Hyperemesis Gravidarum and Ondansetron: a critical response to media coverage

by Kari Swanson

In the interest of full disclosure: I am the survivor of two pregnancies with Hyperemesis Gravidarum during which I was given Zofran and/or ondansetron. Both of my children, currently ages 9 and 4, are developmentally normal, with no health problems attributable to my use of ondansetron.

 

Birth defects from Zofran in pregnancy

A recent headline in the Toronto Star proclaims in bold face “Birth defects blamed on unapproved morning sickness treatment.” The lengthy piece about the drug ondanestron, which is sometimes prescribed off-label to women with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), is written as an exposé of drug companies and physicians gone wrong, the result of which is “vulnerable” pregnant women being prescribed a harmful drug that causes their babies to be born with extraordinary birth defects as a result. This would be horrifying if it was true, of course, but, it’s not. This article is not a scientific article. It is not a scientific literature review. It is pseudo-scientific sensationalism. One might think the goal of such an article would be to protect women and children, but like most pseudo-science involving medicine it presents very real public health risks.

According to the Hyperemesis Education & Research Foundation web site, HG is

“…a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:

  • loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
  • dehydration and production of ketones
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • metabolic imbalances
  • difficulty with daily activities”

HG is not morning sickness. HG is just plain sickness. In my first pregnancy there were many days when I vomited in excess of once an hour. I lived with constant nausea. I vomited before getting out of bed when I woke up in the morning. I vomited in the shower. I vomited on the side of the road while driving to work. I vomited in my flower garden while weeding. I believe my record was 38 times in one day. I vomited so violently and so frequently at one point that tiny blood vessels broke in my face and eyes. It certainly wasn’t the pregnancy glow I had envisioned.

I tried all of the remedies that everyone, including my obstetricians, suggested: crackers, sips of water, lemon, ginger ale, ginger tea, ginger snaps, candied ginger, extra vitamin B, extra sleep. Nothing worked. I lost weight. At 3 months pregnant I weighed about 11% less than I did before my pregnancy. I had several visits to the ER for IV hydration. More than half way through my pregnancy, after an all-night stay in the ER for IV fluids, my OB finally prescribed Zofran. For me it was a miracle drug, because it meant that I was able to keep at least one meal down every day. It didn’t completely eliminate the symptoms, but it did make them much more manageable. When I became pregnant again 5 ½ years later and started vomiting numerous times every day at 5 weeks pregnant I asked for Zofran. I still experienced nausea and vomiting throughout my second pregnancy, but nothing like I experienced the first time. I only required IV hydration in the ER once the second time around.

HG presents serious risks to a woman’s health. Complications of HG include: dehydration, malnutrition, damage to tooth enamel, renal failure, jaundice, ruptured esophagus, and deconditioning of the heart muscle, just to name some. Some of these complications can be and have been fatal. In addition, HG can cause long term health effects. Some women experience PTSD. Others, like me, develop complications of their complications: prolonged dehydration caused me to develop kidney stones.

HG also presents risks to the child. Fetal complications of HG include: premature birth, low birth weight, neural tube defects, and congenital heart defects, among others. Also, according to the Hyperemesis Education & Research Foundation, “…prolonged stress, malnutrition and dehydration in the mother can potentially put an unborn child at risk for chronic disease (e.g. diabetes, heart disease) in later life.” And, HG can also cause fetal or neonatal death.

Clearly Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a serious health condition. It is not something that can be or should be ignored or treated lightly. Women die. Babies die. When considering treatment options, women and their healthcare providers must weigh the benefits and risks of particular treatments. The decision is not about a minor inconvenience. It is very often a matter of mitigating potential harmful or life-threatening effects.

The Toronto Star article cites data recorded in the US Food & Drug Administration (FDA) Adverse Event Reporting System (FAERS). The reporters cite this data as if it presents irrefutable proof that ondanestron is a dangerous drug that caused harmful effects to babies. But, the truth of the matter is it does no such thing. The FDA states on the FAERS site:

FAERS data do have limitations. First, there is no certainty that the reported event (adverse event or medication error) was actually due to the product. FDA does not require that a causal relationship between a product and event be proven, and reports do not always contain enough detail to properly evaluate an event. Further, FDA does not receive reports for every adverse event or medication error that occurs with a product. Many factors can influence whether or not an event will be reported, such as the time a product has been marketed and publicity about an event. Therefore, FAERS data cannot be used to calculate the incidence of an adverse event or medication error in the U.S. population.

Let me reiterate: the FDA does not require that a causal relationship between a product and event be proven. This means that random, purely coincidental health conditions may be reported as side effects of a drug. FAERS data are useful for looking for trends or potential side effects that might have been caused by a drug, but they are not proof that a side effect is caused by a drug. FAERS data should be used for further study. They should not be construed as concrete evidence of a causal relationship.

The use of ondansetron in pregnancy has been studied. The Toronto Star article sites some of the research, but a news article is not a scientific literature review. The reporters do not present the totality of research on the subject, and what they do present is presented in a manner that shows bias in favor of their own assertion: that ondansetron causes birth defects. There are, however, numerous other scientific studies that indicate otherwise. Anyone can easily research the topic for herself (or himself) by utilizing the freely available medical research database PubMed.

Although it has been studied, the use ofondansetron in pregnancy is considered an off-label use. It is unfortunate that the Toronto Star article presents off-label use of medications so negatively. Off-label prescribing is common and sometimes is the best or only treatment option for certain conditions. While it is true that sometimes off-label use of a medication might later be proven (by research) to be of no therapeutic value, or worse: harmful, sometimes off-label use later becomes an FDA approved use after further research supports it. According to WebMD certain beta-blockers once only used for the treatment of high blood pressure and used off-label to treat heart failure later became approved prescription treatments for heart failure.

Despite the fact that use of ondansetron to treat HG is off-label, the prescribing information for Zofran (ondansetron from GlaxoSmithKline) states:

Pregnancy Category B. Reproduction studies have been performed in pregnant rats and rabbits at daily oral doses up to 15 and 30 mg/kg/day, respectively, and have revealed no evidence of impaired fertility or harm to the fetus due to ondansetron.

Pregnancy Category B is defined by the FDA as follows: “Animal reproduction studies have failed to demonstrate a risk to the fetus and there are no adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women.”  The safety and categorization of drugs varies from country to country. For example, acetaminophen is US FDA Pregnancy Category C (less safe to use in pregnant women than ondansetron!), but in Australia acetaminophen is Australian Pregnancy Category A, which means Australia considers acetaminophen to be safer for pregnant women than the US FDA does.

Ondansetron is not entirely without risks or side effects.   The FDA, like Health Canada, issued warnings about potential heart risks, specifically a heart rhythm problem called QT prolongation. However, those risks very clearly apply to people with Long QT syndrome, those with underlying cardiac defects, those with low potassium or magnesium, and people taking other medications that can cause QT prolongation. They did not withdraw the drug from the market. Many thousands of people have taken ondansetron with no apparent harm to their hearts.

Furthermore, many women, including those who have not taken ondansetron or any other drug, give birth to babies with birth defects every year. According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Birth defects occur in about 3% of all live births.” Recent CDC data on the prevalence of birth defects in the US between the years 2004 and 2006 show an estimated prevalence of 4.71 in 10,000 babies born with atrioventricular septal defect, for example. HG is associated with an increased risk for fetal cardiac defects, but women without HG and who have not taken ondansetron also give birth to babies with heart defects. According to the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, “doctors often don’t know why congenital heart defects occur.” Leaping to the conclusion that the heart defect of one infant reported in FAERS was caused by ondansetron is wildly inappropriate.

I do not speak for all women who have experienced HG, but I and more than one of my “HG sisters” found the Toronto Star article disturbing. It is sensationalist journalism that has the potential to cause women or their healthcare providers to delay or avoid effective treatment at the risk of their/their patients’ own or their babies’ immediate or long-term health or even at the risk of their lives.

For another look at the safety of odansetron during pregnancy, see this Huffington Post piece breaking down a Danish study of 1,970 births where the drug was used during pregnancy.

 

kariswansonTLBKari Swanson, MLS, is a daughter, sister, wife, mother of two, member of Generation X and an admin for The Leaky B@@b Facebook page. She has been an academic librarian for 15 years. She blogs occasionally over at Thoughts from BookishMama

 

I don’t know how to tell you about Hyperemesis Gravidarum

by Jessica Martin-WeberHG awareness 2014

Today is Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day and I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know how to tell you why this matters to me or what HG is like.  Though I’m used to being able to express myself fairly well in written word, for some reason I just can’t find the words.  The truth is, I just don’t know how.  There’s too much and it is still so hard to talk about.

I don’t know how to explain the way HG robs everything wonderful, everything beautiful from pregnancy.

I don’t know how to tell you that though I wanted every one of my babies, I never wanted to be pregnant.

There are no words to describe the guilt I felt and grief I sometimes still have over hating pregnancy.

I don’t know if I can even begin to explain how much I wanted to “just eat” but every time I ate my insides would turn inside out and punish me for hours until there wasn’t even bile left.

Or the courage it takes to admit I wanted to end my pregnancies or my life.

And I don’t know how to tell you that sometimes it was hard to hear about or see happily, glowing pregnant women.

Because I know, I KNOW that even with that I am one of the lucky ones.  I got to have my babies.

I don’t know how to tell you that being told I was lucky I got to be skinny while pregnant or how good I looked made me crumble that people couldn’t see how I was dying, physically and emotionally, on the inside.

