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Toddler Breastfeeding, Frustration and What Keeps Me Going

June 14, 2011 by

For the last week I haven’t liked breastfeeding Smunchie.  Not just not enjoyed it but skin crawling, hair pulling, hiding in the bathroom couldn’t stand it.  I can’t tell you how much I’ve hesitated to admit this.

When Smunchie started walking I smiled and thought “wow, I’m now breastfeeding a real toddler again” and it was sweet, special and adorable.  It didn’t seem like a big deal either, just a natural transition easing the reality of my baby, more than likely my last baby, growing up.  I’ve breastfed toddlers before but this time I was more tuned in, intending to savor every moment, holding onto it because it was one of the last.  I told everyone I wasn’t going to try to convince them to breastfeed their toddler, just talked about breastfeeding mine.  Like a fairy tale marked only occasionally by moments that were just slightly less than fantasy, I rode the unicorns over the rainbows of my breastfeeding dreams once again into nursing toddlerhood.

Having breastfed toddlers before I know they can become little gymnasts at the breast, start drive-by nursing and attempt to help themselves if necessary.  They don’t hesitate to ask for it by name, loudly and repeatedly and they can become quite demanding.  I know all this, I’ve been there before so I knew what was most likely coming.  But Smunchie’s transition into toddlerhood and breastfeeding was sweet and full of sunshine kisses.  I was the freakin’ wood nymph breastfeeding a toddler while fairies fed me bites of ambrosia and sips of nectar as my cherub toddler caressed my cheek as she sweetly nursed while we gazed into each other’s eyes.  Rainbow farting unicorns.

And then last week Smunchie became that toddler.  Any time I sat down was clearly an invitation for her to breastfeed (really, what else could I have to do sitting down?) and she rejected any multitasking on my part.  She also solidly learned and established her word for breastfeeding, one created and handed down by a big sister, Smunchie now whispers, sweetly chirps or screeches “BOBBIE!” when she feels she needs to nurse.  Which, as it turns out, is all. the. time.  When she was a sleepy newborn with heart issues we could’t get her to wake long enough for a feed and if we let her she’d easily sleep 6-8 hour stretches from the get go causing much worry and alarm clock setting.  Now though she would be happy on the boob every hour, sometimes 3 or 4 times in an hour.  And sometimes she could be on the breast for 25 minutes, others she’s struggling to focus for 5 but if I close up shop she freaks as though I took her unfinished ambrosia meal away.  She’s also gotten jealous of the other girls giving me hugs, climbing up on my lap for a cuddle or even sitting next to me.  To be clear, it’s not really about me as much as someone else coming close to her precious bobbies.  Then there’s the standing nursing, the dancing nursing, the upside down nursing, the head flop nursing, the splits nursing, the humming nursing, the snacking nursing, the in and out of the pool nursing and the just-because-I-love-it-so-much-this-is-the-best-stuff-in-the-world-nursing.  There’s also the entertainment she creates while nursing, the pinching, the scratching, the tickling, the mole picking (Oh how I roar then), the smacking, the foot in the eye, the hand in the mouth and the random but oh-so-predictable raspberry blowing.  I’d love to say that I have a halo permantely over my head and the patience of a saint but the truth is this behavior is starting to make me a little crazy.  Or, a lot crazy.  The wood nymph is now chained to the couch with a screeching gremlin demanding the breast.  And the unicorn farts are not rainbows.

Now I’ve probably scared everyone away and you’re thinking “that’s what I’m in for?  I don’t want to be a wood-nymph!”  Before you go running for the least wood-nymphy outfit you can find that makes the boobies completely inaccessible to your nursling let me explain a few things.

This is normal. Not because my darling nymph baby has now morphed into a gremlin but rather because her toddler development is right on track.  She’s really come to understand that we’re not the same person which means her beloved “bobbies” can walk away.  Very scary when your favorite food source can freely move about.  Oh yes, she absolutely MUST capture it every chance she can!  CARPE DI LECHE!

Move it baby! Not only does she now realize the bobbies roam freely but she’s also discovered that she has a fairly decent amount of mobility all on her own now.  In fact, she’s exploring all the different way she can move and really, what could be better than having boobies around for the exploration?  It’s a good way to be sure she’s hydrated and keeps track of the boobies so they don’t get away.  I mean, really, can you blame her?

She needs more. As she grows her nutritional needs do too.  In Smunchie’s case she’s not a huge fan of solids, she’ll eat somethings really well and others not well at all.  We offer a variety of whole foods often and frequently but some days she just refuses to eat anything solid.  Except carrots, she’ll always eat carrots.  It shouldn’t really surprise me then when she wants to breastfeed more often because she needs something to fuel her.  And I know that breastmilk is still perfectly adjusted to her needs and her body can tell that too which is why she wants it so much.  Check out this info. from Kellymom.com on how mom’s milk meets so much of a toddler’s nutritional needs. (If you haven’t seen this yet you’ll really, really want to.  Hint: it’s pretty awesome!)  By the way, in case you’re wondering, no, I’m not concerned that she’ll never switch over to solids and give up breastfeeding all together and no, I don’t think breastfeeding past 1 year old has messed up how she eats. I’m completely confident that she’ll one day be quite happy to let the bobbies go.  In fact, have you ever met anyone that didn’t stop breastfeeding at some point? Have you ever met anyone that was still dependent on breastmilk as a teen or adult?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.

(Also, this study is kind of interesting which is why I’m randomly sharing it here.  The Abstract basically says that the longer a child is breastfed the more they will talk and more words they will have.  Which makes me realize I’m really doomed and The Piano Man and I have almost no chance of getting a word in edgewise around here.)

It makes her feel better. Toddlers fall a lot, get hurt or become frustrated. (Or get pushed/hit by an older sister.)  So much change happening so quickly, what are they supposed to do?  Sit down and rationally talk about it?  A pat on the back?  As adults we think that eating to comfort ourselves is bad but it’s really because of WHAT we eat when we’re eating to comfort.  Smunchie wants more perfect food?  If I reached for spinach or a head of broccoli when I was upset instead of a tub of ice-cream I’d be in great shape.  Smunchie doesn’t always need to breastfeed when she falls down but sometimes she really wants to and the skin-to-skin, the familiar taste and smell of mom and the position of being cradled all combine to be way better than spinach or broccoli.  Or ice-cream for that matter.  I would go so far as to say that by responding quickly to comfort her with the breast if that’s what she wants I’m helping her develop the confidence she is going to need one day to figure out how to comfort herself in healthy ways.

She talks! New words happen daily and she’s clearly assimilating all the nuances of communication.  Everyone around her are fairly decent experts at communicating and she’s trying really hard to get there.  Learning how to tell me she wanted to nurse the same way she hears other people communicate is a big milestone for her because, let’s face it, up until now breastfeeding has really been the most important activity in her life.  Now not only can she sign for it but she can verbally communicate.  Verbally communicate that she wants it with a full spectrum of volume.  She really HAS to use it!

Our relationship is changing.  She doesn’t always want to be held or worn in a carrier.  These days she really likes to get down and do her own thing.  Sometimes she loses track of me.  Others she gets so busy exploring and playing that she forgot to see what I was up to.  And then there are the times where mommy finds her standing on top of the piano or scaling the book shelves (that are anchored) and she’s quickly and quite rudely snatched from the middle of her adventure by fun-ruining mommy.  In those moments she may need to remember our connection, a crucial element of who we are to each other is our breastfeeding and it reaffirms our bond quickly.  Specially if she’s hurt that I’ve ruined her fun.

