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Mom Power

May 9, 2013 By 3 Comments

Mom Power Confidence meme

I am a strong mom.

I am a powerful mom.

I help support moms.  Strong moms.  Which is a bit redundant.  Because moms are strong.

I help support powerful moms.

Also redundant.  All moms are powerful.

And we don’t need a company to tell us so.

Nor do we need others to tell us so.

But it can help to hear it from others, it can be encouraging and it can even reveal the inner power we already have but maybe lacked the confidence to recognize and engage.  It doesn’t give us power though because we already have it, just like we’re already strong.  We’re moms

We have Mom Power.

 

The power to hope.

The power to dream.

The power to speak up for the oppressed.

The power to love with nothing in return.

The power to face fear and continue on.

The power to know when to use our strength.

The power to know when to use our gentleness.

The power to see beyond themselves.

The power to cry.

The power to celebrate.

The power to be fun.

The power to deserve trust.

 

I know this power well but I haven’t always been aware of it in myself.  Insecurities and certain messages had me doubting my own power, denying it, and hiding it.  Sometimes that insecurity led to me judging and belittling others.  Shame.  Such an ugly thing, shame.  It’s a perverted power, one that controls instead of frees.  Because of my own shame I have had times of allowing my filters interpret information as attacking.  With shame, I’ve put down others if I felt they didn’t try hard enough at something I thought was important.  *cough* breastfeeding *cough*  But real Mom Power doesn’t need gimmicks like shame or pretend mommy wars to own it’s strength.  Real Mom Power doesn’t resort to unsupportive support.  It has nothing to sell.  Mom Power can see through ‘all that and get straight to the heart of things.  I see it every single day in the community of The Leaky Boob Facebook page and twitter.

 

The power to let go of shame.

The power to forgive.

The power to listen.

The power to be understanding.

The power to learn from mistakes.

The power to care for others.

The power to share experiences.

The power to offer support.

The power to disagree with respect.

The power to stand for our convictions.

The power to resist fighting when it won’t help gain ground.

The power to make peace.

The power to own our feelings.

The power to see through marketing.

 

Perhaps the most important parenting tool we can have is confidence.  Confidence isn’t arrogantly proceeding as though one is always right.  Confidence is believing in yourself and your ability to handle what comes your way.  Insecurity can lead to rejecting learning opportunities, fear can diminish our willingness to grow, but confidence inspires constant adjusting according to new concepts and ideas.  With confidence it is easier to acknowledge mistakes, reduce stress, and not internalize information and the choices of others that we may disagree with.  A confident parent isn’t perfect and doesn’t have it all figured out but they are well equipped to do so.

 

The power to learn.

The power to grow.

The power to adjust.

The power to have compassion.

The power to teach compassion

The power to be humble

The power to make difficult decisions.

The power to evaluate our circumstances.

The power to analyze information.

The power to take responsibility.

 

Most of us don’t need to be “empowered” we just need to not be afraid of the power we already have.  As my friend Amber McCann, IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) from the Breastfeeding Center of Pittsburg put it “Power is being able, in whatever moment you are facing, to do whatever it is you’d like to do. That you feel as though you can jump over the obstacles. It is also in recognizing what the right choice is for you even when one of those barriers is in your way.”

And according to my 12 year old Storyteller: “When I think of Mom Power I think of a phoenix, pretty and strong and enduring.  Moms don’t give up.  That’s Mom Power.”

Moms, I believe in you, I hope you can believe in yourself and in each other.  Whatever your journey and wherever you are, whatever circumstances you’ve had to navigate, you are strong and have Mom Power.  Mom Power is an indisputable force if we can have the confidence to tap into it.  It’s not a product, it’s not a company, not an organization, not a campaign, not a marketing strategy… it’s moms.  A dear, dear friend of mine, Kathy, a local IBCLC and labor and delivery RN, once told me that the reason she’s involved in birth and breastfeeding is because that’s where the foundation of confident parenting is laid.  She wants to be on the front end of making the world a better place.  Which is what I’m all about.  If I want to change the world and make it a better place then start with helping make better people.  And there is nothing, no product, no organization, no campaign, no marketing strategy that can do that like pure, good ol’ Mom Power.

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Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, Facebook, family, Featured, formula, Jessica, Letters from The Leaky Boob, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , ,

IBCLCs, Negative Experiences, and Self-Advocacy

April 24, 2013 By 11 Comments

Jessica and Sugarbaby Bfing

When my daughter was entering the 2nd grade at our local public school, we were all enthusiastic about the coming year.  She loved school, loved learning, loved everything about it.  But just a few short weeks into the school year things we drastically different.  She cried all the time, she hated going to school, she started struggling with school work, and every day she complained that her tummy hurt and she was too sick to go to school.  We were confused.  What had happened to our little girl?

It quickly became apparent that while there were multiple issues going on that I won’t go into here except to say there were some technical difficulties and an adjustment period that needed to happen.  Still, there was one particular issue that emerged as being critical: she didn’t like her teacher.  Believing we need to encourage her to work with people, even ones she didn’t like, The Piano Man and I tried to help her navigate this relationship.  This proved to be more challenging than we expected because, as it turned out, we didn’t like her either.  She simply wasn’t the kind of person we thought would be teaching second grade.  Or teaching at all.  Grough, grumpy, rarely smiled, she came across as cold and distant.  Suddenly, challenges our daughter had previously felt empowered to tackle loomed as impossible mountains.  Intimidated by the one she thought was there to guide and support her in facing these challenges, she withdrew and began to give up.

We tried to work with the school and the teacher but in a short amount of time we felt we needed to explore other options and ended up transferring schools.  It was that, or risk killing our daughter’s love for learning and that simply wasn’t something we were willing to sacrifice.