I don’t know where to start on the toll HG takes on my family, my husband and my children have suffered under this burned more than I can say.

I don’t know how to explain what it’s like to vomit so much you can’t breathe.

I don’t know how to share with you how the force of vomiting and dry heaving out of control leaves you spent and dizzy and gasping for air.

I don’t know what words to use to paint the picture of never ending nausea and vomiting.

I don’t know the way to make you understand why I stopped counting how many vomiting sessions I had in a day once I reached 24 even if it was only noon.

And I really don’t know how to spell out what that looks like every day all day for 40 weeks.

Because I know, I do KNOW that it could have been so much worse.  I got to have my babies.

I don’t know if it will make sense that I couldn’t eat anything, no matter how hard I tried, not even crackers or ginger or anything else.

I don’t think you’ll want to hear how much I wanted to take said crackers, ginger, or anything else and shove them where the sun don’t shine to the next person attempting to be helpful that suggested I “just” try that.

I don’t know if I can handle sharing how my nurses would try to find a viable vein in my dehydrated body and still fail after a dozen attempts.

I don’t know how to tell you that nobody doubted me having absolutely no control over the HG as much as I did.

I don’t know if I can make it clear how much I felt like a failure every day, every time I vomited, every time I heaved.

I don’t know if blame even touches the contempt I felt for myself when my babies weren’t growing well.

Words fail me when I try to explain the confusion, depression, and physical bleakness that comes with dehydration.  I was almost always dehydrated.

And I don’t know when I’ll stop crying when I confess that I was always afraid of how this was hurting my growing baby.

Because I know, I KNOW so well that in the end it was all ok.  I get to hold my babies.

I don’t know if I can deal with your questions as to why I would continue having babies if my pregnancies were so terrible.

I don’t know why you would want to hear about how I got down to 83 pounds at 5 months pregnant, my skin yellow, my organs failing, and how as much as I wanted to just eat, I couldn’t.

I don’t know if I can keep it together to recount the things people, health care providers, said to me as I fought to get well.

I don’t know what stories to tell, like how my toddlers would pretend to throw up, that I christened every place I visited in my town, or how I would do my job in between vomiting- if I could not pass out long enough.

I don’t know if it will make any sense that I have a love/hate relationship with my PICC scar, a bittersweet reminder of what it took to survive growing my babies.

I don’t know how to describe the taste of bile and then blood on my tongue for weeks at a time.

The gratitude I feel for those that believed me, fought for me, and took risks for me defies adequate expression, I know they save me.

Because I know, trust me, oh how I KNOW that this agony ended well.  I get to hold my babies.

I don’t know the vocabulary required to detail what the caustic stomach juices did to my throat and my teeth and my spirit.

I don’t know how to tell you the fear I still hold that being on the maximum dose of Zofran and the drug cocktail that was poured directly into my veins harmed my babies.

I don’t know if I can voice the even greater fear that organ failure and ketosis was harming them more than the drugs ever could.

I don’t know how to narrate the experience of trying to decide if I should save the life of the mother of my existing children or hope to live through my body shutting down to try to keep growing their little sister.

Or the anxiety I have that my daughters will face the same fate when they begin to have children of their own.

Because I know, please know that I KNOW how blessed I am to even have my children.

But I know this too, more people need to be aware of HG, to help with research, and to help support those families impacted by HG.  I know this.  To learn more about HG please go to helpher.org.

 

Dear Kathleen- Nursing strikes, biting, low weight gain, and painful breastfeeding in pregnancy

We receive hundreds of emails and messages daily from Leakies looking for help and information in their breastfeeding journey.  As so many seek support from us, we are so honored to have the support of Kathleen Huggins, IBCLC and author of The Nursing Mothers’ Companion.  Kathleen is jumping on board with The Leaky Boob to have a regular article answering Leaky questions every month.  The questions will be selected from the huge pool we get in every day to try and help cover the wide range of topics about which Leakies are asking.  These questions are from real moms and represent hundreds of requests for more information in the past few weeks.  Please understand that this is simply the professional opinion of one International Board Certified Lactation Consultant in an informal setting and is not intended to replace the care of a health care provider.  Kathleen is offering support and information, not diagnosing or prescribing treatment.  For your health and safety, please seek the care of a qualified physician and/or IBCLC.  Kathleen does have limited availability for phone or online consultations, see her website  for more information.

Bfing tip low supply sleep on it

Dear Kathleen,

I need help!! I struggled to breastfeed my now 10 month old. After 3 months of struggle we made it and he has been breastfeeding beautifully. I work long hours and pump at work but have had a great supply. I just returned from a 5 day trip where I pumped and dumped and during that time my milk supply went from 24 oz a day to less then 15. Now my baby latches but cries after about 5 min on each side. He calms with expressed milk in a bottle. What do I do now to increase my supply back? I wanted to make it to a year and am heartbroken that I may have to stop sooner!! Help!!

Desperately yours,

Heartbroken for Milk

 

Hi there Heartbroken for Milk,

So sorry about your difficulty.  There are several things you can do.  First of all, I would make sure that you are using the best possible pump, like a Hygeia. If you don’t have a strong pump, you might consider either getting one or renting a clinical grade pump, like a Symphony, or an Ameda Platinum.  I would be sure that between pumpings and nursings that your breasts are being drained at least 7 times each 24 hours.  Having your breasts emptied less than this will keep your supply at the level it is at now.  The other thing I would suggest is More Milk Plus from Motherlove Herbals.  If you go to their website, you may be able to find a local distributor or order it directly from Motherlove.  This herbal product contains fenugreek and three other milk stimulating herbs.  Keep in mind that teas are a weak form of any herb and may not help much.  For a a short while you may also want to nurse before offering solids and once your supply increases, you can offer solids first, but again try to keep the number of nursings remain at a minimum of seven per 24 hours.  If your baby wakes in the night, welcome those nursings for now.

Best wishes too you!

Kathleen

 

Dear Kathleen,

My 10 month old bit me and I yelped, which made her cry. That was 6 days ago and since then she’s completely refused to nurse. She was exclusively breastfed before introducing solids and has never had formula. She won’t take a bottle and will only drink water from a sippy cup. I tried offering expressed breastmilk in an open cup but she wouldn’t have it. I’ve been mixing express breastmilk into her food but that’s all she’s been having. My supply is going and I can only pump a few oz a day. I’ve tried nursing her asleep, warm baths, skin-to-skin, everything, but she still refuses. Everything I’ve read says 10 months is too early to wean and that nursing strikes are temporary, but every day I feel more hopeless. I offer every couple of hours. She has three meals a day. I’m worried she’s missing out on essential nutrition, and even if I had to give formula I don’t know how I’d get it into her. I miss breastfeeding so much, I just want it back. 

Thank you for your help,

Not Ready to Wean

 

Dear Not Ready to Wean,

Tough situation!  At this point, be sure that you are expressing milk at least 7 times each 24 hours with an excellent pump to keep your production high.  You are certainly been doing the right things with co-bathing and lots of skin to skin.  I would offer your milk with an ordinary cup rather than a sippy cup with your guidance and see if she prefers that over the sippy cup.  I would also suggests seeing if she will nurse while asleep or very sleepy maybe while you lie down together in a darkened room.  Final words, hang in there.  Nursing strikes usually end as suddenly as they begin!

Good luck!

Kathleen

 

Dear Kathleen,

My son is 8 1/2 months and exclusively breast fed, and the last couple months has a side preference when he wants to relax or fall asleep. He has 6 teeth and is still in the teething process. My problem is, he bit his preferred nipple 3 times in 24 hours, drawing blood the first couple times. Now, I am trying to give it some time to heal, but he has a total meltdown when I don’t let him nurse on that side! 

Any suggestions to help him through this while I attempt to heal would be much appreciated! 

Sincerely,

Wounded Nipple

 

Dear Wounded,

I hope that you are expressing your milk very often with an excellent pump, at least 7 times each 24 hours.  I would also suggest feeding on that side using other positions that irritate the wounded nipple less, like “football” hold or having him straddle your thigh and then come onto the breast.  If the nipple is open after 5 days, it may then be time for an antibiotic as bites can easily become infected and then not only are they slow to heal, but you can also develop mastitis.  There are other healing remedies like Motherlove’s Nipple Cream which you may be able to find if you visist Motherlove’s website.  It contains several healing herbs and can work quickly unless there is already bacteria in the wound.  Also, you may want to learn more about biting.  If you visit my website, Kathlenhggins.com, I have a blog about “biting”.  This needs to stop!

Kathleen

 

Dear Kathleen,

I still breastfeed my just 2 year old and am 15 weeks pregnant. Breastfeeding is now VERY painful contributed by a very poor latch I think (there are teeth marks left behind on my nipples). It is no longer pleasant for me and I find myself feeling anger and resentment during feeding. The problem is my toddler is not ready to stop, she feeds on waking and before sleeps so it in entrenched in those routines. No amount of distraction, food or drink offerings or cuddles can stop endless sobbing and clawing at me. I’m at a loss.  

Thank you, 

Unpleasant Breastfeeding

 

Hi Unpleasant Breastfeeding,

There are a few things you can try.  First of all it is very common for nipples to be tender during pregnancy.  They may improve as your pregnancy continues.  With that and the marks from your toddlers teeth, it is no surprise that you are suffering through nursings!  There is nothing that can be done about your pregnancy nipple soreness, but you can help the problem with your toddler’s latch. Because the baby’s mouth tends to drag down the breast tissue, it may be important to lift her upwards by using a pillow and lifting your breast upward.    Experiment with other nursing positions to see which positions are more comfortable and which  avoid letting her chin rest on her chest, trying to get her head tilted back a little more.  Try and offer your breast with the nipple pointing downward and wait for a wide open mouth before latching. Feel free to use lanolin after nursings.