Boundaries. Smunchie’s developing behavior serves as a reminder to me that she is indeed always growing.  My baby is, in fact, leaving babyhood.  As much as breastfeeding has helped ease this transition, these new behaviors from her help to make the transition real.  As our relationship changes so does my parenting.  In our breastfeeding relationship I’ve realized I need to set some boundaries for both of us, it’s time.  Breastfeeding is a mutual relationship, it has to work for both of us.  Part of Smunchie growing up means her seeing boundaries not only for herself but for others.  This week I’ve started putting some of those boundaries in place with our breastfeeding relationship just as I’ve had to do with her big sisters.

  • This is normal but I have other responsibilities and children that need me.  If I know she’s ok and fed I don’t hesitate to make her wait a few minutes to breastfeed if I’m busy with making dinner, tending the needs of one of her big sisters, or need to transfer the laundry before I can sit down to nurse.
  • I love my baby’s new moves, she’s quite talented.  Still, my nipple isn’t a rubber band and I really don’t care to have it yanked around as she attempts a 360 degree turn while latched.  Or a full back flip.  Just like when she was a new born, if it hurts, I stop it.  Like with biting, if she continues I end our session telling her “ouch, you’re hurting mommy” then put her down and offer a toy that can handle the acrobatics.  Sometimes she’s happy to move on, others she gets upset but I find that she is much more settled at the breast then.
  • Her nutritional needs have increased and I love that my milk is up for the challenge.  Not crazy about being a snack bar though, I limit the number of times at the breast if she’s crossing into 2-3 times in an hour and sometimes offer a healthy snack instead of the breast to get her to stretch to 2-3 hour intervals a couple of times a day.  She’s also recently discovered that she likes almond milk and will accept that in a sippy cup when I need a break.
  • Knowing I can comfort just about any hurt is an incredibly empowering knowledge as a mother.  Knowing that she can get hurt every 10 minutes makes me tired.  So we’re developing other comfort measures.  Smunchie has a lovey and a baby doll that she loves to cuddle with.  When she’s been hurt (feelings or otherwise) I help her locate these items and cuddle her with them.  I also make it a personal rule to never pull my breast out assuming it’s what she’s going to want, I wait for her to ask for it.  When she does, I take it situation by situation and either find alternative ways to comfort or go ahead and nurse.  Having a big family, Smunchie has the added benefit of lots of other pairs of arms that would love to give a cuddle so I build up The Piano Man and her biggest sisters as sources of comfort too.  We have discovered that they all excel in getting her calmed down and moving on much faster than I can.  This also helps when I’m feeling touched out and is a great preventative measure to keep resentment from building when I’m at that point.
  • With our relationship changing Smunchie has started to really communicate that she doesn’t like me multitasking while breastfeeding.  When she really needs me she will reject me holding anything, watching anything or talking to anyone while she’s at the breast and wants me to stare down at her, stroking her hair and talking to her.  To respect her boundaries I try to be sensitive to that need and give her that when it’s required.  In doing so I’ve noticed that she doesn’t come back as soon to nurse again.  That connection established she’s secure enough to move on and explore again.
  • When she screams “bobbies” at me I try to respond softly and gently, affirming that I understand what she wants.  Children learn most through modeling and Smunchie very often drops her voice to the same tone I’m using.  I try to respond very quickly when she does to affirm this positive behavior and thank her for asking so kindly.  Which may explain why “thank you” is one of her new words too.
  • Letting go.  She and I are both having to start letting go.  It’s a gradual process but one that happens none-the-less.  I don’t believe that Smunchie is doing this to manipulate me.  I really believe it’s a part of the developmental fast track she’s on as a toddler.  Recognizing that she is going through a lot right now reminds me to respond more gently when what I feel like doing is rolling my eyes and locking myself in the bathroom.

All these realizations are very helpful in keeping me going when the going gets tough and the boundaries give me hope that this won’t be forever.  My patience is growing, maybe, little by little.   We’re not going to stop breastfeeding any time soon, I know she’s not ready for that and truthfully neither am I.  That does’t mean I never feel like stopping, nope.  I still feel crazy sometimes and I am still a little irritated at the unicorns a few times a day but we’re going to be fine.

One of the most cathartic moves I made as I struggled this week was to admit how I felt.  One evening in a moment of frustration and fatigue and the 4th time Smunchie had nursed in an hour when I had planned on being very productive I hissed at her “I HATE nursing!”  Yep, I said that.  And, in that moment, I meant it.  Twenty minutes later, I didn’t.  Ok, maybe it was more like two hours later but whatever.  The point is it wasn’t what I believed even if I felt it.  More importantly, even if I did believe it for myself my belief that breastfeeding my toddler is important and worthwhile is stronger.  To be able to stick with it though I had to admit how I felt and find ways to keep going.  Admitting it on Twitter was even more cathartic.  Because there I found out I’m not alone.  I typed, deleted, retyped, deleted, retyped, waited 10 minutes before I finally tweeted : “Dear world, right now I’m so sick of #breastfeeding. My toddler is constantly wanting to nurse and I am starting to go crazy. It will pass.” I was scared, what would Twitter-verse think of The Leaky Boob admitting she was sick of breastfeeding?  I even went so far as to add my own “it will pass” to dismiss my feelings and hopefully preempt any replies of the same.  Though I had some, mostly I was surprised by the number of replies saying they were feeling the same way.  When Stylin_Momma replied with “@TheLeakyBoob I needed someone else to admit that. Thank you. I’m trying to tell my 2.5 DD that she has to wait at least 1 hr btwn sessions.” and “I’m trying to encourage night weaning. These things make me feel like #breastfeeding support phoney. So thank you.” I wanted to jump up and down.  In fact, I might have.  The rest of the day I tweeted with Stylin_Momma and a few others about how we and our nursing toddlers were doing, passed around ideas and strategies and shared funny stories.  By that afternoon I was feeling much better and encouraged.  We weren’t breastfeeding support phonies just because we admitted we weren’t enjoying breastfeeding at the moment.  If anything, we were as real as breastfeeding support comes and could offer support from the trenches, knowing that sometimes it really isn’t all rainbow farting unicorns.  That day I leaned on my fellow breastfeeding-a-toddler moms and we propped each other up giving each other a chance to commiserate, laugh and develop some new tools for this phase of breastfeeding.

There are many great and wonderful parts of breastfeeding a toddler too.  I look for them and savor them to try and have a more balanced perspective.  That afternoon I pulled out a basket of instruments for Smunchie to distract her from wanting the boob again.  She immediately forgot about breastfeeding, or so I thought, as she became engrossed in the instruments.  Playing chimes on a drum and wooden xlaphone, Smunchie started singing.  I returned to what I was doing, smiling at the banging and chiming filling the living room as her little voice soared.  Then I realized what she was singing, the first time I’ve ever heard her put words to her songs.  Over and over again in sweetly sustained notes she was singing “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBIEEEEEEEEEEE!  BOBBIE! BOBBIE! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

See, only a toddler could write a song about how much she loves her bobbies.

Filed Under: Article, Boobs, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastfeeding humor, breastfeeding stories, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding Tagged With:

I’m Not Going To Try To Convince You To Breastfeed Your Toddler

April 18, 2011 by

Three weeks ago she took her first independent steps.  Tentative and kind of shuffley, she did about 3 before dropping on all fours and crawling.  And that was it.  She wasn’t interested in more.  Between plenty of arms to carry her where she needed to go and lightning fast maneuvers on her hands and knees, she just wasn’t in a hurry to move her 19 pound, 30.5 inch frame around by walking.  Just the occasional effort of 2 or 3 steps, smiling at her audience as she performed her newest trick, Smunchie toyed with the idea of walking just to get a reaction from her family and it totally worked.  I was more than fine with this, it made her seem like my little baby a little longer and after my first 2 girls I learned that late walking was actually a gift and saved me a few months of running.

Then this past Saturday it happened.  I could see the shift.  It wasn’t a game any more, it was a goal.  She didn’t look to see who was watching and smile as she moved a couple of inches.  No, she decided it was time, looked at where she wanted to go and walked.  Within 24 hours crawling was only when she needed to go faster than she could manage walking and within 48 she was walking simply for the fun of it.

