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The Leaky Boob
The Leaky Boob is a resource centered around baby and toddler feeding and throughout the entire parenting journey run by a lactation educator and parenting and relationship coach.
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My husband and I are bringing up our children to understand boundaries and have a high respect for the importance of bodily autonomy and consent.![]()
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One of the ways we do this is to seek consent from our 2 year old son to change his diaper.![]()
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We’ve been doing this since birth. Seeking consent to change his diaper. Just like we did with his 8 big sisters before him.![]()
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Sometimes he gives a clear “yes” and sometimes he runs away, occasionally he’ll say no.![]()
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He’s 2, this is to be expected. ![]()
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The thing with consent is that it isn’t really consent unless it is fully informed consent. ![]()
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Can he consent to a diaper change? Can he consent to being left in a dirty diaper? Is it wrong to change him when he doesn’t want to be changed? Is it wrong to not change him when he has a dirty diaper?![]()
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How do we teach our children the importance of consent when they can’t make fully informed consent?![]()
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With a lot of respect and care.![]()
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For our family it starts with how we define consent and full consent requires them to have all the knowledge and understanding necessary to make an informed decision. Something a baby doesn't have and isn't yet capable of. So our job is to inform, model, and respect as best as we possibly can in fulfilling our responsibilities of providing love, safety, and wellbeing for our children.![]()
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What does this look like, practically speaking?![]()
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It is an evolving process that begins when they are newborns. For us this included leaving our son intact and not circumcising him. That was just the beginning.![]()
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Starting from birth we name all body parts with anatomically correct terminology. We explain what we are doing and why. We watch for their cues of comfort, distress, feeling unsafe, feeling connected, etc. We meet their needs as quickly as possible, being responsive and attuned, thanking them for letting us know they needed to be fed, changed, held, comforted, to sleep, etc.![]()
As they grow we have a firm boundary around "optional" interactions such as kissing, hugging, tickling, physical play, etc. We ask first and we respect a no. We also gently guide them in seeking consent, encouraging them to ask while also being open and receptive to their expressions of affection to us, holding boundaries in age appropriate ways for siblings, friends, and ourselves with empathy. ![]()
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Areas that aren't optional such as diaper changes, medical care, teeth brushing, etc. we continue to explain and as much as possible give them time to warm up to an idea, respecting their process while recognizing they can not give fully informed consent to something they don't understand. A toddler may not consent to a diaper change but they also aren't consenting to a painful diaper rash. We hold the boundaries of consent according to their abilities to make fully informed consent and also respect that we can gently guide them and give them a chance to transition to the activity they don't want to do. We describe what we are doing and why so they can build their understanding and eventually reach the point where they can make more informed decisions and participate in their care, able to fully consent.![]()
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All this builds trust and we have found that in emergency situations they understand that the situation is urgent and they need to let us or a HCP take care of them. Sometimes though they are scared and resist, understandably. We are respectful and as patient as possible with the priority being keeping the healthy and safe.![]()
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With our 2 year old this means I let him know (if he hasn't let me know first) that he needs a diaper change. Very often he'll go to our changing spot and lay down for me to change him. Sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he runs away, saying no. Sometimes he really doesn't want a change. I acknowledge that to him with "you really don't want me to change your diaper right now" and then tell him that I won't let him stay in a diaper that will hurt his bottom. I let him know I'm setting a timer for 2 minutes and then we will change his diaper and he can pick the toy he wants to have while I change him. If he runs away and yells no or runs and giggles because he wants me to chase him, I say I won't chase him but I understand it is hard to have to do something you don't want to do. I'll ask him if he wants a hug (not to trick or trap him, just to offer comfort over having to do something he doesn't want to do). He may or may not accept the hug. When the timer goes, I let him stop it and if he runs from me again I tell him I'm going to pick him up now and take care of his bottom so he doesn't get owie. If he's really upset, I'll acknowledge that he really doesn't want his diaper changed and that is really hard. I'll tell him he can have a little more time and have him help me set another timer on my phone, this time keeping him in my arms while I sing to him, play with the toy we have for the change, and tell him I'm sorry this is so hard. When