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The Leaky Boob
The Leaky Boob is a resource centered around baby and toddler feeding and throughout the entire parenting journey run by a lactation educator and parenting and relationship coach.
Check out our sister podcast: For Tits and Giggles.
It’s called liquid gold for a reason. ![]()
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Every drop counts. ![]()
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Did you know that colostrum used to be considered unhealthy, even dangerous? Here’s what we know now though about how amazing colostrum is! ![]()
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#newborn #humanmilk #milk #baby #momtiktok
It's weird how the people that rush to say "not all men" also rush to tell someone to cover up when feeding their baby in public or warns that men will get off on seeing the photos or videos of nursing babies on social media.
I told my husband I hate men.![]()
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What happened next surprised me and probably isn’t what you’d expect.![]()
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***Content warning: partner exploitation and SA mentioned***![]()
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"I hate men."![]()
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My voice caught in my throat and I couldn't talk anymore even as the conflicting and overwhelming urges to retract the statement, scream, explain, rant, apologize, swear, and make my husband feel better about being a man bubbled inside me.![]()
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He stopped me. Gently, with a tender tone and without touching me.![]()
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"Sometimes I do too. I understand why. I'm so sorry."![]()
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I looked at him and started to apologize, started to say that I know that he isn't that way and again he gently stopped me.![]()
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"You don't have to do that. You don't have to make me feel better. You don't have to say 'not all men.' I know you aren't talking about me."![]()
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We stood together in silence, baskets of laundry around us, tears welling. As a verbal processor, I had looked for him after reading the CNN article detailing the "sleep p**n community" and found him in the laundry room switching loads and taking care of our 3 youngest's laundry.![]()
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The article had brought up more than the horror of what it described, it brought up my grandmother's story, my mom's, a few client experiences, 3 of my friends, many women I didn't really know, and one of my daughters. All taken advantage of while they were sleeping or unconscious and incapacitated.![]()
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Standing there I started naming those to him, like a list, recalling how when I was traveling and speaking at events, many times I had heard this from women that lived it and now wondering if any of their trauma was uploaded online for others to consume.![]()
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When I looked up at him, my words spent, my emotions raw, his expression was pained, his eyes wet. There was care etched into his face and his body was soft with tenderness.![]()
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"I am so sorry. This is horrifying and that so many women have to live with their predators is unjust."![]()
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He saw me. He saw women. He saw the hurt and suffering. He believed us. ![]()
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Suddenly I craved oxygen and took a deep, full breath. Then another. I wanted to be close to him, he has been my safe space for over 20 years, and now I wanted that stable secure connection physically. I asked for a hug.![]()
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In his arms my breath was slow, my mind calmed, my emotions regulated, and my body followed. I felt better than I had all day.![]()
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Until another thought crawled into my peace. I said it out loud.![]()
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"I resent that I have to teach our girls that this happens. Instruct them to never let a drink or food out of their sight, to be careful about the food or drink a man gives them if they didn't see it prepared, to recognize the signs of being taken advantage of in their sleep, to never leave their friends or themselves alone with a man if they've been drinking, or... I don't know right, whatever else we have to make sure they know because this sh*t happens to women.![]()
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And that we have to teach our son that there is this horrific material out there and it's not ok, it's not normal, and that he is a decent human being and decent human beings DO NOT watch that let alone do that to anyone.![]()
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I'm TIRED of teaching our children about this kind of thing and all the while trying to make sure they aren't afraid of all men and don't end up hating men and the only reason I think they're ok is because you aren't a sh*tty man and right now I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE I just want men to not be so EFFING SH*TTY."![]()
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Word vomit is typical for me when I'm emotionally dysregulated.![]()
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He simply agreed that it sucks, that men should be better.![]()
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In that moment there was nothing more to be said.![]()