With that I’m officially breastfeeding a toddler, a 15 month old toddler.

It’s been a slow transition.  I don’t consider 12 months to be the magic turning point from baby to toddler but rather when a flexible idea of milestones and behaviors emerge.  She’s really a toddler now, gets her feelings hurt, picks her nose, shrieks “baba” when she sees another baby, is figuring out how to annoy her sister for fun and now walks.  Also?  She breastfeeds like a toddler.  Today she shoved a board book down the top of my shirt, grinned and signed milk.  Apparently I breastfeed a toddler AAAAAND board books.

I’m not going to try to convince anyone with this post that they should breastfeed their toddler, not this post, not this day.  Maybe some other time.  To be honest I’m not sure what there is to try to convince anyone about, to me I’m just feeding my baby still.  Sure, she’s changed and she’s bigger but she’s still my baby and I’m still her boobies, er, mommy.  But I will say that I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding toddlers.  Smunchie isn’t my first toddler to nurse, 2 of her big sisters did as well.  (The other 2 didn’t because I never planned to go past a year and, silly as it sounds, didn’t even know you could nurse a toddler.  Please, do not ask me what I was thinking, I have no idea.) Breastfeeding a toddler is an adventure but one that I’ve always eased into because our babies don’t just change suddenly.  Growing up doesn’t happen up over night, it’s a progression.  Good thing too because giving birth to a toddler sounds like the worst thing ever.  So while Smunchie did seem to just decide to walk one day everything leading up to this point was gradual, preparing both of us for this next stage.  We’ve already made it past so much that this doesn’t seem weird in the slightest.  Ok, maybe in the slightest because I can’t believe she’s this big already and could swear she was just born a month ago. So weird in that sense.  Like buying size 5 shoes.  Certainly not any more weird that cleaning snot off my boob and I’ve been doing that since her first cold at 3 months.

Some of my love/hate relationship of breastfeeding a toddler:

Love: Easing the transition of my baby growing up.

Hate: Lazy toddler latch.

Love: How comfortable and experienced we both are with breastfeeding by now.

Hate: How demanding or specific she can be about HOW she breastfeeds concerning position and me multitasking.

Love: The laughter and giggles we share when she’s at the breast like we’re telling each other secret jokes.

Hate: Fair weathered nursing- some times other things are way more interesting.

Love: The toddling steps up to me with a huge smile and signing milk.

Hate: That sometimes she’ll do that 4 times in an hour just because she can and it’s a new game.

Love: How she will gently touch my face and gaze up at me with the most wonderful and indescribable look in her eyes.

Hate: How sometimes she smacks me and giggles or tries to snatch my glasses.

Love: How if I’m already holding her and she wants to breastfeed she’ll sign “please” on my chest instead of hers.  I melt.

Hate: How she can climb up and start trying to get the breast on her own if I’m sitting down and the melodrama that ensues if she doesn’t get it right away.

Love: Knowing that the milk that grew her to this point can still keep her growing and strong.

Thinking of Smunchie’s new status as a toddler I asked the Leakies on our Facebook page for some of their observations on breastfeeding toddlers including the fun and not-so-fun.  Here are some of my favorites:

Aimee:  Constant motion and constant distraction.  As in, the baby is in constant motion and constantly distracted. 😉

Melissa:  Fun – able to sooth owies and tantrums; not so fun – drive by nursing sessions.

Carla:  The incessant ‘twiddling’ on the spare boob! Drove me to distraction!

Christi:  The unintentional boob flashes.

Rianne:  Being able to really tell you that they want to nurse. the way they really examine the breast before they nurse.  also not worrying when LO is sick, and not really eating. As long as she nurses, I don’t have to worry at all.

Laura:  I really liked how he knew what he wanted, and would stop everything at the end of his busy day to snuggle down and nurse. I hated how he would cry for “boobie” whenever he was told No or given a time out for something.

Jessica:  I loved that I could fix any owie or any tantrum with a boob.

Kiel:  This morning my 16 month old decided that it would be most comfortable to nurse while laying upside down…belly on my face. Then she proceeded to kick me in the head for a few minutes. That is about as bad as it gets….not so fun, but funny and totally worth it! She looked like she was trying to somersault at one point 🙂

Jennifer:  The 30 second sessions all day because he can’t concentrate on any one thing longer than that! Lol favorite thing, when he looks at me and smiles while he’s nursing.

Claire:  My son used to climb onto the lap and then want to feed standing with his bum stuck up in the air!

Jessica:  My 21-month daughter can do a 360 without unlatching.

Rachel:  Fun: nursing can fix any problem. Not-so-fun: toddler wants to nurse to fix every problem. 🙂
Fun: feeling close to my busy, active toddler. Not-so-fun: feeling overwhelmed by my demanding, needy toddler.
Fun: surprising myself by still breastfeeding at almost 22 months. Not-so-fun: the feeling in my gut when I think about her weaning.
I never planned to nurse this long, but I wouldn’t change it for the world now!

Christy:  DS (17m) often brings toys with him to nurse. It’s fun for me to see what he thinks is that important that he needs it to nurse.

Kim:  Fun: Instant cure-all. Not so fun: Toddler nursing acrobatics. Toes don’t belong in my eye!

Kimberly:  The only cuddle time my on the go kid would give me.

Shalan:  Fun: How he shows that he wants his milk (waves arms and also does a variation of the sign for milk). Not so fun: The acrobatics!!!

Monica:  I wish my son (19 mos.) was one that only had 3-4 times per day that he nurses. Instead, he seems to be pulling at me ALL DAY, sometimes while screaming “Nuss! Nuss!” as he lifts my shirt wherever we are. But I do love how he will be earnestly nursing and pull off to say one or two words, only to go right back to nursing with a crooked smile. It is like he just has to tell me what he is thinking before he forgets!

Alexis: I love that he can respond when I ask “Do you want milk?” (he isn’t able to sign/ask for it yet), and I actually really find the 30 second sessions sweet, I love that he can latch himself on without my help these days, but the accidental boob flashes are maddening.

Lauren:  It’s really great to be able to have breastmilk in her when she goes through any fussy eating stage. I always know no matter how much or how little she is eating that her diet is well-balanced.

Anneke:  plenty boobnastics in here lol!

Amy:  Not so fun…the unsolicited comments from EVERYBODY about whole milk and “are you STILL nursing!?! Yeah…what does it LOOK like I’m doing!?

Carrie:  The best- it knocks her right out at the end of a long, napless day. It gets her back to sleep with little effort from me when she wakes through the night. It resets those toddler tantrums like nothing else will. It calms us both. 27 months.

Jade:  Baby pilates!

Amy:  Breastfeeding gymnastics is not cute, and that’s coming from a gymnastics coach!

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What about you?  What do you love/hate about breastfeeding a toddler?

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding stories, extended breastfeeding, Photos Tagged With:

Healthy-Feeding and Older Children, Knowing When to Draw the Line

March 3, 2011 by

It’s time to cut her off.

Sure she’s still young and growing and absolutely adorable but we have to end it.  As it is we’ve gone way past socially accepted norms.  I’ve avoided doing it in public for a while now, just couldn’t handle the strange looks we’d receive and people were getting increasingly rude with their comments.  And now that she’s 8 I can’t pretend any longer that she really needs it anyway, it’s just for comfort now and like my mom said, I can’t let her go on thinking she can just take advantage of me, use me like that forever.  I can’t even imagine what my mom would say if I told her what happened last night…

Brace yourself… Lolie actually asked for it. (I’m totally blushing here, don’t judge me!)  She knew what she wanted and she asked for it.  That would really freak some people out!  You know how many times I’ve heard “they are really too old when they can ASK for it!  That’s just so disgusting!”