With all that being said, if you are still wanting to stop nursing, you can do that too! If you are only nursing in the morning and just before sleep, you and your partner can both help out.  She really is mostly weaned at this point!

For now, I would suggest tackling just one nursing at a time.  When she wakes, start of new routine of an early breakfast and some sort of play or other activity. Without telling her  “No”, let her know you are “saving the milk” until nap time, using whatever words she understands. Think of all the things she loves to do and substitute any of those things, Once you have that morning one gone, pick another, maybe the nighttime or nap time nursing. One the week-end, or in the evening, let your partner work his magic, with you out of sight.  Go take a walk. Perhaps Dad can help her off to sleep at night by making a new routine, like reading a book and rocking him for awhile.   A bath, a story and more rocking can certainly be a new way to distract her and soon you will have weaned. On the other hand, maybe one nursing a day is pleasant for the both of you.

See how changing the latch works. Move slowly on this, taking the nursings out just one at a time over a period of time until you are feeling better and she is adjusting.

Best wishes!

Kathleen

Dear Kathleen,

I have a soon to be 5 months old infant who is breastfed since birth and the biggest challenge is his weight, he only weighs less than 13 lbs and his birth weight was 6 lbs 12 oz. I’ve fed him every 2 hours and now sometimes 3 hrs to 4. When I pump I only produced 2 oz total from both breasts which the pediatrician isn’t happy and is very concerned that he’s probably not getting enough milk.  He spit up a lot, lots of urinations and some common bowel movements but his doctor isn’t satisfied and we keep having to go back for a weekly or biweekly weight check and now the doctor wants me to start giving him rice cereal now which I’d rather wait til he is 6 months old so I dont know what to do.  I don’t want to do formula. This is my 4th child and my 3rd child to breastfeed.  With my last 2 children I breastfed and did produced good amount of milk but this time I’m not sure if I’m producing enough milk which is very discouraging for me.  I took fenugreek for 3 months but I wished I had known I should have taken blessed thistle along with fenugreek.  Any suggestion on how I can increase my milk supply? Could it be his latch?  It still hurts when he latches on and sucks on my nipples.  I’m trying to stay positive but I feet like a failure that my baby is probably not getting enough milk from me because of his very low weight for his age.  With my other two nurslings I had a wonderful lactation consultant but that was 7 years ago and we have moved, I don’t even know how to find a good consultant.  Please help!

Yours truly,

Worried but hopeful

 

Hi Worried,

It’s understandable that you are worried, when I plot out your baby on the World Health Organizations Breastfed Infant Growth Charts, which you can find on line, I see that we was born on the 15th %tile and he seems to now be on the 3rd %tile.  I think you can offer him more calories without having to resort to formula.  I don’t know when you are pumping in relation to a nursing, so that doesn’t help me much.  Your baby needs more milk which has more calories, so I agree that cereal is not the answer.

I would suggest a few things.  First of all, you need to aim for 7-8 nursings each 24 hours. I would not allow the baby to go without nursing for 3-4 hours.  Watch for early hunger cues, like finger sucking and offer your breast whenever you notice this.  If your baby uses a pacifier, I would put it away.  Welcome night time feedings as mothers produce more milk in the night time.  If he sleeps through the night, I would wake him before you go to bed, or even wake him after five hours of sleep.  During the day and evening, I would try and double pump after most of these nursings for 5-10 minutes and offer him that milk after the next nursing.  This milk will be very high in calories and help him gain more weight.  While not knowing what pump you have, be sure that it is a good one, like a Medela or Hygeia or you could even rent a clinical grade pump for awhile if you have doubts about the pump you are using.  If your nipples are larger than a penny, be sure to use a larger sized flange, like a size 27mm.

Next, I would add a strong herbal galactagogue, like More Milk Plus from Motherlove Herbals.  If you go to their website, you may be able to find a local distributor or order it directly from Motherlove.  It contains, fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, and two other milk stimulating herbs.  It usually takes 48-72 hours to kick in.  A second herb you can add is GoLacta.  Go to their website for ordering information, Using both of these together can really boost your supply.  At this point, I would like to see a daily weight gain of 1/2 ounce per day.  That is normal for this age.

If your periods have already resumed, you may see that your supply lessens between the time you ovulate and when your period resumes.  If that is the case, you can take 1000 mgms of Calcium and 500 mgms of magnesium every day until your period starts.  I am assuming that you are not on any estrogen containing birth control which definitely lessens milk supply,

If your baby is spitting up, that suggests reflux to me which can cause some babies to limit their nursings.  I would avoid any of the following the following foods and beverages; these include chocolate, all citrus fruits and their juices (including strawberry, pineapple and kiwi), the gassy veggies like onion (onion powder), garlic (garlic powder), peppers, cucumbers, cauliflower, cabbage, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts.  It may be your baby is reacting to the foods you’re eating, eliminating the most likely culprits first and then testing them by adding them back one at a time could help you figure out if one of these are the cause.  If this baby has the same Daddy as the others, and they had colic symptoms, you might also consider a trial off of all cow milk products for a short while to see if that helps with the spitting up.  Cow milk products can be an allergen which runs in certain families.

Lastly, if you want to find a lactation consultant, go to ILCA.org and scroll down to “Find a Lactation Consultant”, enter your info and some name should pop up.  If you have private insurance, they should cover the cost.

Best wishes to you and your baby!

Kathleen

Kathleen-HigginsKathleen Huggins RN IBCLC, has a Master’s Degree in Perinatal Nursing from U.C. San  Francisco, founded the Breastfeeding Warmline, opened one of the first breastfeeding clinics in  the United States, and has been helping breastfeeding mothers professionally for 33 years.  Kathleen  authored The Nursing Mother’s Companion in 1986 followed by The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning.  Kathleen has also co-authored Nursing Mother, Working Mother with Gale Pryor, Twenty Five Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Should Know and The Nursing Mothers’ Breastfeeding Diary with best-friend, Jan Ellen Brown.  The Nursing Mothers’ Companion has also been translated into Spanish.  Mother of two now grown children, Kathleen retired from hospital work in 2004 and after beating breast cancer opened and currently runs Simply MaMa, her own maternity and breastfeeding boutique.  She continues to support breastfeeding mothers through her store’s “breastaurant,” online at The Leaky Boob, and in private consultations.  

Say what? The stupid stuff people say to pregnant women

by Jessica Martin-Weber

Women have been getting pregnant, having babies, and breastfeeding for a long time.  Since, well, the dawn of time.  One would think all the stupid comments about these facts of life would have been said enough already that everyone would understand to never say them again.  Yet, according to this thread with Leakies on Facebook, that is hardly the case.  Stupidity still predictably spews forth from the mouths of strangers, friends, coworkers, and family members alike onto nauseated, bloated mothers-to-be everywhere.  Here’s a collection of some of our favorite and in case you were wondering, this would be a list of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman.  Ever.  Particularly if you value your life.

Photo credit: Kelli Elizabeth Photography

Photo credit: Kelli Elizabeth Photography

 

Was it planned?

Seriously?  You are actually asking that question?

 

You can tell its a girl. Girls steal the mother’s beauty, from the moment they’re conceived!

What?!   That’s pretty much the same as walking up to a pregnant woman and telling them they are ugly but it’s ok, their baby girl will be pretty.  It’s also asking for a woman hopped up on hormones that fluctuate with every craving who is likely struggling to control her own bladder on a regular basis to try to control herself and refrain from tearing the speaker apart.  Literally. You can tell you’re an idiot, did some baby steal your brains?

 

Whoa, you look like you’re ready to burst.

Oh gee, like we haven’t heard that before.  You look like you’re ready to get slapped.  Whoa, looks like you didn’t get the memo on what stupid stuff not to say to a pregnant lady.

 

Are you sure there’s just one in there because you are huge!

Thank you because this morning I was feeling especially trim and comfortable.  Said no pregnant lady ever.  Is it my turn now?  Can I speculate freely on why you look the way you do?

 

If you’re nauseated and/or throwing up you should eat crackers and ginger.

NOOOOOOOOOOO way!  Really?  How did I not think of that?  How come nobody in the past 3 months has thought to share this information with me every single chance they could get?

 

You know what causes that, right?

Stop thinking this is clever.  It is not clever.  Nobody that has ever heard this has thought it was clever.  In fact, they’ve all had pretty much the opposite thought.  And I might even say I’m more familiar with the process of what causes that than you are.  The real question is do you know what causes angry pregnant women?  Stupid people making stupid comments they think are clever.  And saying this to my husband, the father-to-be, is just as stupid.

 

Still pregnant?  Are you ever going to have that baby?

Nope.  I just haven’t gotten around to giving birth because I’m so lazy.  I plan to cross my legs and keep it in there FOREVER because it is really just so comfortable.  Not going to have it just so I can annoy you and hear more rude and stupid things from insensitive people making unwanted comments on my pregnancy.

 

Oh you just look miserable!

Actually I feel okay, but glad to hear I look so awful. Thanks.  Going to go cry now.  That was mean.  You may not have meant it to be mean but it was mean.

 

Looks like you’re getting close!

Close to what?  Peeing my pants?  Puking on you?  Punching someone?  No, 3 months to go still but thanks for reminding me that I’m freakishly large and will barely be able to walk in 8 weeks.

