Breastfeeding Support | The Leaky B@@b

Eighteen ways to support your breastfeeding partner and a Beco Soleil giveaway

June 17, 2013 By theleakyb@@b 5 Comments

When talking about breastfeeding we naturally spend a lot of time and energy working with, talking to, and sharing about women and babies so it may come as a surprise to you to hear that I feel breastfeeding is not a women’s issue, rather a humanitarian issue. Which means it’s a men’s issue too. Breastfeeding may seem like it’s about moms and babies but in reality breastfeeding is about the family and all of humanity. It matters not just to those doing it and those receiving it but the value of breastfeeding extends to those that used to breastfeed, those who support those who breastfeed, those who know someone who breastfeeds, those who love someone who breastfeeds, and those that helped make the baby that breastfeeds.

Partners, this post’s for you.

I thought about having Jeremy write a post on dads and breastfeeding related to Father’s Day but that was about the equivalent of saying “hey, it’s the holiday to celebrate you… here’s more work for you to do!” Instead we’re heading down the “brag about your partner” path.

Recent research suggests that one of the most important contributing factors in a woman reaching her breastfeeding goals is the support she receives. Those closest to her and health care professionals can have the most impact on her breastfeeding experience. Partners, this means you! Your role in breastfeeding, even though you’re not the one putting the baby to your breast, is not to be minimized. You matter, a lot. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: when you help support a mom according to her needs, she will fall more in love with you. Check out this thread on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page to see more about that. Women are strong and determined and are equipped to breastfeed just fine on their own without support but when we don’t have to… it’s a beautiful thing.

I’m confident I could breastfeed just fine without The Piano Man’s support but I am grateful I have my partner’s support non the less. With so much emphasis put on being a “real man” in culture today it could be easy for him to not be willing to support me breastfeeding or think there’s no room for his involvement but his role is important, valuable. Real man? There is little I find more attractive than an involved partner, equally parenting in a setting of equal support and respect for each other’s contribution in the family. That’s sexy. And totally worth celebrating.

Eighteen ways to support your breastfeeding partner and bond with your baby

bath time- a favorite recommendation for the non-breastfeeding partner is bath time. It gives mom a break, accomplishes an important tasks, creates an opportunity for skin-to-skin, and can’t be multitasked.
play time- even from the time they are first born, babies play. The method just changes. As newborns, talk to them, hold a toy steady for them to examine, holding them securely rock and dance with them. As they grow, the play becomes more active. I love watching my husband play with our children no matter what their age, they bond, I get a break, and I see the tender, fun-loving side of my husband that I love so much.
get her water and make her be comfortable for feedings- breastfeeding is primarily between the mom and baby but there is no reason others can’t be involved. Sit with them, talk with them, physically support her and metaphorically support her, be involved in the connection. Even if it is 2am. By taking care of her by getting her water, snacks, pillows, or anything else she needs, you are involved in the feeding and care of your child.
learn about breastfeeding- read the science behind breastfeeding and encourage her by sharing that information. Find resources and share them with her, learn what a proper latch looks like, and ask her what you can do to help. If she’s pumping, help set up the pump and wash parts. You don’t have to be left out but you may have to involve yourself.
encourage her- think your partner breastfeeding is amazing? TELL HER. Do you think the expression on her face when she looks at your baby at her breast is beautiful? Let her know. Are you proud of her? Respect her? Communicating your support and doing so often goes a long way in her feeling like you’re really present.
make the call- is she struggling with breastfeeding? Is she in pain? Worried? Find the name and number of an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant and make the call. Then get her to the appointment. You could be responsible for saving that breastfeeding relationship.
run interference- is there an annoying individual pressuring her to use formula? Find ways to keep them at bay. Has someone criticized her breastfeeding? Ask her if she wants you to say something or just wants your quiet support while she stands up for herself. In those early days, help her get the rest she needs and hold the boundaries for her to heal from birth well so she can focus on establishing her milk supply.
adjust expectations- things have changed, her body, the family dynamic, sleep, you name it. Having your expectations remain the same simply isn’t realistic and it could greatly damage your relationship. For everyone, have a discussion about realistic expectations in everything from financial decisions to responsibilities, from conversations to chores, from physical intimacy to sleep. Be real and be flexible and you will all end up stronger.
massage- offer to give your partner a back rub and even if she’s touched out, she’ll probably welcome that physical closeness. Learn infant massage and give your partner some space to herself while you soothe and care for your child. Massage is powerful.
send her away- if baby is fed, consider sending your breastfeeding partner out of the house for an hour or so while you take on all the care. Bonding with your baby while she’s gone and giving her some time to hear her own thoughts can strengthen you all.
cosleep- while it may not be for everyone, done safely, cosleeping provides the space for some deep connections for the family. Do your research before making the decision and if you cosleep make it an intentional choice (not falling asleep on accident on the couch with your newborn) and you’ll find it simplifies breastfeeding at night and puts you right there to not miss out on any of the night time parenting opportunities.
get up- maybe you could sleep through all the night time feedings but if you wake and help get baby (if they aren’t right there in the bed with you already) then you become the promise of milk for your hungry baby. It can be pretty lonely feeding a baby in the middle of the night, don’t miss out on the chance to be present with them. Get up, change the diaper, hand baby to mom, get her a drink of water, and keep her company before you go back to sleep. Everyone will think you’re pretty awesome.
solids- when it’s time to introduce solids, get involved in the action! However you decide to get your baby started on solids (check out baby led weaning or baby led solids- SO fun!) there’s lots of room for the non breastfeeding partner to take the led. You’ll have a blast and so will your baby and chances are strong your partner will love watching you help your baby explore new tastes.
do some chores- think about it this way, if you help with the stuff around the house like dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc., you free up more time for all of you to connect and rest. This will help your bond with your child by modeling healthy adult behavior and balance and by making sure their mother isn’t too drained and stressed. This will help your bond with your partner because while doing the dishes isn’t exactly sexy, her NOT having to do them is.
diaper changes- sure, it’s poop and pee but it happens regularly and is a great opportunity for face to face interactions. Hearing my husband talk to our baby or make silly faces that make them laugh as he changes their diaper always makes me smile. I love that he’s such a good dad.
cook- whatever it is, learn to cook something and do it regularly. Humans bond over food which is part of why breastfeeding is such a bonding experience but it doesn’t stop there. Cooking for your partner and your children forges deeper connections, sharing that meal together (and expressing gratitude for the one that prepared the food!) is sharing a nourishment that reaches the soul.
soothe- if, for some strange reason, the breast can’t soothe your upset child at some point, take a turn trying to soothe them. I’m not sure how but my husband has a magical soothing touch and there has been a point with all of our children where he is the only one that can comfort them and get them to settle to sleep. Even the boob won’t work. When he gets them calmed, I’m calm knowing they were in the arms of someone that loves them as much as I do.
babywearing- all the celebrities are doing, wearing a baby is the trendiest accessory these days. Seriously though, get a carrier you feel comfortable in and take turns with your parter having your baby attached to your body.

My friend Jamie Grumet from I Am Not the Babysitter celebrates these involved partners too and I just love her “Real Men of AP” series highlighting attached dads, see her post about her husband Brian, A Real Man of AP. From babywearing to breastfeeding support, Real Men of AP are the partners that aren’t afraid to forge deep connections with their children, biological or otherwise, even if it means bucking what society tells them is required to be a “real man.” Nurturing, giving, and in tune, these guys step up their manliness factor not in spite of but because they participate in tea parties, run the vacuum, and with lots of cuddles.

This post went live Thursday and then vanished as a result of some technical problems. Preparing our eldest daughter to leave for the rest of the summer, I tried to juggle the issues with the site and having my attention focused on her and getting her ready to leave on Father’s Day. The Piano Man encouraged me to let it go and just be present with my family. So this post is late, very late, but somehow it feels right that it’s so late because it was my very own Real Man of AP that saw my stress in the midst of it all and reminded me of what’s really important and I took the time needed to pour into my family and it was good for my heart. When I think of the guy I co-parent with I see the guy that helps me be the kind of parent I want to be even when external circumstances make that challenging. A man that reminds me it can be ok to disappoint others in some areas so I can be so present with my family. Today that’s what I think of when I think of my Real Man of AP.