possible I’ll give him options such as where to do the change, standing or laying down, with this toy or that toy, etc. Then I'll let him know how I'm going to change him and what we'll do after: "when the timer goes, I'm going to help you lay down/let you stand here, give you your toy, pull down your pants, open your diaper, lift your legs, use wipes to clean around your penis and rectum and bottom, and when everything is all cleaned up I will ask you to lift your bottom and put on a clean dry diaper, pull up your pants, go wash our hands, and we can read a book/get a snack/go outside/blow bubbles/etc." Sometimes we'll pretend to change a baby doll's diaper together first. When we're done with the change I always thank him for letting me take care of him and make sure his bottom didn't get hurt. Usually it isn't this involved now, he's pretty willing to have us change him but sometimes he has a harder time.![]()
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This approach is adapted for other situations such as car seats, holding hands to cross the street, unwanted medicines, etc.![]()
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Teaching my son how to be the kind of man that doesn’t take advantage of others means we teach him the importance of respect and consent now. It is his norm, being treated with respect and being expected to treat others with respect, including respecting the right to consent by making fully informed decisions.![]()
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There will come a day when he does fully understand and can make fully informed decisions for himself. When that time comes he’ll be out of diapers for sure and I will respect his right to make those decisions just like I expect him to respect being told no by others about their own right to bodily autonomy.![]()
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***Pic of my little guy exercising his autonomy by not getting in the stroller and instead pushing it for himself and giving the diaper bag a ride.***
“wHeN sHE iS a TeENaGeR, SHe Is gOInG tO HaTE thEsE PhOtOS bEinG OnLinE! kIDs wiLL bUlLy HeR FOr iT!” ![]()
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The baby/toddler in these photos is 16 now. She nursed until she was 5 years old. She shares what she thinks of these images today, her thoughts on AI, and how she feels about being the baby that inspired The Leaky B@@B on a pod ep with me. She doesn’t hold back, she is thoughtful, critical, and articulate. ![]()
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If you want to hear the whole thing, comment “all grown up” and I’ll hook you up. #newbornbaby #baby #teenager #teen #parenting
TLDR; the hardest part of parenting is teaching our children about the harm men will cause women. ![]()
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How do you tell your daughters about the realities of a world where there are websites and forums to teach men how to take advantage of them?![]()
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I’ve had thoughts like this before. As a parenting educator and parenting coach, I teach on this regularly. But every time a new horrific reality gets enough attention to be brought into public awareness, I have to ask myself these questions all over again.![]()
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How exactly do you explain such horror to them?![]()
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If you were to ask me what part of parenting I dislike the most, this is it. Not diapers, not cooking dinner every night for eternity, not the relentless “why” questions of 4 year olds like “why do the dinosaurs on the moon only eat strawberries,” not the repetitive march of picking up the same toys (and trying to teach them to clean up after themselves), not the bad attitudes of preteens, not navigating homework or debating why we have to keep our rooms clean, or anything else we are willing to talk about as a society that is hard about bringing up children.![]()
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This is the part of parenting I dislike the most. Teaching them about the realities of a world where there are websites and forums to teach men how to take advantage of them. That there are men that find pleasure at the idea of harming them. That they shouldn’t have to be vigilant to keep themselves safe from other humans but because we don’t teach boys to NOT do these things, we have to teach girls to be aware that they could be a target of such an individual at any point.![]()
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I have 8 daughters and one son.![]()
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***Side bar, you better believe we are actively teaching ALL our children to not be the kind of people that cause harm to others and cultivating the kind of awareness in them that is disgusted at the dehumanization of any individual so they could never see or watch something like that for their own entertainment and pleasure and though our son is only 2 right now, he is being taught in age appropriate ways about bodily autonomy and safety and we are actively modeling with him what consent looks like.***![]()
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Talking with my 16 and 18 year olds about the online academy where guys share tips and videos of how to incapacitate their female partner while she’s unconscious in order to use them and even film it to sell to others was one of those gut punch conversations. They are old enough to read the article themselves and one of them had already come across it on social media. They had thoughts. ![]()
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But mostly they had anger and resentment that this is the world they are stepping into.![]()