We were preparing for her birthday, asking her what meals she wanted and she said… (my stomach’s in knots just thinking this!) taco salad!  Homemade taco salad for lunch.  And a veggie and fruit tray.  Spinach and mushroom crepes for dinner.  Homemade cake.  I tried to dissuade her, offered Papa John’s Pizza, Taco Bell anything, McDonald’s, Chili’s, and more but she refused!  All she wants for her birthday is healthy, homemade growing food.  Carrots!

I can hear it now: “she asked for spinach and mushrooms for her birthday dinner?!  Oh. My. Gosh.  Someone get this kid a Happy Meal with extra large fries and supersized Coke STAT!”

I’m pretty sure healthy-feeding her for this long has ruined her.  She’s probably developmentally behind her peers, physically malnourished, emotionally stunted and over-attached to me now.  What was I thinking?  I guess I wasn’t really, it just sort of happened.  The recommendation was to healthy-feed until 6 years old, school age but it just felt so right, so natural that I continued.  I mean, if it was so good for her brain development, bone growth and all that then why would it suddenly stop?  We have our own term for it: growing food.  We were both happy, it worked for us and she seemed to be thriving and even though she was past the minimum age recommended to healthy food-feed, she still seemed so young to me.  So I let it keep going.

But now she’s gone and asked for it?!  That’s clearly not normal, maybe even perverted.  What 7, almost 8 year old child actually turns down pizza in favor of a salad?  Rejects a Happy Meal and prefers spinach and mushroom crepes?  Turns up her nose at a brilliantly colored store bought ice cream cake and specifically requests a homemade cake from scratch?  Or begs for homemade whole wheat bread and doesn’t even know what Wonder Bread is?

I’ve ruined my Lolie!

There comes a point when you just have to stop healthy-feeding a child.  If it’s come from the ground or is fresh, made from scratch and void of branded packaging it can’t be good for the child to continue past 6, certainly not past 8.  Going to 10 would be positively revolting, people everywhere would lose their Taco Bell taco meat product tacos at the thought.  If you don’t stop it how will the child eat in the future?  How do you know EXACTLY what they are eating without a package label?  How will they learn how to feed themselves?  How will they recognize the brands of sustenance?

My friends will be freaked out that she asked for it, that she doesn’t even want junk food.  Some of them had a hard enough time that I even did this at all (after all, they only ate prepackaged and fast foods and they are fine) but this will really be too much.  Once they can open the refrigerator and get their own carrot you’ve got to stop it, right?  I mean, what in the world would happen if kids everywhere thought eating carrots and food that came out of the ground and not out of a box or package was NORMAL?!  Our very economy would be in danger!  It’s not like we don’t have access to other foods, it’s not like we’re uncivilized, right?  It would damage their perspective of the human body and food.  Years and years of therapy would be required for all these confused kids that would think it’s actually good to eat this way.  No, for her mental health and our socio-economic standing I just can’t allow this to continue!  I wonder if our friends will even let their kids play with her any more.  If word of this gets out it could ruin her socially.  It probably will destroy her chances of getting the lead in the spring play… she’ll get kicked out of the ballet studio… summer camps will reject her… no hope of getting a date for prom… Harvard will totally laugh at her… she’ll never find a job… she’ll be living at home eating like this and completely dependent on me forever!

It’s her birthday and I have to cut her off, she’s simply too old.  It will break her heart and I know she won’t understand but how can I let her continue?  I’m so sad just thinking of it but we have to be done, that’s just all there is to it.  Today was the last time, no more.

*sob*

I will tell her tonight as she nurses to sleep.  At least she will still have that, so glad there’s no taboo surrounding breastfeeding.  How sad would that be?

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From the American Academy of Pediatrics: “Exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months and support for breastfeeding for the first year and beyond as long as mutually desired by mother and child.”

It is my hope that mothers continue breastfeeding as long as it is right for them and their child.  The decision to stop should be an informed one, using research and individual considerations of physical and emotional health to determine the best choice for each mother and her nursling.  Whether that is 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years.  Pressure to stop at some arbitrary date and claims that breastmilk has no nutritional value after a certain age are uninformed and potentially damaging. Instead of telling women what they need to do we need to support them in making informed decisions.  You can find more information on the value of breastfeeding beyond the first year at Kellymom.com.  I believe every woman should have support without pressure or condemnation no matter how long she breastfeeds.

By the way, I’m thrilled my daughter requests homemade food full of veggies and whole grain goodness for her birthday and I won’t be cutting her off from that nutrition for any reason.  Not even if it isn’t normal for a child her age to turn down fast-food style pizza and other nutritionally similar options in favor of whole foods.  Also, in the interest of honest representation, she hasn’t breastfed in quite some time.

Filed Under: Article, baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding benefits, breastfeeding humor, child led weaning, Children and breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, formula

Need Some Support? A Mother’s Boutique Giveaway!

February 28, 2011 by

I had the opportunity to interview Judy Masucci, the owner of A Mother’s Boutique and a sponsor of The Leaky Boob.  Her heart for all mothers, particularly breastfeeding mothers and her wisdom and experience is something I’m so happy to share with my readers.

TLB: What made you decide to start your business?

Judy: The short story is “I had a baby and it changed my life.” I was a corporate executive before having my son. After he was born, I went back to work and worked and pumped for 15 months before deciding to leave my corporate job to do something that would enable to me help other new moms be successful breastfeeding – and enable me to spend more time with my son. I had a very difficult time getting started with breastfeeding and I wanted to help other new moms like me. My son was also an AVID nurser and literally nursed every hour for the first year of his life. So no matter where we went, we nursed in public because by the time we got there, it was time for him to nurse again. I started by business with great nursingwear. I lived in nursing tops when my son was a baby and they were hard to find – none of the local stores carried them and the selection on the web was small and difficult to navigate through. I wanted to develop a place where moms could find everything needed in one convenient location and I wanted it to be easy for them to figure out what they wanted without having to go to 10 different websites to find everything. So I started with clothing, then added nursing bras, breast pumps, slings, nursing pads, hands-free pumping accessories and maternity items. I started my business in April of 2007 and just opened a retail store (in addition to my online store) in April of 2010. I also blog, facebook and tweet – all to connect with moms and provide support for them in any way that I can.

TLB: How do you balance work and family?

Judy: One of the greatest things about owning your own business is that you choose how, when, where and how much you work. For the first 3 years, I operated my business out of my home. So I could literally choose when I worked – and much of it was done late at night after my son went to sleep. Now that I have a retail store, my schedule is a little bit more rigid, but my son is also in school – so that makes it easier to have a regular work schedule. I still do a lot of work at night after my son goes to bed and even during the day when he is playing quietly (I just negotiated 15 minutes of time with him to let me finish this interview- we set a timer and when it goes off, I will stop “working” and go play with him). I probably work harder now than I did in my corporate job – but I work for myself, and when, where and how I want to – and I love every minute (well – almost – there are a few things I could live without LOL).

TLB: What’s your favorite breastfeeding memory?

Judy: I nursed for a VERY long time. Longer than I ever dreamed I would and longer than many moms do – one of favorite memories is actually when my son was older. One he was in a toddler bed (approximately age 2 – 2.5), he would wake up in the morning and come into my bed to nurse. We would nurse, snuggle and both fall back to sleep. It was my absolute favorite time of the day. It was loving, warm and there’s nothing better than falling asleep with a little babe in your arms. Ironically, as he got a bit older and started dropping nursing sessions – this was one of the first to go. I always thought it would be the last – but he would wake up and want to go play with his toys – sometime he wouldn’t even come get me, I would wake up and he would already be downstairs playing. I missed that nursing session most of all.

TLB: How would you encourage someone preparing to breastfeed for the first time?