The Leaky Boob is teaming up with Jamie and Beco Baby Carrier for a great giveaway and sharing information about how to form strong connections with our children. We want to see the Real Men in your life and how they are attached and connecting with your children, whatever that looks like. Then on Thursday, June 20, 2013 at 10am Central, we’re having a live chat sponsored by Beco Baby Carrier with Jamie Grumet from I am not The Babysitter about developing those attachments with our children, babywearing, discussing attachment parenting, and taking a look at parenting beyond a theory or philosophy in the real world. Share your images and stories of a Real Man of AP and enter for a chance to win one of 3 Beco Soleils (retail value $130/each) and attach drool pads, a coordinating hood, and an infant insert with accessory pack (retail value $40/each) and you can keep the attachment going with a carry-all bag (retail value $25/each) that attaches to the carrier. Let’s show the world what a Real Man of AP looks like, use the hashtag #RealMenofAP on twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and FB so we all can see (and tag us!) and we’ll share our favorite images on the Facebook pages of I Am Not the Babysitter, Beco Baby Carrier, and The Leaky Boob and visit the Real Men of AP tumblr.

Quick info on the Beco Soleil:

3 carry positions: front, hip, and back.
Built-in waist belt pocket, key and toy ring
Carries 7-45lbs
Carrier weight 1.1lbs
Material: 100% cotton
Seat: 16″ and 17″ tall
Shoulder straps extending from 18″ to 45″
Waist belt extending from 27″ to 59″
Recommended fit for adults 5′ to 6′ 5″
Compatible accessories: hood, drool pads, infant insert, carry-all

Good luck and we look forward to seeing and hearing your pictures and stories! See the widget below to enter.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding support, dads, family, father, Featured, giveaway, Jessica, Parenting Tagged With: #RealMenofAP, babywearing, Beco, beco soleil, Breastfeeding support, dads, fathers, Giveaway, I am not the babysitter, Parenting, Real Men of AP

Mom Power

May 9, 2013 By theleakyb@@b 3 Comments

I am a strong mom.

I am a powerful mom.

I help support moms. Strong moms. Which is a bit redundant. Because moms are strong.

I help support powerful moms.

Also redundant. All moms are powerful.

And we don’t need a company to tell us so.

Nor do we need others to tell us so.

But it can help to hear it from others, it can be encouraging and it can even reveal the inner power we already have but maybe lacked the confidence to recognize and engage. It doesn’t give us power though because we already have it, just like we’re already strong. We’re moms

We have Mom Power.

The power to hope.

The power to dream.

The power to speak up for the oppressed.

The power to love with nothing in return.

The power to face fear and continue on.

The power to know when to use our strength.

The power to know when to use our gentleness.

The power to see beyond themselves.

The power to cry.

The power to celebrate.

The power to be fun.

The power to deserve trust.

I know this power well but I haven’t always been aware of it in myself. Insecurities and certain messages had me doubting my own power, denying it, and hiding it. Sometimes that insecurity led to me judging and belittling others. Shame. Such an ugly thing, shame. It’s a perverted power, one that controls instead of frees. Because of my own shame I have had times of allowing my filters interpret information as attacking. With shame, I’ve put down others if I felt they didn’t try hard enough at something I thought was important. *cough* breastfeeding *cough* But real Mom Power doesn’t need gimmicks like shame or pretend mommy wars to own it’s strength. Real Mom Power doesn’t resort to unsupportive support. It has nothing to sell. Mom Power can see through ‘all that and get straight to the heart of things. I see it every single day in the community of The Leaky Boob Facebook page and twitter.

The power to let go of shame.

The power to forgive.

The power to listen.

The power to be understanding.

The power to learn from mistakes.

The power to care for others.

The power to share experiences.

The power to offer support.

The power to disagree with respect.

The power to stand for our convictions.

The power to resist fighting when it won’t help gain ground.

The power to make peace.

The power to own our feelings.

The power to see through marketing.

Perhaps the most important parenting tool we can have is confidence. Confidence isn’t arrogantly proceeding as though one is always right. Confidence is believing in yourself and your ability to handle what comes your way. Insecurity can lead to rejecting learning opportunities, fear can diminish our willingness to grow, but confidence inspires constant adjusting according to new concepts and ideas. With confidence it is easier to acknowledge mistakes, reduce stress, and not internalize information and the choices of others that we may disagree with. A confident parent isn’t perfect and doesn’t have it all figured out but they are well equipped to do so.

The power to learn.

The power to grow.

The power to adjust.

The power to have compassion.

The power to teach compassion

The power to be humble

The power to make difficult decisions.

The power to evaluate our circumstances.

The power to analyze information.

The power to take responsibility.

Most of us don’t need to be “empowered” we just need to not be afraid of the power we already have. As my friend Amber McCann, IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) from the Breastfeeding Center of Pittsburg put it “Power is being able, in whatever moment you are facing, to do whatever it is you’d like to do. That you feel as though you can jump over the obstacles. It is also in recognizing what the right choice is for you even when one of those barriers is in your way.”

And according to my 12 year old Storyteller: “When I think of Mom Power I think of a phoenix, pretty and strong and enduring. Moms don’t give up. That’s Mom Power.”

Moms, I believe in you, I hope you can believe in yourself and in each other. Whatever your journey and wherever you are, whatever circumstances you’ve had to navigate, you are strong and have Mom Power. Mom Power is an indisputable force if we can have the confidence to tap into it. It’s not a product, it’s not a company, not an organization, not a campaign, not a marketing strategy… it’s moms. A dear, dear friend of mine, Kathy, a local IBCLC and labor and delivery RN, once told me that the reason she’s involved in birth and breastfeeding is because that’s where the foundation of confident parenting is laid. She wants to be on the front end of making the world a better place. Which is what I’m all about. If I want to change the world and make it a better place then start with helping make better people. And there is nothing, no product, no organization, no campaign, no marketing strategy that can do that like pure, good ol’ Mom Power.

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, Facebook, family, Featured, formula, Jessica, Letters from The Leaky Boob, Parenting Tagged With: mom power, mom to mom support, mommy guilt, mommy wars, similac strong mom campaign, strong moms, support

IBCLCs, Negative Experiences, and Self-Advocacy

April 24, 2013 By theleakyb@@b 11 Comments

When my daughter was entering the 2nd grade at our local public school, we were all enthusiastic about the coming year. She loved school, loved learning, loved everything about it. But just a few short weeks into the school year things we drastically different. She cried all the time, she hated going to school, she started struggling with school work, and every day she complained that her tummy hurt and she was too sick to go to school. We were confused. What had happened to our little girl?

It quickly became apparent that while there were multiple issues going on that I won’t go into here except to say there were some technical difficulties and an adjustment period that needed to happen. Still, there was one particular issue that emerged as being critical: she didn’t like her teacher. Believing we need to encourage her to work with people, even ones she didn’t like, The Piano Man and I tried to help her navigate this relationship. This proved to be more challenging than we expected because, as it turned out, we didn’t like her either. She simply wasn’t the kind of person we thought would be teaching second grade. Or teaching at all. Grough, grumpy, rarely smiled, she came across as cold and distant. Suddenly, challenges our daughter had previously felt empowered to tackle loomed as impossible mountains. Intimidated by the one she thought was there to guide and support her in facing these challenges, she withdrew and began to give up.

We tried to work with the school and the teacher but in a short amount of time we felt we needed to explore other options and ended up transferring schools. It was that, or risk killing our daughter’s love for learning and that simply wasn’t something we were willing to sacrifice.

