opening doors for everyone. Instead we are all just trying to get smarter about our hiding places.

Opening marker lids.
Even more than glitter, markers are my least favorite craft supply. The siren of all potential mess-makers, my toddlers simply can’t resist the call of colored ink with a felt tip. Get the lid off and watch out walls, carpet, tables, clothing, faces, books… you name it. I’ve banished markers from our house multiple times but somehow they always sneak back in to lure my toddlers into some sort of damage. With bigger kids around now too there seems to be a particular affinity for the permanent kind. Those lids should be child-proof.

Taking the diaper off.
No matter what kind of diaper my toddlers always eventually master taking it off. Disposable, applix cloth, snaps, prefold and snappi, even diaper pins, my toddlers are diaper Houdinis. Dirty or clean, if given the chance they will get it off and are guaranteed to run from me once the situation is discovered, more often than I care to admit running right through some #2 and leaving their mark everywhere.

Getting undressed.
For a while as long as there is clothing covering their diaper my toddlers forget about their magic trick of escaping the poop trap. Then comes the fateful day when they realize they can take their clothes off BY THEMSELVES! With my first born I clapped and cheered for this new milestone thinking of her blooming independence but those days are long gone now. I just had no idea. In a flash the child that I had ready to walk out the door is naked, clothes scattered, and shoes hidden all in the time it took me to grab my purse and keys. Running around as though they’ve been craving fresh air on their private parts for decades, they squeal with delight while I sigh in exasperation. It’s not like they go naked almost all day every day inside as it is. I’ve given up on keeping clothes on them if we’re staying in, there’s no point, they’re just going to take it off anyway.

Getting ME undressed.
Because I’m *cough* “still” *cough* breastfeeding my children when they are toddlers they enjoy learning how to get to my breasts, on their own if need be. It always puzzles me, have I not been responding to their requests to breastfeed easily and readily for the past many months? Why suddenly do they need to alert me to their desire to breastfeed by taking it upon themselves to physically undress me? Dear sweet child of mine, I am perfectly capable and willing to get my breast out for you to feed but we’re going to have some boundaries here and work on developing some breastfeeding manners, ok? Trying to pull my shirt over my head as the first sign that you want to nurse is a bit rude. Funny, yes. The first time. Maybe even the second. But by the 115th time I’m not amused. So here’s the deal, sign milk or ask for “bobbies” and it’s all yours but getting the boob out is left to me, mmmkay?

Thankfully we usually survive the toddler stage just fine with only a few less hairs on my head and my blood pressure only slightly more elevated than normal. Reminding myself that it’s normal and actually a positive for them to explore and make messes helps me keep it all in focus. Sometimes. Besides, before I know it we’re into the stage where they can forcefully articulate why they want to do something and quite succinctly: “Because I want to!”

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What are some of your favorite toddler skills?

How have your toddlers kept you on your toes and how have you survived the challenge?

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, father, Featured, humor, Jessica, Parenting, toddler Tagged With: Breastfeeding, Parenting, parenting humor, parenting toddlers, Toddler, toddler humor

Dear Alma, You Belong With Love

June 18, 2011 by theleakyb@@b

If you are not familiar with the story of Habiba and Alma, please read this article to understand the situation of this mother/daughter pair in Spain.

Dear Alma,

The words you usually hear around you are in a language I don’t speak. The words you are beginning formulate to express yourself are words I would not understand. You will probably never see this, never read it or have it read to you. Still, I have something to say to you.