“You Two Are Going To Get This”

Jessica Martin-Weber4 min read

 

“Are you ready to feed your baby?”

Her name was Julie. I had met her earlier that morning when I woke up and she came in to torment me by smashing my lower belly (sorry, “check the uterus”). I didn’t really like her much at first, as is prone to happen with tormentors.

She smiled at me as she spoke, casually throwing out that she needed to pummel my jellied innards again and then chatting easily while I focused on breathing so I didn’t scream.

Uterus in an acceptable clamping state, she sat on the side of the bed.

“Let’s get your baby latched again. It’s been a little bit since her last feed and we want to see her on the breast every 2 hours or so. She needs all that colostrum!”

She said it all so confidently. So easily.

Her confidence made me more confident.

Keep going, she told me when my nipple slipped out of my baby’s mouth.

“Keep trying, you two are going to get this.”

So I kept going and kept trying.

For the next 40 minutes she sat with my baby and me, offering tips and suggestions on positioning, pointing out what I should look for, and encouraging me to try again. Compliments flowed from her faster than my milk flowed from me.

“You’re doing it! Look how happy she is to be with you, getting your milk! What a lucky baby to have you as her mom.”

And that is the story of how this very straight chic ended up with a kind of crush on Nurse Julie.

Her words made me feel capable and excited about the future with my little girl.

Later the next day another nurse would tell me I was starving my baby, that she was in desperate need of a bottle of formula because I wasn’t meeting her needs. In just a few sentences I would be convinced I was already a failure of a mother and my baby would be better off without me.

Nurse Julie would come back with the pediatrician and assure me that wasn’t true, that my baby was fine and her weight loss was within normal range. She and the pediatrician would encourage me to continue breastfeeding and what you look for in diapers and signs of hydration and satisfaction.

Once again Nurse Julie sat on the side of my bed and cooed about how adorable my baby was and how I was doing so well in caring for her. Tummy to tummy, she chimed as she showed me how to support my breast for my baby to get a deep latch. With her support I knew I would keep going and keep trying even though I wasn’t always sure what I was doing or things had gone wrong.

“Keep trying, you two are going to get this.”

I never saw Nurse Julie again after we were discharged from the hospital but I thought of her often. Her confidence inspired my own confidence and even when my baby and I struggled with painful latch and tissue damage, Nurse Julie’s encouragement and words stayed with me, even long after I was finally confident in my baby feeding skills.

That baby is big and grown now and still Nurse Julie’s words encourage me to keep going and keep trying. I felt the truth of those words when another one of my babies struggled when she was learning to walk and I worried I had held or worn her too much (no, no that wasn’t it) and that’s why she was walking “late” (AKA: on time in her own time). Those words echoed in my mind through IEP meetings when another one of my children needed more support in learning. Nurse Julie’s truth reverberated deep in my soul in the midst of a mental health crisis with one of my teens.

“Keep trying, you two are going to get this.”

When it comes to my baby feeding journey, I’ve been fortunate to have a supportive partner and, at least peripherally, supportive family. Several of my work environments, all of my friends and social circles, and most of my health care providers have also been at worst blasé and unconcerned, at best encouraging and helpful. In some ways, Nurse Julie stands out in her support in part because she was there in my most vulnerable moment and not only supported and encouraged me, she helped me believe in myself and my baby too.

A gift that continues to help me tap into my confidence as a parent.

“Keep trying, you two are going to get this.”

 

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