When we visited the new school Earth Baby was nervous about meeting the 2nd grade teacher.  Gripping my hand she whispered “I don’t like 2nd grade teachers, they are mean.”  I was surprised she had already jumped to a conclusion about a group of people based on her experience with just one of that group.  Given that she was 7 at the time, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at such an immature response but I felt that we had worked hard to help our children understand how individuals can be so different.  Encouraging her to remember that Miss B. would be a person first, a 2nd grade teacher second, we met with the teacher.  Gentle, kind, friendly, and very warm, Miss B. proved to be the opposite of the previous 2nd grade teacher and Earth Baby ended up flourishing in her class.  Inspired with hope and confidence, Earth Baby made a lifelong friend in her teacher (and is seeing her this summer) and not only met but surpassed her goals for the year with an enflamed love of learning.  Interestingly enough, now she will talk about how wonderful 2nd grade teachers are and being a teacher is in her top 5 career options.

Why am I sharing this story on a breastfeeding site?  Moms often come to TLB looking for breastfeeding support. The support they are looking for is usually just about what is normal in breastfeeding journeys, the mom-to-mom support of experience and camaraderie.  Sometimes it’s for issues that are outside of normal and require more expertise support and help.  It isn’t uncommon for a Leaky and/or one of the admin to recommend seeing an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) for experienced and trained support.  These experts are usually the most equipped to help moms with true lactation problems having gone through intense training and having to comply to regular board standards in their continuing education and certification.  Just as often, someone then shares their negative experience with an IBCLC.  Frustrated and hurt, these women sometimes share that an IBCLC almost ruined their breastfeeding relationship with misinformation, intimidating and overwhelming directions, and sometimes down right bullying.

Find the right IBCLC

From these comments it sometimes sounds as though they fear all IBCLCs will be just like the negative experience they had.  Hurt and discouraged by the one or two individuals they encountered in the profession, they are unsure they can trust anyone with the title and position.  Like my daughter felt unsure about 2nd grade teachers, these moms are skeptical of the entire IBCLC profession, not because they don’t know that they are all different people but because they may believe that what they didn’t like is actually expected to be a part of the profession.  As if the consultants are trained to support that way.  Just as with any profession, there are individuals within the lactation consultant profession that are rude, unsupportive, not helpful, judgmental, dismissive, and misinformed. Thankfully, most I’ve met go into supporting breastfeeding moms because they genuinely care and want to help moms reach their breastfeeding goals.  The IBCLCs I’ve interacted with understand the vulnerable nature of that time in a mother’s life and the importance of providing the right kind of support.  Most IBCLCs aren’t in the profession to push an agenda or tell moms what to do, they genuinely seek to provide legitimate support unique to each mothers’ needs.  Sure, I’ve met a few that seemed burned out and dogmatic just like my daughter’s first second grade teacher, but just like most 2nd grade teachers actually enjoy children and teaching, so most IBCLCs aim to provide sincere information and assistance.  I encourage moms that need lactation support to move on from someone that isn’t supportive to find someone that’s a better fit.   It’s that, or risk not reaching your breastfeeding goals and that simply isn’t something we should be willing to sacrifice without a fight.

I am aware that for many, a second choice, let alone a third or fourth, isn’t readily available.  Financial restrictions, local availability, and even cultural support from family and friends can make it difficult to find someone.  Sometimes, shoot, maybe often, the support you need will find you in unexpected places such as the internet or a new friend.  Moms may have to try other paths for lactation support such as virtual appointments via the web or attending a local breastfeeding support group or even reading articles online.  Whatever it takes, pushing on to find the support you need may be work but you and your baby are worth it.

You don’t have to be stuck with a professional providing inadequate support.  In the end, you are the biggest advocate for you and your child and if advocating for you both means moving on to find the assistance you need, you won’t regret doing so.  As Leaky and IBCLC Jackie Rauch shared:

I will sometimes tell my clients the story of me seeking her out just to let them know that even the people with the knowledge need to seek out help from people with the knowledge. If you are not getting the help you need, keep looking!

You never know, you may find the one that helps you turn it all around and inspires you with hope and confidence.

Need a lactation consultant?  This site can help you find one.

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What about you?  What has your experience with an IBCLC or other lactation professional been like?  Did you have to find someone else for better support at some point?  Did an IBCLC or other lactation professional help you in your breastfeeding journey?  Check out the conversation we’re having on this very topic over on The Leaky B@@b Facebook page. 

______________________________

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Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding support, Facebook, Featured, Jessica Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How breastfeeding “greenified” my family

April 22, 2013 By 5 Comments

The Leaky Boob is joining Wean Green and several others in a birthday party Earth Day scavenger hunt.  Search our site for the next clue and follow it for the chance to win some great prizes from companies that prioritize not only healthy choices for families but for our planet as well.  Have fun and good luck!

WG-earthdayinvitation

 

My mom tells how discovering she was pregnant with her first, my older brother, changed how she took care of herself and the earth.  Immediately, she stopped smoking and refused to let anyone smoke around her.  Addicted to Pepsi, she stopped buying it all together.  She became aware of the amount of waste from buying prepared foods and started cooking from scratch.  When my brother was born she breastfed exclusively and encouraged by the local La Leche League chapter she joined, she explored other healthy choices not only for her baby but for her entire family.  My brother’s intolerance to dairy and soy led to her completely revamping how they ate.  By the time I came along 3 years later, my mother was well on her way to being a “health nut” and growing in her care for the earth through gardening and making increasingly sustainable choices.  In many ways it wasn’t about becoming more healthy, it was about returning to a healthy normal.  From breastfeeding to not smoking to making her own food, my mom was getting back to her biological roots and cleaner air.