 

I could tell it’s a girl/boy because your boobs/butt/cheeks are bigger.

That’s just… strange.  Creepy strange.  Creepy strange, crazy rude.  Please stop looking at me to compare how my body has changed.  And if you do notice something, don’t even think of mentioning it to me.  On what planet is it ok to say something like that?

 

You don’t look pregnant from behind. 

Well that’s because my uterus is in the front.

 

Sleep while you can, it’s going to be hard once the baby is here!

Oh yeah because it is so easy to sleep when there’s another person inhabiting your body, kicking your bladder, holding dance parties, and squishing your stomach so you have indigestion.  Doesn’t everybody know it’s not like you can bank your sleep anyway?

 

Are you allowed to eat that?  You should eat/shouldn’t eat XYZ (whatever it is you’re craving and can keep down).

Sorry, you’re not my health care provider and I’m my own boss.  Do NOT get in the way of a pregnant lady and her food.  It won’t end well for anyone.  Capiche?

 

Hopefully next time you’ll get your boy/girl.

Right because the whole reason we would have another child was to get one with a certain set of genitals.

 

I just love to touch big ol’ pregnant bellies!

Maybe the pregnant bellies don’t want to be touched.

 

You’re so tiny, you don’t even look pregnant.  You’re not starving that baby are you?  Beauty isn’t worth it, you want a healthy baby, right?

Thanks.  Thanks a lot.  The implication that you think I’m abusing my child for vanity’s sake is beyond rude.

 

Do you know what you’re having?

Well, we thought maybe a puppy but they chew things and you have to house train them so we’re hoping for a hamster.  We get it, you’re curious about the sex of our baby but really, it’s time to find a different way to ask this question or, even better, just wait to see if we want you to know because if we do, we’ll volunteer that bit of information if we even know it ourselves.

 

You’re planning to have a c-section/vaginal/unmedicated birth?  Oh that’s crazy and here’s why you’ll change your mind on that.

I’m sorry, did I give the impression that I give a crap what you think about how I will be having my baby?  Because I don’t.

 

How far dilated are you?

The state of my cervix is not up for discussion, thanks.

 

Oh you plan to breastfeed?  Most women can’t keep up with what their baby needs, it will completely drain you so be sure to get some formula and bottles.

It’s a miracle anybody survived before there was formula.  Formula can be a helpful option for feeding a baby when needed but I’m not going into this assuming something is wrong.

 

Having babies ruins women’s bodies.

Being pregnant ruins women’s patience and saying misogynistic, insulting comments to a pregnant woman could very well end up ruining your face.

 

Oh you’re pregnant and going to give birth!  Here’s my/my friend’s nightmare of a pregnancy and birth story to make you feel so confident and excited for your own!

I bet you tell your children all the scary things that can happen at night just before they go to bed too, don’t you?

 

There are more but these were our favorites.  As in favorites to never, ever hear again to any pregnant woman anywhere.

 

 

 

 

Hyperemesis Gravidarum, a princess, and regular ol’ me- Kate Middleton and I have something in common

Kate Middleton Pregnant, pregnancy, HG, hyperemesis gravidarum

I am a terrible, rotten, no good person.  I just celebrated when I read that the Duchess of Cambridge is suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum in her pregnancy and was admitted to the hospital for IV fluids.

Then I sat in the local coffee shop and wiped away tears.

I’m not actually happy that Kate Middleton has HG, I feel for her a little too well.  A year ago I was in the thick of my 6th battle with HG, a PICC line in my arm and about 16 pounds below my prepregnant weight (much better than the close to 40 pounds I lost with my 1st).  I barely ate and a great day was throwing up only 12 times.  We were excited because it was my best pregnancy yet.  And it still sucked.  I wouldn’t wish HG on my worst enemy, it ruins pregnancies, wrecks families, trashes the mother’s body, and in the worst cases takes lives.

My experience with HG has been traumatic.  The end results have been beautiful babies and I’d go through it all over again for them but HG has changed me physically and emotionally.  I have struggled to put into words my experience with my first 3 pregnancies so painful are the memories.  We’ve come a long way in the 14 years since I had my first but even so I still hear doubt that maybe this whole thing is in my head.  Often from strangers, regularly from health care professionals, sometimes from people I know, and once in a while from myself.

Insertion of my last PICC

There may be one person I would wish HG on, the doctor that told me that if I really wanted my baby I would stop throwing up.  My will would be strong enough.  Throwing up was my subconscious trying to rid my life of this baby.  I would stop throwing up if I actually wanted her.  That if I didn’t then I should just terminate her because I wouldn’t love her anyway.  This doctor didn’t tell me there was a name for what I was experiencing and told me my IV line would be pulled after 2 bags of fluid and I’d have to prove that I wanted this baby.  At four months pregnant I was 83 pounds.  But I wanted my baby, I really did.  I couldn’t understand why I was so weak, why my body was betraying me.  What horrible thoughts and feelings about my baby was I hiding from myself?  How could I change them so I could stop throwing up and could keep my baby?  Why wasn’t I strong enough to stop throwing up?  Broken and my husband traveling, I agreed to the termination because I had 2 children already and I didn’t want them to be motherless.  I was so afraid of dying that I died on the inside.

Napkins don’t wipe up tears and snot so well.  I want to explain to the people shooting concerned looks my way but saying I’m crying because Princess Kate is sick just won’t come out right.

So why would I celebrate and then break down in tears upon hearing that the princess has HG?

Seeing that Kate Middleton has HG, is receiving media coverage, medical care, and the support of people all over the world has turned me into a blubbering fool sitting in a public space.  I’m not her and she’s not me, but a person, a celebrity, a REAL PERSON EVERYONE WOULD RECOGNIZE AS BEING A REAL PERSON (and not just me) has hyperemesis gravidarum!  It’s for real.  Everyone is going to hear about it.  I’m not crazy!

I’ve long known I’m not alone.  While HG isn’t common it does impact about 2% of pregnancies and is increasingly recognized by health care professionals.  In my 4th pregnancy I found information, support, resources, and most importantly, friendship with other women that have or were experiencing HG in their pregnancies through the Hyperemesis Education and Research Foundation HelpHer forums.  With them as my companions, we navigated the choppy waters of HG with more options in our boat.  We learned what questions to ask, The Piano Man became a more confident advocate for me, I admitted how bad I was, and I relaxed about taking medication.  My pregnancies got easier but I’ve never experienced normal morning sickness, just less severe HG.  My care has spanned no intervention except when I would collapse, to occasional IVs, to a PICC and daily hydration, and in one pregnancy a short bit with TPN until I developed sepsis and my line had to be pulled.  All of them required anti-emetics and either hospitalization or home health care.

Some say I was crazy to go through 6 HG pregnancies and maybe I was.  I answer why we continued having babies even with HG here if you’d like to read it but the short version is I didn’t want HG to win, I didn’t want my family planning determined by this condition.  We felt we were missing people in our family and adoption wasn’t an option.  And I’m really, really stubborn.

We have a long, long way to go in understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  I hate that Kate is experiencing this, I hate that anybody would experience it.  The comments on the article about Kate’s pregnancy troubles are a mix of support and nasty.  Hopefully though, Kate’s suffering can do others a world of good by raising awareness and maybe even more research and education of health professionals will result.  I know that  many of my HG sisters in the UK have struggled for appropriate treatment protocols in managing their HG, specifically in needing prescriptions for Zofran.  I hope that an official diagnoses of HG for Kate would lead to a better standard of care for women in the UK suffering from this condition in the future.  In time I believe HG won’t be mocked by the general public and will be accepted as a real condition that deserves real respect and support.  We’ve already made progress.

Even with that progress I’ve heard people, many my own health care providers, say some incredibly hurtful and ignorant things about HG.  Here’s a sample, all of which came from my own health care providers along the way, some as recent as 9 months ago:

If you really wanted this baby you would will yourself to stop vomiting.

It doesn’t count as vomiting if nothing comes up any more. (My OB when I was in the hospital.)

You just need to make yourself eat.

You don’t need fluids yet, you still have tears.  (As I cried in my OB’s office.)

Every pregnancy is different. (This one was a big part of me trying for the “perfect pregnancy.”)

If you come in here and have lost more way I’m going to be so upset with you.

You just need to try harder.

I think there has to be a mental component, why else would you vomit so much?

I don’t understand why your food journal is blank.  (After saying I threw everything up.)

Oh no, we’re not admitting you to L&D, that’s for having babies, you’re going to psych. because there is obviously something going on there with you.

I’ve never met anyone that didn’t experience relief with ginger, it shouldn’t burn if you’re doing it right.

Just some tea and crackers before you get out of bed, you got up to pee first, that’s why you still got sick.

What message are you sending your children with throwing up so much?  I would be worried about that.

Are you sure you’re not anorexic?  I’m ordering a psych eval, you don’t need meds, just help with your head.

There must be some unconfessed sin in your life, confess it and be healed.

Really, you can’t complain, at least you won’t have any weight to lose after the baby.

How could you eat that?  What a terrible choice. (It was a milk shake and the only thing I kept down that day.)

Do you think you are suffering for the sins of your ancestors?  (A midwife, not mine, while I was on the floor vomiting.)

I’m not sure what you expect me to do, you just can’t handle the realities of pregnancy.

I don’t like using medications in pregnancy but I guess it’s better than you dying.  (I didn’t stay with this midwife.)

