I peeked around the corner into where I heard the sounds of baby babble. She had been on the look out for me, immediately rolling over onto her tummy and smiling tentatively. Stepping into the room I greeted her softly and she laid her head down and smiled, a shy lopsided smile. She was happy to see me and I her. We had been apart for several hours. Now, after a long nap, we were finally reconnecting. I told her I missed her, she lifted her head and kicked excitedly, a grin filling her face showing off the 2 tiny white teeth that protruded from her bottom gums. Both legs kicked the bed, arms flapping rapidly, broken only by the super baby pose and intense grins at me. Overwhelmed with excitement she buried her face in the mattress, her body tense with an excited delight. I leaned in, nuzzling her cheek and kissing her neck and she squealed glee, a squawking sound that dissolved into a giggle and ended with a sigh. My whole being sighed too. This was right. This was mommy bliss. She rolled toward me and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in her intoxicating smell, treasuring the velvety softness of her peach fuzz. Her diaper still dry, I climbed onto our bed to snuggle and feed her. Expectation and excitement mingled as she realized she was hungry and her kicking intensified, she began to fuss lightly. Her hungry sound. Little hands opened and closed, grabbing at the bed. Her eyes watched my every move, anticipation building, I was not moving fast enough now. As I got comfortable, I encouraged her to make her way to me but desperation set in quickly, we had been parted too long and she needed to eat now, not a second later. Drawing her to me and lifting my shirt, I watched her calm with knowing. More skilled at this than anything else, she was like a artist at work, anxious and itching to get started, smooth and calm in the moment of delivery. Her mouth enveloped my nipple, her hand rested on my breast. Laying side by side our breathing synched and I watched as she got in the zone, filling her tummy with my milk. My milk let down quickly to her masterful technique and soon she hummed contentedly between swallows. Finally she lifted her eyes to my face and I smiled my own lopsided smile at being noticed again. Still in the zone, she held my gaze, never interrupting her pace as she satiated her hunger. Her soft hums felt like a lullaby and a content relaxed sleepiness came over us both and I closed my eyes. A contented gurgle beckoned me to open my eyes and I looked down to see her gazing up at me, no longer latched to my breast. When our eyes met her face relaxed into the lopsided smile and she raised a hand to my face. Staring and smiling, we stroked each other’s face, savoring the contact. She told me about her day and I murmured about how I missed her. Contentment in this moment of perfection clouded the reality of dirty dishes, unanswered emails, and a thousand other tasks requiring my attention. There was just her and me.
This is right. This is my mommy bliss.