When we visited the new school Earth Baby was nervous about meeting the 2nd grade teacher. Gripping my hand she whispered “I don’t like 2nd grade teachers, they are mean.” I was surprised she had already jumped to a conclusion about a group of people based on her experience with just one of that group. Given that she was 7 at the time, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at such an immature response but I felt that we had worked hard to help our children understand how individuals can be so different. Encouraging her to remember that Miss B. would be a person first, a 2nd grade teacher second, we met with the teacher. Gentle, kind, friendly, and very warm, Miss B. proved to be the opposite of the previous 2nd grade teacher and Earth Baby ended up flourishing in her class. Inspired with hope and confidence, Earth Baby made a lifelong friend in her teacher (and is seeing her this summer) and not only met but surpassed her goals for the year with an enflamed love of learning. Interestingly enough, now she will talk about how wonderful 2nd grade teachers are and being a teacher is in her top 5 career options.

Why am I sharing this story on a breastfeeding site? Moms often come to TLB looking for breastfeeding support. The support they are looking for is usually just about what is normal in breastfeeding journeys, the mom-to-mom support of experience and camaraderie. Sometimes it’s for issues that are outside of normal and require more expertise support and help. It isn’t uncommon for a Leaky and/or one of the admin to recommend seeing an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) for experienced and trained support. These experts are usually the most equipped to help moms with true lactation problems having gone through intense training and having to comply to regular board standards in their continuing education and certification. Just as often, someone then shares their negative experience with an IBCLC. Frustrated and hurt, these women sometimes share that an IBCLC almost ruined their breastfeeding relationship with misinformation, intimidating and overwhelming directions, and sometimes down right bullying.

From these comments it sometimes sounds as though they fear all IBCLCs will be just like the negative experience they had. Hurt and discouraged by the one or two individuals they encountered in the profession, they are unsure they can trust anyone with the title and position. Like my daughter felt unsure about 2nd grade teachers, these moms are skeptical of the entire IBCLC profession, not because they don’t know that they are all different people but because they may believe that what they didn’t like is actually expected to be a part of the profession. As if the consultants are trained to support that way. Just as with any profession, there are individuals within the lactation consultant profession that are rude, unsupportive, not helpful, judgmental, dismissive, and misinformed. Thankfully, most I’ve met go into supporting breastfeeding moms because they genuinely care and want to help moms reach their breastfeeding goals. The IBCLCs I’ve interacted with understand the vulnerable nature of that time in a mother’s life and the importance of providing the right kind of support. Most IBCLCs aren’t in the profession to push an agenda or tell moms what to do, they genuinely seek to provide legitimate support unique to each mothers’ needs. Sure, I’ve met a few that seemed burned out and dogmatic just like my daughter’s first second grade teacher, but just like most 2nd grade teachers actually enjoy children and teaching, so most IBCLCs aim to provide sincere information and assistance. I encourage moms that need lactation support to move on from someone that isn’t supportive to find someone that’s a better fit. It’s that, or risk not reaching your breastfeeding goals and that simply isn’t something we should be willing to sacrifice without a fight.

I am aware that for many, a second choice, let alone a third or fourth, isn’t readily available. Financial restrictions, local availability, and even cultural support from family and friends can make it difficult to find someone. Sometimes, shoot, maybe often, the support you need will find you in unexpected places such as the internet or a new friend. Moms may have to try other paths for lactation support such as virtual appointments via the web or attending a local breastfeeding support group or even reading articles online. Whatever it takes, pushing on to find the support you need may be work but you and your baby are worth it.

You don’t have to be stuck with a professional providing inadequate support. In the end, you are the biggest advocate for you and your child and if advocating for you both means moving on to find the assistance you need, you won’t regret doing so. As Leaky and IBCLC Jackie Rauch shared:

I will sometimes tell my clients the story of me seeking her out just to let them know that even the people with the knowledge need to seek out help from people with the knowledge. If you are not getting the help you need, keep looking!

You never know, you may find the one that helps you turn it all around and inspires you with hope and confidence.

Need a lactation consultant? This site can help you find one.

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What about you? What has your experience with an IBCLC or other lactation professional been like? Did you have to find someone else for better support at some point? Did an IBCLC or other lactation professional help you in your breastfeeding journey? Check out the conversation we’re having on this very topic over on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page.

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Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding support, Facebook, Featured, Jessica Tagged With: advocating for yourself, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding health care, Breastfeeding support, IBCLC, ILCA, Lactation Consultant, professional support, support

A tale of a school, a teen, a baby, and a global community

February 4, 2013 By theleakyb@@b

I can’t help but dream of the day when, of all the things to fight for, breastfeeding will no longer make the list. Because it will just be. Society will finally walk the talk and supporting breastfeeding will be as common place as supporting eating, sleeping, and other normal healthy lifestyle choices. Accommodations for breastfeeding moms won’t be given a second thought, it will be accepted and encouraged without discrimination.

There are times when any glimmer of hope that one day this dream will be a reality is snuffed out by organizations handling a woman breastfeeding her child in their space badly. Hollister Co. not only harassed a breastfeeding mother but refused to apologize or otherwise make amends for their illegal and hostile actions toward breastfeeding mothers and their families. When given the chance to correct their response when hundreds of women around the country staged a nurse-in, they still refused to engage in a lawful and respectful manner, driving the wedge deeper. Then things became even more volatile with Facebook nastiness, mall security harassed even more mothers, and further silence from Hollister. At these times I shake my head and wonder if there is any chance my grandchildren will be able to eat normally without managers yelling at their mothers.

Then there are times when I’m encouraged and the glimmer of hope is fanned into a full fledged flame and I know that though the steps along the way have been, at times, tedious, they have also been worth it. When the Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Vegas responded to a disappointing misstep in asking a breastfeeding mother (yours truly) to cover while feeding her baby in one of their cafes by issuing an apology, immediately educating their staff on breastfeeding laws, and asking how they could better serve families, I thought if it can happen there then it can happen anywhere and we are well on our way! (Read that story here.)

Society is well aware that breastfeeding is exactly what human infants need. Most would say it’s “best.” Unfortunately though, the walk still struggles to line up to the lip service being given.

Apparently, even within our educational centers.

When 15 year old Jaielyn Belong prepared to return to high school in the Lake Forest School District after the birth of her son, she was hoping all the recommendations of the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics would be supported by the very institution where she received the education that led her to think critically enough to understand the importance of applying these recommendations in caring for her son. Unfortunately, the initial reaction from the school was to discourage her breastfeeding as there would be no place for her to pump, no time allotted for her to have pumping breaks, and nowhere to store her breastmilk for her infant son. This recommendation came from the school nurse, the very person on staff at the school who should have been most supportive and understanding of Jaielyn’s desire to provide breastmilk for her son. There was even a claim made that the noise of the breastpump would be a potential distraction to other students, that it was time consuming, and that they wouldn’t be sure she was even actually pumping milk when she claimed to be doing so. The school nurse also expressed concern that Jaielyn could be teased. Something the teen mom has surely already faced and is equipped to handle. Jaielyn wasn’t choosing the easiest path, she was choosing the path she felt is right for her son, accepting the sacrifices required of her. As any good mother would do.

As mommatraumablog.com pointed out, prohibiting Jaielyn from breastfeeding or pumping her milk was in violation of Delaware law which reads:

31 Del. C. § 310

Notwithstanding any provision of law to the contrary, a mother shall be entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location of a place of public accommodation, wherein the mother is otherwise permitted.

And if a teenager’s “job” is to apply themselves to receiving an education through schooling, then it is violating yet another law providing reasonable breaks to breastfeeding mothers:

SEC. 4207. REASONABLE BREAK TIME FOR NURSING MOTHERS.

Section 7 of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 19384 (29 U.S.C. 207) is amended by adding at the end the following:

‘‘An employer shall provide a reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk; and a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

Unfortunately, I hear on a regular basis from breastfeeding moms that teach that there is a real struggle to find time and space to pump and store their milk. Many report having no support from their administration to have “reasonable break times.” This concerned me that if adult employees receiving a pay check struggle with this, what are the implications for a student?