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Later that night in bed, I apologized for saying I hate men. Again he stopped me, assuring me he's not so insecure to take my understandable anger about a large group of men as an attack on him. I pointed out that I know he's the kind of guy that stands up to other men, does not tolerate casual sexism or misogynistic humor, questions gendered microaggressions, and shuts down the sexist remarks from others about him having 8 daughters. He has argued with my brother, his brother, his father, former friends (some who wouldn't stop with their inappropriate jokes and conversations and behaviors, so they are no longer friends), and bosses about their attitudes and actions toward girls and women. When criticized and told to “turn in his man-card” he metaphorically burned a card with “man card” on it. I've watched him calmly challenge the men that are our relationship or parenting coaching clients on their day-to-day weaponization of incompetence to exploit the labor of their female partners and firmly educate male clients on appropriate emotional and physical intimacy expectations ("why would she want physical affection that way when outside the bedroom she has to clean up after you like one of the kids?").![]()
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I know this about him.![]()
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So I was sorry that I was so emotionally dysregulated that I was careless with my words. That I lashed out, that I unleashed my frustration with others with him. That I was loud and emotional and angry and that seemed directed at him when it really isn't.![]()
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Then he said something that surprised me.![]()
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"That is something I love about you."![]()
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Having spent my childhood and early adulthood very much not being loved for being "emotional" and being told I was “too much” and “too sensitive,” I didn't quite know what to do with his statement.![]()
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I told him I didn't get it. He loved me being dysregulated?![]()
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No, he said, it isn't that he loves me being dysregulated. What he loves is that I care so deeply and have such strong values that I have an appropriate and reasonable emotional response. That I don't back down. That I'm not quiet about suffering or injustice. That I have a wide emotional range that is appropriate. That I'm angry and sad and passionate and moved because I care. That I express my emotions with that passion and care. That I know I’m so safe with him that I can be vulnerable with my feelings and not have to take care of his emotions about how I feel.![]()
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In the low yellow glow of the light in our room, laying there with my head on his chest, he expressed how he loves this about me. After I had said "I hate men."![]()
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He doesn't love that I hate men. Obviously, since I don't hate men. But he does love that I am a person with emotions and that I have appropriate, reasonable emotional responses to things. ![]()
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I asked him how he could have so much understanding and compassion when I said “I hate men.”![]()
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He explained how he understands how I could say that because I've had to live a life navigating the threat of millions of men and now knowing which ones are safe and which aren't because they don't come clearly labeled as "dangerous man" and "safe man." He knows I don’t agree with judging a whole group by the actions of some in that group and also my nervous system doesn’t know which men won’t harm me and my children so I have to be on constant alert in a way he can’t relate to. That women have been tasked with keeping men from harming them instead of men taking that responsibility on themselves. He understands “I hate men” as “I hate the men that do this and the ones that don’t but also don’t do their part to stop it.” My emotions, he said, are reasonable and he loves that about me. ![]()
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Being so clearly appreciated for my emotions, not having to defend or explain why I felt the way I did or expressed my feelings the way I did was the kind of intimacy I have become familiar with in our relationship and still I'm learning.![]()
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"I love you. You make me feel safe, secure, and deeply connected."![]()
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"I love you too. Making you feel safe is important to me. I feel safe, secure and deeply connected with you too."![]()
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"If I ever find out you have been in that community for personal reasons, I will divorce you."![]()
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"I know. And good. That's fair."![]()
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"If I ever find out you have done anything like that to me, I will do everything in my power to ruin your life and prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law both criminally and civilly. And I will do everything I can to make sure you never have access to our children again."![]()
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"I know. And I'm glad. I will never give you reason and I love that you are so clear and passionate about these limits."![]()
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"Sorry for the bedtime conversation, this isn't a great topic for sweet talk in bed."![]()
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He laughed a little before saying he was glad we talked and that he likes hearing what's on my mind. It's only fair that we both share the burden and I'm not the only one with these thoughts accompanying me to bed. ![]()