Like my mom, parenting has changed my views about health, food, and being aware of how we are treating the earth.  There is plenty of room for our family to grow in these areas, progressively making choices as we learn more.  Always inspired by our children.  A significant portion of what we have learned and chosen to do has come directly from information we’ve received related to pregnancy and breastfeeding.  And we’ve grown from there.  Eventually moving from feeding our babies commercial “baby food” and allowing them to feed themselves, we have found more ways that are healthier choices for our family and more gentle on the earth.  Our hope is to give our children the chance to return to a more normal healthy way of life but also with a planet that has been given that same opportunity.

Building on my mom’s lessons and change, my family is growing and changing, inspired in many ways by breastfeeding and a commitment to give our children not the “best” but the healthy normal we all deserve to have.

green breastfeeding

 

5 ways breastmilk is greenest choice in infant nutrition:

  • Manufacturing requires minimal resources- feed mom.
  • The containers are reusable and biodegradable.
  • If able to feed “straight from the tap there is no plastic or glass necessary.
  • Pumping and bottlefeeding moms still use less plastic than formula storage containers, meaning less waste.
  • Reduced gasoline usage related to manufacturing, shipping, and shopping.

Because sometimes we need a little support in our breastfeeding journey, here are some companies that can help moms “greenify” breastfeeding even more: Motherlove Herbal Company (nipple salve, More Milk supplement), Hygeia (breastpumps, breastmilk storage bags), Bamboobies (breastpads, nipple ointment, therapy pads, nursing bras), PumpEase (Organic hands-free pumping support bra), Little Spruce (organic breastfeeding wear),

 

5 ways to “greenify” your life and nutrition beyond the breast:

  • Try baby-led solids, skip buying manufactured baby food and let your baby feed themselves the same food you eat.
  • Replace plastic storage options (i.e. ziplock baggies) with products like Wean Green glass and reusable snack bags.
  • When introducing a cup, select products like Lifefactory’s sippy bottle, Kid Basix Safe Sippy, or a small open glass or enamel cup.
  • Listen and encourage your child to listen to their bodies, not force eating everything put before them, we tend to eat less that way.
  • Explore what you can make yourself, using less prepared foods, pick a few options to try and ask if you need each to be individually wrapped or not.

 

Plus one:

Did you know you can be “green” with waste?  Yep!  What you do with the other end of food is important not only for taking care of the planet but there are many reasons to consider the health concerns.  For some that may mean buying unbleached disposable diapers, for others going into cloth diapers, and still others may use elimination communication.  Check out Lovely Pocket Diapers, Kanga Care, Thirsties, Itty Bitty, and Kelly’s Closet for cloth diapers and information.  We’ve also found great products for taking care of baby bottoms such as diaper salves and baby wash from companies that want to help families care for the health of their babies and the planet such as Earth Mama Angel Baby.

Just like breastfeeding, making green choices doesn’t have to be all or nothing and it’s likely a journey.  One step at a time, spurred on by something or someone important.  Like our children.

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How has pregnancy and breastfeeding influenced you in making healthier or more sustainable choices for your family?

In what ways would you like to improve in how “green” your family lives?

________________________

Apple Park Clue

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Filed Under: baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding benefits, child led weaning, family, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Changing for the breast? A 14 year old shares her views on breasts, breastfeeding, sex appeal, and society.

April 3, 2013 By 37 Comments
by Ophélia Martin-Weber
Photo credit Dorothea Lange, 1936 Library of Congress, American Memory

Photo credit Dorothea Lange, 1936 Library of Congress, American Memory

I wonder when people started treating boobs as objects used just for sex.  A long time ago did people respect moms and their breasts feeding hungry babies?  Even though they didn’t see women as equal did they know that breastfeeding was the healthiest, easiest, and natural source of nutrients to feed the baby and nothing to shun?  There was a time when women didn’t have the right to vote but could freely pull out their breast and feed their baby and today it seems like we have flipped those.  In some ways we have come so far in how women are treated and viewed in society but in other ways women, particularly mothers, are dismissed as their real value being only in their appeal to the opposite sex.  I wonder if we’ve lost something.  Then I wonder what that means for me and I’m only 14 years old.

When I was younger I didn’t know breasts had amazing powers to produce milk even though my mom breastfed my sisters and me.  All that I knew was that I had little boobies and I couldn’t wait for the day when my nipples would transform into breasts.  I don’t remember when the fact that mature breasts can give milk really stuck in my head but when it did I thought humans were related to cows.  Sure, humans and cows are both mammals but when I was a kid I thought maybe women actually were cows.  Today I know that’s not true and I also understand there is a lot of attention given to the sexiness of the female breast and that makes me uncomfortable.  Uncomfortable because now that I have breasts I find myself wanting smaller breasts in part because of dance but also because I know that bigger breasts are supposed draw attention from guys, are seen as more sexy, and could decide how I am treated by others.  Part of me feels that if I want to be liked I have to have big breasts.  I want guys to notice me but I don’t want guys to notice me (yes, I know this is a contradiction) and I really don’t want them to think I’m just here to have sex with.  I’m just not ready for that and don’t know if I ever will be.  To me, I’m so much more than my sex appeal.  So I’m careful about what I wear, I don’t want communicate that I want attention based on sex but that frustrates me too.  The clothes I like the best are more form fitting but if I wear yoga pants that fit my butt well will it be communicating that I want the wrong kind of attention?  Or in a leotard are my breasts speaking louder than my mind or my art?  I hope not.  I want to matter to others for more than just my body.  As a dancer, I work with my body a lot and I work hard to make it strong and healthy but not for attention.  That work is to help me tell stories, to use my body as an artist and an athlete.  Struggling with my body every day is part of my lot as a dancer and I have a love hate relationship with it and I’m ok with that.  What I don’t want is to question my natural biology simply because of how others say it should be.  Sometimes it feels as though society wants to punish those with female body parts yet tell us we’re equal without having to act like we really are.  I don’t get it, I understand that breasts are considered sex things but they don’t seem any more “sexy” than most of the other parts of my body such as my lips, my arms, my shoulders, my legs.  Men may find them sexy (is it that way in every culture or just ours?) but they aren’t sexy to me, they feed babies.