 

I couldn’t go through with that termination with my 3rd.  My heart wanted that baby even if my care provider didn’t believe me and my body fought it.  Today that baby is 9 years old and an incredible sister to her 5 sisters.  We survived.  Now, as I cry over the princess of England having HG, I feel a part of me healing that I had thought died.

Ordinary Miracle- the labor and home birth of Sugarbaby, April 19, 2012

Jessica and Arden Credence (Sugarbaby) 1 week after birth. Photo by Kelli Elizabeth Photography

It’s hard to believe that it’s already been two months since the birth of our little Sugarbaby!  (Read her introduction here.)  As promised, here are the videos that we shot during labor.  Finding the time to format the videos for YouTube and uploading them took a bit longer than we had anticipated.  We apologize for the long wait, especially for those who had a sneaky ad pop up just when our Sugarbaby was being born, but as you will see, her arrival was a surprise for everyone in the room!  Except maybe Jessica.  I’ll give a brief synopsis of each video, but otherwise let them speak for themselves.  I left them raw and virtually unedited (except to find a logical beginning and end for each).  Enjoy!

In this first video, it’s morning and still in the early stages of labor.  Jessica had checked herself and was about 4cm with a bulging bag of waters.  This is pre-live-stream, so if you tuned in to watch the birth, this is previously unseen footage even for you!  Dancing and singing in our living room, and the participation of our eldest, Earth Baby, contributed to make this a sweet start to a very long day.

 

In this second video, also, pre-live-stream, we moved to the bedroom, spent time on an exercise ball, and we try something we’ve never done before to get Sugarbaby to change her positioning: the rebozo technique.

 

This third video shows footage that was near the start of the live-feed.  It’s a great example of the lighter side of labor, with lots of conversations and bantering going on between more serious contractions.  Of utmost importance is the conversation near the end where the birth team discusses their favorite pizza.

 

The more serious side of labor is demonstrated in this fourth video, along with Jessica’s favorite laboring technique, sleep imitation, which was rendered extremely difficult thanks to the unusually intense hip pain Jessica experienced.

 

For the final installment of this five-part video experience memorializing the birth of Sugarbaby, you will see just a couple of very long contractions followed by her sudden arrival.  Don’t blink, or you just might miss it.  At least in this format, no one can blame it on a Captain Morgan’s or a Formula ad popping up at just the wrong moment!  And you can replay it.  This fifth video also includes some very ordinary footage of what it’s like in the first few minutes after a home birth, full of sweet, tired and, excited family interactions.

 

Our deepest gratitude to our midwife Cathy Rude, LM, CPM from Katy Birth Center in Katy, TX.; to Anna from Momma on a Mission for live blogging the labor and birth as our media rep; to Deborah Parker, our birth photographer; to Sue Potts our friend and the RN birth assistant; and to all our daughters for giving us the greatest reason to share this joy with others.

It is our hope that these videos demonstrate the natural, simple and beautiful alternative to the accepted hospital experience.  It isn’t the right choice for everyone or for all births, but our home births certainly have been for us, and we wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in the world.  We chose to share this birth journey and TLB with many as a way of paying it forward for all those that have shared their birth and parenting journeys with us and have inspired us along the way.  If you would like to help us continue to be able to do so and to offset the expense of running TLB, you can give a donation via the donate button on the right hand side of the page but please know there is no obligation.  Thank you for sharing this journey with us, it was an honor.

 

Sincerely,

The Piano Man and Jessica

 

There is No “ME” in UterUS: A Tale of Uterine Envy

by Jamie Grayson

There are many reasons I’m jealous of women.

You can wear more clothing that shows skin in the summer and it’s still appropriate.

As long as you don’t look like a damn clown, you’re able to wear makeup to cover blemishes.

You can blame mood swings on an “Aunt Flo.”. Who the hell is she?  Why don’t I have one and why doesnt she send me birthday cards???

You can carry a child.

The other day I was on a train and a pregnant lady sat across from me.  She was wearing a skirt and tank top, so she looked like many other pregnant women I see on the train. As a matter of fact, she looked like many men I see on the subway. It’s New York. Expect the unexpected.  But then, she changed.

She moved her hands over her stomach and immediately started glowing. I shit you not. It was as if a connection had been made that no science or religion could argue about.

She is a mother.

I sat on that train trying not to cry.  Sometimes I get emotional while working with clients. The first time I see a new baby I’m usually a wreck. But that’s ok in that situation. Crying on the subway, not so much.  It has been a nutty few months and I’m just a little bit more susceptible to my feelings right now.

I realized a long time ago that I physically couldn’t carry a child. I know, it’s a shocker.  I feel completely blessed to be able to work with and around expectant and new parents daily. The greatest honor of my life was being able to spend six months in Minneapolis with my family and those two nuggets I’m obsessed with, as well as being my sister’s labor doula.  It was life-changing.

When female friends complain about something, I often respond with:    “Yeah. But I can’t get pregnant.”

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I mean every single word.

I know women have to deal with many things I’ll never understand:  training bras, heels, haircuts that cost too much, highlights, menopause…the list could go on and on. However, you’ve also the ultimate blessing:  you can carry life.

I know all women cannot do this, and my heart goes out to them. That’s a topic that deserves an entire post on another site.

This goes out to the guys.

I’ve not met many guys who feel this way, so I definitely feel as if I’m in the minority.  Most guys I work with or meet are actually ecstatic that they’ll never be pregnant. I honestly cannot say I blame them for feeling that way, but I’m wired differently.  I dont know when these feelings started. Was it the birth education center?  Maybe. Was it working with my clients?  Mayhaps. I do know that one item I hold near and dear is a video of my sister, Jennifer, and I walking into the delivery room after my sister Olivia was born.  I remember sitting outside and hearing her cries for the first time. Walking in that room blew my mind. What my 16 year-old brain could only understand as something growing inside my mom was now here.  I could touch her and hold her and hug her.  For sixteen years she has constantly amazed/bewildered/aggravated/enraged/enlightened me. She’s my rat girl (long story) and always will be  Sixteen years later I’m amazed at what she’s become, and thrilled by what my youngest sister, Elizabeth, continues to be.

I’m starting to ramble.

I’ll never know what it’s like to be that connected to a life. I’ll never know what it’s like to feel someone kick me from inside.  My loins will never produce my offspring. Women always complain about “the curse of Eve.”

What about the Curse of Adam??

 

Jamie Grayson, known as TheBabyGuyNYC, is a nationally-recognized baby gear expert and baby planner, and has been featured on Martha Stewart, Today Show, and several regional news programs.  Traveling the country speaking at expectant parent events and product launches, writing forStrollerTraffic.com as well as other media outlets, and working with expectant families takes up most of his time–although he still makes time for a movie and a cocktail on occasion.  Questions?  He’s always available on Facebook or Twitter.

Gear up, baby!

I’m a simple kind of gal.  There is very little I feel we need for a new baby and then some things I want for a new baby.  Really it comes down to something for the pee/poop, boobs, and something to keep the newbie tied to me.  But there are somethings beyond that we get to help care for our newest little person.  Some are our basics, others make it easier, and still others are a luxury.  Most of this can be found at yard sales, thrift stores, craigslist, consignment shops, and hand-me-downs from friends, we rarely buy brand new. Everyone’s list will look a bit different, what works for one family won’t for another.  Here’s our breakdown.

Basics:

diapers- we cloth diaper, here’s what we find essential

  • snappis
  • prefolds, hand-me-downs and from Green Mountain Diapers
  • wool covers- mostly homemade hand knit or repurposed wool, some PUL covers from Thirsties (I ordered some new Duo Wraps from Lullaby Kisses)
  • detergent- trying Thirsties Super Wash this time, also ordered from Lullaby Kisses as well as Rockin’ Green.
  • cloth wipes- flannel squares work well as do baby wash cloths
  • diaper ointment- my babies always have sensitive skin, I love Motherlove Herbal’s Diaper Rash and Thrush, cloth diaper safe, works well, gentle on my babies’ sensitive skin, and you can’t beat these ingredients.  Oh, and a pot of it lasts forever!
  • Wetbags- dirty diapers need a designated spot.  Wetbags do the job without nasty pails of soaking diapers.  We have one big one (from Goodmama ages ago) and 2 medium ones for the diaper bag, and 1 small one to hold wipes, all WAHM ones. (Lullaby Kisses has a good selection of these too.)

clothes

  • 5 or so gowns- baby in a bag, easy for changing in the middle of the night
  • 5 or so footed PJs
  • 5+ t-shirts
  • dozen socks (because there is always one missing)
  • 3 hats (1 on their head, 1 in the laundry, 1 ready- because they somehow get poop on them)
  • 8 or so bottoms- most of ours are hand knits, have extras for poop accidents

sleep

  • Moses basket- typically a hand-me-down or borrowed, can be moved room to room or outside.
  • carrier- because they usually sleep on me or their daddy and with work and family I need to be able to multitask.  You really only need one versatile carrier.  We already have a Moby, my go-to carrier for a newborn (also available at Lullaby Kisses), a Beco, my go-to carrier for longer excursions when they are a bit bigger; a homemade mei-tai, and was recently gifted my first woven wrap (a Didymos– so pretty).  I lost my ring sling (that I’ve had for years!) and so I’m getting a new one from Paxbaby.com (they carry EVERYTHING and have great personalized service) because it’s my “fast” carrier.
  • baby blankets for light swaddling, warmth, and to throw down wherever baby ends up sleeping when not on mommy or daddy.