Judy: I think the things I would say to the mom would differ based on if she was eager to breastfeed or if she was on the fence. I always encourage moms to read books on breastfeeding and to take a class – and most of all – to stick with it. If you get through the first 2 weeks or so (which for some of us can be a difficult two weeks), the rest of it is “easy sailing” and you will be so glad that you stuck with it. I think it is important for moms to know that it “might be hard” at first – because that way they know what to expect and they can prepare themselves and make it through. So many moms who don’t know what to expect think that they must have been doing something wrong and give up – all because no one told them that it might be hard at first. So I wouldn’t say anything to scare them away, but I also don’t hide the truth. One of my favorite articles to give to new moms is by Diane Wiessinger, and it’s called “What if I Want to Wean My Baby?” It walks you thorugh all of the benefits your baby (and you) get from breastfeeding – no matter how short or how long you do it for. I have given this article to moms who were on the fence and didn’t know if they wanted to breastfeed – and it helped them to give it a try – and I have given this article to moms had to stop breastfeeding sooner than they wanted to – and it helped them to see what a wonderful gift they have given their baby – even if they didn’t breastfeed for as long as they would have liked. I think it is an article that every mom and mom-to-be should read.

Nursing bras: ever wonder what size nursing bra should I wear? Judy’s here to help you find out and win one too!

Did you know that 70% of women are wearing the wrong size bra? And I bet that percentage is even higher amongst nursing moms. When you get pregnant and have a baby your body changes in ways that you could never have imagined. And for many of us – one of the biggest changes (besides the little life form growing in our bellies) is the changes that happen to our breasts! On average, most women will go up 1-2 cup sizes from their pre-pregnancy size to their breastfeeding size. But this is an average and the spectrum ranges from no changes to WOWZA – I didn’t know bras came that large! I have a friend who started out as a 34C and ended up a 34J – yes, that is “J” as in JUGS! She was a size small but had to wear size large shirts just to accommodate her bust.

Luckily, most of us won’t change that much – but any changes mean a new bra is needed. And since most of us started out wearing a bra that probably wasn’t the correct size, figuring out what our new size should be can be very challenging. Lucky for us, there are moms our there who want to help.  Judy from A Mother’s Boutique is one of those moms.  She specializes in helping moms find great bras and you can see from all of the testimonials on her website -that she does a great job at it. Whether you meet her in person or virtually via phone or email – Judy will be able to find you a great bra
that is perfect for YOU.

First things first – in order to get a great bra, you need to know your measurements. If you can get a professional bra fitting – that is ideal -but if you aren’t nearby a place that can properly measure you, just follow these simple instructions from Judy’s blog, Mommy News and Views, and you will be ready to go.

Now that you know what size you are, you need to pick out a bra that is right for you. And the difficulty here is that every bra runs differently -so even though you have measured yourself and know your size, you need to know something about the bras you are interested in to know if you need to go larger or smaller based on how it runs. For instance – some bras are sized S,M,L,XL instead of particular cups sizes – so you need to look at the sizing chart to see what size you will need. Other bras may “say” they are a 36D, but they really fit someone who is a 38D. Then there are the bras that have European sizing instead of US sizing – for those, you need a translator, because while a DD cup in European sizing is the same as a DD cup in US-sizing, an H in European is really a K in US – so having a conversion key to lead you through is crucial.

So once you figure out your size and find some bras that you like, you now need to know how bra sizing works – because it isn’t always as straight forward as one might think (or hope). A 34C and a 36B have the same “cup size” even though they have different letters – this can be very confusing when trying to get a bra that fits. If you try one one bra and it is too snug in the band, but fits in the cup, most women will just get the next band size up and keep the cup the same. But now this bra will fit in the band, but cup will be too large. If your 34C is too snug, but fits in the cup – you need to get the 36B, not the 36C. If only bra sizing were simpler – moms wouldn’t have so much trouble finding a bra that fits.  When you are shopping online – this is key because you don’t want to spend all of your time and money shipping things back and forth.

Believe it or not – it is possible to get a great fitting nursing bra even if you don’t live close to a shop that sells them. And Judy, from A Mother’s Boutique is here today to help out FIVE lucky moms!! Of course, she’ll help all of you if need or want help – but FIVE of you will get a personalized bra fitting and free bra* of your choice!
Winner #1 will get a free nursing bra (up to a $55 value)
Winner #2 will get a free nursing bra (up to a $30 value)
Winner #3 will get a free nursing bra (up to a $25 value)
Winner #4 will get a $15 gift certificate to be redeemed toward any nursing bra of your choice
Winner #5 will get a $15 gift certificate to be redeemed toward any nursing bra of your choice.

A Mother’s Boutique carries nursing bras ranging in size from 32-48 A-K and ranging in price from $14 up to $55. So there is something for every mom and something for every budget.

To enter to win one of these bras, please leave a comment below telling us why you need a new bra and which one you think would choose from A Mother’s Boutique if you win. This entry is REQUIRED in order to be chosen for a prize.

You can get a 2nd chance to win by stopping by and visiting A Mother’s Boutique on facebook. Her facebook pages is great source of interactive information and she has even hired a Certified Lactation Counselor to post information and answer questions from moms – so stop by, like her page and say “hi” – then be sure to come back here and leave a 2nd comment telling us that you did it. This entry is optional and will give you an EXTRA chance to win one of these great nursing bras.

That’s it – two simple tasks and FIVE lucky mamas are on their way to winning a great nursing bra along with a customized fitting!  Thanks to Judy for her generous giveaway, providing support for breastfeeding moms everywhere.  With 5 prizes, be sure to share this giveaway, an easy way for you to support other breastfeeding moms as well.  This giveaway will remain open until March 7th, 2010.  Good luck and have fun!

___________________________________________________________________

This giveaway is now closed.  Good luck to everyone that entered, winners will be drawn through a random drawing using random.org.

Congratulations to our lucky winners!

Prize 1: comment 457 Larissa Brunken
Prize 2: comment 116 RaShes
Prize 3: comment 311 Katie Langan
Prize 4: comment 182 Rachel T
Prize 5: comment 68 Pocklock

Thank you Judy for this wonderful opportunity!

___________________________________________________________________

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, breastfeeding help, breastfeeding stories, breasts, extended breastfeeding, giveaway

A Journey Through Breastfeeding and Visitation

February 6, 2011 by
This post is one I am most proud of and I didn’t even write it.  A guest post from a dedicated Leaky, I am honored to share the story of Charity and her nursling Keegan and his relationship with his dad.  Desiring to protect and preserve the breastfeeding relationship she worked so hard to establish with her son, single mom Charity explains how they navigated the murky waters of parental visitation with his father.  Demonstrating how important community is as not only support but in challenging us and providing resources, Charity details her journey from resentment and anger towards her son’s father to flexibility and sacrifice to be sure her son receives what is best and normal.  Knowing that The Leaky Boob community was a part of her story encouraging her along the way brings me great joy.  I’m so grateful Charity was willing to share her story with us, it is my hope that as she found support and encouragement from so many through The Leaky Boob, her words will now be passed on to support and encourage others as well.


I remember the strange guy walking up to me with paper’s in his hand. I had known in the back of mind this day was coming.  I had hoped and prayed it wouldn’t.  I even had my self almost convinced it wouldn’t, but here it was.  He asked for me by last name, but it was my married name, I told him no it wasn’t me.  Almost as if it would stop this moment.  Like it wasn’t happening.  Then he asked with my maiden name.  “Yup that’s me”, “you have officially been served.”  And he got in his car and drove off.  I didn’t even have to open the manila envelope I held in my hand, my world was crumbling around me and I couldn’t move.  I sat down on the ground right there, and cried.  I have two older children by a different Father so this should be easy. I have been through it before.  What made this so different, some may ask.  This baby had been raised differently than the other two.  This was my Attachment baby.