The author, Ophélia Martin-Weber

The author, Ophélia Martin-Weber

Looking back to what my childish mind was thinking and comparing it to some people’s opinions about moms openly breastfeeding in public, I wonder if they too see breastfeeding moms as cows?  Do breastfeeding mothers need to be fenced and herded together, separate from everyone else?  I know there are people that think about moms that way but not everyone does.  A lot of my adult friends have different opinions about breastfeeding but they don’t think poorly about my mom and they don’t ask her to cover when she’s feeding my little sister.  It doesn’t bother them that part of my mom’s breast is visible.  Pictures of beautiful and sexy women show off breasts at least as much as a mom’s breast is seen when she is breastfeeding.  In our culture, what is the most sexy part about women’s breasts?  The breast that is popping out of a too small shirt or the covered nipple?  Why?  If it’s the nipple, why is it such a big deal about breastfeeding in public if the baby is hiding the nipple?  Understandable because of the messages we get from certain parts of society, they might think it is sexual because a person’s mouth, even if it is a baby is on a woman’s breast but they need to get a grip and review their history lessons.   And also learn how breastfeeding works.

And why is it ok for men to show off their mammary glands but women can’t?  Why aren’t women “allowed” to expose their chest as much as men can?  Why is it considered indecent for me to be topless by my neighbor across the street can walk around just in his shorts and nobody has a problem with it?  How is that equal?  How is that not discrimination?  Stop telling me I can be equal to my male counterparts but then tell me I have to hide my body more as if there is something wrong with me.

I’m not sure I even want to have babies but if I do I will breastfeed them though I have to admit the idea of breastfeeding in public scares me because I know how people think of breasts, women, and moms.  That kind of attention isn’t what I want for myself.  I don’t know what I will do though because I know too much about breastfeeding to not breastfeed and I don’t think I’d want to just stay home all the time.  How sad is it that anyone would be afraid to feed their baby in public?  I’m a little disappointed in myself for feeling this way, I mean, my mom is The Leaky Boob, I feel like she’s the queen of breastfeeding.  But that’s where I am right now.  Fortunately, I have a long time to figure that out and I know I have a family that will support me along the way.

If all this obsession with female breasts didn’t actually happen, what would life be like?  If we could change the attitudes against breastfeeding would we actually change attitudes about women?  I hope we can learn from our mistakes.

 

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What do you think?  

Do you feel attitudes about breastfeeding are related in any way to our attitudes about women in general?  

How did you think about breasts, breastfeeding, and your own body when you were a teen?

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Completely unrelated to this post, this video shares the author’s story of dance and her dance aspirations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycG-NW1UGno

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IMG_0404 Ophélia Martin-Weber is 14 years old, the eldest of six girls.  Ophélia is in 8th grade, homeschooled, and is   passionate about dance.  A few years ago Ophélia wrote for The Leaky Boob, sharing her views as an 11 year old on breastfeeding and Jessica recently shared a proud mama moment about Ophélia.  You can see some of Ophélia’s dancing and hear her share her dance story and dreams in this video.
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Filed Under: body image, Boobs, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, Breastfeeding in public, breasts, Children and breastfeeding, covering, family, Featured, guest posts, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

No Right Way- Sonnets of the tired mom

April 1, 2013 By 2 Comments
by the admins of The Leaky B@@b.  There are 7 of us admins here and none of us have made the exact same decisions in all aspects of our parenting and that is okay. Each parent is going to make decisions with the knowledge that they has at the time that works best for their family.  This sonnet is dedicated to those who have judged, from all of us who have felt judged.

judging moms

How could you judge me?  Let me count the ways.

You could judge me to the playground, the grocery store and dance studio too

You could judge me for not being as put together as you

For how I feed my children: organic or not, frozen, fresh or fried

Homemade or store-bought, you can judge how I tried

How my breasts do or don’t leak, weaning, and where my child sleeps

How I catch their poop and if my child ever weeps

The birthing room, soccer field, and selected books

For screen time you can give me funny looks

Judge me for the guilt I feel and that which I don’t

Lay it on because my heart won’t give up hope

For the times I lost my cool

And the way my child drools

Don’t forget to judge for school

I doubt you can judge me more harsh than I

Go ahead, let your criticisms fly

How I long to be parent enough

Not alone and no need to bluff

Hitting walls and ceilings and poop to fans

Getting in and missing out on all the right brands

The car seat, yoga pants, if my child wants to hold my hand

All I forgot; registration, shoes, toilet paper, and hairnets

Being late and probably too much internets

The number of kids, the mess that is my house

You can judge the spit up smeared on my blouse

From your glass house the ways to judge are many

It will not change my loving any

Working out, working at all

Or staying home, you can clap when I fall

If judging me helps you feel strong

Feel free to do it all day long.

Your words and thoughts will not damage my will

Flawed though I am, my children know I love them still.

Growing always, I will be

Along this path of parenting.