bath

  • water- breastmilk poop is water soluble, doesn’t even need a cleaning agent besides water.
  • bath tub- I usually bathe with my babies the first few weeks so I just hold them on my lap in the tub.
  • 2-3 wash clothes to gently scrub the neck folds.
  • 2 hooded towels, because they WILL poop on one leading to another bath and the need for another towel.

travel- leaving the house

  • Car seat- no exception.  I’ve never started with a convertible, always an infant car seat AKA bucket.  It stays in the car most of the time.  This time it’s the same Chicco we had with Smunchie and then we’ll be going to clek’s new Foonf when Sugarbaby is ready for a convertible and it will last us years.  It doesn’t have to be the best of the best or top of the line but a good seat with a high safety rating is an essential for our family.  This is one area where we see spending big dollars to be essential for ultimate safety, it’s not a luxury.  As a major yarn lover I’ve sold yarn in the past to be able to afford the kind of seat we could feel good about.
  • carrier- we don’t keep our babies in the bucket seats, they go from the car seat into a carrier.
  • bag for diapers
  • 2 wet bags- wipes and dirty diapers
  • 2 changes of clothes
  • thin blanket- to lay down for changes if need be.
  • top for mom- I’m going to leak and I want to be prepared just in case.
  • breast pads- I have a pair in my bra and a pair in my bag.  This is vital as I leak a lot.  I’ll be wearing Bamboobies most of the time and trying out Posh Pads for the first time.
  • burp cloths- spit up happens.  Whether it’s a diaper or a fancy boutique burp cloth, it’s essential to have something to clean up with.  We already have some special ones that were made for different babies along the way.

play time

  • blankets- all types: thick, thin, big, little, homemade, store bought, etc.  I like to have a nice stack of blankets for time on the floor, making a nest in a basket for time outside, for peek-a-boo, and for anything else that seems useful.
  • toy/lovey- no, they aren’t playing or interacting with these things yet but I have found one way to help older siblings respect the new baby and their space is to have something that is brand new for them, set apart as “theirs.”  Often my big girls pick out the item and often the item (sometimes items) actually do become the lovey object of choice.

feeding

  • my boobs
Nice to have

diapers- cloth

  • different styles- while the basic prefold is our workhorse diaper, it’s nice to have different styles.  We have some fitteds, a couple of pockets (LolliDoo’s eco pockets are great!), and an all-in-one.
  • cloth wipes, specifically for wiping up little bums, these are thicker than wash clothes.  Happy Heinys has some nice basic wipes you just throw in with your diaper laundry.

clothes

  • a few special pieces, just for the new baby, something I’ll save to give them for their children one day.
  • a couple of cute outfits they can poop on for you.
  • a few handmade/hand knitted/hand sewn items from me and other family member/friends.
  • extras of everything so I don’t have to do laundry as often.

Sleep

  • a special blanket designated as new for the baby, usually handmade.  My mom has a friend that loves to crochet blankets and so I pick out the yarn, my mom buys it, and this friend makes something beautiful with it.  I love this more than I can say.  It helps a lot too, everyone knows it’s the baby’s blanket, and it gives the new big sisters a way to help take care of the baby too.  Then, as the baby gets older, they love hearing about how it was made for them, why I picked the colors I did, and how it’s all their own.  These are treasures in our home.  But if you don’t have someone to make you a handmade blanket and won’t be making one yourself, I love these blankets from Sarah’s Silks and have quite a few friends whose children grow up loving their special soft blankets.  But since you don’t lay babies down with blankets anyway, these really aren’t for sleep in the first year, more like for cuddling to sleep.
  • cosleeper- we borrowed one of these from a friend with Squiggle Bug, loved it.  It was particularly nice when my hormones went crazy and I was having the night sweats.  We haven’t been able to budget for one since but it was really nice to have then.
  • I also think one of those moses basket stands would be nice to have though the cosleeper and the stand would be overkill.  Either one would be nice.
  • a variety of carriers.  Since I’m going to be wearing my baby more than I am anything else, it’s nice to have some options in carriers.  Like maybe something that will go with everything: a Girasol Rainbow wrap. (I might lust after that one.)

bath

Travel- leaving the house

  • diaper bag- something with lots of pockets and compartments and I really like to have a big one for longer outings with room for a carrier, and a small one for shorter outings.
  • stroller- I usually wear my babies, it’s true, but sometimes I like to put them in a stroller for various reasons (i.e. bra shopping while babywearing is a tad difficult) and sometimes it’s for nothing more than holding various paraphernalia including the diaper bag.  We’ve had the same stroller for ages, it’s falling apart so I’m hoping it makes it through one more baby before we trash it.  If not I’ll be checking out craigslist, thrift stores, and yard sales.

Play time

  • swing or bouncy seat- while we wear our babies most of the time, sometimes I have to set them down for my own sanity, shower, or just a change of pace for all of us.
  • play gym or activity bar- they can’t really do anything with it but throw down a blanket and put them on their back under that toy bar and I get enough time to cook up some bacon as they stare in wonder, particularly at the one with the mirror.  But my favorite thing?  How the older siblings get in on the action by talking to baby, jingling the toys dangling, and showing them how it all works.
  • a couple of natural wood rattles like this one, this one, this international breastfeeding symbol one, or the classic favorite Sofie.  These become heirlooms and fun to share.

Breastfeeding

  • as far as baby is concerned, nothing is nicer to have than boobies.

 

Luxury

diapers- cloth

  • some fun, fancy diapers in fun fancy prints or with embroidery.  There are so many brands out there, I just picked a few to try and bought the prints I liked.  We’ve had ours for years though and didn’t buy any for Sugarbaby this time.
  • pretty colors, super soft fabric, maybe even custom made… velour wipes are so pretty, clean up so well, and are quite the splurge.  Hazelbee Baby has a great selection in all the colors of the rainbow and then some.  Simply beautiful.

clothes

  • a line of clothing- picking a line from a company and getting a few pieces from that line.  I fell hard for some stuff from Zutano this time around and was so excited when it came up on Zulily.  Plus, this incredible company truly supports breastfeeding and has a breastfeeding/baby friendly work environment for the moms that work for them.  Beautiful clothes and an amazing company that supports a cause close to my heart?  Yes please!
  • special yarn that gets made into a special outfit.  Luxury for both me and baby plus it becomes a keepsake.
  • soft shoes- they don’t walk anywhere but they sure are cute!  Plus, they help keep those baby socks on that we’re losing otherwise.

sleep

  • I have long admired, though never been able to afford, a baby hammock like this one.  We cosleep but in a combination of room sharing and bed sharing and since we often still have company from our big kids in the middle of the night, I would love something like this for Sugarbaby.  This is definitely one of my luxury wish list items.
  • I’m big on blankets I’m noticing.  The last 3 of our babies (including Sugarbaby) have gotten a custom bamboo velour blanket from Zaichiki Baby.  We pick out the colors as a family and order them a toddler size blanket.  So they get the handmade crochet blanket and one bamboo blanket.  These become best sleeping buds as time goes by and let me tell you, the bamboo velour is divine.  This one is Smunchie’s and this one is Squiggle Bug’s.

bath

  • these and these– can you imagine?  We don’t have them but they sure seem nice!
  • hooded baby bathrobe/sack- someone gave us one of these when Earth Baby was born and I was surprised to discover I loved it.  Put her in it right out of the bath, zip it up, and snuggle!  One of the cutest things and it seemed to instantly calm her.  We’ve had it ever since, it’s a little worn looking these days.
  • Earth Mama Angel Baby Bundle of Suds and/or the Non-scents Head to Toe wash, and the Angel Baby Oil because baby massage is awesome.  I also really love all of Weleda’s baby products (and then some) and am so grateful we were given the Baby Starter Kit with an earlier baby and now a couple of Weleda products are on our wish list with our new babies.  (Pssst… they have a baby massage video on their site plus if you buy 2 baby products and use the code “BABYDOLL” at check out they’ll include a cute little free baby doll with your order!)
Travel- leaving the house
  • Ness Diaper Bag– because they’re gorgeous and incredibly well designed! (I want one, totally drooling over these bags.)
  • JuJu-Be Diaper Bag– because they’re fun!  This hip messenger style would probably be my pick.
  • I got to play with some luxury strollers at the ABC Expo this past fall and wow, I had no idea what I was missing.  Still way out of my price range but totally dreamy, I loved most of the ones I got to try.  Check out Phil and Teds, iCandy, and Bugaboo, if you’re in the market for a stroller that really does make your life easier.
Play time
  • Lambskin cuddle rug- I have wanted one of these for a long time and this past fall even figured out what brand I’d get if I could.  I love the short cut of the Lamby cuddle rug and this would be my choice to have to lay down for play times and sleepy time.  On my wishlist!
Breastfeeding
  • my boobs

 

As Sugarbaby is expected any day now I find myself checking to be sure everything is ready for having a new baby, even things I know won’t be used right away.  “Stuff” doesn’t make a home ready for a new baby but there is a lot of “stuff” that helps a family care for their new arrival including helping with the transition of adding a family member.  The tangible preparations can go a long way in helping with the mental and emotional preparations for a new baby.  Sugarbaby won’t be interested in playing with the new wood rattle waiting on the shelf in our room but every time I look at it I look forward a little bit more to my sweet babe being in my arms.  Coming up I’ll be sharing my lists for me and for the family because having a baby isn’t just about the baby, you have to take care of everyone.

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What does your list look like?  Basic, nice to have, and luxury, what would you put on your list of baby gear to have?