As I watched this story unfold via social media and then mainstream media, I wondered where this was heading. The community of breastfeeding moms and the people that support them that I have come to know so well, rallied to surround Jaielyn, her son, and her mom Betty to offer their support and to lend their voice to making sure we, as a society, walk the talk and help this little boy receive the breastmilk his mother wants for him even as she receives the education to be the best she can be for her son. Both of their futures depended on it. As the Breastfeeding Coalition of Delaware expressed in their letter to the school district: “No mother should ever be made to feel that expressing milk for her child is unusual, unnatural, or that requesting reasonable accommodations is an inconvenience to others.” The whole situation could have gone any number of directions. Ugly and depressing, involving protests with harassment from officials like the situation with Hollister Co. and by extension some malls (ironically, some in Delaware). Or beautiful and encouraging, involving education opportunities and an official change to better support families and breastfeeding mothers much like the case with Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Nurse-ins have their place and can be used well to effect positive change and to give a show of peaceful solidarity amongst mothers. Something the world needs to see in a culture that exploits “mommy wars” for entertainment. But as La Leche League Leader Heather Felker points out, “{there} is no problem with nurse-ins once all ‘peaceful’ routes have failed.” As much as I love hanging out with likeminded moms that understand how breastfeeding has impacted my life and my family, the truth is, I’d rather it be “just because” than to make a statement. So I hoped that this situation with Lake Forest School District would be resolved without the peaceful protest of a nurse-in.

Thankfully, it appears that our peaceful solidarity as a community of mothers doesn’t require a nurse-in event to bring about change. Via Facebook, twitter, emails, and phone calls, supporters for not only Jaiylen and her son but for the rights of all mothers and their breastfeeding children utilized their voice to see that we do indeed walk the talk. As a result the school district has changed directions. They’ve pulled a Flamingo, not a Hollister. And Jaielyn will have space within which to pump her milk for her little boy and, thanks to the efforts of local mom supporters, a small refrigerator is being donated so Jaiylen and other breastfeeding students can store milk for their babies during their school day. Heather Felker says: “In this case we had a great deal of powerful support, newspaper, radio, breastfeeding coalition, LLL, and it turned around quite quickly.”

It may be tempting to make a statement and stage a nurse-in anyway. There were some rumblings of something like that with the Flamingo case but there was no need because the company self-corrected and learned from their mistake. If we want to be taken seriously then we must know when to utilize the tools available for maximum impact, including when not to. A nurse-in at the Lake Forest School District would distract from the progress that has been made and could potentially lead to issues for the very student we desire to support. If there was a risk of the teen mom being teased before, a nurse-in in her honor would more than likely provide enough fuel for teasing and isolating bullying until her graduation. We don’t actually have to go fight this one because we used appropriate peaceful routes and have already seen the desired results. And if it can be achieved without such measures as a nurse-in then we are moving ever closer to the dream that one day breastfeeding won’t even be on the list of things we fight for within society.

I’m grateful to see the community of breastfeeding supporters come together to directly benefit one mother and the school district taking steps that will benefit even more. Proud to see that our voice of influence is helping a young mom to reach her breastfeeding goal. Excited to see that yet another organization has been willing to learn from us and change in order to offer support that puts action to the lip service given. So now we ask how can we celebrate these steps? How can we applaud the organizations that learn from their mistakes and make appropriate changes?

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How can we better help teen moms successfully breastfeed? What roadblocks can we work to remove to encourage these moms? Have you experienced or seen someone experience lack of support or even hostility towards breastfeeding pairs? Were peaceful paths used to change support and reach a resolution?

Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, breastmilk pumping, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: breastfeeding advocates, Breastfeeding support, Delaware, Delaware breastfeeding coalition, global community, Jaielyn Belong, Lake Forest School District, nurse-in, support, teen mom, teen mom breastfeeding

Surviving Holiday Breastfeeding

December 24, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

by Star Rodriguez, IBCLC

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice, readers! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!! There’s snow! (Unless you’re in a place that doesn’t have cold, snowy winters, in which case, can I spend mine with you? Or mail you some snow, at least? Like, maybe all of it?) There’s cookies! There’s a festive holiday air that we all love!

Oh, yeah, and if you’re a breastfeeding mom and baby, there’s some possible, holiday-related pitfalls. In this article, I’ll address some of them. Hopefully, some of these tips will help keep your holidays happy.

Help! My baby is suddenly super fussy and nursing all the time!

So it’s the holidays, and you’re spending them with, well, pretty much everyone you’ve ever met. Ladies with babies are extra popular at the holidays. We all want to hold, kiss, snuggle, and love your babies…and then hand them back as soon as they are fussy.

With traveling, and new people, and being passed around, it is totally normal for your baby to get a little overstimulated and cry often. When breastfed babies get upset, they enjoy nursing. It’s comforting for them, and allows them to calm down, and settle. And then they might fall asleep. At the breast. While you’re holding them. And then they wake up the second you set them down. And this cycle repeats for what seems like FOREVER.

This doesn’t mean you have to stay awake, half dead from sleep deprivation. One of the easiest things to do in this case is let your baby fall asleep while nursing. Then, keep cuddling your baby until your baby is in a nice, deep sleep. It usually takes babies at least 10-15 minutes to get there. After your baby is in that deep sleep, though, you can generally put them down and go sneak off for your own holiday enjoyment. Or just go take a nap. Whatever.

Help! My baby seems to be nursing less!

Remember how we talked, up in the last few paragraphs, about everyone holding/kissing/snuggling your baby? Well, sometimes, when babies are passed around, they get sort of distracted and stop thinking about eating. If you’re wondering how that happens, remember the last time you were really, really busy. Lots of stuff was going on. Maybe you felt hungry once or twice, but as you got caught up in other things, you pushed it away and your hunger probably abated a little.

Well, that can happen with your baby, too. Now, I’m not encouraging you to put this theory to the test by not feeding your child, but, at the holidays, it sometimes happens. If you notice this has occurred, try to take your baby aside, somewhere quiet and less distracting, and nurse. Be prepared for your baby to possibly cluster feed over the next night or day. This is ok; it is your baby’s way of catching up after missed feedings.

In this particular case, the best defense is just making sure that you’re nursing your baby regularly at gatherings, though.

Help! I’m nervous about breastfeeding in front of my family and friends!

Sometimes, you are the nervous one, who is worried about exposing yourself. Sometimes you’re in a home that’s not incredibly breastfeeding-friendly. Either way, this can make you feel very anxious about the holidays.

In this situation, there are many things you can do. Some people just decide to not care, and nurse just the way they do at home. Gathering up the confidence to do this often leads to a great experience for moms, and little to no negativity from the people surrounding them. If you’re not sure that’s for you, try breastfeeding in front of a mirror and see how much really shows. With your baby at the breast you may be more covered than you realized and after practicing in front of a mirror be ok with breastfeeding wherever you are. However, not everyone will be comfortable with this, and that’s ok.

You can also use a cover or nurse in another room. Covers have the advantage of not making you have to go away from where the action is. Some babies don’t like them, though, and will pull them up so that they can see what is going on around them. Some homes are warm, and the cover leads mom and baby to feel too hot. Nursing in another room can reduce all of those negatives, but, again, you’re missing fraternizing with others, and that’s what the holidays are for.

I also, as with almost any nursing in public endeavor, recommend a cami under a regular shirt. You pull the top shirt up, the bottom shirt down, and they cover pretty much everything, even your stomach. See this video for how that can work. Special breastfeeding tops make it easy too and and an Undercover Mama is a nice option as well.

You can also try making your holiday trips short, if possible. Many moms can go to an event for 2-3 hours and just nurse before and afterwards. That may allow you to get out without having to worry about nursing at all.

Help! I have a sick relative insisting on handling my baby!