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Filed Under: baby, baby-led weaning, birth, Bottle Feeding, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding humor, child led weaning, family, Featured, guilt, humor, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting, Weaning Tagged With: , , , , ,

Kiss and make up and wear babies! Beco Soleil giveaway

March 26, 2013 By
Beco Soleil giveaway

My 10yo wearing 11mo Sugarbaby in the Beco Soleil

Remember the Beco Soleil carrier drama?  Well, it all worked out!  (See the FB status from them.)  The good people at Beco were very easy to work with and just all around great and want to get these carriers into your hands.  Even though the Soleil isn’t officially release or available for sale anywhere, Beco wants 10 lucky people to have them, the winners will be the first people under the sun to have the Beco Soleil.  Sweet!

I got to give this carrier a try and I liked it.  A snapshot look at the differences between the Soleil and the Gemini:  the Soliel can’t face outward but can do back/front/hip carries. It’s an open carrier like the Gemini (no panel between baby and the wearer). The back doesn’t come up AS high but it is still very supportive. The Soliel has an accessory pack you can customize for coordinating prints, etc. with a detachable bag that covers that middle print panel (so switch out prints, try a solid, AND have a place to hold your stuff), a hood, etc. It has a nice wide seat with padded legs supporting baby and toddlers much better, a pocket on the waist belt, and more adjustable options for improved comfort in the fit. The retail on both is $130, the Soleil also has an option accessory pack available for purchase.  Comfortable and easy to use, I think this is a great carrier choice, whether it would be your only carrier or one of many.

Since I’ll be asked, yes I could breastfeed in the Soleil though it took some work to figure out.  The seat is so well constructed to keep baby high that dropping down to breastfeed wasn’t as easy as it is in the Gemini.  Moms with very large or low hanging breasts may have some difficulty.

Some quick details on the Soleil:

  • It’s not available until next month, the winners of these giveaways will be the first to get their hands on this new carrier.
  • 3 carry positions: front, hip, and back.
  • Built-in waist belt pocket, key and toy ring
  • Carries 7-45lbs
  • Carrier weight 1.1lbs
  • Material: 100% cotton
  • Seat: 16″ and 17″ tall
  • Shoulder straps extending from 18″ to 45″
  • Waist belt extending from 27″ to 59″
  • Recommended fit for adults 5′ to 6′ 5″
  • Compatible accessories: hood, drool pads, infant insert, carry-all

Use the widget below to enter the giveaway, for one Soliel carrier and you can enter here AND over at The Baby Guy.  These giveaways are open to US and Canada residents only.  Thanks for participating!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Filed Under: Babywearing, Breastfeeding, giveaway, Review Tagged With: , , , , ,

Will you allow me a proud mama moment?

March 26, 2013 By

Sometimes it seems like these days of breastfeeding, diaper changes, and needy babies are going to last forever.  We fear losing ourselves in the blur of caring for our children.  Counting diapers, checking ounces, charting milestones… every day becomes so full it doesn’t seem like this time will ever really end.

I always hate it when “they” say to hold on to this time, it goes so fast and the next thing you know you’ll be sad how fast they grew up.  It never really helps me, just makes me question if I’m ungrateful and selfish to not savor the poop filled, constantly breastfeeding stage when I’m tired and worn out.  And I have had moments where I’ve been convinced that my child would be the first child to actually still be breastfeeding when they go to college.

But you know what?  ”They” are right.  I have 6 children, 6 beautiful girls ages 11 months to 14 years old.  I blinked, you know, blinked and I have a 14 year old.  I could swear she was just a baby.  And no, she’s not still breastfeeding.

Help Ophélia Martin-Weber go to summer dance intensives

“They” are totally right.

It goes so fast.  Faster than saying can even convey.  And it is so bittersweet.  One day you feel stuck in a whirlwind of diapers and boobs and the next you’re helping them plan leaving for the summer.  Or forever.

Over 14 years ago I was made a mother when The Piano Man and I had our eldest.  Some days I look at her and remember the breastfeeding challenges I encountered with her and smile to think how far we’ve come and how distant that time feels.  Yet how very close still.  She helped mold and shape me to not only be the mother she needed but also to help form me to be the mother her little sisters would need and even set me on the path that led to starting The Leaky Boob.  I have shared the breastfeeding journey she and I experienced together, why I breastfeed for her even today, shared some of her sexual abuse survivor story, and she’s even written for The Leaky Boob herself sharing her views on breastfeeding just before she turned 12.  I am one proud mama.

We named her Ophélia Chantelle, which means little helper, little song but I call her Earth Baby here to give her a little bit of distance between her real life and what I share online.  She’s not completely anonymous.  With her permission I’ve shared her face, her name, and parts of her story.  She follows The Leaky B@@b and Jessica The Leaky Boob and has seen conversations I’ve had and from time to time she will help make a post using my phone and taking dictation while I’m driving.  Thanks to her questions and sharing her thoughts, I’ve been inspired for articles, status updates, and tweets.  Her critical thinking has pushed me to reconsider my views on some topics and to open myself up to considering other perspectives.  I am one proud mama.

Giving and full of love, she is a model big sister, making room in her life to play with her 5 little sisters in ways that are meaningful for them from building forts to playing peek-a-boo to going on walks to games of Battleship and climbing trees.  Creativity exudes from her, she knits, bakes, draws, writes, and above all, dances.  Her heart is big and she cares deeply not only for her family but friends and even strangers.  Sharing meals with homeless members of our community, volunteering to help others with babysitting, donating her funds when she can, and even making the choice to prioritize fair-trade chocolate so the treats she enjoys don’t oppress another child.  I am one proud mama.