Up close and personal: Leakies Q & A on Sugarbaby, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding

Shortly after I announced this pregnancy I offered to answer questions of Leakies of what they’d like to know about me.  I thought I’d get maybe 10 questions.  More than 100 came in and I got completely overwhelmed.  It’s taken me a while but here, finally, are some of my answers to some of your questions.  I couldn’t answer them all but here’s a sampling related to pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding.  You can find more related to family, children, and work; and TLB, personal, and other.

Photoagraphy by Kelli Elizabeth Photography in Houston, TX

New baby, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding

Q: Do you plan on tandem nursing Smunchie and new baby?

 If she’s still breastfeeding at that point, yes.  We’re taking it one day at a time.  Smunchie asks to nurse once in a while but she has essentially weaned and hasn’t actually latched in about a month now.  If she’s still interested when Sugarbaby arrives I will let her try.  We’re taking a wait and see approach.

Q: Can you share your experiences with nursing while pregnant and the early stages if tandem nursing?  How are you breastfeeding while being so sick?

I’ve never been able to tandem as I’ve always had health care providers that insist I wean due to the severity of my Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  This time I refused to wean as I believe the hormones from breastfeeding help a bit with the nausea and vomiting.  It’s not easy for me to breastfeed while pregnant though.  Between the exhaustion, constant burn out feeling, and nipple sensitivity I find breastfeeding to be a challenge.  However, I got so much worse with my HG when I weaned Squiggle Bug during my 7th month with Smunchie.  My midwife insisted I wean because I was still 24 pounds under my prepregnant weight and hadn’t gained more than 2 pounds back in the month before.  Weaning was physically hard on me and emotionally hard on both of us.  This time I’ve decided it’s not worth it and that I wouldn’t be leading Smunchie to wean.  She pretty much did anyway.  It’s different for every woman and for every pregnancy and breastfeeding relationship, this is just where we are this time. 

You can see a video of me breastfeeding Smunchie during this pregnancy in this post where I go a little more in-depth about breastfeeding in pregnancy for me personally.

Q: Would like to hear about tandem nursing and nursing through pregnancy. I am 16 weeks and nursing my 10 month old. We are doing great, but I have never heard anybody say their milk hasn’t dried up at some point.

My milk didn’t dry up during Smunchie’s pregnancy even after Squiggle Bug weaned (around 7 months) but it helped that I was on Reglan to help with the HG.  To be honest, I can’t stand breastfeeding while pregnant.  Between being sick and then the nipple sensitivity I struggle with anxiety while breastfeeding.  It’s hard and I don’t enjoy it.  However, that’s not the case for many women I interact with on a regular basis.  Some women have no problem continuing through pregnancy either emotionally or physically and have plenty of milk.  I can’t speak to tandem nursing personally as I’ve never successfully done so.

Q: Do you get cravings? If so, what?

Not often.  It’s more like I get ideas for food that sound less repulsive than other options.  I try to eat those foods if possible because it’s less likely I’ll throw them up though that happens anyway.  If I’m lucky I’ll stumble upon a “safe food” that I can eat for a few days that I manage to keep down.  But actual cravings?  Not so much.  Unfortunately a lot of what I do eat is not the healthiest options, I try but my midwives, doctors, nurse, husband and I all agree that some food, even junk food, is better than nothing.  This pregnancy I have found the Yummy Earth Organic Lollipops in strawberry to be something that helps and I seem to have a thing for frozen yogurt (even though I threw it up in the mall parking lot today).

Q: Will you find out the sex or wait?

We have found out the sex and I made a video to announce it but lost the entire thing in a massive computer fail.  I haven’t been able to finish redoing it so may just announce at the birth.

Q: Also how do you prep your young children for the coming baby?

At first we focus on getting through the pregnancy, particularly the worst of it (usually to about 7-8 months) but as the pregnancy progresses we talk more and more about the coming baby.  We watch birth videos together (all of my children, including Smunchie, have seen videos of babies being born) and work on setting things up for the new family member together.  My older girls start getting excited about making things for the baby and they’ve all voiced some ideas on names (Squiggle Bug wants Angelina no matter if Sugarbaby is a boy or a girl).  When movement can be felt on the outside I invite them to cuddle with me with their hands on the belly to feel the baby move and they are enjoying this very much this time around.  They hear the heart beat, I show them how to palpate my abdomen to feel the height of the funds and eventually the position of the baby, and they read stories to my belly.  With younger ones we do a lot of doll play with them, change diapers, feed our babies together, and encourage them to babywear their own babies.  We also involve them in the fun parts of getting ready for a baby: announcing the pregnancy, celebrating the coming baby, etc.

Q: Did you notice a temperament change in Smunchie as soon as you got pregnant? I am 16 weeks and I swear my 12 month old knew I was pregnant and started becoming clingy.

Not really but we did with Squiggle Bug.  Squiggle Bug started talking about a new baby when I just suspected I was pregnant but hadn’t confirmed it.  Smunchie seems oblivious.

Q: How do you manage keeping up with the kids all day when you’re extremely ill?  How do you keep doing it, mentally, especially with them so close together, knowing how violently ill you’ll get? Is there a point in your pregnancies where you no longer are ill?

We enlist the help of friends.  Though we haven’t always done this, in fact, in the past I’ve withdrawn from relationships while I’m pregnant because I’ve feared being a burdened and not being believed.  However, this time The Piano Man and I decided that our family deserved better than that.  So I humbled myself and asked for help.  We are incredibly blessed to have a number of people that love spending time with our children and would take turns coming over to help get dinner together, children in bed, pick-up/drop-off girls to dance class, etc.  In the past we coped by filling a cooler with snacks, having a pile of books, a stack of DVDs, a basket of toys, and a box of craft supplies parked by the couch or bed where I would stay.  The house would be trashed but everyone would be safe and entertained.  With homeschooling my big girls would bring their work to me and I’d help them from that spot as well.  It wasn’t ideal but it worked well enough.  As to how I keep doing it, one day at a time.  Sometimes one hour at a time.

There is not a point where I’m no longer ill, but there comes a point when I’m less sick and able to function better.  It’s kind of relative.  After being really bad, it’s not hard to manage being kind of bad.

I also fine a lot of support and information at helpher.org.

Q: How do you prepare your children for your pregnancy symptoms and make sure their needs (emotional as well) are met while dealing with HG? (I’ve had it with both pregnancies and my daughter was a MESS during my pregnancy with my son because I was literally in bed, in the bathroom, or in the hospital for 30 weeks. It’s the biggest reason we won’t have another:( )

When I only had small ones there wasn’t much we could do.  We watched too much TV, they cuddled with me in bed and we read together, friends would help tons, and… we prayed.  The short term affects were nothing compared to the long term payoffs of having siblings.  

With older ones in the picture now it’s a bit different.  We talk about it, we strategize together, we make plans, and we enlist help.  We strive to hold on to as much normalcy as possible but we acknowledge that there will be challenges to that.  We’ve also been demanding about getting adequate care and that has made the biggest difference.

Q: When did your HG kick in during this pregnancy. How does your HG with this pregnancy compare to your previous pregnancies? Did you do anything differently that has made it easier, or are their any circumstances that are making it harder? Have you done anything now or in the past to space your children, or do you just rely on natural child spacing and faith? Do you think the length of time between giving birth has an effect on your HG? Do you think age has an effect on HG? Do you vomit in front of your kids and if so how do you think it affects them? (not trying to be rude, just something I definitely thought about when vomiting in front of my toddler. Do you or have you ever had hyper-salivation with a pregnancy? I didn’t know about this one until this pregnancy, but it definitely upped the disgusting level of HG for us.

I’ve had pitalism in 2 of my pregnancies and it is ridiculously disgusting.  Yes, I’ve thrown up in front of my kids though I hate to and try not to as much as possible.  At first they seem to notice and then it’s like it’s no big deal.  Which is awkward and breaks my heart when they tell others “my mom throws up all the time but it’s ok, I’m used to it.”  Does it affect them?  Probably though when we’ve talked about it they just say that they get scared and want to help but that it’s worth it to get a new baby.  They have expressed concern that they will experience HG and honestly, I’m concerned about that as well.  If they do I will be their biggest advocate.  I felt “off” before I got a positive test, had my first IV at 5 weeks.  This has been my best pregnancy but I don’t know how much of that is because it was easier or because we followed an aggressive protocol that made it so different.  I only lost 16 pounds this time compared to the 26 pounds I lost in my next best pregnancy.

Q:  Birth plans? Births of the other kids, what were they like?

Earth Baby (13) was born in a hospital with The Piano Man as my support person.  In spite of some serious complications (high blood pressure, hemorrhage, and a few other issues) we were able to have a successful vaginal birth without pain medications (I was on bp meds and fluids for dehydration) at 41 weeks and 4 days.

The Storyteller (11) was born at home with a midwife at 37 weeks, an unusually fast labor for a baby sunny side up.  Born in our bed with The Piano Man as my support person.  We had a doula that I ended up asking to leave as she distracted me, a midwife, and a midwife assistant.  It was a very hard but beautiful labor and birth.

Lolie (9) was also born at home at 36 weeks exactly, a new midwife and new city.  She was born after a 36 hour labor into her daddy’s hands, our 3rd baby at on 03.03.03 at 3am.  It was mostly pain-free for me except when I started fighting my body and when the anterior cervical lip that had persisted for 10 hours had to be moved manually.  Ouch.  We had an amazing doula that primarily supported The Piano Man supporting me.