First of all, babies are not super delicate if they are healthy, full term newborns without any health issues. As long as your relative washes their hands and uses sanitizer, doesn’t have something horrible like pertussis, and doesn’t get all up in your baby’s face, it will probably be fine. Feel absolutely free to bring sanitizer with you and insist on its use if that makes you feel more comfortable. This is your baby, and you can ask people to have good hygiene before touching.

However, not everyone is ok with letting any sick person handle their baby, or, maybe your baby is immune compromised in some way. The best thing that I have found for this is, “I’m so sorry. My pediatrician is concerned about me exposing (baby’s name) to germs right now. Let me hold (baby) for you, and you can take a look at her.”

You can also wear your baby. I’ve found that, when baby is strapped to your breasts, people are a lot less likely to get too close or to ask to hold or touch the baby.

Help! I have a lot of traveling to do!

Holiday travel by car, for me, would involve ten hours of driving, so I feel your pain on driving with babies. Air travel is usually easier; look for nonstop flights, nurse your baby during takeoff, and try to get nonstop flights when at all possible so that you can minimize your time on the plane. Arrive early enough to get through TSA, and I highly recommend a baby carrier for traveling through the airport. If you are bringing pumped milk, know the TSA guidelines for pumped milk.

If you are driving, think outside the box. If it’s a long drive, can you drive most of it during the part of the day or night that your child sleeps most? Can you bring a support person to help entertain the baby? Can an older sibling help? Take as many breaks as you need, and allot for them in the time that you are driving.

Help! My relatives give unsolicited breastfeeding advice!

I get questions every year from people basically asking me how to tell their relatives to back off. They hear things like, “Are you STILL nursing that baby?” “I don’t know why you can’t give a bottle!” “We used to give babies rice cereal in a bottle and they slept much better than yours does!”

First, remember that this is your baby, and parenting decisions are up to you to make. Other than that, people handle this very differently. Some moms just let it go in one ear and out the other. Remember, most of these people legitimately are about you and your baby and are probably just unfamiliar with current research.

Some people will come equipped with research showing that breastfeeding is acceptable and a good idea. Many of my clients use snippets from the AAP or WHO – “The AAP recommends nursing until at least a year” or “The WHO recommends nursing until two years old,” can both be good. A simple, “My pediatrician thinks this is a good idea for us,” can also be a really great way to shut down opposition.

It may make you feel better to argue, debate, or reply sarcastically (and I will admit that there have been many times that I have done just that) but it’s rarely a great solution. Although, this particular example has always amused me.

If you can pull off sarcasm that well, absolutely do.

Help! My relatives keep trying to sneak my baby food!

Make your expectations clear when you first get there if you think this will be an issue. “We are not doing solid foods yet. My baby only gets breast milk. Please do not feed our baby.” You can also mention allergies: “We are concerned about allergic reactions in our baby, so we are starting solids gradually and in a very specific way. Maybe instead of feeding the baby, you can change diapers/take her for a walk/rock him/et cetera.” Giving people something else that they can do with the baby is often the easiest way to get them to stop stuffing things in his or her mouth.

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Star Rodriguiz, IBCLC, began her career helping women breastfeed as a breastfeeding peer counselor for a WIC in the Midwest. Today she is a hospital based lactation consultant who also does private practice work through Lactastic Services. She recently moved to the northern US with her two daughters and they are learning to cope with early October snowfalls (her Facebook page is here, go “like” for great support).

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, family, Featured, guest posts, Parenting Tagged With: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding and extended family, breastfeeding and travel, breastfeeding during the holidays, Christmas, extended family, family, holidays, low breastmilk supply

Blaming the milk? Is it the breastmilk or something else?

December 18, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

Fairly often on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page we see questions from moms concerned about their milk or explaining that they had to wean because they were told their milk was “bad.” Moms ask about getting their milk tested, wonder about boosting fat content, and are concerned that their milk is making their baby sick. Unlike issues with latch, milk supply, infection or, blaming breastmilk is often more ambiguous. It isn’t uncommon for concerns to be rooted in outside sources; family expressing doubt that the mother’s milk is good enough, health care providers that suggest perhaps formula would be a more accurate, and formula marketing promising improved brain development and “closer to breastmilk than ever” so parents can sleep easier. Even if their little one is growing well and meeting developmental milestones, there can be overwhelming concern that something is wrong with the milk and if their sweet offspring is anything other than the standard of a smiling, chubby, easy-going, and bright eyed Gerber baby, the milk is often the first thing blamed for a breastfed baby.

Why blame the milk?

Other than the reality of living in a culture where breastfeeding is not the accepted normal way to feed a baby but is just one option, why do so many people jump to the idea that there must be something wrong with the mother’s milk if the baby is “too” fussy, gassy, clingy, or any other possible problem? Very few question if another mammal’s milk is good enough for their young, why are quick to suspect the quality of milk of human mothers? Ignorance is a significant factor, too many people don’t understand what is normal behavior for a health, breastfed infant but I don’t think that’s the only reason. Deep down I suspect there are other issues at play.

The perfect baby.

The old adage that children are to be seen and not heard is socially accepted as out of date however, our actions and reactions to children reveal otherwise. If you don’t have a cherubic smiling baby all the time, there must be a reason, a reason that must have an easy fix. A reason that probably starts with the parents. And what could be an easier fix than a bottle of prepared, measured, and “scientifically formulated” breastmilk substitute? With all that formulating, there can’t be anything wrong with it such as what you last ate… or so some are inclined to believe.

Out of touch.

With a good portion of a generation or two of mothers having no experience of breastfeeding, many in society are out of touch as to what’s normal in a breastfed baby. New standards have been established based on a product derived from milk intended to grow an animal that starts out weighing anywhere between 50-100 pounds and can grow to weigh a ton (literally, not figuratively) as an adult. An animal that has 3 stomachs. Growth charts have been based on this product and for a long time nobody even thought there should be a different chart for breastfed babies and health care professionals and parents alike accepted the growth patterns of a formula fed infant as the standard.

Be sure your health care provider is using the correct chart with your child, ask if they are using the WHO growth chart for breastfed infants.

Obsessed with food.

Our culture is obsessed with food. Eating it, not eating it, where it comes from, where it doesn’t come from, how much it costs, who is eating it, who isn’t eating it, how much we’re eating, etc. It’s pretty dang hard to measure breastmilk coming straight from the breast. If you can’t measure it, can’t see it, how can you obsess about it?

Women, your bodies are broken.

From monthly fertility cycles to sexual arousal, from birth to breastfeeding, from feminine hygiene to body shape, society consistently tells women there’s something wrong with their bodies. A quick glimpse at vintage ads will show that this has been the case for a long time. Douche it, pinch it, pull it, augment it, decrease it, measure it, plump it, thin it, paint it, perfume it, shave it, cut it, bind it, CHANGE IT! Above all, hide what connects us with our animal side and don’t trust it. Breastmilk is suspect because it comes from our body. There must be something wrong with it. The overwhelming message is that our bodies are broken.

Don’t judge me.

Whatever a mom’s reason to not breastfeed, whether there were physical issues, a lack of support, lack of information, or just not wanting to; nobody wants to be judged. Finding camaraderie can be reassuring no matter what the reason. Most moms don’t want other moms to fall short of their goals and they genuinely want to support but that support can also offer comfort to the one extending it if they feel even slightly judged because they didn’t breastfeed. Blaming the milk for not being good enough or of making the infant sick can bring comfort that it wasn’t anything they did or didn’t do. It’s not that they are looking for excuses but with the other reasons shared it can be that finding a reason as ambiguous as there being something wrong with the milk a relief that things didn’t work out.

Sex, sex, and more sex.

Breasts are sexual. There’s no denying it. But then so are other parts of the body that we use for other purposes… such as the neck holding up our heads and an erotic zone, our lips for kissing and talking, our hands for caressing and working, and so on. Most of western society has over emphasized the sexual nature of the human female breasts but that doesn’t mean that they are a completely asexual part of the female anatomy. That over emphasis has created problems though. Problems that are easy to avoid thinking about if we just don’t use our breasts to feed our babies. The balance is off between the breasts as a food source for a woman’s young and the sexuality of breasts. Since women’s body’s are broken, babies should be perfect, we’re obsessed with food, and we don’t want to be judged, blaming breastmilk for any potential issues helps us to keep that overemphasis on the sexual nature of breasts so we don’t have to be confronted with the misogynistic objectification of women quite as overtly if we never have to see a breast being used in another capacity.