I started to go back to the very 1st moment, sitting right there on the ground.  It all started with an email.  And then a drive to meet him.  He was cute, really cute.  We were both nervous but really liked each other.  So I stayed the night.  And then the next day he said he loved me and I believed him.  He moved in not to long after.  We looked at houses to move into and talked about getting married.  We also talked about having a baby.  I wrapped the pregnancy test in a little box with a bow and he came home from base and opened it.  He wasn’t as happy as I had pictured he would be.  But I pretended he was.  Well that didn’t last long and he was gone.  I got the it’s not my baby.  He saw me once or twice while I was pregnant and then he was born.  I called him and told him and he said he might try and make it up.  So I sent to two text messages with pictures of the baby and he came up.  He teared up a little or maybe that’s my brain playing tricks on me.  He looked just like his daddy.  He told me he would come back and see him before we went home.  The baby ended up in NICU the next morning and he never showed back up.  So I brought my little man home and decided I would forget about the daddy.  I could do this on my own.  I had done it before.

I breastfed exclusively, wore him in a sling, co-slept, and didn’t let anyone watch my precious little man.  I had lost a baby 6 months before getting pregnant with him and so I wasn’t going to share him with anyone!  But I started to wonder once in awhile if his daddy ever thought about him and when he was 3months old I called him up.  He met me at a restaurant held him for a few moments and told me if I wanted to move out of state he wouldn’t stop me.  His words “I have screwed up your life enough, I won’t screw it up anymore”, hit me hard.  What screwed up my life?  You gave me the most amazing child ever.  And that was that.  He walked away.  That is until Child Support got started.  I got the it’s not my child a lot.  When Keegan was finally 6 months old we had DNA testing done to prove to him he was his.  He was.  I still wasn’t worrying about visitation.  He would pop in when he felt like it and I let him.  I figured as long as we weren’t fighting everything would be ok.  But then it happened.  We fought.  And then we didn’t talk at all, for months, no word.  Next I am sitting on the ground crying.  I called my mom and my dad, and a couple of friends.  I was grasping any emotion I could.  Anyone to tell me what I wanted to hear.  I wanted to hear this wasn’t happening.  I wanted to hear he couldn’t do this.  That wasn’t happening.  Why wasn’t that happening.  And then I started thinking, what about our breastfeeding relationship.  What about our co-sleeping relationship.  I have never left him with a sitter for more than an hour or two. He dosen’t even know this man.  I don’t want him to know this man.

One of the first things I did was email the creator of The Leaky B@@B.  One of my favorite Facebook pages.  I thought my fellow Leakies could help out.  I wanted to know how to stop it.  I wanted to know how I could get it so he didn’t get to see him.  I didn’t want to have to hand over my baby.  I still didn’t want to share.  I wasn’t ready to share. I also started on a frenzy calling attorney’s that dealt with attachment parenting cases, especially breastfeeding cases.  To my surprise there wasn’t one.  I don’t live in a huge town but it isn’t small ether, and I couldn’t find one damn attorney that would back me up the way I wanted them too.  So I found the one attorney that calmed me every time I talked to him.  Yup I said HIM.  His wife was a fellow breastfeeding, co sleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering mama. He had this way about him that was so soothing.  And then Jessica posted my question anonymously on The Leaky B@@B Facebook wall.  It was bitter-sweet when I started reading the comments.  I didn’t hear most of what I wanted to hear.  I still didn’t want to share.  But I did get some AMAZING links.  And advice.  I also spent the next couple days staring at this amazing little boy I had kept to myself.  I only wanted to do what was I felt was best for him.  I wanted to shield him from the big ugly mean world.  And this big mean daddy that had hurt his mommy.  He was an asshole in my book.  A looser.  I had Keegan’s best interest in my mind.  Or so I thought at the time.

I had a Focus on Children class I had to attend through the court system in a couple days, and my 1st thought was the paper says NO KIDS!  Well that doesn’t apply to me, I am Exclusively Breastfeeding. I never leave my baby with anyone.  How am I supposed to go to this 3hr class and leave him.  So I did what any irrational person would do. I called the court house, and argued with the lady in charge of the class.  Of course I got the, honey the rules are the same for everyone, NO KIDS.  She did let me know it was my choice to show up to the class and if I chose not to I would be the one with the contempt of court charge.

So I got my sitter and, pissed off at the world especially the asshole making me leave my son to go to this stupid class, I headed out to the Focus on Children Class.  When I walked into the court room I thought “what a joke.”  This is such BS I have to be here.  The 1st speaker got up and started talking.  I of course was too pissed off to listen, until they brought in the family court judge.  Our judge.  He went on to explain that it was in our children’s best interest to settle out of court.  What?  What was this guy thinking.  I didn’t want to settle I wanted to fight, I was looking for a fight.  He poked the momma bear and this momma bear was mad.  He started to tell us why, sharing the effect an ugly court battle had on the children involved.  I have never cried so hard in front of people.  I was not going to let my little man go through this.  And then he said it loud and clear.  It was almost like the walls shook, “If the case ends up in court NEITHER parent gets what they want. We make sure of that.”  The best interest of the child is now in the hands of a stranger.  A STRANGER.  Is that what I had thought Keegan’s best interest was, a stranger’s choice?  This stranger didn’t carry him all day in the sling.  This stranger did feed him at his breast till he feel asleep.  This stranger didn’t wakeup 12 times a night making sure he was still breathing.  He didn’t know what was best for him.  I did.  I was his mommy.  I was the protester.  We watched a video that featured children in it talking about schedules and visitation and some were crying.  Heart broken their parents were fighting every time they got picked up and dropped off.  They asked why couldn’t they just get along for that moment.  I remember the most amazing thing I heard in that class: “Kids know a rock when they’ve got one.”  He explained it as there is almost always one parent that is the Splitting parent.  The parent that calls the other one names, wants to know what is going on at the other’s house, and having the child be a message carrier.  When your child grows up they will turn to the rock when in crisis and in need.  They will know that rock is always gonna be there for him/her.  I had decided at that moment that I wanted to be that Rock.  I didn’t want to be the splitter.  I wanted to be the bigger person.  I  wanted my son to be happy.  I didn’t want to have to hand over a screaming child.  I learned that almost any parenting schedule will work for children whose parents are cooperating.  That’s when I decided that’s what I wanted for my son.

That night  I went home and nursed my little man to sleep and the next day I went to see my attorney. He wanted me to write down three things. One was the visitation I wanted to give my son’s father.  Two the most visitation I would give him, and three the least amount of visitation I would give him.  Well I had a hard time doing that.  I still didn’t want to share, but I had some paperwork for my attorney.  I had printed off a couple articles that had been suggested to me through my question on The Leaky B@@B.  One was from  La Leche League International about the breastfeeding relationship and visitation.  AMAZING article.  I loved it.  A must read for anyone facing visitation with their breastfeeding child.  One huge thing I took from it was they are only little for so long.  Five years go by so quickly.  Why is the other parent insistent on every other weekend?  Is it because that is the norm?  Well In my case it wasn’t going to be.  Remember, I wanted the best for Keegan, not just what I wanted or what his father wanted.  I just had to convince his dad to feel the same way I did.  Ha!  You mean the guy I hadn’t talked to in months?  The guy that broke my heart?  The guy that took me to court instead of coming and talking to me!!  Yeah that guy. That same article talks about the kind of parenting style the mother has done with the child under visitation plans.  Read it, and then reread it again.  Make sure you memorize it.  And then just when you think you have it down.  READ it again.  Because it’s just at that moment when you find something else you were missing.  So I highlighted all the points in this article I felt pertained to my situation and gave it to my attorney.  Then he brought up the question I had been waiting to hear.  I knew it was coming.  You know he is a year old now and the courts aren’t huge believers in extended breastfeeding, so when do you plan on quitting so we have a time line we can work with.  Well I don’t plan on quitting.  I am in this for the long haul.  I am going to let him self wean.  And I brought a letter for that too, a Letter for Court Cases in support of extended breastfeeding by Katherine A Dettwyler, Ph.D.