She loves learning and is willing to take risks to pursue what she loves.  An introvert, she is growing every day in understanding herself more and putting herself out there.  Nothing brings that quite together like dance does and in just 3 years we’ve watched as she went from the girl turning 11 and begging for ballet lessons more than anything, even saying to us “I don’t care if I ever get an iPod, a cell phone, or a car, I just want to dance!” to today blooming into a young ballerina with opportunities to pursue her dreams.  Bloodied feet and being behind most dancers her age have never deterred her, just spurred her to work harder until she caught up.  This past January she pushed herself to a new level and attended auditions for summer ballet intensives with hundreds of other students, most of whom have been dancing at least twice if not three times as long as she has.  It was scary but she did it.  I am one proud mama.

It was worth it too.  She got into most of the programs for which she auditioned.  Consulting with her instructors and with The Piano Man and I, she narrowed down her choices to 2 programs.  Before she was even sure of where she wanted to go she began baking, running an ongoing bake sale to raise the funds that would be required to attend these training programs.  In a few weeks she raised enough to cover the registration to the two programs she selected.  I am one proud mama.

So it is from that place that I share her efforts and invite you to hear from her as she works to reach her goal.  Putting it all out there, she’s raising the funds to get to these summer ballet intensives to train further.  Employing the help of her sisters and her father and me, she created a video and fundraising campaign to try and get the rest of the funds before the deadline.  We had hoped for scholarships but that didn’t happen this time around and the costs involved simply are not in our budget, all the scrimping and saving couldn’t make it so.  The sisters worked together to plan, film, and edit the video sharing Ophelia’s love for dance and her willingness to work hard for her dreams.  I am one proud mama.

It’s not easy for her to ask for funds to reach these dreams, doing so is just one more indicator of how motivated she is to take risks and work hard towards her goals.  A tenacity that will serve her well through out her life, I believe.  Check out her fundraising campaign, it’s worth watching the video even if you’re not able to donate.  I’m sharing this and I hope you watch it then share it too because I’m one proud mama.

From a needy little baby to an increasingly independent young woman, I am one proud mama.  Thanks for letting me have a proud mama moment!

See her fundraiser here, every contribution, big or small, helps:

 

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Filed Under: Breastfeeding, Children and breastfeeding, family, Featured, Jessica, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing

March 25, 2013 By

by Kari Swanson

full term breastfeeding

My daughter was placed on my chest immediately after my obstetrician finished stitching up my c-section incision. She latched onto my breast and started breastfeeding right there in the operating room. Last month we celebrated her third birthday. She knows that babies have mama milk. She also knows that big girls have mama milk until they are ready to stop having mama milk. I expect that sometime between now and the time she is around 5 years old she will gradually wean.

Some might consider the fact that my daughter is 3 and still receiving breastmilk to be extreme, but anthropological evidence indicates that this is biologically normal for a young hominid primate. That being said, it is probably no surprise that I consider myself to be a lactivist. I believe that human breastmilk is the biologically normal food source for human infants and I volunteer as an admin on The Leaky B@@b in order to support other breastfeeding mothers and to help normalize breastfeeding in a culture that has largely lost sight of the real reason women have breasts.

What may come as a surprise to some is that my daughter and my son before her received formula in addition to breastmilk. Why? Because I work full time outside of my home and I am among the unlucky few who truly do not respond well to breast pumps. For whatever reason my body just does not give up the gold for a machine despite my supply being more than adequate. After a time, despite numerous tips and tricks, pumping whenever and wherever I could, I ceased to be able to pump enough milk to entirely meet my babies’ nutritional needs while they were separated from me while I worked.

With my daughter I was fortunate to be able to spend 3 months home with her after she was born, and to spend 3 months thereafter working half time. I pumped at home before returning to work and I pumped before work, during work, after work, and on non-workdays once I returned to work. I had a small stash of milk in the deep freezer when I returned to work, but it was quickly depleted. When I first returned to work and pumped I easily had enough milk by the end of the day to send to the daycare without dipping into my frozen milk stash.

I determined how much milk my daughter needed in her daycare bottles using an iPhone app called “Breast Milk Calculator.” The app uses the baby’s weight, age and number of feedings in the previous 24 hours to suggest how much milk he or she needs per feeding. Using the app I determined exactly how many ounces she needed per bottle. The number of feedings was based on the number of hours she was away from me and how frequently she would normally nurse.

But, just as it had when my son was a baby, my pumping output dwindled over time. Eventually I was pumping less than an ounce per side per pumping session. I used up my entire frozen milk stash. Despite my best efforts at around 6 months I was no longer able to pump enough to send only breastmilk in my daughter’s daycare bottles. So, I sent as much breastmilk as I could and to make sure she had sufficient nutrition I sent formula too.

When my daughter was a newborn she, like her brother, needed supplementation. They both had jaundice and they both lost more than the usual amount of weight after birth. Although her condition was better than her brother’s had been (he was a very sleepy 37 weeker with more severe jaundice), my daughter was also a slow gainer. So, the IBCLC we saw recommended supplementation while I built up my own supply. When my son was a newborn he received formula supplementation, but my daughter received donor breastmilk, or as we referred to it “Auntie milk”—because our milk donor was my sister who was still breastfeeding her toddler son at the time my daughter was born.

By the time my daughter was in daycare full time and my pumping supply could not keep up with my daughter’s demands my sister’s son had weaned. I considered donor breastmilk, but decided against it. My strong, healthy baby did fine on formula, and I felt that the relatively limited supply of donor milk in my area should be available to babies for whom formula was not an option, babies whose mothers could not breastfeed them at all or whose health really warranted the exclusive use of donor milk. So, we chose formula instead.