The reality is that most of the time it’s not going to be the milk to blame for problems with baby. Once normal behavior, including normal emotional, psychological, attachment, and developmental behaviors are understood and eliminated as the cause of presenting symptoms, there are many other factors to be evaluated before even considering breastmilk. When breastmilk truly is the problem these babies get sick very fast and in very distinct ways that require quick interventions. And when there are more mild issues such as sensitivities to foods the mother has eaten, slow weight gain of the infant, or other such concerns, the answer rarely is to stop feeding breastmilk. With the support of an informed health care provider and an IBCLC, most issues related to breastmilk can be worked through and the milk isn’t actually to blame. Problems happen and sometimes the actual breastmilk needs to be considered before we rush to blame breastmilk for every physical discomfort or behavior we would rather not see in our babies and let’s truly help moms reach their personal breastfeeding goals, setting babies on the right track for a normal standard of health with the appropriate diet for human babies; breastmilk.

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Have you wondered if your breastmilk was ok? Do you think we have unrealistic expectations that lead to confusion between what is normal and what are real problems?

Filed Under: Boobs, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding difficulties, breastfeeding support, Featured, formula, Jessica Tagged With: Baby, blaming breastmilk, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding and society, Breastfeeding support, breastmilk, breasts, feminism, food, information, reflux, sex

Supporting the Breastfeeding Family as a Whole

December 13, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

by Amber McCann, IBCLC

supporting the breastfeeding family as a whole

Recently, I was collaborating with a colleague as we worked through the nitty-gritty details of a challenging situation one of my clients was having. As an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), I work with families to support their breastfeeding and, while my job is incredibly rewarding, it also requires a LOT of “detective” work. This case was challenging my skills and knowledge and I reached out for help. As we sorted through the facts and brainstormed ideas, my colleague said to me, “I’m realizing that you alway lean towards the side of the mom and I lean towards the side of the baby.”

The comment caught me off guard. I wasn’t offended because I make no apologies for the fact that connecting with mothers is my “sweet spot”. I also don’t believe that I nor my colleagues ever sacrifice one member of the breastfeeding relationship to the exclusion of the other. But it did cause me to think and reflect on how, as a professional, I approach the work I do. Do I miss critical pieces of the puzzle because I’m so focused on the mother’s well being? Do I forget the important role that dads and partners play in the family? Do I miss the most vulnerable person in the whole dynamic…the tiny baby herself? (*Cue dramatic soul searching)

I came to this realization:

Breastfeeding support that doesn’t recognize the family as a whole FAILS.

Breastfeeding is much more than one breast, one baby, one mother, and one belly that needs nutrition. It is also getting to know each other, communicating, finding balance between all parties, and connecting on an intimate and vulnerable level. While I certainly do not claim that these experiences happen only in breastfeeding families, I do believe that breastfeeding imparts benefits that go far beyond calories and weight gain.

For that reason, I think it is critically important that, as those who support breastfeeding, we see the breastfeeding family as a whole. Much of the conversation in breastfeeding support centers around whether someone is doing it the “right way”: no supplements, pacifiers, bottles, cribs, you have to wear your baby, don’t you dare give cereals before 6 months, breastfeed until they are two, breastfeed while you are pregnant, breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed…and if you don’t do it this way, you are a failure. It simply breaks my heart because, while each of these recommendations has value and impact in the broader issue of public health, these black and white messages often forget that, when it comes down to it, there are real people making real decisions for real families. We must move away from support that sees only the mother, only the baby, or only the breastfeeding.

Decision Making is Up to the Family

As a clinician, I must take a full health history of both the mother and baby in my care. Inevitably, this becomes what is, for many women, the first telling of their birth story to someone outside of their family. It is an incredibly raw and vulnerable experience. I learn of relationships, of history, of fears and of disappointment. I also hear of how she was proud of herself, of her strength and her tenacity. Every woman’s experience, both before and after birth, is wildly different. Each family is to be respected in their decision making. What is the right decision in birth, in breastfeeding…heck, even in what to do with their Saturday afternoon, is up to them, filtered through the lens of their experience, their history and their knowledge. There are things about the way I live my life that I believe deeply in, but this I believe more: Mothers are smart and incredibly capable of making the decisions that are best for their families. My job is to provide information, help them sort through their options and allow them to space to figure out what is best for them…even if what is best for them is not what I would have chosen.

She is About More than her Breasts

As advocates, sometimes we work so hard on the big picture ideas in regards to improving breastfeeding rates and cultural acceptance that we make the mistake of seeing each woman as one to be “conqured”…wishing only to “win her to our side”. Supporting breastfeeding on a macro level is tough work which takes huge volumes of energy, but what a disservice when we think of women as only check marks in the “initiated breastfeeding” or “exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months” columns.

Often, in an attempt to support breastfeeding, we forget that there is much more going on in this relationship than milk ejections and swallowing. The community supporting those with Insufficient Glandular Tissue and Low Milk Supply do this beautifully. Inspired by Diana West’s groundbreaking book Defining Your Own Success, these women champion the idea that THEY get to be the ones who decide what breastfeeding will look like for them, in light of significant challenges. We must look at breastfeeding women not as simply milk makers, but life makers and relationship makers and confidence makers as well.

Empower Parents for Long Term Impact

I’m absolutely convinced that the early days of of a baby’s life are critical to the formation of parenting confidence. What if, instead of throwing checklists full of things that not even well-rested people could handle, we instill confidence and a “we were made for this” kind of attitude. I’ve long maintained that birth and breastfeeding are the only two biological processes that we, as a culture, assume won’t work the way they were designed to. From the moment we announce our pregnancies, we are bombarded with messages that tell us that we simply aren’t up for the task, that out bodies will fail us, that we won’t be good enough, smart enough, mom enough. Why then are we surprised when those messages continue on into parenthood? For those we encounter as breastfeeding supporters, we can have a significant impact at a critical moment. Reminding a woman that her body was made for breastfeeding, encouraging her to follow her “gut”, and listening closely to her ideas about what could improve her outlook can all be vitally important. Moments like that set her up for future success. Feeling like “I am the most qualified person to care for my child” on Day 3 can often translate into the same feeling on day 5 and month 5 and year 5. Treating parents with respect and care and with the belief that they are wildly capable is critical.

The great Dr. Seuss was quite the philosopher when he penned, “A person’s a person, no matter how small” and I would echo with “A family is a family no matter how young.” As we seek to pour our professional and volunteer lives into these brand new families, we must remember that communicating about their value and worth are important building blocks to their long term confidence as parents. I’m privileged to be able to be one of the first professionals to look them in brand new parent (bleary and bloodshot) eyes and say “You’ve Got This!”

Amber McCann, IBCLC is a board certified lactation consultant in private practice with Nourish Breastfeeding Support, just outside of Washington, DC and the co-editor of Lactation Matters, the official blog of the International Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA). She is particularly interested in connecting with mothers through social media channels and teaching others in her profession to do the same. In addition, she has written for a number of breastfeeding support blogs including Hygeia and Best for Babes. She also serves as the Social Media Coordinator for GOLD Conferences Internationaland is a regular contributor to The Boob Group, a weekly online radio program for breastfeeding moms. When she’s not furiously composing tweets (follow her at @iamambermccann) or updating her Facebook page, she probably snuggling with one of her three children or watching terrible reality TV.

Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding help, breastfeeding support, family, father, Featured, guest posts Tagged With: Amber McCann, baby and mom, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding dyad, Breastfeeding support, family, marriage, Nourish Breastfeeding Support, postpartum, relationships

A market for breastfeeding support- The Family Friendly Business Initiative

September 18, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

Supporting breastfeeding as a marketing tactic?