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We discussed staying grounded and centered as a way to listen to their guts, to trust the signals their body and mind sent them about the people they interacted with. We talked about what it really takes to build trust. They shared their thoughts on identifying red flags. They had some astute observations and more clear boundaries than I did at that age. I cautioned about self-blame if things happened and they miss red flag signals since predators can often be very charming and blend in, even using love bombing to lure them into a false sense of safety. We agreed that the only ones really responsible were the ones exploiting others. We explored what to do if it happens to them and made agreements on how their dad and I will respond if they disclose something to us. Our discussion included the social isolating techniques predators often employ combined with the different ways controlling behavior can present. We reluctantly talked about best practices for safety like always having a buddy, never accepting a drink or food from someone you don’t know or you didn’t see prepared (with the exception of a server delivering your food order) and keeping track of your beverages while out, etc.![]()
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All conversations we’ve had before in an ongoing fashion for years. Evolving discussions that never really stop. This one just included warning signs of the person you have vetted and trusted enough to believe was a true partner but was actually taking advantage of you in your sleep.![]()
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I also shared the people I know personally that this had happened to. Women I know want me to share their story with others because they don’t want it to happen to anyone else. My best friend, another close friend, and my own mother.![]()
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Our discussion isn’t over. We will likely be having such conversations for the rest of our lives.![]()
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I hate this part of parenting.![]()
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I do it because I love my children.![]()
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Their anger and resentment is understandable. They are right to be angry and resentful.![]()
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I shared this observation with them and they asked one of the hard questions I’ve struggled with my whole life:![]()
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“Why isn’t everybody angry and resentful about this? Why aren’t the “nice guys” that act hurt that we have to be careful around them angry and resentful at the ones that do this? Why do they take it out on us?”![]()
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I wish I had an answer for them that was more than “because our society cares more about protecting the influence of the powerful than caring for the vulnerable ones they use.”![]()
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Parenting in a world that enables predators and silences survivors is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.![]()
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***Pic of two of my amazing, strong, intelligent daughters playing darts on a recent outing of my bigger kids and me.***
testimonials
"If you've ever had a child or been a parent you know what it means to say that each day is a new experiment. There is so much to figure out, and so many self-proclaimed helpful resources. Fortunately, Jessica Martin-Weber, owner/creator/author of The Leaky Boob, has the answers based on science, best practice, and practical advice stemming from her own experiences raising nine children. TLB is a go-to for all people expecting, lactating, raising children, or counseling any of the aforementioned groups. Want advice on speed dial? Check out TheLeakyBoob.com."
Kim Updegrove, MSN, MPH, APRN, CNM, chairperson and Past President of Human Milk Bank of North America, Executive Director at Mothers' Milk Bank at Austin
"I found TLB and Jessica when I was desperately trying to figure out how to keep breastfeeding my eldest, who my lactation consultant still says had the worst latch she has ever seen. Jessica had created something so special-amazing information, a supportive community amidst the mommy wars, content in many different formats for those of us who need to see/read/hear in different ways, and it is no exaggeration to say that her work was instrumental in not just saving that breastfeeding journey (which would extend through 3 years, 18 months of that tandem nursing) but in setting me up for success and support in future journeys, and truly for motherhood as a whole. The down to earth way she writes makes the information relatable and easy to digest and apply. I am forever grateful."
Dr. Jennifer Stone, PT, DPT, OCS, PHC, TPS, HLC
"The Leaky Boob has met a need in the lactating community since its inception. Jessica’s breastfeeding support group is a true pioneer in the online breastfeeding community, offering families exceptional education and unwavering support long before similar pages emerged. Her transparency, authenticity, and heartfelt encouragement create a safe and empowering space where parents feel heard and guided. It’s a shining example of what real, compassionate leadership looks like!"
CHRISTY JO HENDRICKS IBCLC, RLC, CCCE, CLE©, Doula
Hi there!
Jessica and Jeremy Martin-Weber are the dynamic duo behind The Leaky Boob, a trusted resource dedicated to supporting families on their parenting and breastfeeding journeys. As parents to nine children, they bring a wealth of personal experience, humor, and compassion to their work. Together, they have created a safe, inclusive space where parents can access evidence-based information, practical advice, and a thriving community.
Jessica leads with her passion for normalizing breastfeeding and empowering families, while Jeremy provides a supportive voice for partners and caregivers, fostering collaboration and connection. Their shared mission is to celebrate the uniqueness of every family's story and provide resources to help navigate both the joys and challenges of nurturing little ones.