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I slept safe by my husband’s side even after the heaviness of that conversation, woken up a few hours later when our 5 year old came in looking for a hug after a bad dream and he was comforting her before walking her back to her bed. He crawled in next to me after tucking her in and asked if I’d like to cuddle and we fell back asleep together.![]()
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This needs to be said:![]()
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If you wake up with marks on your body that weren't there, your clothes changed or removed, pain and discomfort in sensitive areas for reasons you can't explain, memory gaps of how you got there...![]()
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This is not normal, this is not ok.![]()
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If you find out your partner is penetrating you in your sleep without your consent or knowledge...![]()
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This is not normal, this is not ok.![]()
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If you express concern, confusion, or raise questions to your partner and they deflect, get defensive, and try to make you question your own experience...![]()
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This is not normal, this is not ok.![]()
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If you discover that you are being taken advantage of by your partner...![]()
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It is not your fault, it is his. You matter, your experience matters, you have done NOTHING wrong, you deserve to be safe, you deserve help, and what your partner has done to you is NOT normal, it is NOT ok.![]()
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A loving and true partner would respond with care, concern, and support. A loving and true partner would do everything they could to make sure you feel safe. A loving and true partner would never, ever, ever do this or look at content that normalizes taking advantage of someone in their sleep or drugged.![]()
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It is not normal, it is not ok.![]()
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If you recognize yourself in any of this as something that has happened to you, help is available.![]()
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For help in the US, call the National S**ual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or chat 24/7 on RAINN.org.![]()
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Internationally, a worldwide list of directories is provided by UN Women, with national agencies on The Pixel Project.![]()
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***Pic of my husband cuddling our 2nd youngest when she was having a hard time and I was feeding her baby brother so daddy was the go-to for comfort.***
testimonials
"If you've ever had a child or been a parent you know what it means to say that each day is a new experiment. There is so much to figure out, and so many self-proclaimed helpful resources. Fortunately, Jessica Martin-Weber, owner/creator/author of The Leaky Boob, has the answers based on science, best practice, and practical advice stemming from her own experiences raising nine children. TLB is a go-to for all people expecting, lactating, raising children, or counseling any of the aforementioned groups. Want advice on speed dial? Check out TheLeakyBoob.com."
Kim Updegrove, MSN, MPH, APRN, CNM, chairperson and Past President of Human Milk Bank of North America, Executive Director at Mothers' Milk Bank at Austin
"I found TLB and Jessica when I was desperately trying to figure out how to keep breastfeeding my eldest, who my lactation consultant still says had the worst latch she has ever seen. Jessica had created something so special-amazing information, a supportive community amidst the mommy wars, content in many different formats for those of us who need to see/read/hear in different ways, and it is no exaggeration to say that her work was instrumental in not just saving that breastfeeding journey (which would extend through 3 years, 18 months of that tandem nursing) but in setting me up for success and support in future journeys, and truly for motherhood as a whole. The down to earth way she writes makes the information relatable and easy to digest and apply. I am forever grateful."
Dr. Jennifer Stone, PT, DPT, OCS, PHC, TPS, HLC
"The Leaky Boob has met a need in the lactating community since its inception. Jessica’s breastfeeding support group is a true pioneer in the online breastfeeding community, offering families exceptional education and unwavering support long before similar pages emerged. Her transparency, authenticity, and heartfelt encouragement create a safe and empowering space where parents feel heard and guided. It’s a shining example of what real, compassionate leadership looks like!"
CHRISTY JO HENDRICKS IBCLC, RLC, CCCE, CLE©, Doula
Hi there!
Jessica and Jeremy Martin-Weber are the dynamic duo behind The Leaky Boob, a trusted resource dedicated to supporting families on their parenting and breastfeeding journeys. As parents to nine children, they bring a wealth of personal experience, humor, and compassion to their work. Together, they have created a safe, inclusive space where parents can access evidence-based information, practical advice, and a thriving community.
Jessica leads with her passion for normalizing breastfeeding and empowering families, while Jeremy provides a supportive voice for partners and caregivers, fostering collaboration and connection. Their shared mission is to celebrate the uniqueness of every family's story and provide resources to help navigate both the joys and challenges of nurturing little ones.