That’s what the Family Friendly Business Initiative is hoping businesses of all sizes will see in their project. Providing families a way to find local businesses that have pledged to be a supportive space for breastfeeding mothers, the Family Friendly Business Initiative just asks participating businesses to provide a welcoming attitude and a comfortable clean environment for breastfeeding moms. Companies that agree to participate get listed on the Initiative’s website, marked on a google map display to make finding them easier, shared on the Initiative’s Facebook page, listed in materials given to new moms in the local hospital, and given a decal to display identifying their location as a safe place for breastfeeding mothers. In addition to the website, there is an app in the works which will make finding businesses in the Initiative an easy option in the palms of breastfeeding moms on the go. For most businesses, it’s a business growth opportunity that may be too good to pass up. It’s simple, easy, a medically endorsed community initiative, and full of benefits for the companies that choose to participate in the form of free marketing.

And based on a quick informal poll on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page, there’s a market for it too.

For some women, breastfeeding their child wherever they are, whatever they are doing is no big deal. They are unfazed by the possibility of being asked to coverup or move. But each woman has her own comfort level and many would prefer to find a place that is known to be “safe” for breastfeeding moms and where she and her little one can be left in peace. For some, this challenge can be so overwhelming that they’d rather stay home than risk finding themselves out and about in a potentially hostile environment. Moms that are afraid to leave the house due to concerns about finding a comfortable and welcoming place to breastfeed their baby are in jeopardy of either lowering their supply if they feel they must supplement which could lead to them not reaching their breastfeeding goals or increased risk of postpartum depression if they feel trapped in their home.

The Family Friendly Business Initiative is helping businesses that fit the bill connect with moms that are in need of breastfeeding friendly environments. Mothers are a significant portion of the spending demographic, businesses know this, so for them to provide a safe place for moms to breastfeed without fear of harassment or discrimination can provide a boost to not only the family but the business and community as well.

In most states, mothers have the right to breastfeed their children wherever they have the right to be but, unfortunately, that doesn’t always mean they experience a warm welcome from businesses and employees or other customers. Due to a lack of awareness of the laws supporting a mother’s right to breastfeed her child, some have experienced subtle or overt forms of discrimination and harassment so far as having businesses calling the police on breastfeeding mothers. Repeatedly incidents make national or even global news where a business has told a mother to stop breastfeeding on their premises or leave. Such experiences can intimidate mothers who desire to breastfeed into not leaving the house or compromising her breastfeeding goals. These actions undermine the message health care professionals and scientists are giving moms that there are risks to artificial breastmilk substitutes, society isn’t walking the talk.

As a WIC breastfeeding peer counselor in Ames, Iowa, Jennifer Pitkin knew this reality first hand in her work to support moms in their breastfeeding journey. Time and time again she heard from women that were afraid to breastfeed in public and would use formula if they had to go out, over time their breastmilk supply diminishing as a result. For many of them, pumping was much harder than formula (and since not all moms respond well to pumps, not always a viable option) so they would switch for those feeds that happened while doing errands and shopping. Talking with her local La Leche League and her retail manager husband, Jennifer was inspired to tackle this problem from a different angle and the Family Friendly Business Initiative was born.

Today, a year after this inspired idea to support moms and the businesses that support moms, the grass roots Family Friendly Business Initiative has grown to 4 local chapters and increasing interest from other states. The participating businesses communicate their status as a Family Friendly Business to their employees including a letter displayed in the workers area explaining laws supporting breastfeeding and a mother’s right to do so in public. These businesses may or may not designate an area specifically for breastfeeding mothers and the Family Friendly Initiative lists what kind of accommodations are available for families. At this time 25 out of 28 businesses contacted have agreed to participate and while not all of them initially were sure about the opportunity, after some education most have enthusiastically joined. It’s fairly simple for a company to be involved with many advantages not the least of which is a positive impact on the economy. This medically endorsed community project supported by the Iowa Breastfeeding Coalition has been well received by Iowa State University, which is widely displaying the Family Friendly Business Initiative decals supporting both their faculty and their student breastfeeding population. There is optimism that the Initiative will be well received by not just small businesses but large corporations as well. Encouragement from costumers for companies to join can help influence these businesses to make participation in the Initiative a priority and make a difference for families in your area.

If you would like to see the Family Friendly Initiative in your area, email familyfriendlybusiness@gmail.com. Another reference for businesses that welcome breastfeeding can be found at You Can Breastfeed Here.

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, Breastfeeding in public, breastfeeding support, family, Featured, Jessica Tagged With: Breastfeeding, Family Friendly Business Initiative, marketing, moms, mothers, shopping

I don’t love breastfeeding

September 11, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

This past March, as I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Sugarbaby, I had noticed a few women commenting online that they hated breastfeeding or at least didn’t love it. Not that they were stopping or refused to do it but that they didn’t have any of the warm fuzzy feelings they’d heard others talk about and they were looking forward to experiencing themselves. Often with their confession came the question: “does this make me a bad mom?”

My heart ached with them.

I watched as some people responded making suggestions as to how they could maybe enjoy the experience more, or how it may take some time to get to that place, some sharing how much they love breastfeeding and are sorry the poster didn’t, and sometimes a few responding that they could relate. These women would respond that they were really struggling or felt broken, or questioned that maybe they didn’t love their child enough and that there was something wrong with them.

And again my heart ached with them.

I was 35 weeks pregnant that week, preparing for a new nursling. Expecting baby #6, I was fairly confident that everything would be fine with breastfeeding. Not overly so, as I know each breastfeeding experience is different but there was no doubt in my mind that I’d be breastfeeding and that if there were any challenges we’d be able to work through them with our incredible support system. Still, there was this tiny part of me that wasn’t really looking forward to it. Maybe even dreading it a little. Which is almost heresy coming from the person that started The Leaky Boob.

Feeling for those women struggling I posted this status update on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page:

Swing by the wall, you’re needed here. I don’t *love* breastfeeding. Nope, I don’t. It doesn’t give me warm, fuzzy feelings. I don’t look forward to sitting down with my nursling. I don’t particularly care for the sensation. But I breastfeed and I actively advocate and educate about breastfeeding. Why? Because I believe it’s the biologically normal way to feed a human infant. I don’t see myself as a martyr, just doing what I need to do to care for my children. I also don’t think this makes me a bad mom any more than the fact that sometimes I really hate making dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch. Or changing diapers and doing laundry. What about you? Anyone else not “love” breastfeeding? What’s your breastfeeding confession?

Responses started pouring in and in less than an hour there were close to 200 comments. The first 20 or so comments (I didn’t count, it could be a dozen or 50) are either people sharing they can relate, thanking me for such an honest confession because they felt less alone or freakish, sharing that it’s a love/hate relationship for them, the random “don’t like seeing people breastfeeding in public” (what’s that doing there?), the super excited ones that LOVE it and can’t relate, and the true confession of wanting to go out drinking (one brave soul shared that). Most of the 200 responses were from women grateful to hear my confession, thanking me for letting them know they weren’t alone and weren’t a bad mom for having these feelings. Then came the handful of comments saying that status was terrible and would discourage moms from breastfeeding. A few said that if they had seen that post when they were first breastfeeding and things were rough it would have made them want to quit. They asserted that we shouldn’t lie but we have to be selective with our words so as not to scare someone off. A few came down hard saying they were disappointed to see a post like that on TLB and called into question if I really support breastfeeding with posts like that.

I told my #4 nursling at the time that I didn’t like breastfeeding. Apologizing that I was gritting my teeth through her nursing sessions, I stroked her cheek and told her that even though I didn’t love breastfeeding I did very much love her and so she was worth it. Too young to understand, I felt my little girl sleeping in my arms and my chest tightened as the truth of my love for her surged through me making it hard to breathe. In that moment I vowed that even if I never loved breastfeeding I would focus on how much I love my daughter while she’s at my breast and I could take pleasure in how much she enjoyed breastfeeding even if I didn’t personally enjoy it.