I left the office that day feeling pretty good.   Keegan had to have surgery and per the court papers I had to let his dad know of the surgery and when it was and where it was.  Now did I want him to go, HELL NO.  I wanted to be the bigger person.  I really did.  But that didn’t mean I wanted to face him.  That didn’t mean I didn’t want to rip his eyes out.  I hated him.  He was taking me to court!  For my son.  My son.  I tried to send the email 5 times and all 5 times I hit cancel.  But I didn’t want to screw up the case so on the 6th time I hit send.  I got an answer very quick.  Thank you I’ll be there.  NOT the words I wanted to read.  So the night before the surgery I of course didn’t’ sleep at all.  It wasn’t because I was scared of the surgery.  Nope that didn’t scare me at all. This would be the second time we went through this.  I was scared because I had to face him.  I won’t lie, I prayed all night he wouldn’t show up.  I thought in the back of my mind how bad it would for him if we had to go to court.  I wished his car would break down on the way.  We got there, no dad.  They called us back, no dad.  Ten minutes to surgery and I heard the nurse say I think they are right here.  I swear I almost puked on myself when I saw him walk into that room.  And when I was asked who he was I squeakily answered this is bio-dad.  Not that he had another dad.  But I sure as hell wasn’t gonna give him the credit.  They took my little man back and this time I didn’t cry.  I was too pissed off that he was there.  So we were sitting in the waiting room and I tried to not say anything at first but I couldn’t my stupid mind had played tricks on me, I didn’t hate this asshole that had broke my heart, I still loved him.  So after surgery we were headed out to the car and I said “If you would like to come and see him you can.”  He said “I would like to sit down with you and talk about the visitation if we can.  We don’t have to go to mediation, if we figure it out together.”   I said we will see.

We sent a couple emails back and forth about not going to mediation.  He couldn’t afford the 120.00 hr. and I only could because I didn’t’ have to pay for it.  So I talked to my attorney and he said do it.  It will let us know what he wants.  So I wrote up what I wanted and printed off the same paper work I gave the attorney, highlighting everything he needed to read.  Grabbing the book Focus on Children, it was time for me to convince him everything I felt.  I showed up to the library and we sat down.  I had asked him to write down what he wanted and asked him for it and he said he didn’t have to write it down he wanted every other weekend.  Yeah, NOT!  No way I am thinking to myself.  One thing I learned from the Focus on Children Class was that in the state of Idaho, in most cases no judge will just hand a child over that does not know the other parent.  So I handed him my paper.  And it read as follows:

One hour a day for two weeks you must come to my house to see Keegan.  This is the fastest way to get a child to know someone.  This is on the child’s territory so the child feels safer.

At first he said no and then my tongue moved faster then it ever had. I was quoting the pages I had highlighted. I really didn’t even know I had them memorized.  And he got it.  He understood that Keegan would only be little for a short time.  That soon he wouldn’t be breastfeeding and needing mommy all day.  He understood that he needed short frequent visits. He understood that with breastfeeding until Keegan he self-weaned and the attachment parenting I was doing was what was best for Keegan.

After 2 weeks: for 6 months you get Keegan-Tues and Thurs from 5-7pm.  I will drop Keegan off at your house.

I chose this time because my older daughter has gymnastics and I would love to be able to watch her once in awhile.  That is also one of Keegan’s most well behaved times of the day. Also, I had learned that if you drop the child off then it is less traumatic normally because the child doesn’t have to stop what they is doing to leave.  That is when most parents have problems.  A child normally doesn’t ever want to stop what they is doing.

Every Sat. from 10-2, time to increase at 6 month intervals (10-4, 10-6).

I know this seems like a lot to some and not much to others.  The whole point of a phased in visitation schedule is so the child gets use to going with the other parent.  The other point of so many days was young children don’t have the longterm memories us adults do.  After 3 or 4 days a very young child won’t remember as well.  Then every six months the sat. hours went up.  10-4, then 10-6.  They stayed at 10-6 till he SLEF WEANS.  That was written in cap’s through out  the parenting plan.  His dad didn’t want every sat. as he has drill weekends and needed at least one weekend to himself.  So in the end we ended up with Tues and Thurs and every other Sat.

All it took was one email sent out and we were in agreement.  It started with one person being the bigger person.  One person saying “I’m sacred to death to talk to this person, but I have to think about the child involved not my feelings.”  It took the other person following the lead and saying yeah it is about the child.  You can’t use the excuse well I don’t know his number or how to get a hold of him.  If you got served your attorney can get his number, email address.  If you can’t put your feelings aside for the sake and well being of your child then you can’t say you want whats best for your child.  A child knowing and interacting with both of their parents is one of the best things for them.  I say lets grow-up, lets take back our parental rights and leave the courts out of making the life changing decisions for our children.  Put your excuses away!!!  So Keegan went to his dads house for a couple Tuesday’s, and Thursday’s and he just cried and screamed when I dropped him off so his father and I decided for the time being he would come to my house to see Keegan.  I can say that sitting in the same room with Keegan’s father kills me every time as I still love him, but we have a happy, healthy 18 month old son and his happiness is what matters to us.  We will make the sacrifices necessary to do what is best for him.

Filed Under: Article, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastfeeding stories, child led weaning, Children and breastfeeding, dads, extended breastfeeding, Facebook, father, guest posts, Leakie to Leakie, The Leaky Boob Tagged With: , , ,

Lemonade Boobies

May 22, 2010 by

A reader sent me a photo that actually left me speechless. Momentarily anyway. I showed The Piano Man the image and waited for his reaction. He had plenty to say. After he expressed his thoughts I finally found mine and we ranted together. I appreciated his insight and asked him to write it down to share here. So I’m honored to share the first of what I hope are many more posts by The Piano Man.

Today Jessica showed me this:

“Lady selling lemonade on the beach (reportedly clearing $250 per day)… The psychology of business is to “know what your customers want!” This guy probably does not know what he is drinking, nor does he care… because he is after something more than sugared down lemon juice. Reportedly for $10 a try, you will see when you finish sucking. So who says making money is tough? The jobs are out there!!!“


(Jessica here: Don’t you just love the expression on her face? I mean, seriously, what is that?)

A woman on the beach with large manufactured lemonade-filled breasts covering her own, from which, for $10, one can find refreshment and get in touch with their baby-side.

That’s right, customers (?!) pay a lady to suck on her fake boobs – for lemonade? The short description of the picture also alluded to what said customers may catch a glimpse of once they’ve had their fill, if you catch my drift.

(Jessica again: OMG, you mean, they might see some B@@B! A NIPPLE! Oh pretty lady what else can we do to sneak a peak? Roll over? Play dead? Don’t even get me started on what this reduces men to.)

Um, really? My reaction to the photograph was a mix of shock, disbelief and disgust, as well as, I must admit, a smidge of amusement for just how ridiculous this whole scene is. Let’s see if I can unravel and label my emotional response.

(Jessica’s emotional response: ewwwwwwwwww! ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwww!)

What would possess a grown man to publicly perform such an act with a perfect stranger? An act that is as confusing as it is absurd. To me, a man’s face interacting with a woman’s chest is a sexual thing; the kind of sexual thing that you do in private. I could perhaps see how the shock value of appearing to be performing such an act in public might be enticing for someone, purely for entertainment. But with a stranger? Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned. I’d personally be embarrassed to pretend to suck on a stranger’s breasts; and I find it extremely disrespectful to the woman, even if she is offering it as a service.

(Jessica: No sweetie, you’re really not old fashioned. You respect yourself and me. That and you don’t have to resort to such measures, obviously.)