I already knew exactly what formula I would choose for my daughter if I reached this point, because I had read quite a bit of research about formula before I had my son. I looked up numerous scholarly research articles and reviews of the literature about formula on PubMed. At that point I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I had been given the somewhat unhelpful advice that my desire to breastfeed and to go back to work full time were “setting [myself] up for failure”. So, in case that was true I did all of that research about formula and based my decision on what I had read. (Bear in mind that my son was born in 2004 and donor milk was not as prevalent, except from milk banks by prescription and at a rather high price.) Despite many assertions otherwise, infant formula is an acceptable, nutritionally adequate alternative to breastmilk and is a much better choice than the milk of any other mammal or milk made from plants.

Eventually both of my babies received only formula in their daycare bottles. Both times the amount I was able to pump became miniscule compared to the amount they needed and the stress and frustration of pumping so little became too much for me, so I stopped. They both did fine on the formula they received part of the time, so I felt comfortable giving them as much as they needed while they were separated from me. My daughter had breastmilk exclusively, either at the breast or in bottles, for more than 6 months. They were around the same age when they started receiving formula alone in their daycare bottles: 7-8 months. Despite this both of my babies continued to breastfeed whenever they were with me. They never experienced nipple confusion, expressed a preference for the bottle, or had nursing strikes. They both stopped receiving formula when they no longer needed bottles at daycare.

So, yes I am a lactivist. I believe breastmilk is the biologically normal food for human infants. But, breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

 

You can read more from Kari over on her site and enjoy her thoughtful, thorough writing and beautiful photography.

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Did you respond well to breast pumps?  Have you had to supplement?  If so, what did you use?  Were you able to supplement and still reach your breastfeeding goals?

__________________________

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Filed Under: baby-led weaning, Breastfeeding, breastfeeding difficulties, breastmilk pumping, child led weaning, Children and breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, Featured, guest posts, Leakie to Leakie, motherhood, Parenting, Supplementing, Weaning Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Baby Weight Workout

February 20, 2013 By

I hear often from moms wanting to get back in shape after having a baby but concerned that exercise and dieting could harm their milk supply.  IBCLC Star Rodriguez helped clarify the questions we see frequently from moms on breastfeeding and fitness in this article here.  Be sure to check that out and don’t forget that it is always best to work with your health care provider in determining a healthy activity level and nutritional plan.  

Once you are certain that adding working out and increased physical activity is a healthy choice for you (and evidence supports that it’s healthy for most of us!) the challenge many parents face is when to find the time, space, and right activity.  Having children around it can be difficult to make some space for yourself and your health.  You are worth it though and your children deserve to have healthy parents, plus, when your children see you making physical activity and your own health a priority, you are modeling how important it is for them as well.  The best way for your children to develop healthy habits is for you to demonstrate healthy habits yourself.  Happy health to you and your family!  ~Jessica

 

Jennifer from Fit For Expecting has offered up a workout to help make it easier to find some time to take care of you.  Check out this Baby Weight Workout that you can enjoy WITH your baby.  I think it’s a great springboard for customizing and creating your own workout that fits your family’s unique makeup.  For more support, be sure to check out Jennifer’s website and like the Fit For Expecting Facebook page.  ~Jessica

Most moms know that exercise is good for them physically, mentally and emotionally. But, when life gets busy, exercise often gets put on the back burner. I designed a workout specifically for Leakies, that’s quick (5 minutes total) and incorporates baby into each exercise. I’m calling it the “Baby Weight Workout” because, that’s right, baby functions as the weight.
A few general exercise tips to keep in mind:
  • For your comfort and for a content baby, you might want to breastfeed before exercising.
  • Stay hydrated – drink water before, during and after exercising.
  • Eat a snack 1 1/2 – 2 hours before exercising.
Enjoy!
TLB Workout - Exercising with Baby
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Filed Under: baby, body image, Breastfeeding, family, Featured, Fitness, guest posts, motherhood, Relational Resource, tutorial Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

A tale of a school, a teen, a baby, and a global community

February 4, 2013 By

baby breastfeeding

I can’t help but dream of the day when, of all the things to fight for, breastfeeding will no longer make the list.  Because it will just be.  Society will finally walk the talk and supporting breastfeeding will be as common place as supporting eating, sleeping, and other normal healthy lifestyle choices.  Accommodations for breastfeeding moms won’t be given a second thought, it will be accepted and encouraged without discrimination.

There are times when any glimmer of hope that one day this dream will be a reality is snuffed out by organizations handling a woman breastfeeding her child in their space badly.  Hollister Co. not only harassed a breastfeeding mother but refused to apologize or otherwise make amends for their illegal and hostile actions toward breastfeeding mothers and their families.  When given the chance to correct their response when hundreds of women around the country staged a nurse-in, they still refused to engage in a lawful and respectful manner, driving the wedge deeper.  Then things became even more volatile with Facebook nastiness, mall security harassed even more mothers, and further silence from Hollister.  At these times I shake my head and wonder if there is any chance my grandchildren will be able to eat normally without managers yelling at their mothers.

Then there are times when I’m encouraged and the glimmer of hope is fanned into a full fledged flame and I know that though the steps along the way have been, at times, tedious, they have also been worth it.  When the Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Vegas responded to a disappointing misstep in asking a breastfeeding mother (yours truly) to cover while feeding her baby in one of their cafes by issuing an apology, immediately educating their staff on breastfeeding laws, and asking how they could better serve families, I thought if it can happen there then it can happen anywhere and we are well on our way!  (Read that story here.)

Society is well aware that breastfeeding is exactly what human infants need.  Most would say it’s “best.”  Unfortunately though, the walk still struggles to line up to the lip service being given.

Apparently, even within our educational centers.

