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The Leaky Boob
The Leaky Boob is a resource centered around baby and toddler feeding and throughout the entire parenting journey run by a lactation educator and parenting and relationship coach.
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For weeks now I’ve been thinking about this post and getting stuck. ![]()
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If you see this can you say hi and let me know this post got through and people can still see our stuff? Thank you!![]()
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Stuck on how to say what I feel needs to be said but not get caught in the Facebook/Meta algorithms that will suppress this post.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and get ahead of the “not all men” crowd.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and not cause survivors more pain.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and actually be heard.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and figure out some kind of call to action.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and what info to include.![]()
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Stuck on what image to include with it.![]()
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Stuck on how to say it and wrestle with my own personal connection and experience.![]()
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Stuck on how to get it all out perfectly and have the exact right mix of whatever magic it takes to get attention and inspire people to care.![]()
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Stuck.![]()
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And then I realized something.![]()
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Getting stuck in all that is part of the problem and contributes to complicit perpetuation of this issue.![]()
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October is domestic violence awareness month.![]()
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Two of those words will suppress this post. The Meta algorithms will hide it from your feed because nobody wants to talk about that. Words like abuse, violence, assault, domestic violence, etc. will shut this post down because Facebook understands that we all would rather pretend it doesn’t exist than to learn about it, face it, and do something.![]()
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I’m not going to talk about this perfectly and it’s not going to be tidy or all that organized.![]()
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I am a survivor but not because of a partner. I am a survivor as the child of intimate partner violence.![]()
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A little over 10 years ago I flew to my parents home in Florida after learning that they had hid that my mom had been hospitalized for multiple broken bones and contusions. She refused to press charges. It was the first time in over a decade that she had anything close to this level of injury but I knew because I had seen things before as a child and as an adult. It wasn’t often but it was enough and the 9 year old little girl I used to be raged again through tears and fear and confusion. ![]()
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The first day I was there I sat my parents down and for at least the 10th time in my life, begged them to get divorced or at least separated and not live together. I promised to show them how they could separate their lives, how they could figure out the finances, how they could carry on without the fights, the screaming, the terror. I broke down in tears that if they wouldn’t do that, at least let me take the firearms out of the house because next time it might be worse… ![]()
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This was not the first time I had tried to break up my parents but it was the last. For most of my life I tried to find a way to protect them from each other. In my parents’ case it is hard to know who is the initial instigator, reactive abuse is real but I couldn’t tell you where one starts and the other begins. The first tangles of violence in my childhood home started long before I was there and my parents aren’t reliable narrators of their history. My part of that history has been vacillating between celebrating their union (when I was 11 I coordinated a renewing of the vows ceremony with all their friends present and my mom wearing her wedding veil for their anniversary because I thought they just needed to remember their love for each other and what they had promised… it didn’t work) and crying myself to sleep after interrupting verbal and physical lashings between them, wishing they’d just divorce and there would finally be some peace.![]()
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I remember being 9 years old and thinking that a “broken home” because of divorce sounded less fractured than my own with my parents together. Though I *knew* it was evil, I prayed that my parents would divorce before someone was unalived. ![]()
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I can’t talk about domestic violence as a survivor of partner violence, I’ve never had that experience. Years later when I went into victim’s advocate work and then domestic violence advocate work, I learned a lot about what I saw and experienced as a child and I helped adults (mostly women) living it. I heard their stories, I talked through safety plans, I understood the complexities (as well as I could). ![]()
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But it was when I moved into birth work and lactation education that I started to understand how incredibly far reaching and insidious intimate partner violence is not only in how common it is but also in how much it impacts children.![]()
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While so many want to focus on “why did she pick someone like that in the first place?” they’re missing that he hid it until she was pregnant.![]()
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While so many want to focus on “why did she have children with him?” they’re missing that she had been groomed from childhood to accept boundary crossing of her physical limits as affection.![]()
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While so many focus on wondering why she didn’t leave sooner, they’re missing that when she brought up concerns to those that she thought would help her, she was told to submit more or not make him angry and told it takes two.![]()
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While so many focus on how she has to protect the kids and get away, they’re missing that the MOST dangerous time in intimate partner violence situations is when the target tries to leave and also that if she leaves, he likely will continue the harm through custody battles and even target the children.![]()
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While many assume they would be able to spot an abuser and know if they were treating someone badly, they're missing that ALL abusers know how to perform well when others are watching.![]()
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It’s rarely what it looks like from the outside. ![]()
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And women are the most vulnerable during pregnancy and postpartum. When there is another small vulnerable human in the mix that she is protecting. When everything is changing.![]()
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What can you do?![]()
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Listen. To the experiences survivors are willing to share. To the support survivors say is actually helpful. To the responses experts share can make a difference.![]()