Squiggle Bug (4) was with another midwife at home, 41 weeks and 4 days.  I caught her myself when The Piano Man was supporting me and I had put my hands down instinctively and he couldn’t get out from behind me to help catch and instead just wrapped his arms around me and said “you’ve got this.”  It was a beautiful labor, peaceful.

Smunchie (2) gave me some trouble with positioning at 38 weeks.  Poor thing was asenclitic with a partial facial presentation.  She came out so banged up.  I planned to catch myself this time, I loved the experience with Squiggle Bug and that’s exactly what we did.  I was more experienced and knowledgable with birth having been trained as a midwife myself at this point so I did my own cervical checks (pointless but I had to know) and had incredible support to just do things how I wanted.  That’s exactly what I did.  Born into my hands after a challenging labor due to positioning, it was an exhilarating birth.

Sugarbaby, if all goes well, will be born at home as well.

Q: I have a question that I absolutely don’t want you to take the wrong way. How did you make the decision to keep having children despite having HG? I only had horrible regular morning sickness (had to be controlled by medication, but it was controlled) as well as a set of twins my second time and gestational diabetes. That was enough excitement and we called it quits at the three, lol. I’m not judging your decision at all. Just curious as to how you made it. You’re so much braver than I!

Not braver.  More crazy, possibly.  Every one of us has a different path in life, the choices may appear the same but the reality is with our various circumstances and priorities we can’t imagine making the choices someone else does and we have to just figure out what works for us in our situation.

Sometimes I think that if it weren’t for HG I may not have had 5 kids, largely because I was always hoping “maybe this time it will be different.”  Being a bit of a rebel I got angry at HG and declared I wouldn’t let it determine my family planning.  I just didn’t want it to have that kind of say in our lives.

Most importantly I did a lot of research and found care providers that would be aggressive in early treatment. With a full protocol in place HG tends to be more manageable. Before trying to conceive some women have experienced improvements with cleanses, particularly liver cleanses. Being prepared can help tremendously.

It is hard to parent the child you have while growing a new one with HG. Very hard. Getting a support team around you can make a huge difference in that as well. While it is hard I can tell you with some confidence that when you get through it toddler will forget those rough HG days and enjoy having a younger sibling. In the moment it’s incredibly difficult and I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief about not being the kind of mom I want to be to my children when I’m pregnant but my children having each other has made it so worth it.

Q: Did you and your hubby “Try” for a boy this time? Did you try to time your cycles to get a boy or did you just let nature take it’s course? Thanks! TLB is Awesome – it has helped me in my most crucial hour of need. Mom’s have got to stick together and help each other out and TLB does that wonderfully:) ♥ Thank you!

So glad you’ve found support through TLB!

No, we’ve never tried for a boy.  You can read more about that here.

Q: What is the best thing about all girls? The worst? How will your family handle whatever gender Sugarbaby is? Will having a boy be welcome or turn things upside down?

I’m not sure.  Having 5 girls I’m not entirely sure that I buy into there being major differences between boys and girls, at least not before puberty.  My girls are each so incredibly different from each other.  We are very intentional to not bring cultural expectations into our parenting regarding gender.  As such, if Sugarbaby is a boy we’ll welcome him just as we have our other children and he will be brought up as his sisters have been as our parenting style and choices aren’t based on the sex of our children.

Q: Curious if the new baby played a part in the nightweaning journey?

No but the nighweaning journey likely played a part in the new baby!


Pregnancy, breastfeeding, my toddler, and me

My pregnancies suck.  I’m often asked why I keep having children when pregnancy is so difficult for me physically with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG).  Usually my response is something like “because I’m crazy,” or “denial is a powerful thing,” or “I had to believe that next time would be different” and I attempt to laugh it off as just another piece of my crazy.  And maybe that’s exactly what it is.  The truth is, I don’t have a good answer that will help it all make sense, even to myself.  The best and most honest answer is simply that we didn’t feel done and I just couldn’t let HG win.

It gets even more confusing when I go through a difficult pregnancy and continue to breastfeed my current nursling.

At just over 26 months I’m pretty sure Smunchie and I are weaning.  It’s not what I wanted, or at least not what I planned.  I might have wanted it.  When I discovered I was pregnant with Sugarbaby I swore I would not intentionally wean during this pregnancy like I did last time.  No, we were going to stick it out no matter what.  Even if I hated it.

I did.  Hate it, that is.  It wasn’t the fact that my pregnancies are complicated, that I struggle to keep food and liquid in at all, that I end up with IVs and then a PICC line, or even that I feel like I have the most unrelenting case of food poisoning ever.  No, those things actually made me grateful Smunchie was still breastfeeding as it gave me a way to stay connected to her when I couldn’t get off the couch.  At first I was so grateful for breastfeeding and I cherished our cuddling “bobbies” time, because it anchored me a bit, it was only slightly uncomfortable, and I could tell she found it comforting in the midst of all the change we were experiencing with the effects of the pregnancy on our family.  But then it started to get more uncomfortable.  Then it started to hurt.  Then it started to require breathing exercises worthy of labor. Then every time she would latch I would mentally cry “please wean, please wean, please wean…”  I didn’t want to be a martyr, that doesn’t do either of us any good, but I didn’t want to end something that was so important to her plus I had this goal of not leading weaning and letting her self-wean.  And I’m a goal oriented person, I really like meeting my goals.  My experience weaning during my last pregnancy was unpleasant anyway and I deeply regretted it for even selfish reasons.  Mastitis and my HG getting worse made me greatly debate if the point of weaning, which was because I was still 26lbs below my prepregnant weight at the start of the 3rd trimester, would have been better served if we had continued breastfeeding instead.  Squiggle Bug was broken hearted and when she began rejecting me for all forms of comfort once we weaned, I was broken hearted too.  I wasn’t about to let any of that happen this time, no, I would fight for our breastfeeding relationship through this pregnancy.  It was important to me to continue, for both of us.

Pain, discomfort, and being downright miserable are hard to push through though.  To preserve my sanity there were times when I’d limit her feeding sessions, telling her we’d be “all done bobbies” after singing a song or counting to 10.  I’d try not to clench my teeth while she nursed.  Or stick my tongue out at her.  Or make scrunched up torture faces.  Or cry.  It didn’t help that I could tell my supply was dropping quickly.  In previous pregnancies I had been on Reglan to aid in digestion but this time we decided to see if I could go without as the side effect of depression had been difficult on my family.  Without the Reglan providing a boost to my supply, I experienced my milk drying up and the only response I had to galactalogues was to vomit.  I knew that to best prevent drying up I needed to let her nurse more but between her frustration that the milk sometimes just wasn’t there and me being ready to climb the wall every time she latched, I had to have limits on how long she could be at the breast or risk damaging our overall relationship if my frustration really came through.

The handwriting was on the wall.  I resisted but I welcomed it too.  It was confusing to be so conflicted.  The Piano Man didn’t say anything but I could tell he wanted us to wean, wanted the stress and emotional roller coaster about breastfeeding to just end.  Finally, about a month ago, he told me he thought it would be ok if we were done because, well, look at her.  She’s happy, confident, healthy, and almost never asks for it.  He was right, about all of those things.  If I didn’t offer, she didn’t ask, often for days at a time.  She did happily come for cuddles and kisses all the time.  She was still very attached.  Just, without the breast.  I offered right then and she did come over, climb on my lap and latch for a moment.  A brief moment, for just about the time she probably got some let down, then she let go, sat up, patted my breast, and said “tan tou!  All done.”  I think that was for my benefit.

She has breastfed a handful of times since then, most were her request.  I continued to offer but she began to decline more frequently.  She had things to do, games to play, places to explore, “bobbies” just weren’t what they once were.  Two weeks ago she asked to nurse early in the morning in bed.  Excited and kind of squirmy, she latched.  I started my concentrated breathing when suddenly she let go, made a face, and said “blech.  Yucky.  All done.”  I tried to get her to latch again, encouraging her to try but she only pulled my shirt down and repeated “all done.”  Since then she has tried only 2 other times, all brief, and all ending with some kind of disappointment on her part.  Like she remembers what it once was but recognizes that it’s just not that any longer.  I’ve stopped offering, mainly because she was starting to seem upset when I did and usually refused me with a sad “no.”

Once SugarBaby is here I will let Smunchie have the breast if she is interested.  I’m not going to insist or force anything and if she’s moved on then so will I.  Letting go hasn’t been easy but I know that together we’ll share with our newest nursling the joy that is “bobbies.”  My friend Diana Cassar-Uhl, IBCLC, encouraged me that we would find new ways to connect if our breastfeeding journey came to an end now.  She was right and they are equally precious moments.

Not everyone has a difficult time breastfeeding in pregnancy, please don’t think that just because that was my experience it has to be yours.  Every journey with every child is unique, honoring the journey means you take it as it comes.  I’m so grateful Smunchie and I have had what we have had.  I’m grateful for what is to come as well.  Breastfeeding through pregnancy isn’t easy for me but then, pregnancy isn’t easy for me.  This part of our journey was still beautiful and precious though, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

My big girls helped me with a little video looking over the recent months of breastfeeding during this pregnancy.  Gathered around the piano for this simple recording I looked over these 5 girls that have each had their turn to be my nursling.  Seeing them, today ages 26 months – 13 years, I couldn’t ask for more, my ordinary miracles.  (Don’t worry, I didn’t include any footage of me vomiting while breastfeeding or Smunchie waiting for me to finish puking so she could latch back on to the breast, just the breastfeeding shots.)