Which makes me wonder: is it really OK for individuals to go offering pseudo-sexual acts for money? How about participating in a pseudo-sexual act in public? I realize that in this situation people aren’t actually sucking on this woman’s breasts, but they are sucking on fake boobs positioned in the same place as her breasts, and these fake boobs happen to be see-through; you can clearly see the lemonade in them (and maybe more…). Still, you’re paying to suck on a strangers boobs in public, fake or not. To me, this is the same thing as wearing see-through swimsuits, or clothes that have naked people printed on them. Public nudity laws? Oh, you’re not really parading around naked, right? I’m not personally comfortable walking ON that right/wrong line.

(Jessica here again: I don’t have a problem with airbrushed t-shirts with naked people on them. I mean, I wouldn’t wear one but w/e.)

I mentioned how confusing this thing is. On the one hand, this act can be perceived as pseudo-sexual, but when I focus on the fake breast containing a drink that someone accesses by sucking on its fake nipple, all sexual connotation disappears for me, and it becomes a nurturing act, the kind that takes place between a mother and her baby when breastfeeding. A beautiful, natural act, that my wife has shared with our babies 5 times over, in public and in private, in truth, wherever the need arises. A life-giving act. And non-sexual; because it’s not a sexual act to breastfeed your baby but rather a nurturing, mothering oen. Babies have no other natural alternative than to get their nutrition from a breast. Sure, there’s formula, now. But I’d hardly call it natural. Accepted in our culture? No doubt. But natural? The way nature, or God, intended? I don’t think so. So, back to our amusing/disturbing picture. These breasts, fake though they obviously are, have liquid in them, liquid that is intended to be ingested, through the means of a nipple to which you apply suction with your mouth. To me, it’s a nursing act, and I have long outgrown my nursing days. I am a man now. Actually, my nursing days were over even way before I became a man. I know there is conversation regarding how long a child can or should nurse. For me the limit is 2 or 3 years of age, but I regard this as a personal decision that parents make for themselves, and I’m OK with that. Even for the extreme breastfeeders, there is a limit, a ceiling that is reached, where a child decides they are through with that phase in their life. Whether it happens at 3 or 10 is irrelevant in this discussion. The point is it happens, somewhere, we’ll say, in the first 10 years of a person’s life? Therefore, to me, this picture evokes an act that any well-adjusted adult has long outgrown and has now become unnatural to them. For me, it feels wrong, I experience a physical revulsion to the thought of an adult performing the act in a baby’s stead.

(Jessica’s thoughts- again: I don’t care what grown-ups do in private. That’s their business. However, I never appreciate a grown-up acting like a child in any public setting. Temper tantrums? No. Whining? I don’t think so. Picking their nose? Oh heck no.)

Then I started wondering what kind of people both the customer and the, uh, merchant (?) are. Does the man in the picture really not see the merchant as a woman? Is she just a set of boobs? A novelty item for his enjoyment? For the amusement of others? I don’t believe for a second that what’s on his mind is quenching his thirst. Is this not a blatant example of the objectification of women in our society? Does the customer have no respect for her, or for himself for that matter? If he’s willing to pretend to perform an (infantile) pseudo-sexual act with a complete stranger, in public, what else is he capable of? What will he do next? And what about her, the woman with the goods? How degrading for her to let who-knows-how-many strangers a day mess around with her fake breasts for money. What’s her story? Where is her self-respect? Does she see herself as an object for men’s pleasure and entertainment? Is that where she finds her worth? I assume that she’s bought into our culture’s view of women, and she’s just trying to capitalize on it a little bit. I also assume that she is a victim of our culture’s view of women, and she has had degrading and hurtful experiences used to teach her about them. I feel sorry for her, and wish that she weren’t demeaned to the point of resorting to this.

(Jessica: Preach it babe.)

In a country that broadcasts all-too-frequent news reports on alleged disturbing acts of breastfeeding between mothers and their own babies in public, this is OK? This is acceptable? Even if this isn’t acceptable to many why isn’t this all over the news as inappropriate behavior in public when recently we have report after report of the scandalous activities of mothers simply caring for their children by nurturing and nourishing them with her breasts. Well, this, with its mixed message of sexual-public-nursing-naked-for-fun with objectification-and-paying-for-sex overtones, should certainly help clear up any misconceptions regarding the place of breasts and breastfeeding in our society. Because somehow we can post this on the internet and laugh from our jr. high dirty humor selves but a mother feeding her child naturally is considered so inappropriate FaceBook regularly deletes any images depicting a breastfeeding child, a Tampa school board sides with a principle that removes a breastfeeding woman from a public lobby and the obnoxious, in-your-face talk show The View refuses to show breastfeeding images on their show and dis on women that nurse in public. What is wrong with this picture?

Oh, and, in spite of the vaguely amusing and disturbing first glance of the above image, I find it mostly disgusting.

Filed Under: Breastfeeding, breasts, extended breastfeeding, NIP

How I Became an Extended Breastfeeder By Mamapoekie

April 1, 2010 by


Today, as part of a post swap, The Leaky Boob is graced with the presence of Mamapoekie. We hope you enjoy her story. Please share any thoughts, stories of your own or questions you may have in the comments below. It is our hope that our guest posters would give us food for thought and stimulate active conversations. Visit Authentic Parenting to read more of Mamapoekie’s thoughts and to read my guest post over there today. Enjoy!

How I Became an Extended Breastfeeder

By Mamapoekie

I am still breastfeeding my 21 month old daughter. Shocking, right? I know I would have been if somebody would have told me the like two years ago.

I always knew I would breastfeed my children. Yet never ever did I think about for how long. I think I always kind of assumed that breastfeeding went up to six months and then just naturally stopped. That’s what media and society has led us to believe anyway.

I had occasionally heard stories of women breastfeeding teething babies and six-year olds… I found that quite quirky, to say the least, even a bit scary maybe.

So there I was in the hospital. I had just given birth to this perfect little creature. Very much in love, a little light headed maybe, in awe of that little person in my arms, when my OB walked in and said I had to breastfeed for at least a year. I had gestational diabetes and breastfeeding that long would seriously diminish my daughter’s chances of developing diabetes herself.

A year seemed like a huge lapse of time, but would I risk that beautiful little girl’s health because I felt queasy? Certainly not.

So I set off with that in mind. One year. I talked to my family and friends about it and everybody found it – as I had – quite long. But if my doctor said so… I had the time anyway, because I was a stay at home mom, so it was worth the shot.

I breastfed through teething, through travelling and moving to another country. I breastfed on planes, in cars, while cueing, with the baby in the sling… I breastfed at night and during the day. I breastfed when she got her teeth (she now has a full set of them), I nursed along snarky comments and ignorance. But I would make it to a year.

Somewhere along that first year I got connected to fellow breastfeeders and learned a great deal about parenting and breastfeeding. The most spectacular thing being that it is in fact recommended to breastfeed up to two years!

Through the nursing relationship, I also learned a lot. I found out that setting an age limit to breastfeeding is quite arbitrary. I also learned quite quickly that breastfeeding isn’t just about feeding your child. It’s about comforting, mothering, loving them to the depths of your core. And that weaning is a developmentally milestone that has to be reached, from both sides. It is about growing up for the child and about letting go for the mother. Now I hope it may last for quite some time, for I know it will break a little piece of my heart when she will be over and done with.

This is my story, please tell me yours. For how long were you planning to breastfeed, how long did you end up doing and what influenced you?

Mamapoekie is a mother and a wife. She was born in Belgiuim and travels the world with her expat family. They are currently living in Ivory Coast. Mamapoekie blogs about attachment parenting, unschooling, natural childbirth, natural living and many other topics at Authentic Parenting. She also has a fanpage on Facebook.

Filed Under: breastfeeding stories, child led weaning, extended breastfeeding, guest posts
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