When 15 year old Jaielyn Belong prepared to return to high school in the Lake Forest School District after the birth of her son, she was hoping all the recommendations of the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics would be supported by the very institution where she received the education that led her to think critically enough to understand the importance of applying these recommendations in caring for her son.  Unfortunately, the initial reaction from the school was to discourage her breastfeeding as there would be no place for her to pump, no time allotted for her to have pumping breaks, and nowhere to store her breastmilk for her infant son.  This recommendation came from the school nurse, the very person on staff at the school who should have been most supportive and understanding of Jaielyn’s desire to provide breastmilk for her son.  There was even a claim made that the noise of the breastpump would be a potential distraction to other students, that it was time consuming, and that they wouldn’t be sure she was even actually pumping milk when she claimed to be doing so.  The school nurse also expressed concern that Jaielyn could be teased.  Something the teen mom has surely already faced and is equipped to handle.  Jaielyn wasn’t choosing the easiest path, she was choosing the path she felt is right for her son, accepting the sacrifices required of her.  As any good mother would do.

As mommatraumablog.com pointed out, prohibiting Jaielyn from breastfeeding or pumping her milk was in violation of Delaware law which reads:

31 Del. C. § 310

Notwithstanding any provision of law to the contrary, a mother shall be entitled to breast-feed her baby in any location of a place of public accommodation, wherein the mother is otherwise permitted.

 

And if a teenager’s “job” is to apply themselves to receiving an education through schooling, then it is violating yet another law providing reasonable breaks to breastfeeding mothers:

SEC. 4207. REASONABLE BREAK TIME FOR NURSING MOTHERS.

Section 7 of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 19384 (29 U.S.C. 207) is amended by adding at the end the following: 

‘‘An employer shall provide a reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk; and a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

 

Unfortunately, I hear on a regular basis from breastfeeding moms that teach that there is a real struggle to find time and space to pump and store their milk.  Many report having no support from their administration to have “reasonable break times.”   This concerned me that if adult employees receiving a pay check struggle with this, what are the implications for a student?

As I watched this story unfold via social media and then mainstream media, I wondered where this was heading.  The community of breastfeeding moms and the people that support them that I have come to know so well, rallied to surround Jaielyn, her son, and her mom Betty to offer their support and to lend their voice to making sure we, as a society, walk the talk and help this little boy receive the breastmilk his mother wants for him even as she receives the education to be the best she can be for her son.  Both of their futures depended on it.  As the Breastfeeding Coalition of Delaware expressed in their letter to the school district: “No mother should ever be made to feel that expressing milk for her child is unusual, unnatural, or that requesting reasonable accommodations is an inconvenience to others.” The whole situation could have gone any number of directions.  Ugly and depressing, involving protests with harassment from officials like the situation with Hollister Co. and by extension some malls (ironically, some in Delaware).  Or beautiful and encouraging, involving education opportunities and an official change to better support families and breastfeeding mothers much like the case with Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Nurse-ins have their place and can be used well to effect positive change and to give a show of peaceful solidarity amongst mothers.  Something the world needs to see in a culture that exploits “mommy wars” for entertainment.  But as La Leche League Leader Heather Felker points out, “{there} is no problem with nurse-ins once all ‘peaceful’ routes have failed.”  As much as I love hanging out with likeminded moms that understand how breastfeeding has impacted my life and my family, the truth is, I’d rather it be “just because” than to make a statement.  So I hoped that this situation with Lake Forest School District would be resolved without the peaceful protest of a nurse-in.

Thankfully, it appears that our peaceful solidarity as a community of mothers doesn’t require a nurse-in event to bring about change.  Via Facebook, twitter, emails, and phone calls, supporters for not only Jaiylen and her son but for the rights of all mothers and their breastfeeding children utilized their voice to see that we do indeed walk the talk.  As a result the school district has changed directions.  They’ve pulled a Flamingo, not a Hollister.  And Jaielyn will have space within which to pump her milk for her little boy and, thanks to the efforts of local mom supporters, a small refrigerator is being donated so Jaiylen and other breastfeeding students can store milk for their babies during their school day.  Heather Felker says: “In this case we had a great deal of powerful support, newspaper, radio, breastfeeding coalition, LLL, and it turned around quite quickly.”

It may be tempting to make a statement and stage a nurse-in anyway.  There were some rumblings of something like that with the Flamingo case but there was no need because the company self-corrected and learned from their mistake.  If we want to be taken seriously then we must know when to utilize the tools available for maximum impact, including when not to.  A nurse-in at the Lake Forest School District would distract from the progress that has been made and could potentially lead to issues for the very student we desire to support.  If there was a risk of the teen mom being teased before, a nurse-in in her honor would more than likely provide enough fuel for teasing and isolating bullying until her graduation.  We don’t actually have to go fight this one because we used appropriate peaceful routes and have already seen the desired results.  And if it can be achieved without such measures as a nurse-in then we are moving ever closer to the dream that one day breastfeeding won’t even be on the list of things we fight for within society.

I’m grateful to see the community of breastfeeding supporters come together to directly benefit one mother and the school district taking steps that will benefit even more.  Proud to see that our voice of influence is helping a young mom to reach her breastfeeding goal.  Excited to see that yet another organization has been willing to learn from us and change in order to offer support that puts action to the lip service given.  So now we ask how can we celebrate these steps?  How can we applaud the organizations that learn from their mistakes and make appropriate changes?

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How can we better help teen moms successfully breastfeed?  What roadblocks can we work to remove to encourage these moms?  Have you experienced or seen someone experience lack of support or even hostility towards breastfeeding pairs?  Were peaceful paths used to change support and reach a resolution?  

 

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Filed Under: baby, Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding and society, breastfeeding support, breastmilk pumping, Featured, Jessica, motherhood, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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