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Educate. Yourself on what domestic violence really is and the various forms it can take. Your community on how society is frequently complicit in perpetuating domestic violence in their midst. ![]()
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Give. Your attention, your time, and your resources to ending domestic violence every month of the year.![]()
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Share. The stories survivors are willing to share. Resources for support and aid. Condemnation for those that abuse.![]()
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Safe, secure help is available at 800.799.SAFE (7233) and www.thehotline.org/![]()
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October is domestic violence awareness month. October is almost over. Domestic violence isn’t.![]()
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***This image has nothing to do with this post. It is a photo of me in labor being supported by my husband and friend. That's it.***
My husband and I have 8 daughters and one son. While we likely would have taught him these lessons if he was our first, we are certainly more clear and intentional in these lessons for him as our youngest after having 8 girls before him. ![]()
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He’s beautiful, wonderful, a delight and we know that he’s going to be a little spoiled as the baby of the family, loved and cherished by so many. ![]()
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AND… in the midst of all that love are the lessons we are instilling in him as he grows to be a decent human being who is emotionally intelligent, emotionally available, and cares about others. The kind of person who isn’t afraid of empathy, who cares more about doing the right thing than impressing the right people, and whose integrity matters. Like his father and mother. And his sisters.![]()
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Having 4 adult sisters and a couple teen sisters and a couple grade school sisters when he is just 3 years old, we hear a lot from our daughters what they wish the boys and men they interact with in the world had learned. Lessons that seem obvious to them but society often seems determined to undermine for boys. ![]()
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Not this boy. Wrapped in love with a safety net of accountability, these are some of the lessons we are making sure our son learns. We owe it to our daughters, to the girls and women of the world, and to our son- he deserves to learn how to be the kind of person that is safe for others, a green flag man. ![]()
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💚 Emotions are normal and being able to identify your feelings and get curious about them is good and important. ![]()
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💚 Feel your feelings and express them without hurting others in the process. ![]()
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💚 He is loved and respected for who he is, treated with dignity without pressure to change to please others and he is to do the same for others. ![]()
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💚 His boundaries are worth honoring as a human being and that means his “no” about his body is honored without pressure, coercion, or overpowering and as a good human, he is to do the same for others. ![]()
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💚 Accountability is a necessary part of life and essential for growing as people and being held accountable doesn’t mean you are a bad person. ![]()
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#nontoxicmasculinity #raisingboys #parenting #daughters #son
Let’s play “Red flag, Green flag” partner breastfeeding and postpartum edition. ![]()
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How to play: ![]()
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Comment a behavior you’ve heard of or experienced from a partner toward/about their postpartum/breastfeeding partner. Others then comment below with a 🚩 if they find the behavior problematic/concerning or a 💚 if the behavior is positive and healthy and an🔸if the behavior alone gives you pause but may be ok on its own. ![]()
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I’ll go first:![]()
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Keeps bringing up s*x and how difficult it is for him to go so long without while you recover and care for your baby. ![]()
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Now comment with your reaction and then make a new comment with your own contribution. ![]()
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#postpartum #newborn #breastfeedingproblems #relationships![]()
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***Pic of a green flag guy with our newborn.***
testimonials
"If you've ever had a child or been a parent you know what it means to say that each day is a new experiment. There is so much to figure out, and so many self-proclaimed helpful resources. Fortunately, Jessica Martin-Weber, owner/creator/author of The Leaky Boob, has the answers based on science, best practice, and practical advice stemming from her own experiences raising nine children. TLB is a go-to for all people expecting, lactating, raising children, or counseling any of the aforementioned groups. Want advice on speed dial? Check out TheLeakyBoob.com."
Kim Updegrove, MSN, MPH, APRN, CNM, chairperson and Past President of Human Milk Bank of North America, Executive Director at Mothers' Milk Bank at Austin
"I found TLB and Jessica when I was desperately trying to figure out how to keep breastfeeding my eldest, who my lactation consultant still says had the worst latch she has ever seen. Jessica had created something so special-amazing information, a supportive community amidst the mommy wars, content in many different formats for those of us who need to see/read/hear in different ways, and it is no exaggeration to say that her work was instrumental in not just saving that breastfeeding journey (which would extend through 3 years, 18 months of that tandem nursing) but in setting me up for success and support in future journeys, and truly for motherhood as a whole. The down to earth way she writes makes the information relatable and easy to digest and apply. I am forever grateful."
Dr. Jennifer Stone, PT, DPT, OCS, PHC, TPS, HLC
"The Leaky Boob has met a need in the lactating community since its inception. Jessica’s breastfeeding support group is a true pioneer in the online breastfeeding community, offering families exceptional education and unwavering support long before similar pages emerged. Her transparency, authenticity, and heartfelt encouragement create a safe and empowering space where parents feel heard and guided. It’s a shining example of what real, compassionate leadership looks like!"
CHRISTY JO HENDRICKS IBCLC, RLC, CCCE, CLE©, Doula
Hi there!
Jessica and Jeremy Martin-Weber are the dynamic duo behind The Leaky Boob, a trusted resource dedicated to supporting families on their parenting and breastfeeding journeys. As parents to nine children, they bring a wealth of personal experience, humor, and compassion to their work. Together, they have created a safe, inclusive space where parents can access evidence-based information, practical advice, and a thriving community.
Jessica leads with her passion for normalizing breastfeeding and empowering families, while Jeremy provides a supportive voice for partners and caregivers, fostering collaboration and connection. Their shared mission is to celebrate the uniqueness of every family's story and provide resources to help navigate both the joys and challenges of nurturing little ones.