Today I’m breastfeeding my 6th baby as I type this. My feelings about breastfeeding have changed, the skin-crawling, teeth gritting feeling is gone and while I still can’t say that I personally love it I truly and deeply love how much my baby loves to breastfeed. As her mother, there is an expansive satisfaction in making her happy that overwhelms even my own discomfort. I don’t see myself as a martyr, just as a mother who, like most parents, has to give up some of my own personal comfort for a time for the benefit of my child. As my baby grins up at me briefly letting go of my nipple, a little dribble of milk coursing down her cheek, I feel privileged to share and be the source of this moment she enjoys so much. I will continue breastfeeding for my baby girl and I will continue being honest about my own breastfeeding journey and feelings because in the long run we all need the kind of support to be who we really are if we’re going to grow.

I followed up with this that day on Facebook: (edited here)

So sometimes breastfeeding isn’t an amazing experience, sometimes it is. We can be honest about our feelings with ourselves and with others and need to have safe places to do so. If that’s announcing loving the experience or sharing that it’s a struggle not enjoyed, it’s important to have that place. Even for me. Being brave enough to be honest enough to admit the hard stuff is where true support is found. When I first started breastfeeding and hated it deeply it wasn’t helpful to only hear how wonderful it was for everyone else. I needed to hear a balance of the good, the bad, and the ugly. I didn’t believe anyone actually enjoyed it, they just said they did because it was expected. Today, 6 nurslings later, I’ve learned that it’s complicated and that’s ok. Everyone’s experience is different and nobody should have to hide it because what we need is to be honest, supportive, and real. Some things are going to encourage you, some are going to discourage you, either way, own YOUR experience.

________________________________________________________

What about you? Have you had times where even if everything was working fine, you just didn’t enjoy breastfeeding? Why do you continue?

Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding difficulties, breastfeeding stories, breastfeeding support, Facebook, family, Featured, Jessica, Letters from The Leaky Boob, Parenting Tagged With: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding support, Community, Facebook, mom to mom support, moms, motherhood

In Search of the perfect latch

June 27, 2012 By theleakyb@@b

Sugarbaby 1 week old. Photo by Kelli Elizabeth Photography

“I’m really scared of breastfeeding.” Pregnant with her first my friend subconsciously rubbed her 34 week belly as I made dinner and we chatted. Puzzled, I asked her why. She said she googled and learned that it can be so painful, particularly if they don’t have a good latch.

“How do you get a good latch?” she asked me. She went on to explain that she had read different blogs and forums about how hard it was to get a good latch, women with bleeding nipples, and babies not gaining weight. She wondered what was the secret to a good latch and what if it didn’t happen for her. It’s true that these issues do happen and probably far too often but here she was, weeks away from having her little baby, scheduled to take a breastfeeding class in the next couple of weeks, and worried that she was facing a world of pain if she couldn’t get this elusive latch and not find the secret for it ever to happen.

Earlier that same day I had coffee with a good friend, an IBCLC at a local hospital. The topic of the elusive perfect latch came up and she surprised me by telling me that she thinks we make too big deal about the latch.

“If mom isn’t in pain and baby has plenty of soiled and wet diapers, why do we need to mess with anything? Sure, if there’s a problem such as pain or a dehydrated baby then we need to fix what we can but so what if that bottom lip is curled in if it’s not bothering anything.”

In other words, if it’s comfortable and it’s working, it’s a good latch. There is a wide range of normal.

I love this woman, she often says exactly what I’m thinking.

In general, if everything is working right, babies are ready to breastfeed and mom’s breasts are ready to feed. It just works and we really don’t need to mess with it, it doesn’t have to be this complicated endeavor. Maybe it will be difficult but we don’t have to expect trouble. More often than not moms need support simply because breastfeeding isn’t so common in our society and women don’t see breastfeeding as a part of normal life making the learning curve steeper than it would be if seeing breastfeeding was commonplace. There would be less stressing about the perfect latch if more women saw what it looks like when a baby is at the breast as they go about daily life. Their moms, sisters, aunts, friends, coworkers, or even strangers breastfeeding would have already demonstrated a baby feeding well. The wide range of normal would be seen and experienced. Today a woman may never see another woman breastfeeding until she’s feeding her own baby for the first time. Seeking out support she may look online or join a breastfeeding support group, seeing breastfeeding dyads in a very specific setting that she had to find. If she is experiencing difficulty with pain or ineffective milk transfer for her baby, because she hasn’t been exposed to breastfeeding pairs, she may not even realize that the way her baby is latched could be what’s causing the problem or that it may even be a fairly simple fix. When there are issues such as poor weight gain for baby or bleeding nipples the first thing to consider is a poor latch. After I shared a few pictures of Sugarbaby’s latch on Facebook, there were several comments and I received several emails from moms stating that they never knew saw what a latch looked like and had endured pain in breastfeeding because they didn’t realize something was wrong. Side note: if you are ever experiencing pain with breastfeeding that is more than a brief moment of discomfort or lasts beyond initial latch please seek out help, pain is usually an indication of a problem than can be corrected. This doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, it just means you probably need help.

I talked with my friend Star Rodriguez, IBCLC of Lactastic Services and WIC peer counselor for the following lists.

When do you need to consider latch issues and improving your nursling’s latch?

When breastfeeding is painful beyond the initial latching.
When there is tissue damage to your nipples.
When there are weight gain issues for the baby.

What latch pointers can moms try?

Mom is in a comfortable position and has brought the baby to her level to her instead of leaning down to the baby.
Baby has wide open mouth.
Baby’s body is facing yours and baby’s arms are not pushing away at you.
It is best to let the breast fall naturally if possible.
If large breasted or when milk first comes in, it may be helpful to hold your breast with your hand.
Aim baby’s nose toward the nipple; if necessary to encourage a wider mouth, tickle the very top of the baby’s upper lip with your nipple.
Latch should be asymmetrical. Chin will touch the breast, nose will be unobstructed. You do not need to push your breast away from your baby’s nose in a good latch.
You will hear or see baby swallowing – short sucks/swallows at first, longer ones as milk starts to let down.
If using a nipple shield, ensure that the nipple and surrounding tissue is being pulled into the shield.

What can a mom do to try to improve a painful or ineffective latch?

If baby isn’t opening mouth wide enough, attempt to show baby by opening your own mouth wide. Many babies will subconsciously mimic this.
Make a “breastwich” with your hand in the shape of a C behind the areola to help baby get a bigger mouthful.
Get baby as naked as possible for skin-to-skin or lightly dressed.
Hold baby securely, a snug, close hold will help.
Pull baby in quickly when mouth is open wide.
It is common to experience some discomfort at latch in the first few weeks of breastfeeding. It should go away as the feeding continues. If it does not end after around 30 seconds, you may need to remove the baby from the breast and reposition the baby. Break the suction by placing your little finger into the corner of the baby’s mouth and trying to latch again. Some lactation consultants can show you ways to fix a latch without taking the baby off the breast, but those are easier to learn from being shown rather than told. You may need to put the baby in a different nursing hold or position.

When should a lactation consultant be called?

Repositioning doesn’t work
If there is sudden soreness after there has been painless nursing
If you feel stabbing or burning pain in breasts or at latch
If you have cracked or bleeding nipples
If your latch is not painful but your baby is not having a good amount of wet and dirty diapers

Check out these other resources on latch:

11 Common Pitfalls When Latching a Newborn

Latching and positioning resources

Latching: Thoughts on Pressing Baby’s chin down

The Mother-Baby Dance

Coming soon a photo gallery of latched on babies and their mother’s commentaries on their latch experience illustrating the wide range of normal and potentially problematic latches.

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastfeeding support, Breastfeeding the newborn, Breastfeeding the newborn, Featured, Nipples, Relational Resource Tagged With: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding help, Breastfeeding support, IBCLC, Lactation Consultant, latch, Newborn, newborns

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